How Do You Deal With Someone Who Is Miserable?

@wolfie34 (26896)
United Kingdom
June 13, 2009 3:32pm CST
What is your attitude towards someone who is miserable or walks around with a sad, miserable face? Do you feel sorry for them, or do you steer well clear of them? Do you wonder what they have to be miserable about and do you think being miserable is infectious? Or do you have a friend or work colleague who is always miserable do you give up on them and does everyone give on the miserable person because they know whatever they do they cannot make them happy? Do you have a partner who is miserable or an ex partner that was so miserable that you had to ditch them because it was making life unbearable? Do you have patience with miserable people or do you think they may look miserable but are actually fun people deep down. I tend to be miserable a lot I have to admit most of the time I have a face that says leave me alone, I guess it's because I am an unsociable person and more of a loner in life and I don't want contact from people Do you think some people actually enjoy being miserable or go out of their way to be miserable not to attract self pity but because they want to be left alone?
8 people like this
31 responses
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
Lots of questions in here. I think I know some miserable people in my life. But, i don't try to change them, I just do my best to keep them company, even without saying a word. Sometimes, I feel miserable too, and I do look like one. I think people can be miserable at their own time, maybe they have some problems, or they are thinking. Being miserable may be infectious but only if you allow yourself to be affected, same with being happy. I also agree that some people just want to be left alone, some people may say it's being miserable but I don't think it is.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
I want to be left alone it's true, I want little or no people engagement because I don't trust people and I am suspicious of their ways, I think that comes to being in abusive relationships and being bullied, I am always questioning peoples motives towards me, so I find it far easier and simpler just to put a wall up, the wall being my miserable face which tells others to leave me alone, end of...
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22912)
• China
14 Jun 09
Hello wolfie. I am sorry that you feel that way, but I think that you can make your life more colorful and significant by means of changing yourself to some degree. In fact, I am not sociable like you. I am a teacher and most of the time I face my students. My students love to visit me a lot in my office. They like me for my being easy to get along with, but when coming to having a good working relationship with my serious immediate boss, I ignore him unless I have to face him because of work... Hi, wolfie. I wish you to live a good and happy life without the feeling of being miserable. You know a lot of us myLot friends are here with you. Cheer up, wolfie.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
I am a different person online to the person I am offline William my friend, I can be myself, be happy and content online, offline it's a different story, maybe that's because I prefer to spend my evenings at home in comfort and risk free. I guess I have a big mistrust of people.
1 person likes this
@nannacroc (4049)
13 Jun 09
I'm often told to cheer up, apparently I usually look miserable but I do find it gets people to leave me alone. I'm not very sociable and often have better conversations with myself than with anyone else because I give the answers I want. Most of my colleagues are reasonaly happy so I do tend to listen to them if they have a bad day, luckily I usually work at the time they are due to go home. Mr Croc is usually fairly happy but he's having a miserable phase and I have no patience with him at all. I know it's depression but I still lose patience becuse he forgets it makes others miserable too. I like online friends because I can ignore them if I'm not in the mood for people without having to explain why because they aren't aware of being ignored. Take care and enjoy your own company.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
13 Jun 09
I guess that is why I feel more comfortable, sociable and happy online too my friend. I have lost count the amount of times that people have come up to me to say don't look so miserable I just want to tell them to B*gger off and mind their own business, I can't help the way I look and it's probably because I don't want to be where I am that I probably look miserable anyhow! Poor Mr Croc, I can relate to depression as you know, that damn black cloud!
1 person likes this
@balasri (26577)
• India
14 Jun 09
Well some people are born with this attitude.I have come across a lot of people who are always miserable.There is no point in hating them and stay away from them whenever you happen to be with them.I always make it a point to make at least that moment happy for them.I just pity them for what all the fun they are missing.Thats all.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
Some people I think don't know fun even if it hit them in the face! Even fun can be viewed to some as misery. I think some people are happier when they are miserable because it's like a security blanket to them it keeps people away and when you have been miserable for so long it's hard to break out of the norm.
1 person likes this
@balasri (26577)
• India
14 Jun 09
Absolutely Wolfie.And the discussion is becoming very interesting.
