Having the housewife blues

@bamakelly (5194)
United States
March 6, 2009 8:41am CST
I realize that a lot of women out there are housewives and homemakers. I have a husband that goes to work and I stay at home with my son. I get the blues sometimes because I feel like I am hooked up to either to the washer machine or the kitchen sink. I just have one child. I don't know how any lady does it with more than one child. Any one care to share. I don't want to feel alone!
5 people like this
39 responses
@dawnald (84133)
• Shingle Springs, California
6 Mar 09
I'm not a stay at home mom, but it does seem like my evenings consist of nothing but homework, cooking and dishes and my weekends consist of laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping. But at least I get out of the house on weekdays and enjoy some adult conversation. It's got to be isolating to be at home with a small child though. Are there any groups that you can get involved in with other parents of children the same age?
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Thank you dawnald. I knew I could count on you for some good advice. Actually you are right about me feeling isolated at home with my small boy. I do love him very much but we both need some breathing space. I am happy for all that I have but I definitely need to get out. There are some children in the neighborhood that my son can play with especially on a nice day like the one I am having today. I would like to look into groups that I can join if possible.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84133)
• Shingle Springs, California
6 Mar 09
Advice I need to take myself. I haven't really made any new friends since I"ve moved to Sacramento...
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I know exactly how you feel... I am a staqy at home wife, I don't have kids yet, all I have is a yellw lab dog , oh yea and dish washer, sink are my buddies at home as well... If you have read some of my post before, I have talked about how lonely and boring at home during the day when my husband is at work. I always try to dog stuff to do, but I 'm sure you understand, doing laundry or prepare a meal won't take us 8 hours to get it done. I do feel blue somtimes, too much time to think, too much time to be alone. I'm not saying I'm glad to see there is somebody like me staying at home alone but I would like to share with you. :-)
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Thank you so much. This is one of the reasons why I log onto this site. There are many good people like yourself that can relate to the plight of other people. I don't feel so alone now. I like the way you said your dishwasher and sink are your buddies. I think that my best friend next to my husband right now is my washer machine.LOL! I appreciate you jumping in on the discussion.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Forgot to tell you, I always play with my cousins too - Stove, Floor, Iron etc never leave me alone at home! hehe I'm glad that I made you feel better :-)
@dragon54u (31547)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Do you have a car? I found that I needed to get out sometimes and I would take the boys to the park and strike up conversations with other moms. We also joined a play group so they would have kids to play with and I'd have adults to talk to. Doing things like that once or twice a week kept me sane!
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Unfortunately no. That is one of my problems right now but I guess there are other things I can do. Going to the park sounds like a great idea. There is a church around the bend where I can actually walk to because I am living in a pretty rural area. No public transportation of the sort here. I am used to living in a city area where things were so close to me. That is part of what is getting me down. That is somewhat why I feel alone in all of this. But getting back to the church idea, I know that they have things there for children to attend on a regular basis as far as I know.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31547)
• United States
6 Mar 09
That makes a big difference. We lived way out in the boondocks in a very small desert community. Nothing was close, the nearest store when the kids were in preschool was 15 miles away, the school was 5 miles away. But I did have a car so I could get around. I got very antsy sometimes and would have to get out--I hated that horrid desert, we couldn't even play outside most of the time. You have a good idea about the church!
1 person likes this
• Canada
6 Mar 09
My goodness girl..what you doing with your time? Why should you feel alone when you have a husband and a child? Just because you are married and have a child doesn't mean you can't pursue a dream you have or hobby etc. I had 3 kids and I did alot of things, I never had a boring time. Think about things you can do with your son, my kids knew how to read, write and add even before going to kindergarten. I made friends with the neighbours, had them over, had garden parties for them & their kids, I worked from home until we broke up..I made money selling beauty products, home products, etc etc. I also took a sewing course, martial arts, etc. Come on girl..there is so much that you can do..
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Thank you DancingRedFeather. You don't realize what your words mean to me. Maybe there is more to life then what I feel I am experiencing. There is something out there I know it. I just need to get up and find it. You are right. I shouldn't feel alone with the great family I have. My son is a source of joy to me. You sure sound like you have done a lot with your time and made it all well worth it. Thank you once again for giving me something to think on.
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Do you enjoy a hobby? You need to find an adult outlet. For me it's the friends I have online, writing, some crafting, and reading. It's tough to be stuck but if you can find an outlet. We do volunteer work as a family. We clean up our neighborhood and things, work with the kids at the school at the corner. Find what works for you and your family. But find something.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Thank you for your words of encouragement. Now that you mention it I have been toying with an idea about getting active in my neighborhood if possible. I do need to find some kind of hobby so I don't feel like I am a walking washer machine person.lol! That sounds good that you volunteer. It helps the family stay together. I think I am going to actively find an outlet instead of feeling sorry for myself.
