My husband LIED to me!!!

@reinydawn (11649)
United States
June 1, 2009 9:08pm CST
I so totally cannot believe this has happened, but my husband finally confessed to me today. I really don't get it, I mean am I that stupid that I believed him in the first place??? Yesterday I commented to my husband that his hair looked darker. He's usually almost totally gray, has been since I've known him. And sometimes it does look a little darker. I asked him what he was doing to it - just kinda jokingly - and he just said "Nothing". Well, today, it's a LOT darker, there's like NO gray left in it at all! So I commented again that it looked darker, but whatever he was doing to it was all messed up because it's brown on the top and blonde on the sides. We were at a friends so he just laughed it off. As soon as we got in the car he says he used Grecian (sp) on it but didn't want it this dark. I just told him it looked stupid and I didn't like it. I don't like the fake stuff anyways, I'm a pretty "natural" kinda gal. But that he lied to me in the first place and snuck behind my back about it - I have no idea where he bought the stuff, unless his father gave him some because he keeps badgering him about it... It's really irritating that he wasn't honest with me about it. He knows I think it's rediculous that his father dyes his hair, he just looks old, with fake hair. Would you lie about something that was visually obviously a lie? Has a loved one told you a lie that was so obviously a lie?
4 people like this
22 responses
@lisan23 (444)
• United States
2 Jun 09
Maybe because he feared you'd be very critical of his decision to do it. And it looks like he was right. I'm sure you absolutely love when your husband tells you that when you changed something about your appearance that you look stupid and he doesn't like it. There were probably much nicer ways to express yourself, and he probably expected your reaction so he probably didn't want to tell you.
2 people like this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
2 Jun 09
He doesn't like when I get my hair cut, I know that. And I don't really like when I get it cut either. BUT, not only do we discuss it beforehand, but I do it for charity. I would rather have my hair long - way past my waist - but we both know that it will make some kid going through cancer treatments happier than I am with it. And did he think I wasn't going to notice that it's not gray? I mean I see him EVERY day, for MANY hours of the day... So why didn't he tell me? Especially after we've had this discussion and HE'S said how rediculous his father is about it all. And what else is he not telling me? That's the kicker right there...
@lisan23 (444)
• United States
2 Jun 09
Well, he gets crap from his dad about his graying hair. He's self conscious about it so decides to dye it. What do you, his lovely wife, say to him? It looks stupid. THAT is why he probably didn't tell you. First, he doesn't want you knowing he's self conscious about his hair turning gray (it's not the same as you cutting your hair). Second, he knew if he did tell you about it and wanting to do something about it that instead of kindly saying "But I love your hair just the way it is" you'd say "That's stupid". If I were your husband and you talked to me like that, I wouldn't have told you either.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Actually, every time his father has brought it up, my exact words have been "But I love your hair just the way it is". Right now he does look stupid with brown on the top and blonde on the sides. If he wanted to do it, he should have at least tested it to see what it was going to do with his hair. Now he looks like he's trying to have 20-year old hair, and on a 47-year old man it looks pretty stupid.
@Loen210 (1533)
• United States
3 Jun 09
Hi Dawn, When I read your title, I thought it was going to be something worse (with the 3 exclamation points too!!!). But it was a relief to read what the little fib was, which DID include a joking tone, right? I also woudln't be so hard on him. It is an apperance matter, and he didn't keep it from you for a logn time, and I think planned on telling you very soon. It's clear that youa re not for faking hair color, so if he'd todl you before, you'd stop him, and when he wanted to experiment and see how it made him look, and see if it brought his spirits up. Yes, guys are getting more conscious now to lookl good to others. If it's something else where he really lies to you (and not jokingly where it's obvious that you know something is different), then I'd be very mad. I can't think of an incident where I have fibbed, but maybe as a sarcastic joke or something. If it's visible, then I'd know they know I am kidding.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Oh my gosh! You are the only person that has looked past the actual words and seen a bit of the tone. Yes, he did lie to me, but I was kinda joking about it. I thought this would be a humorous discussion but everyone else seems to be ripping me apart for being a b!tch about it to him. Yeah, he did lie about it when it was TOTALLY obvious that he'd dyed his hair. And it backfired on him so hopefully he's "learned his lesson" and wont do it again :) I really don't care about his hair, although I like it gray. Now that I've seen it a different color - 2 colors actually since it didn't work right - I don't like it dark at all. Hopefully he wont do it again - the lieing more so than the dying...
