Why Do Some People Discourage?

United States
February 2, 2009 6:13pm CST
Sometimes you get around those people who just totally discourage others. I often wonder why people do that sort of thing. If someone is trying to better themselves, then why don't you uplift them instead of discouraging them? For instance, today, myself along with a man and lady that I work with decided that on our lunch break we are going to start walking around the building at work and getting a little more exercise and possibly take off some more weight(I've already lost 10 lbs in the past 2 weeks). I told another lady about it and she said, "Well, it's going to take more than just a short walk". And it was said in a very rude way. Now this lady is bigger than I am, so to me, she has no reason to even be opening her mouth. The same lady also asked me what I had to eat today. I told her I had some low fat 7 layer bean dip that I had made with some low fat potato chips. She laughed and said, "Hmmm, we will see how long this diet lasts". Okay, so in the past couple years I've been on and off diets and I've always lost some weight whenever I dieted. Before Christmas I had lost 17 lbs and in just this past two weeks I've lost 10 lbs. So, to me, even if I only lose that 10 lbs on my current diet then, it is still 10 lbs. that I lost and the diet wasn't a failure. Yes, I would like to lose about 50 more pounds, but all I can do is try and hope and pray that I do and if I don't then I will be happy with whatever it is that I lose. Why do you think some people are like this? Personally, I think they are jealous and they express their jealousy with discouragement. What do you think?
12 people like this
29 responses
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
3 Feb 09
I agree with you. I used to work with a woman who came across very glamorous but was internally very insecure and if she could find a way to put me down she would do it. She picked on me because I was always too polite to tell her where to go! I admire your weight loss endeavour and I wish I could do it. I would like to lose about 5 kilos but so far I am not doing so well. Don't worry singlemommy about pathetic people; know yourself that you are doing the best you can and pray that the rude woman you work with gets a life!
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 09
Yes, I think maybe you are right. I think I'm too polite to tell her where to go too.
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
most people or should i say all people who puts down another person are all losers because they have given up so soon and does not have the discipline into finishing or even starting anything in their lives. if they have not succeeded in doing so, they also want the whole world to fail that is why most of us optimist tell other dreamers to keep on dreaming and just do it and never listen to nay sayers. these are negative people , the least people we need to hear from because they have never succeeded in doing anything. chin up, my friend. just laugh at them, shrug them off of your life, from your mind. do not think nor talk about them so much or else you will attract them more. happy thoughts , my dear!
@Pleiades (847)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I think it's not only jealousy, but her way of dealing with her own insecurities. Or, perhaps she was teased so much for her own weight, one of the ways she deals with it is through laughter. *Pleiades
1 person likes this
@chalee68 (73)
• South Korea
3 Feb 09
Hello singlemommy, there are people like that they discourage instead of encourging their friends,they seem crabs they like to grab you down, but don't mind them as long as you know what's good for you, continue what have you started.And you can try hula hoop at least 30mins. to 1 hour a day and eat more fruits and vegetables for dinner. For me i am also worried(especially my hubby) because i am fat too.
1 person likes this
@lilybug (21182)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I am not sure. It does seem like some people are just programed to hope that people fail at things and they have no problem making it known to those people. Congratulations on the weight loss. Keep up the good work! Don't let negative people deter you from your weight loss goals. I wish I had the will power you do. I could stand to drop a few pounds myself.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
3 Feb 09
You're right, it's all because of jealousy. Well not quite jealousy alone, I think the degree would be envy.
1 person likes this
@glords (2615)
• United States
3 Feb 09
There is the saying that misery loves company. When people feel depressed and defeated by life it is hard to watch their peers pass them by. Sadly their negative feelings about themselves and their own life they project onto others. I think its best to stick clear of these types of people, because they will drag you down if they can. I hate to say abandon your friends, but sometimes that is exactly what you need to do. If they are willing to admit they have a problem, perhaps you could suggest they seek counseling. Don't be mad at your coworker... feel sympathy for her. What a hopeless world she lives in.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (114448)
• Boise, Idaho
3 Feb 09
That is a good question. Congrats on the weight loss. Some people may be jealous of others accomplishments. Others are just pesimistic by nature. Other just don't think before they speak. Alot of people today just don't care about other people or their feelings and they say what they feel when they feel like saying it to get attention or have attention payed them. Sad, but true.
1 person likes this
@lazeebee (5468)
• Malaysia
3 Feb 09
Yup, I think you're right - she hopes to discourage you from persisting with your diet and exercise, so that (1) she can tell others that she was right that you would fail, (2) she needs someone to keep her company and (3) if you succeed, you will definitely look better and healthier than her! So ignore her, and keep on with whatever you wish to do! Have fun!
