Which person has the right to be irritated....?

@mommyboo (13198)
United States
September 27, 2009 1:20am CST
I was under the impression that when you discuss something with a friend, like future plans for a get together or whatever, that means you have MADE PLANS, correct? Especially if you discuss a certain DATE, TIME, and something you intend to do together, CORRECT? If someone ELSE called you or talked to you, wouldn't it be the right thing to mention to that person that you had plans already but they could join you if say - you're hanging out at home watching a movie or going to dessert or out for a drink? Do you think it's okay for one of the people who made plans to NOT mention anything to the other person who contacted them and when they mention to the first person 'oh, so and so invited me to do x thing' and the first person says 'hmmm well I thought we had plans' the second person flips out and says 'well that's not fair, you want to run my life and not give me a choice blah blah blah.' Who has the right to be irritated? I thought it was normal for people who have made plans to honor them in respect of the other person. I thought it was normal if something else is brought up for the other person to say 'hey, I thought we had plans' and for it NOT to be taken in a harsh manner! It is not an attempt to control or run anything, I had THOUGHT it was kinda a heads up like 'hey, we made plans, right? Remember?' Most people I know would be at least a little miffed if someone said 'oh yeah, let's get together and do x thing' and then that person didn't SHOW UP. It would hurt MY feelings, especially if I found out the person blew me off for someone else. If I did that to somebody, then I guess I'd deserve it, eh? I wouldn't do that to somebody. If someone said 'hey, thought we had plans' I'd say 'oops, of course we do' and I'd keep to them unless I was half dead or there was some huge emergency...
5 people like this
8 responses
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Sep 09
Sounds like the person who flipped out had a guilty conscience and was covering up some guilt at treating you badly.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
28 Sep 09
It turns out most of the time that she takes something the way she'd take it from her husband - who will say things like that in attempts to control her. I even asked MY husband if he and the guy he rides with to work made some plans or something if he'd say the same thing 'thought we had plans?' and he says yeah, of course. And he'd have also been miffed if the guy bailed on him AFTER having made plans... I think she also had a bad day, although that's still not an excuse, once I found out what happened I could see why she was irritated. Not at me though...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31003)
• United States
20 Oct 09
You have a right to be upset. If I were to make plans with two different people at the same time it would be a huge mistake on my part and I would appologize to the 2nd person and re-schedule and go with whoever I made plans with first. If the plans were something like lunch or coffee or something then as you suggested, I may suggest that they join us. It is rude to make plans with one person and then blow them off for someone else. It is also hurtful and not being much of a friend.
• United States
30 Sep 09
normal to me! some people just dont care and im getting quite sick of them! off with their heads!
@dramaqn (1990)
• United States
28 Sep 09
Oh I can relate to this. Yes, the person who was ditched has every right to get irritated. And, I too feel that if a specific date,time,place and agenda was discussed that means you have plans. This was a great topic. And I'd be the person flipping because the person didn't show up. This happens to me a lot. Do I have sucker written on my forehead or something?
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
27 Sep 09
Hey mommyboo! Of course, as usual, yet again I agree with you! If you make plans with someone and you want to break them then the decent thing to do is be a lady and "ladyup" and say that such and such came up and would it be alright if you changed your plans to another date and time! Ignoring the fact that you have already made plans with someone is just plain rude and, yes, hurtful! I would be angry to! And, yes it has happened to me too! Sometimes people being people are just plain stupid, rude, and hurtful and don't really care about anyone but themselves! And then if you would turn around and do the same thing to them they would freak out! I have friends who try the to play the "I forgot" card! That doesn't go well with me either! At least have the decency to be honest and apologize! Otherwise, don't expect me to be there the next time you decide you want to make plans with me!
@kprofgames (3103)
• United States
27 Sep 09
That would irritate me too. You make plans with a person because you enjoy spending time with them. If they get another invite and blow you off, that sounds like they don't have any real sense of commitment and just go with whatever sounds the most fun. I've had that happen a few times and personally, I rethink them as friends because if they blow you off for whatever reason it says that they only think of themselves. Who wants to be around a person that only wants to be around you if there is better to do? I don't. That would be one sided and I'm not interested in that. At all.
@Hatley (164450)
• Garden Grove, California
27 Sep 09
hi mommyboo yes I know I would be miffed if a friend and I 'had made some plans to do something and had set a date and everything, then she turns around and makes plans with another person on the same time she had plans with you. I think you have a good right to be angry,not the person who blew off her plans with you I know I would not change my plans with my friend, for a second friend, a plan is a plan.
@buggles64 (2715)
• United States
27 Sep 09
Of course if both parties were agreeable to the plans and they understood the time, and date. Sometimes there might be a misunderstanding, and it's up to BOTH parties involved to make every EFFORT to carry through with those plans, say like a FAMILY get together on THANKSGIVING or a WEDDING! I THOUGHT the other person whom you made plans with would be HAPPY to follow through with a DINNER. However, when threats are made like if you SHOW UP, I'll call the police, what is HIS GIRL to think? HIS GIRL still loves him but he has scared her without a doubt. Also, when HIS GIRL calls the home phone and his mother answers the phone and says "Don't ever call here again?" That would surely BRING tears to her eyes, because she loves his mother as much as she loves her son, and his three children and she thinks of them EVERYDAY!!!. HIS GIRL will be HAPPY to SHOW UP when he answers his phone and says "HI, I MISSED YOU!. All his girl really wants is to be with him and to reconnect THEIR FAMILY! I honestly believe it's a communication problem rather than who is right or wrong, neither party has the right to be irritated, they just need to become better communicators. It's extremely obvious that the two persons involved in this situation are very much IN LOVE and WANT to reconnect and BRING JOY to each others' lives. WANT to discuss THIS further? I would love to hear from you, please contact me by email and I will give you my phone number.