@Loen210 (1533)
• United States
6 Jun 09
Ha ha, I'm glad I gave you a smile back. Well, I still think you should let him now and then dye his hair, if that makes him happy. And you're lucky he's a guy (I assume with short hair!). So it always grows out quickly, unless it were a woman. But if you don't like his way of tryingt (it may takes several takes to get it to work), you should give him a gift certificate for a barber/salon whose pro. :o)
1 person likes this
@Loen210 (1533)
• United States
7 Jun 09
:o) Thanks, I just got the email notifying me. :o) Ha ha, have any white/gray stubbles/roots popped up yet?
1 person likes this
@britt_200 (1228)
• United States
2 Jun 09
hey, well at least hes not lying about something more serious...be thankful for that lol. my ex used to lie about other girls...at least this is not the case for you.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Well, if he's going to lie about something this stupid, what's to stop him from lieing about something else?
@britt_200 (1228)
• United States
6 Jun 09
thats what i thought about right after i wrote that. do you trust him overall..before this?
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
7 Jun 09
Yeah, pretty much, but it does make me wonder a bit...
@ANR2000 (135)
• Indonesia
2 Jun 09
Hahahah may be because he knows you will thinks it's rediculous also so he doesn't want you to know about it (eventhough its looks obvious that he did something with his hair XD) Well atleast he didn't cheat on you or something like that, because there are guys who wants to looks younger in order to dates younger girls :(
1 person likes this
• India
2 Jun 09
hey ya nowadays the older ones r trying to look more younger than us.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Well, if he's going to lie about something like this, what's to say he's not lying about anything else???
• United States
5 Jun 09
yeah, reiny you do have a point.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
2 Jun 09
He probably did this to make him look younger and to feel better about himself. He knew how you felt about such things because of your previous comments on it so he chose not to tell you. Yes, he lied because you out right asked hi and he outright lied about it in his reply. I don't know of any particular time that I as lied to. I can tell if my husband is not telling me everything. He wants to keep me from worrying about things, so he won't tell me things. If I ask him he will tell me.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
One of the major things that attracted us to each other is that fact that we're both pretty open and honest - or so I thought.
• United States
5 Jun 09
Maybe he was embarassed to say what he had done. You know how men are they can't say anything to anyone about this growing older thing or about their looks. I do know about being lied to. That's one main thing that is very important to me. Don't lie to me and if someone does...well then it's hard for me to believe them anymore and my respect for the person starts waning. If it's a bigger lie then I won't believe things they say and the respect is out the window.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I think at first he wanted to surprise me with it, but when it backfired he kinda got caught in a corner. I'm sure he realized that he should have asked for help so that maybe it wouldn't turn out so bad. Fortunately it was back to one color before he went back to work so they didn't ridicule him for it.
@ShepherdSpy (8562)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
2 Jun 09
Have You asked him why at this stage in your life together he's wanting to colour his hair? (Especially when You've told him You like him in the "Before" picture...)Are his Dad and Stepmom putting that much pressure on him to do the Job? or could it be a work thing? or has he ever mentioned it was something he might consider in the future? for some people,a change in appearance can be brought on by a midlife crisis or reaching a landmark age...does he have anything like that?
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
His birthday is next week - 47. I've known him for 5 years and his father and step-mother bug him about it because they dye their hair and it makes them look old when he's around. C'mon, they're in their 70's, they look old with dyed hair. But still, why lie about it? If he was so insistent on doing it I could have at least tried to make sure it was all one color, not brown on the top and blonde on the sides.
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
5 Jun 09
I think that's a good one that Your Husband's grey hair is making his Dad in his 70's self conscious! I agree- a bad dye job does look unconvincing..going either too dark on one hand,or botching the application on the other..I think he should have asked for your advice on the job!
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Fortunately it settled down a bit before he had to go to work again or they would have really given him a hard time about it. I think he learned his lesson and either wont do it again or will ask for help next time!
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
2 Jun 09
You know? I used to be really anal about lying. Meaning, if someone wasn't exactly accurate, I would consider it a lie. As I've gotten older, I've learned to relax my standards a little bit. I think I'm sort of heading in the direction of becoming an advocate for liars. lol One thing that I've noticed is that oftentimes people (adults and children) lie for a lot of different reasons. One reason that you might want to give some thought to is that some people lie to try to avoid ridicule or criticism. Now, I'm not saying lying is a good thing. It's not. But if you are going to mean and tell the guy that he looks ridiculous and if you are often critical of people in general, then don't expect them to be open and honest with you. Nobody likes to be ridiculed. Just some food for thought.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
2 Jun 09
Please don't take my words the wrong way...I went back and read the first couple responses and your replies back to them. I think you are overreacting a little bit. He might be lying to you about other stuff too, but you really have to figure out if he's just fibbing because he's embarassed or not comfortable disagreeing with you or if it's something bigger. At this point I don't think it's anything bigger. You might think this is silly, but I'm putting a link in here for your. It's lyrics to a song by Brad Paisley...(it's a cute song) http://www.musicbabylon.com/artist/brad_paisley/mud_on_the_tires/173187-thats_love-lyrics.htm Tell me what you think.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Well, this kinda started out as a half-joke, but it seems that people started digging into me about it and I got defensive. I do care that he lied about this because one of the major things that attracted us to each other was that we are open and honest with each other. So this was kind of like a slap in the face. And it does get you to wondering if he's lieing about something so stupid like this then what's to say he's not lieing about something else? I mean why lie about it when it's blatantly obvious?
