Teenage Abortion, should parental consent be required?

Singapore
February 18, 2009 1:14am CST
I have started this 2nd topic for a teenage friend of mine, that insist of aborting without telling her parents. She is only 16, ok, not married yet. I have tried to persuade and convince her to tell her parents and her partner, but to no avail. She has been insisting that since its her body, she got the right, and that she dont deemed the foetus in her body as a life, although i do believe so.. .
3 people like this
16 responses
• United States
19 Feb 09
Your friend has a point, it is her body and she has the ultimate decision to make here. Of course, once she makes the decision there is no going back. As for your question, I don't think an under aged person should have to get consent to have an abortion. Unfortunately, many teens can't talk to their parents with an open and honest dialogue and all suffer because of it. It's unfortunate that she doesn't want to tell her boyfriend about the pregnancy. Do you think perhaps that may be the reason for her wanting an abortion in the first place? She may fear rejection from him more than her parents. If she tells her parents then surely the boyfriend will find out. If she only tells the boyfriend than either he'll stick with her or he won't. That's a 50/50 chance that she may not want to gamble with. Your friend is very young but she wouldn't be the first (or the last) to have a baby at 16 years old. But raising a baby isn't easy by any means. Especially, if your alone raising one.
• Singapore
19 Feb 09
ok, she fear rejection from parents, so she hide from them, she fear rejection from boyfriend, hide from him.. She shouldnt have let me know in the first place.. ..
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
24 Feb 09
I agree that they should not need parent consent but the parents absolutely should know about it. Parents are the disciplinarians and therefore when a kid does something that they know full well is against how they were raised, they are going to feel afraid to admit it to the parents. They KNOW that the news is not going to be taken well. It won't be. There isn't a parent in the world that is going to react with joy at the news that their 16 yr old is pregnant. Still, most parents will get over the initial shock and deal with the situation. I do believe that most parents will go along with whatever choice the girl made in such a situation and be supportive. I know I would. If my girl found herself pregnant...I'd be so upset. Still, I'd be supportive once over the initial shock. It'd all work out.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
24 Feb 09
She have already made her decision and have proceed to the clinic for abortion.. I have tried no best but to no vail.. She still wanted to keep from her parents and bf, not very sure how a 16yr old girl is thinking..
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
24 Feb 09
Ok, I am in the states and here abortion is legal. If it is not legal then she is taking a huge risk. There could be complications and who would she turn to? I don't believe that a girl should have to have parental consent to have an abortion but I do believe the parents should be notified. I have a 15 yr old and I would be furious ....beyond furious if I ever found out someone gave her an abortion without my knowledge. As for my daughter fearing telling me that she was pregnant....I'm sure that she would be afraid. I would not be happy at all. I don't know how I'd react but I'm sure it would not be a pleasant moment for us. Still, I love my daughter with my entire being. I would calm down. I would think rational and I would talk to her at length about options and in the end...I would back her on whatever choice she made whether I agreed or not. Your friend needs to talk to her parents. They may be upset but they will guide her to do what is right. I doubt they will kick her out...most parents don't do that. She will have to deal with their shock and their anger at first...it is part of it and she'll get thru it.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
24 Feb 09
Thanks for your comments sid, alas, she have made her decision, and i failed to change her mind.. she opted for an abortion.. may she learn her lesson and hopefully be well and happy in future..
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
24 Feb 09
well, I am sorry to hear that but as her friend, you did what you could do. You are a good friend. Now, this is where you accept the choice she made even tho you don't agree and still be her friend. she is lucky to have you in her corner.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
5 Mar 09
She have already aborted the foetus.. i don't really know how is she feeling now though.. She doesn't like to talk much nowadays.. i'm not sure whether if she have other problems, or that she is regretful. sigh..
@zhuhuifen46 (3486)
• China
23 Feb 09
Pregnancy without marriage is considered a shame in our culture. Most of such girls will chose abortion to end the issue. If there are complicated procedures, and high expenses intailed, the best time might be lost. To best protect their future, and protect them, designated medical cares are provided without revealing their privacy. That is what i understand the practice in my city. However, being a qualified mother, she should have noticed, and if yes, show the best good will and consideration to help her daughter overcome the challenge, and encourage her to resume a healthy style of living after the setbacks.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
24 Feb 09
Just out of Curiosity, you are from China? And i was interested to know, if you have a Daughter, and if you noticed that she is pregnant at the age of 16, not married, what would be your advice to her if she is in a loss?
