At 15, she's virgin no more

@neildc (17254)
Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
August 12, 2009 10:00am CST
My neighbor got this big problem with her 15 year old daughter. She learned that her daughter is no more a virgin. She knew her daughter has a boyfriend but she never thought that it had already happened to her, considering the girl is still in high school. She also learnt that the girl cuts classes and worse, she will go with the boy to who knows where. They already did what they should not be doing yet, S*X... At first, our neighbor was not that worried about getting the girl pregnant, for she knew, girl still had her menstrual period for the last 3 months. Worst, she learnt just today, that girl is already a month delayed. She ask me some advise on what to do. What I have told her is, let them file a complaint if they really wish to go after the boy. If he will not run away from the obligations or whatever. Problem is, they are both minors and still in high school. What could you say about this? Will you take this legally? Is there such a law in your country that deals with this kind of situation?
4 people like this
25 responses
@osris61 (107)
• United States
12 Aug 09
Hi, I live in the USA and I must admit my daughter came to me when she was 15 years old and told me she was pregnant! The boy she was pregnant too was only a year older than her. No, we did not press charges. Yes, I was furious!!!! but we took our daughter to the doctors and got her good prenatal care and she had the baby. She had a little girl and my husband and I more or less ended up raising the baby the first 3 years because my daughter was so young. My daughter was always going out with her friends and running around but now that my daughter is 21 she is a good mother. Things have worked out. As for the daddy, he is long gone! He hasn't seen his daughter in over 3 years. I don't think this really answers your question but I feel God doesn't make mistakes when giving a life.
2 people like this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
13 Aug 09
I guess that would be the best thing to do, to take care of the girl and the would be baby.
• Indonesia
13 Aug 09
Sometimes we had to do what to do, without blaming anyoneelse. Just make the right decision for the present and the good future, and for the past, made it as a lessons to us so we can more wise and critical to solve the problems we have.
• Indonesia
16 Aug 09
A really wise decision you made to take care the baby, I agreed with yo!!! Who can help children if they parent didn't care..? Only parents can help their children n grandchild in their dificult situation like this, God Bless you! chrisu
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
12 Aug 09
I don't know what the age difference between the girl and her boyfriend is, but where we live, I don't think you can press charges unless it is statutory rape, that being that the younger victim is under the age of 18 and the older party is over that age. I do have a close friend that had a daughter when she was 16 years old, her daughter is now 13 years old, she was born the summer before our junior year of high school. Her parents helped her a lot with the baby while she was still in high school, but she didn't run around with us as much then as before the baby was born. The father barely even met the baby. Now, my friend has her daughter and two sons and she is a wonderful mother.
1 person likes this
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
14 Aug 09
I guess it's really the parents who should take the responsibilities at this moment, to take care of the girl and the baby.
@syankee525 (6295)
• United States
13 Aug 09
take away all of her freddom, and if she is the boy should support her and the baby. and me and the boy would have along talk with his parents. hopfully his parnets would make him get a job to pay child support but if they are both minors the laws here cant do much about it. but that is why you always check up on your kids make sure they are going to school but i think they need to talk her to the doctor and make sure she is or isnt and then keep taps on her better
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
9 Sep 09
Both are minors and that's why our laws, too can't do much about them. Of course, they always check them that they both go to school but they can't really monitor them every time.
• United States
9 Sep 09
just talk with her or both about protection. having and open commucation is the main thing. its kind like smoking they will do it either way. but like i told me kids it will not happen in the house well me and my wife is home, if i catch anyone that will be it got any b/f or g/f coming over here at all. the b/f will leave through the window
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
9 Sep 09
But do you allow your kids to accept visitors at home if you are not in? Or have you talked already about having visitors, so they will not get surprised once it happens?
• Philippines
12 Aug 09
These type of problems are not new, and it was bad for the girl getting pregnant at her age..i think they should talked to the boy's parents.if the family and the boy tries to get away then they should file a complaint. they should take care of the baby, both parents and their kids altogether. well, in western countries there's such strict rule into It.
@fchalida (196)
• Indonesia
12 Aug 09
i agree with you, in fact i have a daughter and still liitle kid, so from now i already a scared, and hope i never have that problem in my family.
• Malaysia
13 Aug 09
I agree with you, that the best way....
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
13 Aug 09
I am glad that my step-daughter who's already 17 now is not like our neighbor. Though she had boyfriends before never took them seriously.