@rb200406 (1825)
• India
5 Jun 09
Its not a big issue fruend.Men tend to say such lies.Also he may be embrassed that what u will think .
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
7 Jun 09
I guess if he was embarrassed about it he shouldn't have done it, not lied about it...
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
2 Jun 09
well, the only reason i can think about is because your hubby is scared of you... he is scared that you will scold him and prevent him from doing what he wants... that's why he does it behind you and don't want to tell you about it... my hubby also does it to me sometimes as he doesn't want me to get angry with him... so now to prevent him from lying to me again in the future, i try to understand him more and not get angry at him that easily... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I think at first he wanted to "surprise" me, but it backfired on him when his hair didn't do quite what he wanted it to. When I told him that it was brown on the top and blonde on the sides he had to "come clean" with me. He was caught in a little white lie that could have been avoided by telling the truth. And I think if he'd have been up front about it before he did it I could have helped him do it right so he wouldn't have to look like a fool with 2 colors of hair.
@mermaidivy (15416)
• United States
2 Jun 09
I don't know why your husband will lie to you for soemthing that is so obvious, gray is gray, dark is dark, I mean even though you don't like it, he can jsut tell you he wants to dye it and make it darker? If I have done something like that, I don't think it would be a smart way to lie about...
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
The sneaking around and doing it in the first place was one thing, but then to lie about it afterwards, that just seems stupid to me. I don't know why he was compelled to lie to me about it, but it seems like it really backfired on him when the colors kept changing. Fortunately it was back to just one color by the time he went to work or we would have had to redye it to fix it.
• United States
2 Jun 09
I don't really see it as him lying to you, I just see him avoiding you. I wouldn't get upset because he didn't do it to hurt you he only did it to suffice his own insecurities. well if it was my husband I would tell him I love the way he is and he didn't have to change but if it makes him feel better about himself in his old age then I will support him. its kind of cute because he was affraid to tell you :o) but he shouldn't feel that way because you guys are life partners but I can understand because my husband hides little things because he thinks I will be greatly upset.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
His hair was gray one day, brown and blonde the next. That was not avoidable. Everyone seems to think he lied about it because he was embarrassed that he colored it. I woulda been embarrassed too if I did something like that then tried to pretend it didn't happen. UGH! I just don't get it.
• Philippines
2 Jun 09
Maybe he doesn't want you to make a big deal out of it that is why he lied so that you can shrug it of your shoulder after saying that reason. Men may have difficulty of saying what they feel nor would they be sometimes aware that if we don't like something, it will give them much time if they will speak about it or keep it secret. I don't see a problem if your hubby dyes his hair, he would accept him as he were. And probably he is shy to admit that is why he lied to you. Although it was really not good to lie specially to your better half. I haven't experience about that. Because i would definitely know if my hubby is telling me the truth or not. He does not know how to, and he will automatically laugh out if he is just kidding me. I knew hubby well and i am sure that whatever your husband kept away from you, at the end of the day, you just have to laugh it off anyway.
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
I really don't care about the hair - although it looks stupid because he messed it up. But there was absolutely no reason to lie about it. And why do something if you're going to be embarrassed about it in the first place? Just doesn't make sense to me.
• United States
2 Jun 09
I think your husband did it because some young people called him old. That makes a lot of people who aren't that young anymore feel bad and left out. So they do things like this. I wouldn't really lie about something like that when its obvious. It would just hurt the loved one more.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
It was so obviously a stupid lie, it's not like I didn't notice it. Then it backfired on him and got too dark on the top but blonde on the sides. It looked pretty stupid to me.
