Secret bank account!

United States
September 28, 2009 10:05am CST
My BF and I have been together for a long time... We have a beautiful daughter together! I am a stay at home mother, I do make some income from babysitting, either my aunts children or friends... I have opened up a secret bank account. I feel bad at times hiding this money from him... Do you think that this is bad?
3 people like this
23 responses
@jules67 (2790)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
Hi prikayjo2436. I was wondering why bf-gf should have a joint-account when in fact they are still not married. I believe that it is ok for you to have your own "secret account". You have all the right to keep your own money , save it and spend it on the things you want. You should not feel guilty at all because you are not yet married.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hi jules67! Well even though we are not married we have a lot of joint bills! So that is the main reason why we even have a joint account! I only feel guilty when time arises and he is a little down with cash! Other than that I don't have this guilty feeling inside! lol
1 person likes this
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
its ok if you hide your mony with your boyfriend. he is not your husband yet and I think it i your right because as a woman you have to secure your future together with your daughter.
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Sep 09
Thank you for responding! Thanks! I think so too! I can't only think about myself but my daughter as well!
1 person likes this
@babyangie27 (5177)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I think everyone should have a safety net so to speak. What happens if he leaves yu and since he is the only bread winner by some standards,then what are you to do? I haven't done it myself with my husband because well I never have any of my own money,well I take that back I do have my paypal. I don't see anything wrong with it really.
• United States
28 Sep 09
Hey babyangie! Thanks for your input! I know that I need a safety net! And this is a good way to start! But I feel so bad sometimes when, I know that I could pay for something but make him do it! I know that he has to have some kind of idea that I have my own money because I buy him, my daughter and myself things time to time. I guess its just a feeling of guilt. Thanks for your response! Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 09
Well if you have a strong relationship and you are feeling guilty then let him know. Tell him you don't think things won't work out but because of the child you think it is a good idea to have it.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 09
Yes babyangie! You do have a point! Its not like he can tell me no... Its already open and active! Thanks for your advice!
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
28 Sep 09
I think that is not bad. That is your bank account and your private money. For me, my wife money is only for her. My money is for my family. I have big responsibility for my family
@Lucky09 (1771)
• Philippines
28 Sep 09
it's really nice to hear things like this from a guy my hubby too doesn't care how much money i have in my account but he shares his account with me
• United States
28 Sep 09
aw... Your not only funny but sweet! lol... I am sure that my BF won't mind! but I just feel guilty not telling him about it! I don't like secrets! I like to SHARE! lol... Thanks! Masteronline! lol.
• Indonesia
29 Sep 09
I don't like secret too. I like open mind. I like open my girl clothes too Be happy my friend
@irefed (200)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
I don't think its bad because you don't have a bad intention for creating a secret bank account. I believe that you do it for reassuring the future of your daughter which your boyfriend might understand if he will know the truth.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hey irefed! Thank you for responding! Yes I am sure that he will understand! But how about if he takes it the wrong way!?!
@irefed (200)
• Philippines
30 Sep 09
Welcome.. I'm sure he will understand if your purpose is for your daughter's future. I'm sure you have your own reasons.
@robert19ph (4584)
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
hello prikayjo2436, i guess not. you don't need to tell him about that and don't feel bad either for not telling him. as they say, his money is your money and your money is yours too. you'll be needing that when time arises. it's for your own protection and your kids too.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hey Robert! Well honestly I have never heard that saying before! But I will take it! lol... I like that I am going to use that one!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Sep 09
Just remember that there is no secret that can be keep forever.
• United States
28 Sep 09
No I dont think it is. Especially since you and your boyfriend aren't married. Incase you need to get out of where you are now, you need to make sure that you have money put aside of your own. Don't feel bad. Even when I get married I will probably have my own bank account seperate from the joined accounts. I probably wont keep it secret but I will have one. That way should divorce arise or anything, I'll have my own money to fall back on.
• United States
28 Sep 09
Except that by law even if it is only in your name if you are married it will be considered a marital asset and therefore belong to him as well!
2 people like this
• United States
29 Sep 09
Thanks for your response phoenix! I don't think that we plan on getting married soon! So I guess I am in the clear for now! lol... Thanks! I guess I should always have something for an outlet per say! Have a nice day!
@crys7881 (267)
• United States
28 Sep 09
To be completely honest no I don't think you are wrong! I am also a stay at home mom of two kids and my boyfriend is the only one that works. And I have a stash of money that he doesn't know about. I feel guilty sometimes about it, but at the same time I like having money for myself, like when we run out of "bill money" I like that I can get some cash from my little stash and go out to eat or something. It sounds silly, but whatever lol
• United States
28 Sep 09
hey crys7881! Well it does not seem silly to me! I know exactly what you mean! I like that feeling to! Especially when they ask "where did you get that money" lol.. I always tell my BF its a secret! lol. I like having my stash to, my daughter and I shop sometimes and just have fun with it! Without the guilt of spending my BF's money! Thanks for responding! I can relate to you!
@neelimaravi (1794)
• India
2 Oct 09
no this is not wrong, you going in correct way. even i have my own account. don't feel guilty, be brave... thankyou.
• United States
2 Oct 09
Hi neelimaravi! Thank you for responding! Yes! I shouldn't feel guilty! But I just have a sweet heart! Thanks for responding!