@zed_k4 (17630)
• Singapore
13 Aug 09
I think this matter must be handled with every tact and careful consideration. There are lots of feelings involved here. First of all, get the daughter checked out first by a doctor and when confirmed pregnant, to seek the boy out and confront his parents. Resolve a mutual solution and from then on, getting preparation into having the baby. Get the girl mentally sorted out like not getting her all wired out but putting a gentle realization that this is her life and she is going to have to be responsible for the birth of her child. Meaning? To prepare her mentally for the caring of the child, and showing that the parent can take care of the baby while she finishes school, but she will have to prepare herself for adulthood now. No more late nights, and her baby is going to have to be her number 1 priority, with or without the father. I don't encourage sending the child for adoption, because baby to be is innocent and needs the love of paternal mom. The parents role is very important here and I know that your neighbor must be really sad, but she has to be very steady in handling this for the sake of her daughter. Being parents are really hard, especially when faced with a situation like this. My heart goes out to her and I hope she can deal with this problem and handle it step by step.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Sep 09
Hi zed. Thank you for the nice message here. I am also against abortion and the parents also do. So far, the girl is with the boy and his family. And the last thing I heard about them is that girl's mother constantly visits her and she is still going to continue her studies.
1 person likes this
@zed_k4 (17630)
• Singapore
8 Sep 09
I'm so glad that her mom is visiting her and she's continuing with her studies.. that's a great progress..
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Sep 09
that's right zed. and maybe, if that happens to our girl, that's what we will also do. but never to abort the baby. thanks...
1 person likes this
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
12 Aug 09
well, like what you have said both of them are minors, they are bf/gf and its this situation is kinda common now and so i think there's no case here legally...but that was sad really... i think the best thing that their parents can do is to support their child, coz the child will gone through difficult times being pregnant if ever at very young age...and wait till they reach the legal age then decide whether they will let them get married or not... and after the child gives birth i think the parents should encourage her to continue her studies... well this is just what i think the best thing to do since its already happened... maybe parents also have responsibilities in this happenings in their children's life...
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
13 Aug 09
Maybe that's the point of the situation, the responsibility of the parents. If only the boy's parents did something when they learned that the two are staying in their house, where they supposedly done IT. If only they get strict with the relationship of the minors, with their schooling. It may not happen, if they only guided the kids properly.
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
13 Aug 09
well yes...and also maybe the girl's parents should also monitor the where and whatabouts of their daughter... maybe these children should be more responsible... maybe they should learn to value their studies and their parents' advises... but those where only maybe's now... the damage has been done...and so parents should also help reconstruct their children's life...no matter how painful this thing is...they should accept it and be strong....they need each other in this situation...
• Germany
9 Sep 09
The best solution to any problem is not let it happen in the first place, but since it is there, something has to be done. Someone in this thread had the same problem with their daughter. They raised the baby and now the mother is 21 taking care of her kid. The father ran away. The problem here is a the missing father. Children need a father to look up to. Trust me mother is not that enough and yes children need a mother also when its only the father taking care of the child. This is not just plain saying, but its a study done on fatherless children. Just think of you never having a father, how would it have felt! I don't know if abortion would be a good option, but if the girl learns and never repeat this, then one can think of it. I hope it works out good.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
10 Sep 09
hi laserfllight. the best solution to any problem is not to let it happen in the first place. it maybe true but not in every aspect of life. if we give for example, money is the problem, will you let it not to happen, not having money in the first place? will you agree that if you have problem with a sick child, you can't send him to hospital because you have money? will you say that, let not your child get sick because you have no money? not every problem can be prevented. in the case of the girl in this topic, i am very much sure that abortion is not the solution. it's a big no-no to all of us here. so far, both are living together with the boy's family. they also continue going to school to finish their high school. i also heard from the girl's mother, which is our neighbor, that she visits the kids weekly, to see also what they need or how they can be of help.
