Flirting online can be a dangerous game

Malaysia
March 14, 2009 2:36pm CST
I wonder how many of you do the chatting online? Chatting online can be addictive and can even lure you to go more than just a simple chatting online. My spouse like to wake up in the middle of the night just to sit in front of the computer and chat online. I suspected something was not quite right when he was so engrossed with his chatting online. I was curious to know who was the person he was chit chatting with. So, while he was away, I secretly log in to his email and open his emails and also checked his chat history. To my disappointment, all the while he was chatting with his ex and it has been quite some time already. At first the emails and chatting were just friendly. But as the drama continued, the contains of the emails and chatting were becoming more and more intimate. I was furious that I deleted all the emails and chat history. I confronted him and he said he was just flirting online and nothing goes beyond that. Although it hurts me, I have decided to forgive him this time. What about you? What would you do if you caught your significant others flirting online?
6 people like this
21 responses
@Ramsay (131)
• Canada
14 Mar 09
I have had this happen to me as well, sure I forgave the person but it still haunts me. How I think of it right now is if my loved one is flirting with her ex online what is going to stop her from doing it in person which is the part which makes it still haunt me. The fact its an ex also bothers me because at some point there was something between them even if its denied. So I always just mainly get worried that they find something between them again and then well it would all go down hill from there. But so far I have done the same thing as you and forgave the person for now.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
14 Mar 09
I just don't get it. What is it with chatting online. Even if the spouse come home to you every day but they still can 'flirt' while at home. This is what we call modern technology.
2 people like this
@Ramsay (131)
• Canada
14 Mar 09
Some people may consider it "modern technology" but in my opinion it is still wrong due to the fact it can lead to other things (always a bad possibility) so in a way it could be considered a step towards cheating depending on how you think about it. but there is still only so much of it a person can stand.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Hi BabyHoney, I don't seen any harm in chatting online. It is a healthy pastime and does not involve any physical contact as it is only exchanging of thoughts. if it goes beyond ordinary chatting and maybe becoming too intimate, I have no control if they are fantasizing on the elusive dreams they have. As not to be deeply hurt if you happen to find out, get even and try to get yourself involved in cyber chatting too. It is nothing but only a game of the mind. At the end of the day both of you will be leading a normal life again as if nothing happens in the virtual world. So get into the fun of the cyber world and don't shut yourself in your cocoon.
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Of course there is no harm in chatting online but flirting online, yes it can do much damage to any real life relationship. Chatting casually and flirting are two different kind of interpretation. Chatting is like talking to your friend but flirting is like you are trying to get his/her attention to like you, maybe a bit of emotion involved. Getting even is something that has been on my mind but then again, what do I get from there, especially so when I don't even like chatting online, what more to say flirting online. I think it is just rubbish and a waste of your time.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4663)
• Philippines
15 Mar 09
I am an online chatter addict then, loves to flirt to very flirty guys online. I love riding on to guy's flirtitious attitude, but I do not go beyond the flirting. I just love to chat per se - getting to know each other. There are times that I have to chat until 3 or 4 am, that is how addictive I am then. But now, it isn't just about chatting. I prefer a real conversation. There are still flirting included, but emotions detached. I am committed anyway. I just love to talk, that is why. It is really hard to trust someone online without meeting them in person. There is a big difference. It is possible though that flirting may lead to a deeper one, yet that depends to you if you will let or allow yourself to be hooked to it. I admit though that I had fallen to someone I met online, however, the feeling arose because we never only talked online. Well, forget that story.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
It is ok to have a friendly chat once a while. But when it becomes a habit, it may lead to something beyond friendly chatting. Most people like to chat online because they can pretend to be anybody they want without revealing their truth identity. Who knows the person online who seem to be caring and romantic, turn out to be somebody who is rough and bad tempered.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4663)
• Philippines
16 Mar 09
Precisely, that is one of my point that is why I need to ride on with the flirting because few or many of those online chatters are very pretentious. Only few or out of that 10 chatmates I may have, only 1 or 2 are true and can end up as a friend. I had many experiences from online chatting and I have learned from those. Right now, I know how to handle the situation especially those who are requesting for stuff beyond the chatting. I am not that dumb to be fooled.
