How would you handle this situation?

Philippines
April 16, 2009 11:58pm CST
Hello fellow parents. Yesterday, my daughter and I went to her school to get her report card. There was a co-parent berating her child as they have been called for a parent-teacher conference. The child was involved in a cheating incident. Now, we couldn't help but hear the mother getting mad at her child for admitting the offense. She kept on telling the kid that it was a stupid move. I was so surprised to hear this...even my daughter was shocked. She later asked me why a parent would teach her kid to lie. Well, we had a talk about this and I made it very clear that this is so wrong. Cheating is bad itself and to deny it when you get caught is even more aggravating. The worst part for me here is the mother got mad at the child for not lying. There was not a single mention of cheating being wrong. If you were that parent, (I'm really hoping none of us would have to go through this), what would you have done? Two wrongs do not make something right. I think the school board would be a little easy on the kid since she told the truth and apologized for her action. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post. Thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts on this.
10 people like this
29 responses
• United States
17 Apr 09
I agree with you. My children know that the punishment will be a lot harder if they lie. I always go easier on them if they just admit to doing something wrong. I would be angry with my child for cheating, but I would be proud of him/her for telling the truth. That mother isn't being a very good role model for her child.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
Hi rmorefield. I also do not condone lying. It's always best to be truthful no matter what the consequences are. I agree with you, she is definitely not a good role model. Thanks for sharing your view. Have a wonderful weekend!
• United States
17 Apr 09
I agree with u that mother is not a good role model to her child. Can u imagine in the future what kind of relathonship that mother and daughter will have. It also seems that the mother has lying as a hobby. I am sorry but i had to say it. Take care.
@B3lla86 (101)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I would most definitely not expect my child to lie about doing something wrong. You are very right, cheating in itself is bad but to go back and lie about it or in this case yell at your child for telling the truth, just goes to show that there are some people in this world that should not be parents. Its like a vicious circle... the parent teaches the kid to lie, poor kid gets yelled at when they tell the truth about lieing, then is basically taught that lieing is ok and teaches their children the same thing in the future. So then it just makes for a long line of liars. Not exactly something I plan to teach my children. I can't say that I would have kept my mouth shut when I had over heard that. I probably would have put my two cents worth in to rectify the bad parenting on their part. I think its great that you had a talk with your daughter tho instead of just telling her it was wrong because you said so. Anyway, happy mylotting!
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
Hi B3lla. I agree with you, this kind of behavior from the parent would create a worse society in the future. It would definitely confuse the child on what's right and wrong. I really feel sorry for that kid. Your response is much appreciated. Happy mylotting,too!
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
True,two wrongs will not make the situation right.I pity the child because the child had more sense than the mother.If I was the mother of the child I will surely congratulate my child for telling the truth and will be proud that my kid knows right and wrong.I will never tolerate my kids to have good grades because they cheat,they should earn it and be proud that they did their best.
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
Hi angel_rain. I feel so sorry for the kid,too. Getting mad because the child cheated, that is definitely expected but to yell at the kid for admitting her mistake, that,for me, is unacceptable. Much thanks for your post. Welcome to mylot, too. This is a great community. Have fun!
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
Thnx for the welcome and I'm really enjoying my time spent here in mylot.This will really help me in voicing out my views that might help others.
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
18 Apr 09
That is really bad a parent teaching their child to lie about cheating on a test. I mean this child is going to go out into the world stealing from others if the parent is telling the child to deny that he or she was cheating on a test. What will happen next.
@Shaun72 (15968)
• Palatka, Florida
18 Apr 09
I don't have any childern but if I did my child would be put on restriction and would be at home studing harder to make sure that they can pass their tests.
@rsa101 (17104)
• Quezon City, Philippines
17 Apr 09
Looks like a bad model parent huh. I am just surprised that the mother would teach her child like that. Sad to know that there are parents that encourages their children to cheat.
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
Hi rsa. You are so right, it definitely is bad parenting. Cheating should never be tolerated. Thank you so much for your response. Have a wonderful weekend!
• United States
17 Apr 09
I would be sure to let my child know how cheating is wrong! Its not wonder we have kids act the way the do. Parenting like this what else is expected. I have taught my kids how honesty is a very valuable thing. It was wrong for the parent to yell at their kid for being honest. I myself can not bite my tongue and probable would have said something. But thats just me.
• Philippines
17 Apr 09
I commend you for being a wonderful parent, sxrxnrr. It is our responsibility to teach our kids the value of honesty. It actually crossed my mind to ask the mother to step aside but I know she's got an attitude problem and could really be a mouthful, so I decided not to intervene. Thanks so much for your post. Have a great weekend!