1 person likes this
22 Nov 09
My step-mum is one of the most miserable people that ever walked the face of the earth! Its almost as if some people are happy being miserable, as odd as that sounds. Sometimes I feel she creates situations just so she can have something to moan about, if she won the lottery she would probably chop off an arm just so she could still complain about something! Its hard living with someone like that because I like to try and be happy but people like this seem to have a way of dragging your mood down with them. If she goes to a party, an hour later everyone else has gone home!! I feel sorry for her really because life must be awful if you cant ever have any fun, its almost like misery isnt a feeling its who she is. The best thing to do is try and keep away from miserable people and when you are with them try not to let them drag you down too
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 09
I have noticed that there are two varieties of miserable people. The first variety is really miserable and would really appreciate someone's honest efforts to get them out of their misery...they would do anything to be happy people again and live a fruitful life. I used to belong to this category once. The second variety love their misery. Whatever you do for them, they insist on remaining miserable, and the worst of them, insist that it is your fault they are miserable. They delight in their misery just so that they can emotionally feed on you till you are exhausted and drained, and you have no life left of your own. While I would do do my best to help the first category, I would steer clear of the second variety. :) Cheers and happy Mylotting
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
I agree there are people who enjoy wallowing in their own self-pity and nothing is every good enough and nothing no matter how small or big can make them happy, they thrive on being miserable and making others miserable too, I think I am not that bad!
1 person likes this
• Australia
12 Sep 10
Hi Positive minded , l enjoyed reading your blog, l live with the latter person and have children together. Before l met him l travelled the world, adventured , worked hard and just l loved life. I thought alot about the human brain and how we can make individual efforts to shape our thinking into a really healthy positive life style. l think life is a beautiful special place , l love people and socializing and interacting with people and my children fill my heart with joy.I feel really honoured to be here alive on this planet with love in my heart and understanding for my life and my thought patterns. I live with a miserable person who doesn't smile much , wakes up tutting and throwing threats around about how the kids behave depends on how his day will be. He constantly tells me l make him feel like a bad person and that l judge him and put him down and l make his life horrible for him. even if we have a lovely family outing planned it is such hard work as there is tutting and cursing and turned down mouth about the smallest thing , so l tend to do my own thing now when l want a lovely day with the kids and not bring him. l think he choose to be with me as he liked my naturally bubbly nature , and he feeds of it , when he really gets to me l don't give him a smile or share my joy with him he has a go at me saying l am out of order . I have not really liked my weekends for years and just concentrate on getting through to Monday when he is back at work. In the last few years it is apparent that he does not want to change and defends his personality by saying "l am just being me ". I feel a fool for staying with him for so long but promise my self he will never get to me and never take my light away from me. I have alot of barriers up to make sure he cannot feed off me too much as l would hate to wake up feeling like him everyday. My son is a great happy Boy and l love that , my daughter is a bit full of Woe and l am hoping l can give her the tools she needs in life to overcome that natural Woe. I feel sad for miserable people and so blessed not to be one of them. However it is a life choice and l feel that there is a very selfish side to this self obsessed miserable behaviour. I wonder why l did't find my self someone who wakes up with a smile on their face and finds life a joy. For all you people that have a mister happy , hug and love him you are lucky . Firefly X
• Australia
12 Sep 10
Hi Positive minded , l enjoyed reading your blog, l live with the latter person and have children together. Before l met him l travelled the world, adventured , worked hard and just l loved life. I thought alot about the human brain and how we can make individual efforts to shape our thinking into a really healthy positive life style. l think life is a beautiful special place , l love people and socializing and interacting with people and my children fill my heart with joy.I feel really honoured to be here alive on this planet with love in my heart and understanding for my life and my thought patterns. I live with a miserable person who doesn't smile much , wakes up tutting and throwing threats around about how the kids behave depends on how his day will be. He constantly tells me l make him feel like a bad person and that l judge him and put him down and l make his life horrible for him. even if we have a lovely family outing planned it is such hard work as there is tutting and cursing and turned down mouth about the smallest thing , so l tend to do my own thing now when l want a lovely day with the kids and not bring him. l think he choose to be with me as he liked my naturally bubbly nature , and he feeds of it , when he really gets to me l don't give him a smile or share my joy with him he has a go at me saying l am out of order . I have not really liked my weekends for years and just concentrate on getting through to Monday when he is back at work. In the last few years it is apparent that he does not want to change and defends his personality by saying "l am just being me ". I feel a fool for staying with him for so long but promise my self he will never get to me and never take my light away from me. I have alot of barriers up to make sure he cannot feed off me too much as l would hate to wake up feeling like him everyday. My son is a great happy Boy and l love that , my daughter is a bit full of Woe and l am hoping l can give her the tools she needs in life to overcome that natural Woe. I feel sad for miserable people and so blessed not to be one of them. However it is a life choice and l feel that there is a very selfish side to this self obsessed miserable behaviour. I wonder why l did't find my self someone who wakes up with a smile on their face and finds life a joy. For all you people that have a mister happy , hug and love him you are lucky . Firefly X