• China
24 Feb 09
At this age of 16 when she should be at school, and has no financial capability, I guess the only way is to get abortion, which is a pity though. This solution is cruel, but good for her continuous education, and possibly clearing up the incident for a rosy future, if phycologically she can overcome herself. Abortion is not accepted in some cultures, but you will have to allow different interpretation in other cultures, or at least a last resort approach. Of course, the final decision is left for the potential mother to make. Maybe she will chose to have the baby if she can rely on the boy, or the boy's parents. But the baby will stay unprotected in the legal sense until its parents grows to the marriage ages, 20 for wife and 22 for husband. The parents of the girl will rarely be willing to support all by their own. I take pleasure to share the above as requested, though only my personal opinions.
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• Singapore
5 Mar 09
No problem Huifen, Mylot is for people to share their views without criticism.. It's a cruel decision you made, but if you are looking into the future, no matter how well you might have fare if you abort the foetus, i believe there will be one point that you will look back into the past and regret opting for abortion, just my view.. =)
@alharra (507)
• United States
19 Feb 09
I guess my first question would be how far along is she? I don't think you can have an abortion past 14 weeks or so I think. And the further along she is the more likely there are to be complications. The one thing she doesn't want to do is go have the abortion and them not have someone around in case she starts bleeding too much- she could die.
1 person likes this
@Galena (9123)
19 Feb 09
again, it' reasons like this that Abortion should NEVER be made illegal. they should always be made availiable, safe and legal. because making them illegal doesn't stop them happening, and the women must be made as safe as possible.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
19 Feb 09
hi alharra, She is still in the early stage where abortion is still an option. But time are flying fast though.. She has basically decided to go for abortion, its just that i really think that she need a second thought.. in case she regret in future.
@alharra (507)
• United States
19 Feb 09
AT this point all I can tell you is that yes she may come to regret it. But if you break her confidence or not support her- you may lose her. This is not an easy decision at any age but it is probably worse at 16. Unless you have some sort of moral obligation, and even if you do, take her to her appointment and support her. Be there for her.... if necessary she can get therapy later if she really needs it. The longer she waits the harder it will be as well. Good luck...
1 person likes this
• Canada
18 Feb 09
I don't think that parental consent should be required. It's a good idea to let her parents know about her situation under normal circumstances, but making that a legal requirement would be a bad idea for the reasons that you stated. And no, her parents don't have a right to decide what happens to her body. I think she should take their opinions into account, but she should have the final say.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
18 Feb 09
ok, her parents may not have the right to decide for her.. well, her parents may not understand that, maybe thats why she refuse to tell her parents.. But being older then her, i still think that if her parents will be able to make a rational decision, rather then her persistent insistence in aborting the child...
• Canada
18 Feb 09
I agree, it's a good idea. But not everyone has understanding parents and I'd understand why she wouldn't if she had, for example, crazy fundamentalist parents. Abortion isn't a decision to take lightly, but she shouldn't have to tell her parents if she doesn't want to. And since she's 16, I can see every reason why she'd want to terminate the pregnancy. She's probably at a point in her life where a pregnancy would turn her life upside down, and she's probably too young to take care of a baby.
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• Singapore
19 Feb 09
Point noted, maybe i shouldn't be too tough on her, insisting my way.. But i was afraid that if i didnt stop her now, she may regret her decision one day. I have friends, much older then her that went for abortion, and was being haunted by the sense of guilt after that.. .
• United States
19 Feb 09
Parental consent laws function only to aid child abuse. Why would a young women want to keep her decision from her parents? Because she has a reasonable fear of her parents' reaction. My question to all those who support the idea of requiring parental consent for abortion: Do you also think that a parent should be able to force thier daughter to abort if she wants to remain pregnant?
1 person likes this
• Singapore
19 Feb 09
This really stirs up another topic.. oh my.. We always thought that a parent can decide what is best for their daughter, but what if its against her will? Should the girl just obliged even if she want to keep the child? Most likely if the parent will give her utmost pressure till their daughter agrees to it.. if not, by force.. .