20 Apr 09
Hello elmolovesu I so agree with you. I too think that the school board would go easier on the child for not lying and I am pleased to hear that the child was able to be honest even though she is being brought up by someone who believes in lying. I must say I find it very sad when I hear about parents like this.
@carpenter5 (6786)
• United States
20 Apr 09
I guess she felt that it would be better to teach her kid to lie than it would be to sit in a parent-teacher conference and admit that your child is a cheater, which in the case of our schools here, then that is automatic grounds for suspension! Personally, I think it's the wrong thing for her to do. I don't think telling a lie is ever answer.
@lingzi (568)
• China
19 Apr 09
i am sorry to hear that. you are quite right,two wrongs do not make something right. hte mum did a wrong thing of course.if i were the mum, i would tell the kid to recognise the truth and try his best not do the same mistake.just ok.
@JenInTN (27549)
• United States
19 Apr 09
The thing is that this child should have been taught to be responsible for her actions. If whe did wrong..then admitting and taking the punishment would be the right thing to do. It teached them how things work and by telling her to lie..it shows you shouldn't take proper responsibility. I think the parent was way off ont his one. I bet when the child starts lying to her, it will be different.
• Philippines
19 Apr 09
[b][/b]Looks like the mother is teaching her daughter a different kind of lesson, instead of the right thing, it's the other way around, pity for the child, she must be very confused as of that day, while in school teachers teaching good manners and instilling good morals while the mother doing the opposite. BAD,VERY VERY BAD...I'm a mother too, so I think this is very wrong.
@Jae2619 (1484)
• United States
19 Apr 09
I do agree, two wrongs do not make a right. It took more courage and self discipline to stand up and admit her wrong doings. It's sad when a parent can't see that their child is doing the right thing. I've always told my oldest, if you do something wrong, you must admit it, but some people can't admit when they are wrong and they must be able to handle the consequences of their actions. Most can't and it wears on their concious, which makes them tell the truth about things. He does pretty good at reminding his friends and younger sister about not fibbing, which is good that I've stressed how lying and fibbing can get you in big trouble.
@sid556 (31000)
• United States
19 Apr 09
Well, it is pretty obvious that this kid will more than likely cheat again and learn to get craftier about it as well. My daughter did get caught cheating with another kid a few years back. She got disciplined at school. The teacher told me she did not even try to get out of it and readily admitted to it. We had a long talk about the importance of honesty and I let it go as it was her first offense and she seemed remorseful and because she told the truth. If it happened again....the foot would come down. It hasn't and I hope it doesn't.
@eichs1 (1934)
• Philippines
18 Apr 09
Maybe the mother is just trying her kid about the harsh reality in our world today. Or she might think that cheating and lying are okay if you are just saving yourself from a consequence of your bad actions. Unfortunately, the tribe of such like people is increasing. I'm thankful though that the response here shows that many myLot members are upholding worthy universal values.
@starplus (16)
• Indonesia
18 Apr 09
not how to punishment that child, or not how to forgive her..but how we can give her behaviour understanding that what all her doing is wrong
• United States
18 Apr 09
Elmolovesu- This is definately a difficult situation. I once wrote a note home about a student cheating and asked his parents to allow him to retake his exam, and ended up in the principal's office in a meeting with a very angry parent. The student was exempt and I had to count the grade he got. It was upsetting at the time, but it seems that nothing much has changed since that incident. I'm shocked that parents think that "cheating" is some how ok. I'm not sure what the best handle on this is to be honest. I would hope that more parents would realize how serious cheating is, but my guess is those parents who do not see it as an offense are the same parents cheating on income taxes, cheating on car loans, and so forth. At least you can rest easy that you are raising your child properly and with good ethics. Namaste-Anora
@anniefannie (1737)
• United States
18 Apr 09
I know that is very bad behavoir for that parent.And the child was embaressed I am sure.It will take her some time to get over it .I hope I never done that to my children.You are welcome
@clorissa123 (4930)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Defintiely cheating is wrong. You couldn't learn anything from cheating, even you made 100 score on the test. It is not your real score. That is a lie. If a parent teach her child to lie again. She is not qualify to teach her child.
@sandymay48 (2031)
• Canada
17 Apr 09
Hi there, that is just an awful thing to tell a child who has admitted to doing wrong. The mom needs some serious parenting skills. If I had overheard that, I would not have said anything to her, but I might say something to the childs teacher. It is possible that the same thing could happen again in the future but only get worse as the mother has taught the child to lie. I think the teacher should be aware of how torn that child probably is and if she suddenly develops worse habits, they might want to take a look at the mother and not be too quick to blame the child.
@lumenmom (1995)
• United States
17 Apr 09
It sounds like the mother of that child has some immaturity in her. She may have been embarrassed at being confronted about the incident and this was her way if reacting. It is sad because she is not being a good role model for her child and her child will think it is or even better to lie in the future.