1 person likes this
@mimi602 (60)
• United States
3 Feb 09
Those are what you call toxic people aka haters. They are miserable and misery loves company. Some people are very insecure and saying negative things about others takes the focus off of them for a minute. Some people are envious that they don't have the motivation that you have so to make themselves feel better about being weak they want to put you down and try to make you feel weak. Years ago I lost weight and I went through the same thing with some people. Bottom line is when you are doing something positive your real friends and people who care are going to encourage you. Anyone spewing negative energy doesn't deserve your time or energy. 'My opinion'
@TheCatLady (4696)
• Israel
3 Feb 09
Yum. That sounds like a good lunch. And a short walk will help your diet. A short walk here and a short walk there burns calories and you loose pounds. You don't have to run marathons to get lose weight. The best changes for dieting are small ones that you can keep up. They are just jealous so they discourage you. Keep up the good work.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Feb 09
First off congrats on your weight loss, it is a tough road. And there will be ups and downs, please don't let the negative people stop you from doing this. Those negative people, the ones who always say the rude, and negative things---------I am not sure what is going on with them. They just seem to need to do that, to tell everyone that everything is not perfect. They are also the ones who seem to enjoy spreading bad news. My mother in law was one of those people, she never looked at anything without looking for the flaw in it, she could never be happy that someone else got something nice-------she would go on about how they didn't deserve it. I believe you are right that it is jealousy. It is hard to be around people like that, their emotional negatives seem to eat up everyone's joy.
1 person likes this
@wheel416 (1019)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
Hi there mommy, There is an oddity to human behavior which I have observed in the past. I believe that the people we find the most difficult to deal with are indeed the ones who are most like us or who exhibit things that we are afraid of within ourselves. I think the above situation which you describe is an example of this, perhaps the woman who made those discouraging comments feels helpless about her own situation and about her own inability to change her own life for the better. Once again, the one we are almost always the most critical of is the one we're most like. So, in the end as you say I think her comments are more of a reflection of how she feels about herself rather than how she feels about you. I know it is very difficult to let go of the people who hurt us like this, but unless she is a very close friend do you really care what she thinks of you? As for your eating some bean dip and potato chips, I think that is a good thing. And I'm going to call you on the carpet about something. I think you need to stop calling it a diet and call it starting to eat healthy, because a diet never works, and eating healthy is a lifestyle and can last a lifetime! Just something to think about... And now that I've told you my opinions of dieting, congratulations on your progress thus far and keep up the good work! Life is not a sprint it is a marathon... And until next time happy Mylotting!
• United States
3 Feb 09
I think if you fail it makes her own failers seem less. I know that is crazy but I think it all stems from her own insecurity. If you succeed than its evidence that someone can do it. And since she probably couldn't (from what you said she is more overweight than you) see seems even more like a faliure. Sometimes you just have to ignore them! Just keep looking at you own success and congrats on the 10 pounds!!!!
1 person likes this
@sahmof2 (274)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I think its jealousy also aside from the fact that they are at a point in their lives that they don't think they can do anything, so when they hear someone trying to do something they once attempted and failed at they tell that person they will fail also. I don't like pessimistic people because I always look at things like where is it written in stone that things have to go wrong and not work out. I think myself to be very optimistic and hope for the best because if you work hard at something you should be rewarded. Don't let anyone discourage you because of their own failures and fears keep up the good work if you feel as though your not were you want to be, and take care. A "short" walk everyday is better than no walk at all.
@doddee (53)
• United States
3 Feb 09
It has to be a jealousy thing...and maybe the person being rude was thinking about themselves and are discouraged even before they try walking or dieting. When she said it's going to take more than a short walk and the statement about sticking to a diet she might have been talking about herself too and not just you. Maybe she has tried dieting and can't stick with one and is discouraged and sees walking and dieting pointless. But even still I can't believe someone could be that rude. Walking is good for you even if you are not trying to lose weight, especially if you are sitting all day. I'm going to encourage you by saying not to listen to negative people...or to rude people. I wish I could lose 10 lbs in a month or 6 weeks even. You did it in 2 weeks. That's great!... It sounds like you are doing all the right stuff.
@bfarrier1 (2083)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I agree with you sometimes people discourage others out of jealousy.Great job on loosing 10lbs.It is a good ideal to walk on your lunch break,no matter how far your still getting exercise,maybe you should tell that lady that short walks or better than NO walks.Keep up the good work and that 50lbs will be gone before you even relize it.Take Care and Good Luck with your dieting.
@uicbear (1903)
• United States
3 Feb 09
I think some people are so miserable and down on themselves that they can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. If they see anyone doing something positive, they have to look and take stock as to if there is anything they can do to help themselves and their own issues. So to protect themselves they try to tear other people down. It's safer to be unhappy and not do anything, then to take a chance on change and be disappointed.
@mayhem23 (185)
• Canada
3 Feb 09
I think there are a number of reasons why people can be negative. Sometimes it could be to do with personal reasons and they are taking it out on you. Sometimes, it might be that they are simply jealous. Sometimes, they wish they could be in your shoes and achieve what you are doing. With negativity comes opportunity to get stronger and do even better. Do not surround yourself or take offense to negativity, use it in your favour.
@GAUCI123 (1042)
• Malta
3 Feb 09
Well don't give up never, and don't care what people say. As you said she must be jelos that you are loosing weight and that she is seeing you deternimed. Ignore her and try avoiding her comments. When you reached your ideal weight, buy a fantastic dress and go in front of her showing off your body. :) Well I will sure do that, sometimes people tend to discourage you because they know that they aren't able to do it.