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
6 Mar 09
You won't feel as bad if you have something that isn't house work and is YOURS. I love to curl up with a book and some tea when the kids are a sleep. Little ME times are really a great help.
1 person likes this
@deejean06 (1953)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Hello Bama! I have the opposite problem - I was only able to stay home with my son for his first 6 weeks and then I had to go back to work. I think you're lucky that you get to stay home with your son every day. That's my wish and I'm working to make it happen - hopefully within a year. He does stay with my parents and I do get to spend my lunchtime with him but I still miss him dearly.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Thank you for responding. Maybe I didn't look at it that way. If I didn't spend time with my son every day I would probably really miss him like the way that you miss your son. I do miss getting out and working though. I suppose that each situation has its ups and downs.
@deejean06 (1953)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Oh my goodness - each side has their ups and downs. I'm sure after some time I could feel the same way you do. His milestones so far - crawling, sitting up, turning over - have all been in front of his parents first I believe. Or maybe my parents don't want us to feel badly so they don't tell us... But I do feel I'm missing out on a bonding experience. I'm currently looking for some kind of work I can do at home even if my salary has to decrease a bit. For now I think it would be worth it.
1 person likes this
@riyasam (16578)
• India
6 Mar 09
i can understand your plight.i am a housewife with 2 kids.i give some time to myself for exercising.i usually do skipping ,a hundred times and i immediately feel better.and then once a month,i go to beauty parlours to pamper myself and once in a blue moon,i do go out for dinner with my hubby and kids.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Thank you for your response. I can see where your life could prove busy especially with two children. They can be a handful that's for sure. If you can get out once in a while and pamper yourself then that is an extra bonus.
@snowcat46 (2323)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I think a lot of the women with more than one use the older child as a babysitter. Sometimes far too much. Do you take him to the park? It's a way for you to get some alone time while he's playing with other kids. Or a day care, just for a couple hours. I sometimes did that. She needed to learn how to cope with other kids, and I needed some alone time. You're not being bad for needing that. He needs the time to socialize too. And you can't always play with him. He needs to learn how to play by himself, for his own creativity. Take a bit of time for yourself. You'll be happier, and so will your family in the long run.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
You are right about that. The fact that a lot of women use an older sibling to care for the younger one. When I see that kind of thing happening with certain people it makes me feel that those parents aren't letting their children just be children and laying responsibility on them because they are older. I just have my five year old son and I do agree that I need some time for myself just to get my head together and perhaps find a hobby to enjoy.
• United States
6 Mar 09
Hi, Sorry you have the blues. While I do not have kids I do know that you are not alone, there are many women that I know in the same place that you are. I suggest finding a play date for your little one so that you can have an adult conversation while he plays. If that is not possible then try to schedual a play date for yourself, perhaps meeting a friend at the park or something that you can also take your son to once a week. Good luck and have a great day!!
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Thanks friend. I am grateful for your words of encouragement here. I just needed to hear some special words from my friends here at myLot. I think that your idea is a good one along with some of the other suggestions I have gotten here. Take care.
@ravinskye (8243)
• United States
6 Mar 09
I feel your pain lol. I'm a stay at home mom of 3 kids. My oldest started kindergarten this year. It gets very frustrating to always be cleaning. Especially when it is the same things every day. It gets to feel like a waste of time. So, sorry, I guess I don't have any good words of encouragement, I just wanted to let you know you weren't alone in what you are feeling. I try to get out of the house to do stuff and that tends to help. I'll go play bingo at the firehall with my friends on tuesday night or just go out and run some errands.
1 person likes this
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Mar 09
Thank you for your reply. Wow. Three children. It seems like you certainly have your hands full. I don't feel so alone now. I think that being a wife and mother can get tiring and mundane. Maybe that is what I need to do. Just get out for a while even if it is for a short walk. You are right about it being the same things every day!
@madasp (563)
• United States
13 Mar 09
I stayed home with my older kids until the youngest was in school all day, then I went back to work. so when we had our little surprise recently we didn't even think about it, we just decided I would stay home. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with the little guy and I know I don't want him in daycare, but after 10 years back in the work world I had forgotten how much of the work I do at home gets taken for granted. No one seems to notice the dishes and laundry getting done until you decide to go for a walk instead and you don't get them done! Your not alone bama.
1 person likes this
@vanities (11343)
• Davao, Philippines
10 Mar 09
hi bamakelly....i agree with you on that...but i did survive doing the chores at home with the help of course with my mom when she was younger then...i have 4 kids..but it was fun and at the same time stressful for us...but since i love them i really did not notice how time flies then....right now they are all grown up and help me in the house and everything..