• United States
14 Jun 09
Im pretty depressed as well and feel miserable when everyone around me is miserable too. I enjoy the company of happy people and miserable people alike, but only for a little while, then i'd like to be alone. I feel like I have alot to work out in my head and I just get distracted by human drama bull cr*p. I laugh at people who get all worked up over something so little and dumb, because they find ways to be miserable even when their life isnt that bad. And that's just comical to me, but eventually gets on my nerves. I think that misery can be contagious in a way. Nobody is really always happy. And when theyre arond a miserable person all day it will remind them of their problems and make it seem worse in my opinion. This is such a good topic. I think I annoy people at work because Im not chatty and smily and all around happy. But all their petty drama annoys me so I guess we just annoy eachother.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
If you are not part of the discussions at work and if you are a loner people don't like that that is true and they tend to make things up about you, for the sake of gossip! I was always quiet at work and never revealed anything about myself, people soon started to make things up about me and in the end I had to speak to quash all the stupid rumours that were floating around, I hate office politics and I have no time for gossips or people with nothing better to do than to make up stories or talk about others behind their back. I just go to work, do my job, get paid and that's it, I am not their for the social chitchat or engagements so that makes me the black swan evidently.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Jun 09
youre awesome!!!
1 person likes this
@hiddenwing (3721)
• China
13 Jun 09
Laugh and the world laugh with you. I can share the so-called miserable people some delicious food.From time to time the world can really drag a person down, but it's stories like these little acts of kindness that should give humanity hope. Well, to be honest, most people will really leave them alone. Why? It's not they are not so helpful. They don't have the audacity to talk with them since they are afard of that they may make the miserable more angry. The looker-on are at a loss of what to do. They don't know how to say or how to do. They have no choice but leave the miserable people alone. I sometimes talked with these people with miserable expression. It turns out that they are very graceful. It's actually a great shot in the arm for them. When I was crying, other people don't dare to talk to me. If they talked to me, I tend to dissolve in tears. It seemed that they worsed off the situation. I understand that. :D
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone. I just want to be left alone, I am much happier when I am alone, I am a very private person who prefers his own company because I have been used to it, I enjoy life better, no complications and a risk free life away from people, I feel safer online because I can be the true me, offline I am totally different from the person I am here.
1 person likes this
• China
16 Jun 09
Oh, some people are not that scary! I should admit that your luck was not that good before since you went across so many crappy guys! If you were in my town, we would be very good friends. That's for sure! :D Don't be disappointed with all the other people you have never met just because the bad ones you happened to encounter! I gotta go now! Good luck
1 person likes this
@sweetie1026 (1724)
• Philippines
13 Jun 09
I don't know exactly but i have a work colleague who is always miserable. I have been in the same office with him for 15 yrs now and i haven't seen him happy for one whole day. Maybe it is just the way he is, he always has this sad look on his face, so you'll think that he is so miserable, which i think is not true. A person can be miserable in his life i suppose if he sees no hope at all.But this guy has hope, i mean his son is to graduate from college this year and he has a stable job. I just do not know why he is always looking miserable. As for you, i think you are just a person who enjoys most just being alone. I am a sociable person but i tend to be a loner too at times. I enjoy the company of friends, i hang out with them but then again, there are times that i just want to be alone, reading a book or sitting alone listening to music or to the chirping of the birds in my neighbor's backyard.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
Some people just seem to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders and prefer it that way, in actual fact being miserable can actually be a bad habit to fall into, you are miserable for so long you forget to be happy and I guess your work colleague falls into this trap. Yes I am much happier when I am left alone.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
Yes, i think he is into the trap already. As for you, there's nothing wrong with wanting to be left alone all times but don't forget the people around you who cares for you. Give them a little of your time every now and then. Have a nice day my friend!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31030)
• United States
14 Jun 09
Usually when I see someone that looks down and out, I usually let them know that I notice and if they want to talk, vent...I'll take time to listen. If they don't want to talk that's ok too. I just let them know I care and the offer is open. If someone is miserable all the time...i feel bad but I admit that I do try to avoid them. Yes...a miserable attitude is contagious...it is just as contagious as a smile. I work hard to maintain a good attitude and disposition. It isn't easy but I work thru my bad times with the goal of getting myself in a better spot emotionally because I don't want to bring others down and I don't like being down myself. I don't know if a person acts miserable so that others will leave them alone but if they do...it works its magic with me. I actually think that they don't ...that deep down they wish someone would just love them or care enough to pull them out of that state of mind. What they don't realize is that no one can....they have to make their happiness a goal and work at it. It comes from within......really hard to find the words to describe it. It's how you look at life and what you expect from it....what you want to leave behind.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
21 Jun 09
I think some people I count myself here expect toooo much from life and we are easily disappointed. Life ain't a bed of roses, far from it, I guess it's easy just to give up and sometimes it's just easier to accept everything life has to offer and don't expect much more, if you get more then it's a surprise, rather than expecting everything and getting one massive shock!