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
24 Feb 09
No parents should not consent but they should know about it. there is a big difference in that. No one should force anyone into such a decision. it is a hard thing for any girl to tell her parents that she is pregnant. Even in the best of families that would be difficult. It is normal for parents not to react well at first. Why would they? it isn't a good situation. I would say most parents would calm down and be very helpful much to the young girl's surprise.
@bamrahkirti (1819)
• India
19 Feb 09
First of all if she has been sexually active at such tender age she should have taken some precautions,but she did not and now your friend bearing the consequences.I think 16 years is too young to get pregnant and give birth because she might be studying and looking forward to her career building and one wrong decision can ruin her life.Well she knows her parents well and thinks that they will go mad if she tells the truth to them ,then it is all right to get the child aborted because she is not mentally and physically capable of nurturing the child and since she is not married i think it is a wise decision to abort.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
19 Feb 09
This is exactly what she mentioned to me as well.. she seems reasonable enough.. but its a life to me.. well, actually, if she didnt care at all, why should i? =.="" maybe i should just respect her decision in aborting the child?
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
24 Feb 09
No, You should not just step back and respect her decision to abort and especially if she is going through one of those illegal back alley places to do it. You need to push your friend to talk to her parents. Are they abusive? If not, they will come around and they will work with her and together they'll work it out. If they are abusive, then she needs to talk to another trusted adult. You respect her decision to abort only when she has gotten council on all her options. Right now, she is just looking for an easy way out and abortion seems like the answer....it may be and it may not be. It should not be a secret.
@zhuuraan (967)
• United States
24 Feb 09
She needs to tell them! Ordinarily, her parents would not deserve a say because it is her baby, but because she is a minor, the parents MUST know! Look at it this way. What will they do when they actually find out? Wouldn't they be harder on her than if she told them? Also, the father has a right to know he impregnated her and he has a right to have an equal share in the decision. She has no right to kill his child without his permission. Personally I don't believe abortion should be legal except in extreme cases such as rape or life threatening health risks. However, if she is going to do so, as a minor her parents have a right to know, as does the baby's father. If her parents really would kick out a minor child, then they are heartless horrible parents anyway. No matter what the circumstances, I wouldn't kick my own kid out of the house unti l they were 18. Anything less is bad parenting!
1 person likes this
• Singapore
5 Mar 09
All men out there please.. use your Big head think over the small one, not vice versa.. Please use protection whatever it takes, and dont harm the poor ladies out there.. i have seen people married due to a "shotgun" kid, and getting divorce 2 years later, what is the point then?
• India
24 Feb 09
I really cant understand why do we have this doubt in mind as to whether parental consent is required! Of course its required, not to undermine her but to guide her better in future so that she doesn’t get into the same mess again. And regarding her right…it’s the result of uncensored crap floating all around about celebrity relatives (Britney Spear’s sister, Sarah Palin’s daughter) getting pregnant young and claiming its all about their own body and idiotically smug parents with asinine smiles plastered on their faces, endorsing the ‘decision and maturity’ of their daughters! I really fail to understand what is there to be so proud about a daughter getting pregnant at 16 and giving birth! Its OK if she’s done it and she’ gotten pregnant…best would have been to hand out the pills and the next best of course is to go for abortion instead of dishing out wrong role models for impressionable teenagers! And here this girl doesn’t want to give birth…that’s OK too, I only hope her parents would take more interest in her and guide her to a better future after getting the abortion done by a good doctor.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
5 Mar 09
Sometimes.. People at the age of 16 thinks that they are already physically and mentally grown up to be mature adults, eagerly wanting to decide their life and decision, which most of the time made the wrong, immature decision.. .
• China
20 Feb 09
All of us know that it is better to tell parents of this kind affair. But for the person involved it is really difficult. She must want to keep it as a secret even to their parent. If relationship between parents and children is just like frinds, the children may ask them for help.
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• Singapore
20 Feb 09
thats the problem sandy, not all families have the relationship like friends.. some, especially the more traditional families have the mentality of "im the parent, do as i say".. im not even sure whether her parents will ask her to keep the child or not after they found out the truth.. .
• United States
19 Feb 09
I really feel that if the girl is under the age of 18 that it should be required to have parental consent for an abortion. I think that anyone younger than 18 is not mature enough to be able to make a decision about abortion without some help from someone much older and more mature such as a parent or legal guardian. If the only fear is their parents finding out they are secually active, that is not a reason to end a unborn childs life. Just a thought...
