I feel bad about the past...

@Volkus (202)
Romania
March 21, 2009 4:13pm CST
Hello friends...I am sad when writing this down. I can't get over the idea that my girlfriend has been with someone else in the past and that they made love...When I think about it, it drives me crazy and I feel so bad...Is it a frustration? Tonight I asked her if she loved him more than me and she told me that our relationship is unique and nothing can be like it, but I'm still frustrated...:(( Why?
5 people like this
26 responses
@James72 (26833)
• Australia
21 Mar 09
The past is gone and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. The reality of the situation though is that your girlfriend is with YOU! If she loved this other guy, then why would she be with you and not with him then? You run a very real risk of pushing her away by being like this I'm afraid. Embrace the here and now, not the past! I'm also curious to know if you've ever been with another woman before her? Please don't answer that if you're not comfortable doing so.
2 people like this
@James72 (26833)
• Australia
22 Mar 09
This is certainly NOT anything to be considered as bad at all! Please keep in mind that because she IS your first, you may be feeling far more emotional about it all that would beif she wasn't. As much as I'm not liking to say this, there's a strong possibility that she certainly won't be your last physical encounter, so try and focus on the here and now and enjoy your time together. Life is a wonderful journey my friend and the last thing you need to be doing is making this journey negative at any point by being jealous like this. Jealousy is such a wasteful emotion and both you AND her deserve for it not to rear it's ugly face.
2 people like this
@Volkus (202)
• Romania
22 Mar 09
Hi there, it's very comfortable for to answer, that's not a problem and I think you guessed me. No, she is my first and only with whom I had make love. I think this is a great thing and not something bad, unaccomplished...
1 person likes this
@lynnemg (4544)
• United States
22 Mar 09
If your girlfriend is also with someone else,how can she even say that she loves you? If it is just something that happened in the past, and is no longer going on, if you want it to work, you have to let it go and move forward. You can either choose to completely forgive her and move forward, or bot to forgive her and part ways.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Mar 09
Yes, he needs to let it go. How long will she tolerate this being thrown in her face? If it were me, I would be gone so fast.... because this is abuse to have it pushed between the two people all the time.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
21 Mar 09
Whats done is done, and there's nothing you can do about it. Jealousy will ruin your life if you continue to hold onto it. Jealousy is bad for your health, and will make you sick. Get over your sadness and think about the positive. Your girlfriend has had some good experiences, and if you are not Careful she will pass you by for someone else who has a broader mind. Jealousy is not considered to be an intelligent emotion.
2 people like this
@Volkus (202)
• Romania
21 Mar 09
I am talking with her at phone right know...I made her cry and I feel stupid about it. She said that I am imature and childish :) My main problem is that she lost her virginity with someone else and there are moments after we make love when I want to remember how was it the first time, but i realize that she wasn't doing that with me...This is very imature, right?
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 09
If she is your girlfriend now, what she did in her past with someone else is none of your business. Have you made love with someone before her? Would you like her to be jealous over it? You need to stop and appreciate her now... or else you will drive her away. No one wants to hear about another man or woman in a relationship. Your being threatened or jealous about it is your problem and not hers.. don't punish her with your insecurities.
1 person likes this
22 Mar 09
"I am curious how is another woman in bed" Is your problem that you both are not on an equal footing and that you would like to have had more than lover too? i think that it is not you that needs to be worried, but your girlfriend. She knows because of past failures that you are the one. However I am wondering if maybe you are not sure whether she is the one for you becasue you have not "tried and tested" anyone else.
1 person likes this
@Volkus (202)
• Romania
22 Mar 09
You see, this is the problem!!! She is my only one and I don't want this to be a problem in our relationship. I mean, I am curious how is another women in bed, but I love only her and I didn't have nobody beside her, but she had...So, I think this is the problem...
@cream97 (29180)
• United States
22 Mar 09
So, she cheated on you? Is that what you are saying? She will have to decide what she wants to do and how she really feels about you.. She can only have one of you. Of course your relationship with her is unique and nothing like it... She has slept with another man and she sees that you love her and will stuck by her. You are frustrated because you deeply love her and she betrayed you and your trust. You don't want to leave her and you love her so much that you will be with her while your heart is breaking. I am sorry, Volkus, but you have to do what is best for you. If she is worth it, then work it out. But, if not.. Then you will have to depart from her. I know that you love her. But love dosen't hurt.
1 person likes this
@Volkus (202)
• Romania
22 Mar 09
cream 97, you misunderstood me. She will never cheat me, and I'm not saying this like an arrogant male or self-confident but because I love her and I don't give her any reasons for not loving me in continuity. The question was another, please read again and help me with a good advice like you did each time I was in sorrow :)
• Philippines
22 Mar 09
I will ask you, Do you really love your girlfriend without any hesitation? If you answered is Yes, well you must forget the past & face the present. Since knowing the truth is hurt but its sets as fee. The important now is you & your girlfriend. She never wants you feel bad, if you know her past from somebody or anyone., that's why she tells you the truth, 'coz she loves & trust you much. Be man!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
Yes I agreed to ajamin0814. Ever Since i committed a relationship i always think the best for her. Even i haven't for myself i always think and pray for her, because i always love her. and i am very thankful to the lord that she is given me in my life.. i love her no matter what.
