Have you ever taken in someone you've history with?
March 3, 2009 4:45am CST
That is...given them a place to stay until they find their feet? Especially when you've had INTENSE past history with them. That's pretty much what I've done. My ex. The boy I had one of the most significant relationships of my life, with. He lives in a state that's been particularly hard hit by the economy, and I didn't want him stuck there. Plus, the boy needs a chance at a real life. With the spring comes the food we're growing so that we can afford to feed him while he stays with us, which he's offered to help with the work of our mission to farm this year. There's SOME jobs around here, compared to the NO jobs where he is right now...and being male and two years older than me, so many more opportunities not open to my Mother and I are available to him. If he can find a job, or jobs, then he can start saving for and looking for his own place, and from there he can build his life. Free of his troubles in his own state, free from everything that bothered him. And yeah...around me. We ended on bad terms...but it's both of our hope that someday we'll be on perfectly good terms. We're OK now. I can smile when I talk to him again. Alot of baggage and pain's been unloaded on both of our parts. All I ever wanted for him, was for him to have a good life. A wonderful life even. And even though things went south years ago, and he's working to make sure things are never awful between us again...I can help him get that life...that life he didn't used to be very confident that he could ever have. I can give him hope. Yeah, it reminds me of why I loved him to begin with, yes it reminds me of how that love will never really be gone...as broken as our relationship is, and as undefinable as it is now...we're both aware that it's unlikely we'll be "friends", and that the odds for getting back together again are even more unknowable and uncertain than anything else. I told him not to let himself hope too much between us. I told him to be happy with us just being on good terms and acknowledging that we'll always care about one another. And he knows all this, and I know he won't try anything because he's so afraid of screwing things up again -- he knows that if there's ever any hope for there to be an "us"...it's through accepting things as they are now and focusing on building his life. It's surprisingly uncomplicated! Whenever I think about other people doing this, it's always weird, uncomfortable, and complicated sounding. I'm really surprised. I don't think this is one of my reasons for looking forward to the spring. There's always a tension in my back when I talk to him and it'll be present when he's here. I can't be looking forward to that. Anxious about it, wanting everything to be nice around the house when he gets here, yes. Hoping that things go smoothly and that my family gets used to him, definitely. Hoping nothing happens for us financially between now and then...MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE. Ah, the spring of '09. Likely to be one of the most eventful springs of my life, xD What do you guys think? Will you take in any old flames this year? Do you think you'll take in "strays"...random strangers or acquaintances off the street because of the economy? Have you taken in old flames and friends in the past? And if so, what're your stories?
2 people like this
8 Mar 09
i havnt personally but i probably would although not sure how long it would last. although my best friend took in her ex girlfriend a while back now. but you can just tell theres the spark there :) best friend obviously tells me all and she still feels stuff for her but is with another woman. and the ex i cht to as well still feels for my best friend lol. damn!! hope they work stuff out
4 Mar 09
I can't remember ever taking in an old flame, but I've been a sucker for taking in waifs, strays and sad cases before. There's two I can think of straight away who were disasters just waiting to happen and ended up becoming permanent fixtures at my place for a while. One ended nicely enough when she went home, but the other I would happily dismember if he were foolish enough to ever cross my path again! These days, my family hosts working holiday makers who join us for anything from a week to a year. I enjoy having different people about, but I do sometimes wonder if I need my head seeing to! I wish you and your ex the very best of luck with your new living situation. I really hope you can live together in harmony and he's able to build a good strong base for the future.
4 Mar 09
no i never done that before... i think i just don't trust people enough to do that... especially to the person that had hurt me in the past... you must have a very big heart to be able to do that to your ex and still thinking of helping him so that he will have a good life... hopefully God will always bless you... take care and have a nice day...
4 Mar 09
You have a good heart and good intention. I haven't been in your position yet but if it come to that, it will be hard on my part to do the same thing you did for your old flame. Maybe for a friend, I might be able to lend a helping hand but not to those I had relationships in the past. It feels so awkward. I am not like YOU but remember to guard your feelings to. Your intention might be good but you might fall in love with this guy all over again. Take care.
• United States
3 Mar 09
I am not sure I would. It would depend on what my fiance thought. Personally I have never gotten back together with an ex. I will never get back together with an ex. the relationships ended for core reasons. I have helped an ex before though. My socialistic nature did require him to assist around the apartment. In addition to the job hunt and assisting financially in a very small way. $100/month for a max of 6 months before he was he was expected to do it all for himself.
• United States
3 Mar 09
I haven't, but I've taken in strays before. I would take in any old flame of mine, I love them all and want the best for them. They could even bring their wives and families with them. I worry about my ex husband, who never saves anything. I'm afraid he'll wind up penniless and destitute. I'd gladly take him in.
3 Mar 09
Well... the history is a history. I have passed that a about 3 or 4 years ago when I became too close to someone who had the history. LOL. The ex. I always feel funny to call him my ex. We started as a friend and became a really good friends until one of us screwed it up. We got steady, started to call each other "lover" without actually knowing what it was. It ended up in a very bad way, and fortunately we can fix the friendship. A year after that, we became close again, but the idea of getting back together again... phew! He kept insisting but I told him that, "dude... we're so good together, but as friends we're amazing. I think I wouldn't want to screw it up again". We're cool until now but I don't think I would bring up the old times to my present. LOL. The history is a history and I would move on, and after all, I have a great partner to be with. Why should I play with the old flame? Good luck, XparanoiaX. Hope you would get the best spring in your life