@rg0205 (2638)
• Hong Kong
8 Sep 09
This really depends on whether she was r*ped. I don't see any point to put the boy in jail if the act was consensual. It also does no good for the baby on the way (if she confirmed pregnant). However, I would say that both families must sit down and talk. They should enforce tighter measures against the teenagers to make sure that this problem does not escalate. Threatening the family doesn't do much help. If the boy doesn't run away now, he can run away when he is an adult. It really depends on what type of person that boy is. There are laws in place for such kinds of things but they are only enforced if someone files a complaint. Important point is for both families to talk. They don't need to force marriage either because those 2 kids are still young. What they need to have is understanding for the sake of the 2 kids and the baby on the way. IF both families refuse to cooperate, then unfortunately the girl and her mother has to take care of the baby on their own. I still don't think that putting the boy behind bars is the right answer.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
9 Sep 09
Hi rg. I am not sure what the parents had agreed. But so for, at the moment, both are living together with the boy's family. They also continue going to school to finish their high school. I heard from the girl's mother, which is our neighbor, that she visits the kids weekly, to see also what they need or how they can be of help.
@maximax8 (27045)
8 Sep 09
In my home country that sort of activity is illegal for under sixteen year olds. Teenage pregnancy can happen because some teens don't use birth control or they do use it but it fails. I feel really sorry for your neighbor. I hope that the girl isn't pregnant but it is a possibility.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
9 Sep 09
Hi maximax. Sometimes, people are too curious about everything. And maybe, teens are too daamn curious about s3x. But sometimes, even if they know it will not bring good to them or it's not the right time for them, they still do it. When in the end, they just suffer.
@xchyler (258)
• Philippines
19 Aug 09
poor parents, but i think the girl should be blame on what happen to her.. she is old enough, she can already distinguish what is bad or bad.. just pray to the LORD so that HE will guide the family on whatever decisions they will make..!!
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
19 Aug 09
yes xchyler, i guess, partly, she has to blame.
@janebeth (2034)
• Philippines
14 Aug 09
hi neil, that kind of situation is very rampant as of this time and generation, that's what i have observed nowadays.. i have also a cousin who experienced that thing, and i am so sorry for her but it's still her fault.. i can also say that parent's also should be blame on this kind of problem, for not guiding them in the right path, for lack of advice and guardian.. also the kid and the boy, they never think problems after what they are doing..!! they just think the happiness and think the results after.. and that's the biggest problem of youth today, i can't imagine if all girls at that age will be a mother.. seems they can be think as sisters as time goes by, to people who can see them going together, lol.... you can't take it legally because they are still minors, but don't let the baby be aborted.. just let the boy and the girl continue their studies and after think what to do to the baby... parent's are more in need for the both of them..!! janebeth.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
14 Aug 09
Of course, abortion is a NO NO in this situation. That's the worst thing they will do as it is another case of murder... The last thing I've heard from the mother is, the girl went on living together now with the boy in his parents. Sad to think that girl's parents are always thinking about their daughter if she still continue schooling. Last night I saw her dad, waiting in front of the campus while her mom went to check her with her younger sister at the boy's house.
• United States
14 Aug 09
im not sure you can go after him much if he is a minor too.. maybe his family but i think that varies by state.. not sure.. a lot of people have lost their virginity by the age of 15 or 16 so shes not unusually young but of course no parent wants to think of their kids doing it or doing it without being smart about it.. maybe she is just having a false alarm and isnt pregnant and then the mom can use this as a time to really talk to her about it all
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
9 Sep 09
Hi moonlitmagikchild. It talked with a lawyer, and told me that it could be possible to go against the boy and also his parents. But if she will not cooperate with filing the charges, meaning she really loves the boy, the complaint will not going to be a success. So far they are living together with the boy's family. They are also going to school, still, to finish their high school. The mother visits them weekly, so she can know how she can be of help to the young partners.
• India
13 Aug 09
Hard To Believe  - But This Is Happening ..
This Happens As The Kids Are New To All This And They Want to Explore The Uninhabited territory .. School Children Above the Age of 12 Must Be Educated On These Subjects .. 15 - 16 year old Pregnancies are on the rise .. It's Indeed Really Hard To digest this Fact .. Thank You ..
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
9 Sep 09
That's one reason that I myself is into the revision of some of our laws, specially those that binds the education system. I do believe this should be taught in school as not everyone can do it, like parents. Teaching s3x education in school, specially in high school, I guess is a must these days.