1 person likes this
• Singapore
19 Feb 09
Most likely she is in fear of being dis-own by her own parents, and at her age, i couldn't expect her to make a living for herself and her yet-to born baby.. She is still schooling... =.="
@cyntrow (8524)
• United States
18 Feb 09
Here in the US, I've heard numerous accounts of babies being born at prom or graduation and then being put in a dumpster to die. All because the pregnant teen could not tell her parents that she had gotten pregnant. I believe that contraception should be taught in school. I think that abortion, adoption, and teen parenting should be taught. I, I believe, above all else, that a child who is in trouble should have a legal and safe means to not have to carry the pregnancy to term. Having said that, I wish abortion would be unnecessary. It's not. Birth control fails and parents still can't see reality. Abstinence education does not work. Sexuality education does. We need to teach our kids that their bodies are their own and they have choices. And if the worst happens, we must be opened for our children to talk to and to seek guidance from. The short answer is that parental consent should not be required for a young woman who is unintentionally pregnant.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
19 Feb 09
From what you said, i would definitely rather my friend go for an abortion, rather then to give birth, and throw it away.. I can't really imagine that.. At least abortion during the early stage, and people still can argue whether the foetus have a life or not. But after giving birth and throwing it away is definitely murder to me.. Worst, by his / her own mother...
• United States
18 Feb 09
It's a rough choice, but I think the parental consent should be required. You can't get a piercing or tattoo without your parents there, but you can terminate a pregnancy? I think a life is a much bigger decision than something small like getting your ears pierced. I also don't think, at 16, you are really mentally capable of making life changing decisions like that. What about the father of the baby? Does he know? What are his feelings? Abortion is a really touchy subject for everyone, but personally (Even though I am female) I hate that the father isn't given any rights to the baby's life. I have known people who have wanted to have full custody of a baby, without child support or anything from the mother, but she terminates anyway. Off-subject, I'm sorry, but I really don't agree with the way the laws work.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
19 Feb 09
Thats the problem, she doesn't want her boyfriend to know, and i cant see the reason why. i believe the law is different in various countries regarding abortion, some require the attention and consent of parents, some doesn't.. But no matter what, illegal abortion facilities, can be found nearly everywhere, with or without parental consent, they just looking at the $$$.
• United States
18 Feb 09
This is always a tough topic. I dont think that parental consent should be required if the child is 16. There are times were abuse is going on in the family and a family member could be the father of the child, a young woman could have been assualted and a pregancy occurs etc.. This could very well be someones reasons for not wanting to get there parents involved. The reasons for not having parental consent outweigh the reasons why to have it. I pray for the girl that is in this situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Feb 09
I meant to say Parental Consent should not be required. I hate that you can't go back and edit once you've posted.
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@maximax8 (28570)
• United Kingdom
18 Feb 09
Your friend is sixteen years old so she should think carefully about making the right choice. If she does have an abortion she might be sad afterwards and her parents might pick up on that. If they find out she has had an abortion without their knowledge that would be awfully shocking for them. It sounds like your friend finds her pregnancy a shock and she wants to turn back the clock. She won't be able to do that and neatly brush all problems underneath the carpet. She could have relief and a secret or she could discuss her options with her partner. He might be supportive to her and help her tell her parents. If told and her parents throw her out of the house could she live elsewhere? Good luck to her.
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• Singapore
19 Feb 09
I was really feeling that i'm stuck in the middle. At one hand, i do really wished that all these never happen.. God, why doesnt she force her partner to use protection? -.-"" But in another hand, i always believe foetus already have a life, and no matter who, have no right to take this life away.. But i guess that she is definitely alot more troubled then me. Maybe i will give her a few days of time to be alone first.. Hopefully she dont find means of aborting the baby herself..
@Lore2009 (7388)
• United States
19 Feb 09
I don't thin parental consent should be required to begin with. There must be a reason why a child is sexually active without contraception to begin with how would it benefit if the parental consent is required. If there were better communication among the family, it is most likely that a situation would be prevented to begin with (unless she was raped). Since legal abortion doesn't required parent consent, kids can be more comfortable going there instead of going to the illegal abortions. Best wishes to your friend and I hope she finds the support she needs.
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