@IMEzekieL (500)
29 Sep 09
Income from babysitting? If you won't mind, can you tell me how much you're earning from this job? So now you're also earning money online?
• United States
29 Sep 09
IMEzekieL, Hi thanks for responding to my discussion but I rather have my finances kept secret! And my lot is more of a socializing site! Its hard to earn a lot from here!
@jellymonty (2358)
29 Sep 09
When I was with my ex, I had one account he knew about and 2 others he didn't know about. I also have a house up until today he doesn't know about. It best you shut it, don't tell him anything about it and don't feel guilty as everyone now needs a plan B. Think of that one as a plan B. At the rate of divorces and people breaking up and leaving one person with nothing, you should be thankful that at least you have some sort of safety net. I have seen too many singles mothers who get dumped by their boyfriends and leave them with nothing. So if I were you, I would continue to keep it a secret, I wouldn't feel bad or guilty. It certainly is a brilliant idea from my perspective.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hey jellymonty! Yes thank you so much for understanding! I see it all the time as well.. My friend has her two boys and no father, he just got up and left one day! I don't want that to happen to me! I need something! Thanks for responding! Have a nice day!
@daliaj (5689)
• India
29 Sep 09
You don't have to feel guilty about that. You should do that being a clever women. I have my own personal account and my husband doesn't know my account balance. He never cares about it too. I work and keep the money with me eventhough we spent together for common things related to both of us without taking into account how much each person spent.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hi daliaj... Yes I use to do the same when I worked a normal 9-5 job! But once I lost my job... I still felt the need to have some money somewhere!
@syankee525 (6294)
• United States
29 Sep 09
humm not really. nothing wrong for a woman to stach some money away because never know what will happen with you and him. but if you get married then i would tell him.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hey syankee525! Well I don't think that we are going to get married soon! So I am pretty sure that I am in the clear until then! Thanks for responding!
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
29 Sep 09
I think, thats not bad. You has done right activies. Remember, any time you need a cost of living and it is not possible not met if you did not prepare earlier
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hey! Yes you are right! It can be used as form of preparation! Thanks! To the both of you!
• Philippines
29 Sep 09
in my point of view, you have to tell your partner about your secret bank account especially that you are feeling guilty. he might get angry but if you'll let him understand why you did that then surely, if he truly loves you, he will forgive you. but if he'll learn about this from other people, there is a great possibility that your relationship would shatter. would you like that to happen? i believe you do not.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hi areshstar! That is what I don't want to happen! I dont want him to upset! That is why I want to tell him! How should I even come up with this conversation???
• United States
28 Sep 09
You are your own person and you are entitled to having your own money. However, why are you hiding the money from him, that's what I'm curious about. Is it because you're saving it to leave him because he's abusive? Or because he's not a great spender and you don't want him having access to your money? Or do you just have some sort of ulterior motive for saving all of that money? If it's not really a big deal for saving the money, then it probably shouldn't be a secret unless you've got some specific reason for keeping it hidden.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hi flyingangel! Yes he is a great spender! Everytime.. When the bills are paid whatever he might have that is extra is spent on something idiotic! It gets me so angry at times!
@Ithink (10501)
• United States
28 Sep 09
I guess my question is why do you feel that you need to have a secret bank account to hide money? In some situations some do feel the need but I would think that is if they are secure in their relationship or something is off. Not saying this is how you feel or anything. I guess Im just trying to understand the need unless there is something wrong.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hey Ithink! Well I just have the need to have something to fall back on, just in case we break up, or if I need something for my daughter when I am alone with her! I don't know why I kept a secret! That is why I have some guilt about it!
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
28 Sep 09
There are times when I will get money for doing something on the internet, and not tell my husband about it. Mostly it's just because I know how we are. If there's extra money somewhere we'll assume we can spend it, and sometimes I just want to save it or do something particular with it. So I guess it depends on why you're hiding it from him. I don't think I'd hide large sums of money from my husband. Or at the very least I'd tell him about the account, and let him know you'd like to save some of your own money, then you don't have to tell him how much. At the same time, I do believe that you do have a responsiblity to help with the household finances, if you're capable and if it's needed. In my situation, we could certainly use a lot more money than my hubby's making, so it would be very wrong of me to hide money from him and just save it up. Why should we ONLY use his money if I can make some of my own... KWIM?
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hi katsmeow! Yes I know what you mean! Everytime I have some money he does tend to think that we have to spend it all! So I know where you are coming from! Its not a large sum! I do help around the house when I can! I just feel like I need to have some money on the side for a rainy day! Or if we were ever to split up! God forbid! lol...
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Sep 09
There is nothing wrong with having your own money. I do wonder though about the secrecy. Is he controlling? Would he have a problem with you putting a little money aside? You definitely want a safely net if he is.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hey dawnald! No he is not controlling! I just have this need to have money just in case something were to happen between us! We can only count on people so much! Thanks for responding!
• United States
28 Sep 09
I think that depends on how guilty you feel. Otherwise I wouldnt worry about it. Although you have been together awhile, it helps to have a little bit of a safety net. you can tell him that you have it if you want, because there is nothing that he can really do about it, besides gripe and complain, and if he cant understand you saving for a personal rainy day then that should confirm your right to have one.
• United States
29 Sep 09
Hey amanda! Yes you are right! He should understand! I would think that he has something to. Who knows! We all need some sort of safety net!