Do You Comfort Your Man When or If He Cries?

@wolfie34 (26896)
United Kingdom
August 11, 2009 12:23pm CST
Men aren't reknown for showing their emotions by crying, and a lot of men find that they can't cry real tears and really let the floodgates open. But when your husband or boyfriend cries (and NO not over football) I mean real traumatic crying or sobbing. Maybe he's hurting, maybe he's lossed someone, a job or a parent or because he is has a lot of emotional issues. How do you deal with it? Do you go and comfort him? Do you give him the space and time to cry alone? Or do you find it embarrassing and awkward? How do you deal with the situation if your husband or boyfriend bursts into tears? Do you try to find out the reason why? Or do you think that they shouldn't be crying in the first place? Or do you wish your man would cry? What do you think is the best way to deal with a guy who is crying? Or does it depend on the man? Some may need to be hugged, others want to be left alone. When I cry I need to be alone and the last thing I want is anyone actually hearing me cry, but how do you know what to do when you hear your man crying?
3 people like this
21 responses
@PeacefulWmn9 (10425)
• United States
12 Aug 09
Hello Wolfie. As you've said, how to handle a man's tears depends on the man. When my guy cries, if I am in the room with him, I will sit next to him, quietly, but not intrusively. I also place a hand upon his arm. Then, when he is ready, we talk. If he is in another room and I hear him sobbing, I will knock on the door and ask if he needs anything at the moment. I believe as we get to know someone, we learn what they are comfortable with. I take my lead from him. I think men should not feel bad if they cry! I, myself, have always felt awkward about crying in front of someone, since I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I can understand if my guy feels that way. Karen
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
17 Aug 09
Hi Karen, I think if you are comfortable with someone you are more likely to express your emotions rather than bottle them up and wait until you alone, it shows a great deal of trust when someone you love male or female feels comfortable enough with you to be able to cry. It also depends on the person as well as to whether they need to be alone or need to be hugged etc.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Aug 09
Wolfie, a good point. Most of us only feel okay to cry with someone we trust a great deal. This is an interesting discussion! Very insightful.
@bonbon664 (3480)
• Canada
11 Aug 09
It's rare for my husband, but, when it happens, I comfort him the best I can. It usually is something that affets me too, so, I'm bawling also. So, we both cry in each others arms. I don't think it's embarrassing at all. I would find it more strange if he didn't cry in a traumatic or grieving situation.
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 09
That is lovely being able to cry in each others arms, you comfort each other!
@angelajoy (1840)
• Philippines
12 Aug 09
I would find it unnatural and strange too if my partner doesn't cry when something really terrible happens. It's just normal for everyone to cry once in a while. I comfort him when he cries and he comforts me when I cry. That, I think, is what lovers should do.
@soulist (2987)
• United States
12 Aug 09
If the man in my life is really crying real traumatic crying I do comfort him. I do hug him and hold him while he cries. I don't find it awkward to see a man comfortable enough to cry with me. I think that takes a lot for a man to be able to feel comfortable enough to cry with a woman.
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
17 Aug 09
I think you hit the nail on the head there, if you feel comfortable with the other person without feeling embarrassed or ashamed then you are in a good place to be to really show your emotions.
@grace118224 (1040)
• China
12 Aug 09
Well if my husband cries i will comfort him because i know that he doesn't like to be alone and he needs me to be around him. i don't think men shouldn't cry real tears . Men are also human beings and they also have real emotions . Why they don't cry when they are really sad ? If they lose their family members or close friends should they hide their sadness and prevent themselves from crying ? oh, no need, i think.
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
17 Aug 09
It's good that you understand and know when your husband needs you around, some men need to feel comfortable with their partners to feel able to express their feelings without being shunned or feel embarrassed by them.
@nannacroc (4049)
11 Aug 09
One of the things that first attracted me to Mr Croc was that he was not embarrassed about crying in front of me. After over 30 years I can now judge when to cuddle and comfort and when to leave him alone.It not only depends on the man, it depends on his reasons for crying. I still tease him if he cries at soppy films though.
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
12 Aug 09
Yikes! Then I expect you to tease me rotten when I say I cry over Titanic and Star Wars (Episode 3) yes I know :0***)
• United States
11 Aug 09
i personally think that it takes a real man to be able to cry because most would think its not manly to. I would comfort him and then if he asks to be left alone then i would leave him alone.
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 09
I think its true to say that a lot of men like myself were taught at a young age never to cry, that boys don't cry and its not manly to cry, and that is so untrue.
• Philippines
11 Aug 09
I have seen my man cried just once. But recently he is undergoing several challenges in life that made him fee useless and depress. What i usually do with this kind of situation is to make sure that i am always willing to listen. If he wanted to talk he have my ears to listen to his sentiments. If he wants to be silent, i just sit beside him. Presence-letting him know that i will never leave him gives him a wonderful feeling. I want him to release those kind of emotions. We are humans, subject to feel down, lonely at times, this is even if you are a man or a woman. Emotions wont choose and suppressing it wont help. Thank you for the disucussion.