@Azaerus (821)
• Philippines
13 Aug 09
Well ,I don't think pressing charges is a good idea. In my country same situation happens everytime,some even got pregnant at a more early age. Just recently I started a discussion a bout an 11 year old girl who's gotten pregnant by his 14 year old boyfriend. Talk about early pregnancies the girl is too young and so with her boyfriend,the girl's family took responsibility of everything. Though we don't like things like this to happen we can't really avoid such because eventhough parents guard their children 24/7 they still don't have the insurance that their children is safe from such things. It is also up to the chidren how they will manage everything they do. It just so happens that kids of topday are not so careful and are so very curious of things that they ended up trying out those things without even thinking of what will the outcome be. I think the only solution for your neighbors problem is to accept everything and not to go after the boy who got the daughter pregnant because going after the boy and forcing him to face the responsibilities that lies ahead. It's better to talk to the boy and his family and decide what to do in the future. Force isn't the right way to fix things as it only worsen the situation today and in the future. Also,there's still no assurance that the daughter is pregnant so my advice is to give her a prenancy test and if it is positive talk to the boys family and ask them what their plans are. Please post updates of what the outcome is,if she's really pregnant or not.I'm really looking forward to how things go. Hope your neighbor will still support her daughter no matter what happens.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Sep 09
Hi . By this time, the girl lives with the boy and his family. The last thing I heard of them is that the girl is continueously going to school and will finish high school. At weekends, the mother usually visits the girl in the boy's place. That's all I can share for now.
• India
13 Aug 09
i think girl should get aborted & explain her the mistake which she has done
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Sep 09
not a good advise. abortion is a NO-NO to us.
@tivonshi (110)
• China
13 Aug 09
Hi, I live in China, there are also many many same situation happen everyday. I think it's because now there are a lot of S*X info on internet, TV, book and so on. A child such as 14-18 years old can not figure it out that what is really right or wrong. And I think they of course dont understand what is love, what is responsibility. But now,I think you just need to talk with your girl peacefully, you need to let her know you really want to help her,not just argue with her, it can help nothing. In my country, to be honest I dont know if there is any law or something like that, this is a moral problem I guess. So the best way is as parents,try to know much more about your kids, not only give them money , ask them to study hard or something like that. You are not only their parents, you are also their best teacher and friend! Thanks
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Sep 09
hi tivonshi. by this time, the girl is living together with the boy and his parents. she is still going to school and will finish her studies. the mother constantly visiting the girl so they are still in good communication and with the boy's parents too.
@crazydaisy (3899)
• Canada
13 Aug 09
What I would do get both of the parents his and hers and tell them to meet at the same time ..but tell them not let the teens know ,let them find out for their selfs if you say something the parents might turn aganist you. cd
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Sep 09
well daisy, all i can give them is advise and that's all. if they listen to me, then good, if not, then it's fine. but i told them that abortion is a BIG, NO-NO
• United States
13 Aug 09
Well I am only 21 years old, and to be honest, most girls when I was in high school weren't virgins for very long. I lost mine right after I turned 16, and I definitely wasn't the first among my friends. Teens these days take s3x for granted and it is happening more and more, and girls are getting younger and younger. I believe the parents and their child should decide on legal action. I know that my mother would never have filed any complaint against it, and I wouldn't have wanted her to because I did what I did because I was stupid and I deserved any consequences in my future such as pregnancy which thank god never happened lol.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Sep 09
you know, it hurts me when i see young people get into that situation. they get pregnant and will tell later that they got wrong. i mean, they will only think of it after doing it and never thought of the outcome, before entering to that situation. i guess, parents are also responsible when kids go wrong. i am a parent, so i hope our kids don't get wrong, too.
@silverglint (2001)
• Philippines
13 Aug 09
Well, if the girl is indeed pregnant, then abortion should definitely be out of the question. Why should the baby die for the mistakes of the parents? I don't think that marriage is the instant solution also since they are still young and in general, puppy love does not necessarily grow into something that can last a lifetime. Maybe it would be better if the baby is raised with the mother first, and if the relationship of the father and mother continues, then good, if not, then its better for the girl to move on. But I hope that she would not commit the same mistakes all over again in the future.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
8 Sep 09
hi silverglint. i really believe abortion is the solution. and so far, the girl is still continues to go to school. the mother let the girl live with the boy now, with his parents but mother is constantly visiting them.
• United States
12 Aug 09
your friend knew her 15year old was dating.....she must also know the consequences and that holding hands and kissing leads to S@X. lol us grown-ups call it fourplay....So, no why go after the boy now. The way i see it everyone was ok into the CONSEQUENCE came into the pic.....
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
14 Aug 09
She only knew her daughter has boyfriend but she never thought they were already dating. She knew her daughter goes to school. But then lately, just this week, that she discovers her daughter's situation, when the girl didn't come home for a night or two.