two and a half and a terror

@savypat (20247)
United States
August 24, 2009 2:58pm CST
Have you ever has occasion to take care of a small child whose parents claim is totally a terror? Have you noticed that as soon as the parents leave, the child becomes not an angel but close? This is going on at our house right now, we have a grandchild visiting, whose parents say is uncontrollable, both her grandmother and me have no trouble, she knows which buttons to push at home to get the maximum attention and she also knows none of that works when she is visiting. Should we try to tell her parents what is gong on or should we just leave well enough alone?
3 people like this
16 responses
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
24 Aug 09
I have a similar situation because I am a grandmother and I take care of my 3 year old granddaughter. She is really an angel for the most part when she is alone with me or alone with someone else even her parents. The minute her mother walks in from work though from not seeing her all day she will become not really a terror but she becomes a big baby wanting her mother to hold her and she just crys for no reason. She becomes a different child with the whining and clinging. I tell my daughter and son-in-law that she is playing the two of you. They claim to know and so my daughter is the one that diciplines her more than the father. He feels she can't do no wrong. Which is going to backfire when she is 10 years old if not sooner. These kids today are 1000 times smarter then we were at that age. My granddaughter when she was 2 was already seriously batting her eyes tilting her head to get what she wants. Where she learned this no one knows. If I were you I would definitly tell them what is going on in a nice way just so they are aware of the truth.
@PeacefulWmn9 (10424)
• United States
24 Aug 09
Yes, I've had similar situations. I just waited until the next time the parents complained about the holy terror issue, and said, hm, now here, she's really well behaved, but she knows what is and is not acceptable. I can be a bit tricky, so best wishes whatever you decide. Karen
2 people like this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
24 Aug 09
savypat do it do be savy and tell her parents that you'know how to control the terrible twos, all kids go through that and all'parents have to learn how to quell it. my son started with'the't tantrums bit and my husband had the perfect solution. Robbie 'threw himself on the flour andkicked and screamed. okay Garland'threw'himself down on the floor all five 10 inches of 'him and kicked and screamed too.wow.my son sat up took one'look at daddy kicking and screaming and began to laugh. So the next time he almost threw a tantrum he looked first at my husband'and 'then he decided to give it up.He soongrew past the terrible stage'and at three he was a really sweet child.
2 people like this
• India
25 Aug 09
children are delicate creatures and childhood is something to be treasured.... i understand your concern but it takes time for a child to bring out its full character when in presence of new people.. also if kids cant be themselves now when can they? before you report on him make sure that whether it is anything serious or not... all children throw tantrums.... there is a lot they learn from such stuff... you can see how crestive s child is when it is in full naughtiest form.... as far as childhood is concerned there is a thin line between intelligence and indifference... find out which side he is on
1 person likes this
@savypat (20247)
• United States
25 Aug 09
So far I think your response is the most interesting of all, thank you
@bhanusb (5709)
• India
25 Aug 09
Children like the accompany of their grandparents. It's said the tendency of affection is always downwards.Affection goes from children to grandchildren. So your grandchildren feel comfort your company an d they stop their naughtiness.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
25 Aug 09
I have not had a similar experience because the last time I babysat a little horror; he was just that; a little horror! (LOL) If I was one of the parents of the child you are referring to I would want to know that she behaves beautifully with you and why because it may help in disciplining her at home. Maybe the little girl’s mother could use some advice from an experienced grandmother.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Aug 09
I deal with that in daily basis. I have a few friends that have children my daughters age (3). When they come over for play dates with their moms, they act up or cry for no reason, or just bother the poor mommy the whole time. As soon as the mommy leaves, the kid actually becomes an angel. It's unbelievable. I think with their mommies, they have it easy because they are at their command. It's not right to let the kid rule you, because children are very self centered and they will take charge if you let them. Mommies have to learn to take control and let the kid know that the mother is confident. So with other people, kids are not familiar with the behavior and they don't know if they should push it just yet. But if that other person lets them take charge then they will act the same around that person as well. I know my daughter acts very spoiled when she's with my parents, but not when she's with me. It's because she knows who can take it. lol
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17691)
• United States
25 Aug 09
Hey pat! I think that is so cute~! They probably would never believe you anyway! The child probably is that way with the parents because she knows that she can get away with it! And with her grandparents she know that there is no way in hell that she can! I would just leave well enough alone and let her parents try to deal with her the way she is!lol
1 person likes this
@cripfemme (7718)
• United States
25 Aug 09
We all know kids like that. One of my assistants kids used to have big tantrums whenever he went in public and had to speak to anyone. His mom would let him freak out and then not have to talk to anyone, but I never would. I'd hold his hand while he was freaking out, but I would still make him talk to people most times. The trick with kids is that they know what they can and cannot get away with in reference to you and in reference to other people. Kids are not stupid. They know what's going to work on one grown-up but will not work on another so they modify their behavior accordingly.
1 person likes this
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
25 Aug 09
I say please tell the parents. When I was a new mother with my first child I would have appreciated it is my parents had told me what was going on. I had to learn with trial and error. I called my mom after I figured it out (by then I had my second child) and she said I know you would figure it out eventually. I told her I would have liked it if she had told me from the begining. If you can help as a mother I say please do.
@picjim (3003)
• India
25 Aug 09
Children do try to take advantage of their parents absence.I feel it's better you gently break it to the parents how the child behaves when they are away because even if the parents are reluctant initially they will later realize that it is in the best interest of the child to correct them.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Aug 09
I think you should tell them, because then maybe they would see the best in their child and believe in child. Often times kids get stigmas from when they are little that carry with them through their life. This can be harmful to the child if the parents are always saying your a little terror. Maybe if you calmly suggest how your tactics work they will graciously listen. I am sure it is difficult but there are tactful ways of getting across what you mean. Other wise just be happy you can control the situation and enjoy your Grandchild. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@wahmivy (778)
• Philippines
24 Aug 09
As a parent of an almost 3-yr-old, I would prefer to hear that there's hope, lol. I would be open to suggestions, if phrased diplomatically. I've read somewhere (mothering.com, I think) that it's a good indication if your child behaves outside the home, even if it's a different case at home. Not sure though, will have to look this up again.:)
1 person likes this
@Shar19 (8236)
• United States
24 Aug 09
That's funny you mention that because my kids can be like that too. Whenever they stay over my parents for the day or night they are good as gold. When they get home all h*** breaks loose.
1 person likes this
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
24 Aug 09
Hi savypat Tell them, most parents know their kids will act different when they are not around, this is just how kids are, then you have some that are just the worst with or without the parents, in this case this child is typical, tell them although I think they should know this already
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (98217)
• United States
24 Aug 09
I did daycare and it happened all of the time. No one could take their kid to the store, but I could, etc. It is just if they know you will stick to what you mean and say. I could take as many as seven kids at a time to a store and they behaved just fine. Some of them, their moms said, would scream and yell and try to blackmail them into buying stuff, it just did not work with me, and they knew it.