@Oscarchen (123)
• China
15 Mar 09
Yes, I agree with you. Chatting Online may lead to bad results. If the one you love always chat online with others. Maybe it is a bad signal means she/he is empty. You can spend more time with him/her. That may be better.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Well, how can I spend more time with him when he spend more time on the internet? It does make sense that something is void in them, so they start to look for some excitement without spending money and that is through flirting online.
1 person likes this
• China
16 Mar 09
well, you can try to play computer games with him. If you don't like games, you may focus on his other interests...The key factor is you loving each other.
• United States
14 Mar 09
My husband and I used to do online chatting. We always went to this one chat room and we met this other couple that would go to this chat room also. We all used to play chess online together and different things. Turns out the girl from the other couple was doing a lot of flirting and chatting with a few guys. She met one when he came to the town she lived in and she left her husband for another one. So yes online chatting, flirting whatever you want to call it can lead to bad things. That couple had been married for 10 years.
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
It is just sad when thing like this happen to couple.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 09
Her husband was devastated. He had no clue, just came home one day from work and she was gone with a note saying she was headed to Arizona with the other guy.
• China
15 Mar 09
my girlfrient alway chat online with people who are her frients or may be strangers,everytime she going on her chat,i feel uncomfortbal,for she seems feel more happier to chat with stranger than with me,so i hate her laughter when she chatting.sometimes i push her away from the computer and most of the time,i just angry with her.
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
I think the best part of chatting online is we can create a new identity.
• China
15 Mar 09
I chatting online with QQ,but never flirting online.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Good for you, liupingjin.
1 person likes this
15 Mar 09
Online flirting, like real-life flirting, is something that simply cannot outlive a real-life relationship. Once you lose interest and find flirting with someone boring,you will move on to fresher pastures. Blame it on the human mind. Both men and women are prone to this, and it has little to do with dissatisfaction of any kind in your real relationship. It has got more to do with a person's personality. A few people simply WILL NOT flirt, while a majority give in to the temptation. So, to answer your question: What would you do if you caught your significant other flirting online? I would forgive and try to make myself more interesting to keep him attracted to me.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
You make it sound like women are at fault when men start looking for ways to entertain themselves. What different does it make? I say that this kind of men who prefer to fantasies the virtual world of romance are really not gentlemen.
1 person likes this
@zhuhuifen46 (3487)
• China
15 Mar 09
I am sorry for you, and you did right to forgive him for the first time. You need to mend your relationship to recover out of the incident. find your own way to keep his heart with you, more than just daily staying together. Find online tips to maintain good marriage for sake of the family. It is really an art of life. If ever in trouble, wives are more likely to be hurt, so rather do something in the positive to cheer up.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Thanks for the wonderful tip, zhuhuifen46.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Mar 09
ya ur correct......u should not forgive him..u should teach him like he should undestand that what mistake he is doing and everytime u used to check his mails and inbox
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
You got your point right.
1 person likes this
@berrys (865)
• Singapore
15 Mar 09
I don't think your husband meant to hurt you or flirt with his ex. AS people tend to act differently in real life and when chatting online as the situation/ environment is rather different. Thinks you wouldn't normally say in public are much easier to say through the internet. So I'd forgive my significant other if he did that but i would just be happier if he didn't do it again. But if he continues to do it while knowing that this doesn't please me than I'd leave him s its clear he prefers his ex.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Yeah, my husband may not be aware that what he is doing online hurt me. He may think that he is merely being playful with his ex. But then again, I think it would be wise to put a stop to it before it is too late.