1 person likes this
@NettyB (336)
• United States
14 Jun 09
This is a hard one. My Husband is a pessimist and I am an optimist. He never has anything good to say about anything, most days he pulls me down with his doom and gloom. Once I point out that he is "doing it again" he will stop for awhile.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
That's a difficult clash isn't it, like too totally different opposites! Negative v Positive, I think negativity can be far more powerful and influential that it does tend to be overpowering and destructive especially to those close around that person!
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
14 Jun 09
Hey wolfie! I used to be alot like you described! I would purposely put on a miserable face just so people would stay away from me! I don't do that anymore. If I don't really want to be bothered now I just don't make eye contact! I find that this works pretty well too! lol I used to be a very miserable person, always depressed and angry at the world and it showed. People would get sick of my attitude after awhile and did tend to leave me alone and that's exactly what I wanted them to do! I have changed a bit now and don't push people away as much as I used to. But, that doesn't mean that I want to be with them either. It just means that I am more tolerant and less angry than I used to be and just not quite as miserable!
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
That definitely sounds like me! I do have an attitude and people do not want to be around me or approach me which is great! So therefore I get ignored and treated as invisible, I have had this all my life so it makes no difference, I am not missing out anyhow, I am just selfish with my time and I don't like sharing.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4925)
• United States
14 Jun 09
wow. interesting questions. I don't think anybody "enjoys" being miserable, but I do think that sometimes people "choose" to be miserable. I can't say that is ALWAYS the case, but I think sometimes it is. How do I react to people who are (or look) miserable depends on the sitution. I guess I go with my instincts. And it also depends and what I can bring into my life at a given moment. If a person looks, to me as if they are miserable, but could use some company, then (if I can) I will try to help them out. If they look like they want to be left alone, I will try to respect that. If they seem to want to be left alone, but it's getting to the point where their wanting to be left alone is going to far and their health seems to be deteriorating then I try to be a little more pushy. I deal with a lot of this stuff with my dad, as well as some others in my life. There are also those who are not only choosing to be miserable, but they seem to want to make everyone around them feel miserable too. Those people, I generaly try to avoid as much as possible.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
14 Jun 09
Sometimes I feel that being miserable for me is a security blanket which like negativity I cling to, I don't feel comfortable around people, I like my own space, my own company and I have a big mistrust of people as well, paranoia and suspicion so it's far easier and riskfree to push people away, hence I walk around with misery tattooed over my face and it works, people don't approach me and that's the way I like it, so I guess I have adopted this stance for so long that I don't want to or don't know how to change it. I have tried opening up by just saying hello and smiling but that's usually met with negativity from others, so I gave up! I know where I stand as do others when I walk around with a leave me alone face on.
1 person likes this
@hanah87 (1846)
• Malaysia
13 Jun 09
Yes,i have one friend who always have miserable face and i will always try to cheer her or make her laugh with my joke.I know she will laugh with my joke so i do it everytime i see or meet her.I know how hard if we have problems and nobody know it or cannot be help.So,i try to help her in other way by make she happy with my joke.Now i see she is not have miseravle face any more.Maybe her problem have been settled.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
13 Jun 09
She has a good friend in you, I think you have a lot of patience!
