Need Opinions/Relationship Advice
By mem1987
@mem1987 (1)
United States
July 1, 2009 9:34pm CST
My boyfriend has been unemployed since August 2008(about a year).
*We have been together almost 5 years
*I am 22 he is 21
*We don't have children and are both in 4 year colleges I am a senior and he is a sophmore(but should be a senior)
I am frustrated because I have been asking him to look for a job and get one since April 2009.
I have/am working constantly since I was a sophmore in highschool.
Everytime I bring up getting a job to him he lashes out at me. The past few months I have been nagging him more about getting a job. He has applied to a few places but has not been hired and will just sit and wait for them to call him back. He also will not work certain places like grocery stores or certain resturants because he believes they are below him.
I pay the rent and utilities for my apartment and it makes me frustrated because he is here almost everyday while I'm at work and night playing Xbox and sitting around.
He buys all of his food/does his laundry/etc... but it frustrates me that I work so hard all day long in school and work while he does nothing or takes a few classes and slacks off the rest of the time.
I hardly ever get presents from him on holidays and this past birthday his mother gave me a card signed from his family and a joint present. We rarely fight about anything but I bring up him being unemployed several times a week and he gets very angry.
I just need advice/thoughts on the situation, please be honest.
2 people like this
9 responses
@kayedanda (1850)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
wow. okay. first, i assume you love him THAT much, right? and they say if we love a person, we must accept everything about him, even his faults. but from what you stated, he is being unfair to you because you seem to contribute more to the relationship than he does. if you love him like i think you do, you would talk to him. not in a nagging voice, just try to get him to sit with you and really talk. it can't go like this forever, you know that in your heart. so unless you two do something about his slacking off while you work so hard, then i guess it's not very wise for the two of you to stay together. i know that sounds harsh but that's how it is. sooner or later you'll blow up and might damage your relationship more than you can imagine, so it's best to do something about it now that you can still take it. good luck dearie. 
@babyfiona08 (652)
• Philippines
16 Jul 09
Since, you've been that far, ask yourself if he really loves you, you could ask him as well. Remember, being together for years isn't a guarantee that you REALLY do love each other.
If he really loves you, he should make an effort to help you too.
Love means helping each other.
If you're sure that he loves you and until now, he haven't find a job, give him a chance as long as you can see his efforts.
@zandi458 (28102)
• Malaysia
16 Jul 09
I think you better think twice before committing to such kind of lazy bump. If he thinks that you can provide for him and is adamant to stay home enjoying having you to provide for him everything, then it is time you move out. Love is blind and you may think you will cling to him because you love him. But remember when love is blind, your eyesight will only be restored when you get married, by then it will be full of regrets. Move on and find someone who can provide you the security in life.
@neelianoscet (9615)
• Philippines
10 Jul 09
I think you should give him more time to find a job and do not nag him. With the onset of global crisis, unemployment abounds. Even the highly developing countries are affected. I he is embarrass to apply for a job lower than what he expected to fit his quality. It will really be a problem for you. Especially if you have children. He can start a business of his own to be the boss if he do not like to start at a lower job. But, most of the successful people start at the bottom before they achieve higher status. At this time we need to let go of our ego in order to live. You work to live if you are lazy you cannot survive. Just keep on advising and he will realize it as sooner.
@wecindy (22)
• Malaysia
16 Jul 09
I personally think that it's OK. Since he's still studying, why not let him concentrate on his study and only work after graduate? I know you yourself do work and study, but not everybody could do that. I tried to work while I'm in college, ending up failed all my exams, I used to score high in my exams before. BTW it's still under your choice, to tolerate or not to tolerate.
@iwrite (5034)
• Singapore
6 Jul 09
mem1987,
every relationship has it problem, I guess your boyfriend is too used to having the easy way out. Now I guess you are thinking is this the life that you want and would you want to put up with it.
Perhaps it is not so good to talk to him on your own, if you are close to his family, you might want to told to them about it and get them to sit him down. Now this is an extreme step as he might not like family to interfere with his life so you must be sure what you really want.
@maezee (41997)
• United States
6 Jul 09
Honestly, I find it a little (OK - more like a LOT) selfish of him not to help support you. I don't find that fair at all. It sounds like he's just LAZY if you ask me - I've had those types of boyfriends before (especially the xbox-obsessed kind! Ugh!) I would let him know that you're SERIOUS and maybe even threaten to leave him. Like the first responder said, he needs to be a little more responsible - a little more like you. In the real world, you need to WORK to support yourself; playing xbox doesn't pay the bills. He's actually really lucky to have someone like you supporting him in such a huge way; and maybe the only way for him to realize that is for you to pull the rug from right under him.
I'm more of a blunt kind of person, and I'm not sure if that's your "style" - but I would put it to him straight. "Get a job, and help pay for rent/utilities, or get out". If he really loves you, he'll get a job like everyone else and start being more mature & responsible with his life. If it's meant to be, it will work out. It's not a fair situation for you. I think if you left him (or kicked him out), you'd be doing him a huge favor - giving him that reality check that he obviously needs.
@bs905758 (57)
• Indonesia
6 Jul 09
Do you love him?
for a part of people will say, keep going for your love. be patien, and so many many more word.
as a man, i wanna say, if you love him. let him go. make him responsible for his life before he can carry on other people.
but wisely, you can talk to him heart to heart, open his mind softly. make him realize that love is not only for loving you. or present.