1 person likes this
@HelloMickey (1663)
• Hong Kong
15 Mar 09
My hubby won't do this to me. As he hates people cheating online, no matter they are cheating their spouse or they are cheating strangers, my hubby and I both don't think that it is good. It is so strange to flirt someone online and claims that you have no bad intention on it. I don't believe it. I knew a friend, who checked her husband's emails, her husband blamed her to sneak a look at his emails, they both don't trust each other anymore.
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
No matter how harmless it may sound, flirting is still flirting and it can lead to a more serious romance.
1 person likes this
@major310 (42)
• United States
15 Mar 09
online flirting can lead to a lot of problems, and that's why it's not good to do on sites like myspace and facebook because someone else will know about it like your girlfriend or boyfriend for those who are secretly talking to someone else, end up getting caught and into a serious situation, that's why it's just best to flirt over the phone, or through texting without worrying about the problems you get doing it on a public website.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
I say not even flirting on the phone or through texting are allowed. The point is someone will get hurt when flirting becomes serious.
1 person likes this
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Hi BabyHoney, well, I have been cheated by my spouse not online but for real. Yes, it hurt me badly. If ever I find him flirting online, I think I will hit the roof. I mean there more important thing to do than wasting time, emotion and not to mention electricity bill chatting online. If this continues and become serious, then it will lead to broken marriage or argument. In the end everybody get hurts.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Real life cheater and online cheater are basically the same. If he can cheat you before, what make you think he will not do it again. I suggest you keep a watchful eye on his movement.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Mar 09
Online chatting is very addictive. I think people must give higher priority to that person who is closer to them in real life. I chat with a number of women, but when my girlfriend calls or comes online, I leave everyone and interact with her. I would never want her to feel bad because of me.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
The sad truth is not everybody who has the habit of chatting online give much attention to the real person in their life.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Mar 09
yes, internet chatting is really addictive, i also feel many times to just stop and sit in a room silently closing my eyes for sometime and relaxing or drinking a cup of tea or discussing with family members, but then, not its so tough for me to get away from chat, i have become an addict for it, somehow i want to determine myself to be away from chat which is waste and which has nothing to improve ourselves in anyways most of the time. it is just waste of time, waste of thought force , if its a real professional and for some purpose its understood but when i really think about it i feel that its of no use at all sometimes and not interesting too many times, hence, these days am trying to avoid myself opening the chat sites atleast.
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
I too think that it is a waste of time. It is even more dangerous when we don't know who the person we are chatting with. He/she might a bad person.
1 person likes this
@underdogtoo (9601)
• Philippines
15 Mar 09
Chatting leads to flirting which might lead to something more serious. When someone chats online it means that he or she is looking for something and they might act on that something when the opportunity knocks. When you're married it is a danger signal. Cheers!!
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
You have a point there.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Mar 09
I am not so much into chatting although I used to years ago. Indeed, it is dangerous. ANyone can flirt online. And I wouldn't want my husband to flirt even in a virtual setting. Anything can happen. Sometimes my husband does flirt through chat and through friendster and I always tell him I don't like him doing it. It is a dangerous thing.
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
Yes, I think we should discourage them right from the beginning before they become deeply involve with online chatting.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (31431)
• United States
14 Mar 09
I would tell them to leave because that is soemthing that he and I did before we had a relationship. That is soemething that I would not put up with and dont plan to deal with in a long term relationship. I think the whole thing isnt good. I would not support my spouse getting up during the night to email anybody on the computer, if they cant do it with you there they shouldnt be doing it.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
It is just too bad when spouses start to do things behind our back. My spouse likes to surf when I am asleep. Occasionally, I caught him red handed when I woke up in the middle of the night. He would usually turn off the computer quickly and pretended like he was about to go sleep. Really is annoying.
1 person likes this
@jess07 (319)
14 Mar 09
Hi, I live in France and you are quite right, catting is dangerous, my mother meet a man on the internet and decided that they were in love ! She is leaving to be with him ! Happy my lotting
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
15 Mar 09
As long as your mother is happy with him, then its ok.
1 person likes this