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
13 Jun 09
I am sure that I have the miserable face you talk about. I tend to hardly ever smile or laugh it seems. I like being alone but I would rather be able to be out and about. I do have medical issues and they are what make me miserable I feel. Now when my youngest daughter is here for a visit I seem to laugh so much, she is a delight to be around. My husband and son who are around me all the time just seem to let me be and not try to help me to laugh or to smile. I do get depressed a lot too because I would rather be the type of person who could do things and go places like I wish I could. I feel I miss out on life now and it is not a good feeling.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
13 Jun 09
I prefer my own company too, life's far easier that way, people only complicate my life and after having a couple of abusive relationships there is absolutely no way I want to attract anyone so I will often give people the cold shoulder and it works, they must see the card on me saying 'Leave Me Alone' I think it's more of mistrust of people than depression. Life is simpler being alone and yes I have a face that looks miserable, I can be happy but only with the right people and they are very few and far between sadly.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 09
Everyone can feel a little down in their life at times. When someoe is doing that all the time.its because they need help, could be depressed. Or they are just feeling sorry for themselves. Yes, I have someone in my life who does bring me down and am thinking about removing that person from my life.
1 person likes this
@alindahaw (1220)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
Dealing with mesirable people can be quite stressful but it can be rewarding as well. If your friend is not feeling so good about something, why not take her out for lunch and talk things over? If your friend is really depressed and she or he needs professional help, convince her to seek professional help. This way, she or he can lead a more fullfilling life.
@pickoy (735)
• Philippines
14 Jun 09
It depends on the person we're talking about. If he used to be a cheerful person but a certain incident has just brought him into such situation, I will not give up on him, coz it must have been the lowest point in his life and I'll be there as a friend to listen always until he feels better. I can't change the way he feels, only he can do that, although I could make an effort of assuring him that he's not alone and that I'm there for him always. Feeling loved can change things and soon he'll go around. BUT, if i met him as a miserable person, there's no chance of helping him, and it will surely drain me dry. I just keep my distance on people who will not even make me feel better and sees everything at its worse. It's hard too to get around people who will make you feel worse when you're successful just because they are. Whenever you're happy you'll be in questioned why he's miserable and why you seem not to care coz you're so happy.
@guybrush (4665)
• Australia
27 Jun 09
I'm very much a loner too, and sometimes I purposely set my face to 'Leave Me Alone' when I'm out and about, because I don't want to engage in conversations with people. I do this particularly when my neighbours see me coming - that way I can get away quickly. My family used to accuse me of being pessimistic and miserable all the time, so I've taken note of this and think twice before saying something which might bring them down or take away the joy they are experiencing in something at that time. It's hard sometimes - but life is pretty short, and seeing as I'm here, I want to enjoy it while I can. There is a great deal to be happy about - you don't need human company to be happy - and sometimes it's nice to just get out there and commune with nature to breathe in some peace and quiet and goodwill. Our lives are only as miserable as we allow them to be.
@guybrush (4665)
• Australia
27 Jun 09
Ah - that didn't answer the question! How do I deal with miserable people? Well, there are two types. One type merely wants attention, and likes people to fuss over them and feel sorry for them. The other type genuinely want to be left alone. The first type, I ignore - the second type, I respect where they're coming from.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
27 Jun 09
I have a huge placard around my neck saying 'Leave Me Alone' Do NOT approach under any circumstances! I prefer to be alone, hence the desperate need to live alone, I was at my most happiest when I had my own flat and no one to answer to or bug me. I hate small talk and for me if someone starts to talk to me, straight away I think what are they after!!! That's how deeply paranoid I have got of late. I guess being miserable is part of my defence mechanism, that probably sounds like faulty thinking.
@eaforeman6 (8983)
• United States
25 Jun 09
There are some people who look at things as if they are the only ones that something has happened to and they like drama. Some of them look for situations to dramatize and to get attention as well. There are some who just want to be alone but many who sort of thrive in doom and gloom. Those people will find their doom and gloom,no matter how nice things may be in their lives.
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
27 Jun 09
Some people I guess are not happy unless they are miserable if that makes sense, and yes in a way it's a self fulfilling prophecy isn't it.
@indahfth (11177)
• Indonesia
25 Jan 11
Miserable. My life is miserable, but now, I am trying to be a rigid, and do not consider myself miserable. If I continue to dissolve in the miserable, my life very uncomfortable.