@clorissa123 (4930)
• United States
22 Mar 09
Well, I guess men are really possessive being. They only want girls to be unique, exclusive to them. She couldn't be shared or with someone before. That is why virgins are always precious. Don't you agree?
22 Mar 09
if her past makes you feel inadequate, give it time. talk to her about it, but dont blame her for anything. her life is hers and nobody owns their partner's pasts. she is learning her life's lessons, and so are you. you have met for a purpose, so enjoy the journey while it lasts. there is no right or wrong about anyone's choices in life. if you remember that, you'll be able to see her past in a different perspective and respect her for what she is. good luck
1 person likes this
@gzlgzl123 (224)
• China
22 Mar 09
Don't lose heart.Now that she made love with another one,she didn't love you.So why do you give up her?Maybe you love her deeply and can't help doing everything she want.Of course,nothing is impossible,if you can express your love bravely,I's sure she will love you forever.Good luck!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Mar 09
Hey Volkus,past is past. Don't get frustrated when you learned that your gf and her ex-bf had made love.That's part of her past and you must accept it. You must think the present and future. Don't look backward because it does not help you and not good in a relationship. In love you must accept the person come what may.Think about it and open your heart. Most of all pray to God that you get over this kind of feelings toward your gf.
1 person likes this
@kyle32 (66)
• United States
22 Mar 09
I'll keep it real with you. many of those other girls you went out with probably didnt lose their virginity to you.and no offense but your being very immature in this matter. and it is time you realize that the past is the past so if you think about that again just say to your self why the heck am i acting like this over a girl. i can see that you love her but just do what i said and it might work
1 person likes this
• India
22 Mar 09
Hi volkus i can understand your position ,but you are doing right,its very bad ,you should trust your girlfreind,every body has a past ,and you should be happy that she didnt hide anything from you,and now if you dont trust her its better to quit the relationshiop as no relation last for long till there is trust in it. IF YOU LOVE HER JUST TRUST HER BUDDY. HAPPY MY LOTTING.
1 person likes this
@Chunzi (6)
• China
22 Mar 09
Never frown even when you are sad,because you never knaw who is falling in love with your smile.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 09
Chasing Amy!!!!I love that movie. You are eventaully going to realize how the past does not matter and if you are not careful you are going to drive her away. I and my husband have been in other relationships in the past. I would love it if he had never been with another woman but he was. But I have had other relationships too. What matters is that we are together now and we love each other. I think our other relationships lead us to each other. Everything happens for a reason. Because I of my past and what I have learned I am a better wife for him. This is my opinion;-)
@rosedust82 (1832)
• Philippines
22 Mar 09
Hi volkus... I guess it would be normal to feel frustrated with the past but like what the others have said, past is past. You or she cannot change the past as much as both of you would want to. What is important is the present and the future. As long as both of you love each other, what happened in each other's past should not matter. This has always been the agreement between my fiance and I. We've been together for five years now and the past may have come up once in a while but we would always gently remind each other that it doesn't matter. It's over and done with and that we should just be thankful that we've found happiness in each other. I do hope you try to control the jealous streaks and try to think about the reasons why you fell in love with her in the first place. It'll help remove the insecurities and the little demons in your head.
@Aquilis (175)
22 Mar 09
I think you need to grow up and get over it to be frank about it. In this day and age you will be hard pressed to find anyone who has not been in a close relationship/ had intimate relations before and if you are going to let something like that get in the way of your happyness then you need to really take a good look at yourself. I would recomend taking a good look at your current relationship and asking yourself, do you trust her. If so, let the past go and look forwards to an excellent future.
1 person likes this
• China
22 Mar 09
It's normal for someone to mind his or her lover's past.I can not except it because when doing the same thing in the future as married,it make me feel bad and nervous.How can people do when in this situation?My boyfriend has loved someone else in the past but they didn't make love,when he told me about that,I feel sad but not bad.I wonder how they love each other,where they used to go,what kind of person is she,why they broke up.At first,my boyfriend hided all these things and even cheated me,I feel frustraated and think about leave him..When I have decided to go,he told me that he disguised in order to protect me.Though I can't agree with him,we together again and he told me everything about his former love@_@ My friend,if your girlfriend told you everything about her past,that means she loves you,try to relax and you will find nothing worth to be frustrated.Bless to you~~@_@
1 person likes this
@dodo19 (13954)
• Montreal, Quebec
21 Mar 09
It's understandable that this thought may cross your mind. But the past is the past, and I think that you should try to let it go. I know that it's easy to do, but I don't think that you should let it drive your life, and/or your relationship. I don't think that it's a good idea or healthy to keep something like this drive your mind.
1 person likes this
@silverglint (2003)
• Philippines
23 Mar 09
It probably took your girlfriend a lot of courage to tell you the truth even though she knows that it would hurt you and I am sure she doesn't want to do that intentionally. She probably valued being totally transparent with you as more important. She trusted you that you are understanding and that you will still love her and accept her for who is already is when you met her. Its not as big a deal like she cheated on you with someone else. She probably regrets making that person first, how was she to know back then that she would meet and fall in love with you right?
• India
22 Mar 09
Brother, dont be frustrated... there is nothing to be frustrated upon.. dont think of what happened in the past... "whom she loved in the past?" , is her past but she is your present now..Brother dont ruin your life full of love..every body have there past but what mater is the present. she loves u in present..and the love of her is true...brother not every one gets true love dont loose it....