@shaggin (35594)
• United States
9 Mar 09
I know how you feel. I am a stay at home mom/housewife and sometimes I get stressed out to. I feel like there is always so much housework to do and just not enough hours in the day to get it all done. I have a 4 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. My son is in cloth diapers so thats even more work for me but its my choice. I always have at least 3 loads of laundry to do usually 5. Then there is mopping and vacuuming the floors. I love to vacuum but I hate mopping. My husband mopped for me the other day which was like a god send! I vacuum the floors downstairs everyday. I always have a load of laundry in the dish washer and usually a load to do by hand. House work is never ending and its exhausting. I wish I could afford to just pay someone to do all the work for me:)
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 09
I cant say that i know how you feel because i don't. I'm currently on maternity leave only for one more week and then i go back to work only to wish that my husband were the one with a job and i was the one that gets to stay home instead i'm the one brining home the bacon and he gets to kick it at home. Of course he doesn't do cleaning the only thing he does is makes messes when he cooks and then i clean everything and do laundry. Hmm doesn't seem fair in my eyes. I only wish that i could stay at home like you.
@jazzsue58 (2672)
8 Mar 09
My youngest is 10 now, and I'm desperate to get back to work. I'm training at home but it's not the same as mixing with adults. I had 4 in total, and when my eldest was born (she's 20 now) I had to go back to work - I was torn between home and earning a living. I had twins when she was 4 and started a business to give me flexibility. Luckily my husband also worked from home, but it seemed to be all work and no play! I know it can be frustrating being at home with your child, but my advice is - don't worry that the house always has to be spotless. Your children are only young once and they grow up far too quickly - the baby doesn't mind if there's dust on the bookshelves! I managed to find local toddler groups and so on, where we took it in turns to do 'creche duty' so the other mums could go next door, get away from the kids and chat over a coffee. Perhaps there's something like that where you live?
1 person likes this
@ama101 (40)
• United States
6 Mar 09
hi, bamakelly like everyone else was saying there is more to bieng a house wife and homemaker. i always liked playing games with my son when he was younger and when he went for a nap is when i would have my time to clean and do what ever i wanted till he would awake and the back to involving him in what i was. at first you may not realize it but he will always remember the time well spent together frist memories start young maybe take pictures and show him it helps bring the memories to a understanding for him. when my husband arrived back home from work dinner was always done and then it would be off for some me time that way i didnt feel the only company i had ever was my son.
@savypat (20247)
• United States
6 Mar 09
It's not hard to get the blues, what you need is some time out. Is that at all possible, can you take your child to a play date, or just to visit the neighbors? Can you do some crafts, that will help, your creative side is being neglected. See what is available to help you.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Mar 09
Bama Kelly- I'm a stay at home mom currently, plus finishing my master thesis. I have a total of six children, but only 2 from my current marriage. (Though, at one time I did have the four oldest with me and was a single parent then). It can be difficult when you don't have an outlet such as a church/religious group, mommy's club, gym membership, or such that is just for you and your time. A friend of mine joined a gym recently that offers daycare included. This way she can interact with other women, the kids are cared for, and she gets much needed time. Not to mention the benefit of exercise. And a lot of gyms are now offering more then just treadmills, they offer a variety of classes. Some have even started offering Pole dancing classes, if your game. The winter time also seems to be traditionally the time that more people feel the winter blues, now actually called Seasonal Affective Disorder (which can be treated with medication). I'm not saying you have anything wrong with you, I do want to suggest that if it becomes serious such as depression that you may want to find a counselor. There isn't anything wrong with having to deal with depression. In terms of the just "I'm sick of being in the house with kids", I think that finding something to do outside of the house is extremely important. Have you ever thought of volunteering? Even hiring a sitter for a few hours each week so that you can go out to the spa and pamper yourself or get a massage can prove beneficial. If you can't do the sitter, then arrange with the hubby to take your child for a few hours each weekend (or his day off) and go and pamper yourself, do something for you. We have several junior colleges around this area that offer one time classes such as cooking or art classes. You might want to think about investing a bit in things like that to give you an outlet. And you may just discover a new hobby. The other thing to do is to get outside. In the winter I realize this is hard but our bodies need the sunlight. Sometimes just moving the furniture a bit so you can sit in front a large open window in the winter time helps. In the warmer months just going outside and sitting on a blanket and enjoying the warm sun can help rejuvinate. Many blessings-Anora
1 person likes this
• India
6 Mar 09
Hi lotter iam also a housewife and can understand ur feelings i have two kids and its really a tough job to be a homemaker.
1 person likes this
6 Mar 09
I'm feeling that exact way today! I have two kids, my son is a year and a half and my daughter is five so she goes to school. Two kids is such hard work as they fight all the time over toys. I take my son to toddler group some days just to get out of the house. Most of the day I'm cleaning the house and then by the end of the day its a mess again! I just wish I was rich so I could get a cleaner and then enjoy my time with my son. Your definitely not alone:)