@wolfie34 (26896)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 09
Thank you for your response, life can be very difficult at times and if we have someone who care for us and just be there to listen than can be a great healer.
• Philippines
14 Nov 09
I don't see any reason why I shouldn't comfort a man if he is crying.he is hurting,and he needs someone to listen or someone to comfort him.it is actually manly if a man isn't scared to express his negative emotions through crying.there isn't any law that forbids men from crying,or crying makes men gay.I will let him have his moment and cry till his eyes go dry.if he wants to talk later,I will listen.
@chris620 (104)
• United States
22 Sep 09
It breakes my heart to see a man cry. I grew up thinking men didn't cry so even when I see a man on tv cryin I berst into tears... I'm a sucker.. The only 2 men I have ever been with have only cryed 1 time infront of me (each) and it killed me...
• Philippines
4 Sep 09
I haven't seen my husband cry. . . But when he has problems or is sad, I always comfort him. I love being always at his side when he has problems. . .
• United States
12 Aug 09
yes...thats your man if you don't someone will...or worse he will just start holding everything in.
@mtvmtv (601)
• India
12 Aug 09
No,crying is not always painful.Sometime it release the sadness of the heart.
@bingchen (1126)
• China
12 Aug 09
the men who are easy to cry,i have seen a man cried,i don't why to comfort him at that moment,i think that i refuse his love and hurt his heart deeply,so he cried at my face,so what he had done make me sad,i don't find that the men has his emotion that could not easy express at other people,as men,i don't what he want, his emtion looks stronger more than women's,but his crying for me ,i feel that i could not accept what he cry,i could not find the right way to comfort him,whatever i have done could not comfort his emtion and i select to treat him as crul manner and silence to him.
• Philippines
12 Aug 09
I don't know, i never cry actually unless i started thinking here and there. but i do like the idea of being shouldered upon when i vry, it may lessen the pain.it's not akward for me, am a man but that doesn't mean i have to fake myself with those emotions
@Ithink (1973)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I think for every man it is different on how they want to be comforted or in some cases not be comforted and left alone. For that matter the reason they are crying can make it so that they might want to be left alone while in another situation they might want a hug. Hopefully if you are with a man and consider him your man, you know him well enough to react in a way that will help him while letting him know that you are there and that you love and support him. I have seen my husband cry and a few other men and I have NEVER thought less of them. Heck men have emotions and feelings too, even the ones that try to hide that side of them. For me I let them know that Im there and willing to listen if they want to talk about it and during the talking you can normally read if they need room or a hug, ect.,
• Indonesia
12 Aug 09
I think man who not feel shy to cry is a man who brave face the reality and his own feeling. If I found my man crying, I will sit beside him but I won't speak any words.. I will feel sad too, but I give him time to cry alone and if he wanna speak to someone, I make sure that I am there in his side. I think it's the best deal. MOst of man feel shy or doesn't let anyone see when he is crying.. Personally I adore man who brave to cry. It's not strange.. it can help you express your feelings..
@xParanoiax (7007)
• United States
12 Aug 09
When something's wrong he either (a. shows the symptoms of tears with his struggle with being incapable of crying, or (b. gets quiet. In which case I do try to cheer him up, I'll hold onto him. Reassure. Try to discern what's wrong. And if all else fails, I cry "with" him. I dunno if there is ONE best way for every man. I think they all depend. Mine, he rarely wants to be left alone. What he needs depends on what he's upset about. All I can say is, the best thing anyone can do for a crying man is to try.
@dbabcook (390)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I guess this one is kind of touchy as sooo many men are afraid to show feelings and emotions. I have shown my man comfort when he has cried (needless to say) that has only happened twice since we have known each other. That is just the type of person that I am, I am always trying to comfort people, especially those that mean the world to me. Unfortunately most men are to macho to shed even 1 tear so I find that this isn't something that many woman will encounter too often during their existance. For those of you who have a man that isn't afraid to show his true felings & emotions I am very happy for you, you have a good man.
@gabs8513 (48822)
• United Kingdom
11 Aug 09
Yes I do Wolfie, I can not see anyone cry it hurts me so much If they want comfort they will get it of me, if they want to be alone I respect that and leave them My Son was the one last year as you probably remember, that needed to cry and he did and I held him as you know it broke my heart with everything the Lad went through but I held him and let him cry, it hurt my Daughter to see her Brother like that to she to held him So yes I will hug and comfort them as long as that is what they want
• United States
11 Aug 09
Yes. Even if I am mad at him. I always just hold him as tight as I can and mess with his hair, that seems to help a lot.