@calyxus (827)
• Philippines
2 Jun 09
Oh I think you're husband just don't want to look his age. You know with all that gray. ^_^ That's why he's faking the color of his hair. It's waful if he was lying to you but the good thing is he was doing his best to look good for you to be proud of him even at your age. Forgive me, but that's how I see it.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Unfortunately, he ends up looking like a fool because he was totally gray one day and the next he's got brown and blonde hair. Anyone that knows him realizes it's fake.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
2 Jun 09
yes....my ex used to lie to me all the time and about some pretty serious stuff. Also kept things from me. It feels pretty lousy, huh? I really don't understand why your husband would hide the fact that he colored his hair other than he maybe knew how you felt already....really wanted to do it and knew you'd be against it. Oh well, it'll fade out. Sounds as if he is self concious of the gray. It's funny but women cover their gray and quite often it looks completely natural. But the men...they really don't have a large selection of products and it never looks natural.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
It so does not look natural. It's brown on the top and blonde on the sides. It actually looks rediculous. But, if that's what he wants, he can have it. He just shouldn't have lied to me about it.
@la_chique (1499)
2 Jun 09
I wouldnt be so hard on him. Maybe he's being bullied at work or under pressure from his father. He could also be going through some sort of mid-life/identity crisis. If he is he's going to be feeling really delicate about it anyway. He may not have told you because he feels embarrassed anyway, or maybe he wanted to make an effort to look younger for you. Men sometimes try these little things without thinking that you love them just the way they are.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Who knows what's going through his mind? We've talked about it before and he knows that is the last thing that I care about - his hair color...
• India
2 Jun 09
i just hate lie. no my loved one has not told any lie to me yet when they say i will surely inform u.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Yup, it is pretty bad being lied to, I don't like it at all.
• Philippines
2 Jun 09
I don't think it is such a big deal to lie about dying ones hair. I guess your husband just wanted to look good and I think it would be something you should support him on. Yes a loved one told me a lie that was so obviously a lie but it was much of a huge lie than this. You could maybe talk to your husband and tell him to be honest with you because you don't want to be lied upon. Yes it was not nice that he had to lie first about it when he could have told you about it right on the spot and that's where I understand your point. I die my hair even without telling my husband and he sometimes does his too. Sometimes people just need to feel good about themselves and some just do it by making themselves look good. Hope you'll be both ok soon and you won't fight about it. Take care!
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
5 Jun 09
Nope, I haven't mentioned it, but I'm pretty sure he's not happy with it either. It so obviously looks dyed and I don't think that's what he was going for. It's too funny because I'm sure he had a hard time reading the directions on the bottle because he's having problems with his eyes. Maybe he thinks he'll be able to see better if he doesn't have gray hair??? He's still the same age, pushing 50.
• United States
2 Jun 09
He probably lied because he knew you wouldn't agree with his decision to do that. it's not right that he lied, but all in all it is his hair. You may be confortable with is aging, but he probably isn't. A lot of people don't like looking in the mirror and seeing themselves getting old. He'll probably get used to it in time, but be patient with him. He shouldn't have lied, but try to understand how he might feel.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
2 Jun 09
I've known my husband for 5 years and he was totally gray long before we met. It doesn't mean anything to me really, although it drives his father and step-mother batty. They're constantly badgering him to color his hair, and I'm constantly telling him and them that I like it the way it is - it's the REAL him. And unfortunately, we are getting old and showing the signs of it. I don't have many gray hairs, I don't know why. But my sisters, who are both younger than I am, have tons of gray. I haven't gotten carded recently, it's been about 2 years since the last time I was, but people do have a hard time believing that when I was my "babys" age I had a toddler and an infant - yes, I'm plenty old enough to be a grandma. It really just drives me batty that he didn't even tell me about it, and then when I mentioned it to him he lied about it. So what else is he lieing about???
@thyst07 (2091)
• United States
2 Jun 09
It's not necessarily great that he lied to you about it. But maybe there's a reason for it. Guys tend to be sensitive about admitting that they use any kind of cosmetic product, because a lot of times they're afraid that someone will think they're less manly because of it. Maybe your husband is embarrassed that he's using a "beauty product." Or maybe he's sensitive about the fact that he's getting older and getting gray hairs. A lot of people don't want to admit that they're covering up gray. It probably isn't a huge deal. Maybe you should let him know that you're OK with his looks, and that he doesn't have to be embarrassed about it.
1 person likes this
@reinydawn (11649)
• United States
2 Jun 09
I actually liked his hair the way it was, and I do tell him that. It's funny that you should mention the "beauty products" because I buy him an anti-wrinkle cream to use - not that I think he needs it, but he likes it. When we first met, he really liked that we could be totally honest with each other, and this is like a slap in the face for me. It's not so much the hair I care about, it's the fact that he lied to me about it - besides the fact that he didn't even tell me about it to start with!