How to Argue With Your Girlfriend/Spouse With Positive Results?

China
October 23, 2009 8:57pm CST
It is next to impossible to avoid arguing with our girlfriend or spouse. No matter how happy a couple is, arguments will ensue at some point during a relationship. Yes, it will be a myth if couples never argue with each other. Especially, when the baby comes, the couples will start to quarrel because of many unresolved issues and mismatched expectations. If you argue with your girlfriend or spouse, can you manage to gain positive results after the fights and disagreements? How to fix an argument with your girlfriend or spouse?
3 people like this
26 responses
@fezman (260)
• Australia
25 Oct 09
it is impossible, no matter how hard you try, to avoid arguements in a relationship. but on the good side, it all depends how you go about this, for starters never go to far (thats not good!) and always try to make things up, i find when doing so, not only have you got out what you wanted to say\do\ etc.. but when resolved, things usually make the relationship better than before (sometimes!)
1 person likes this
@ElsaElsa (327)
• United States
25 Oct 09
To say that there is a medicine that will fix the outcomes of an argument would just be silly. However, it really depends on how the arguement took place, the cause, and reactions of both parties. I've noticed in my life that if I realize an argument is taking place (which I admit admist an arguement its hard to think straight) I tend to talk more patiently, listen and speak calmly. That always turns our arguments into discussions in which we express ourselves without being at each other's throats. HOwever, if it does happen that that is the case then take a break, hold your peace to stop the yelling back and forth, think about what was said then regroup and discuss. That could lead to better results. What do you think?
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@dlr297 (5418)
• United States
24 Oct 09
Yes conflict is part of every relationship and arguments will happen. My husband and i have found over the years that if when we are in disagreement with something that we try to discuss it without any anger, and try to come to answer that we can both live with. it has worked for us and it has saved a lot of hurt feelings over the years.
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@mipen2006 (5528)
• Australia
24 Oct 09
Hi getbrowser, my wife and I rarely argue, and when we do, it never lasts for long, and is forgotten as quickly as it started. Whether we gain from the disagreements, I'd say sometimes yes, and sometimes no.
1 person likes this
@Buchi_bulla (8304)
• India
24 Oct 09
First of all have patience. Let there be softness at the same time assertiveness in your voice. Put forth all the points one by one before your girl friend/spouse. Talk about pros and cons and the negative aspects of your GF/spouse's argument. Talk about good effects from your points. Naturally anyone will come to terms with you.
1 person likes this
@ybong007 (6657)
• Philippines
24 Oct 09
there's no exact formula on how to fix an argument between your partner or how to avoid it. I also learned to accept that it is a crucial part of the relationship since it's a fact that each and everyone have their own personality and responds differently to different situations. It's how you solve the situation an learn from it as a couple that matters. Cheers!
1 person likes this
@gowriv89 (295)
• India
26 Oct 09
Hi there get browser.... have a cool day... its true that arguments arise at some point of life.... i use to merely fight with my guy and it ends up in we being without talking for few days... its quite natural... but you know what.... i don't know what changed my guy... recently i notice many changes in the way he speaks, the way he consoles me, the way he helps me in tackling issues.... even if i scream for stupid things he is taking it very light... i feel ashamed of what i spoke.. so even i have started to be polite always... so no more arguments... no more fights... no more days without talking with each other... so if others too follow this policy... probably there can be a life without fight and argument...
@jasmeena (850)
• Indonesia
25 Oct 09
Argument is normal..nothing is smooth in your life,including relationship..just talk,listen and try to understand..
• United States
25 Oct 09
Communication is the key to any relationship especially if you have to live with that person on an everyday basis. If you have an arguement like everyone does its normal. In fact it is said it is healthy to disargee on some points. I would be a very boring relationship if you thought exactally the same about every topic. The issue is if you can communicat well enough with each other to respect each others differences and take those differences and grow stronger together. Not easy thing to do. If one person always feels they are right and hold strong to the thought that their way is the only way there will be problems
• Philippines
24 Oct 09
The key to fix the misunderstanding and conflict between the two of you is to learn to put down your pride. Whatever the problem is, we must learn to let the issue cools down and talk things out after. Never ignore small conflicts for that might result to bigger problems if remain unresolved.
• Malaysia
24 Oct 09
I'm certain that each to their own, thus the way to sooth people differ for individuals. However, if you really talking about couple fights, then maybe I could lend a thought. No matter what both of you were fighting, be quiet during the whole rant she is giving you. Take points from the rant, she probably repeat some points for emphasization. Number them in your head. During the fight, never let your gaze away from her. Look at her intently. If you show focus on other things, it indicates you aren't really listening. That is insulting, in fact, as insulting as saying your manhood is only an inch. After she is finish, ask her, in a soft but stern voice, whether she is finish. She would be temporarily surprised that you actually wait than evading or ending this as fast as you can.If she tried to go, or decided to put it off, tell her to wait, and that you want to repeat back what you think she was saying. Repeat the points back. If she tried to intervine, asked her to let you finish, as you had respected her to finish. By the end of the points, you can say what you think, and stated ( this is important) that it is solely your opinion, not a verdict. If she decided it was the best, for her sake, and for your relationship, you relent. While she still have no words, tell her you are sorry, but you still love her, then walk away, take a fresh breath outside, anything, as long as you get the final word and let her have some time to comprehend what had just happen. Left a few missed calls in her cell, that indicates you still think of her, but you are letting her choose the next step. Remember, missed calls. No answered calls, unless she is the one calling back. This does not resolve the actual problem, but it let both of ou to enter a more rational situation for discussing it.
• Boston, Massachusetts
24 Oct 09
In all fights there's always a positive result if you will give yourself the chance to reflect about what happened--fights give us the chance to displace our innermost feelings--anger and other negative emotions but after that you will feel better and will understand what triggered the fight, what to be cautious and sensitive to, know and accept if you're right or wrong and the most important thing is be humble enough to apologize when you're wrong and still be humble---for being right. I believe there are lots of things that we can learn out of fight we just have to be open in asserting things. Break after a fight is very is necessary because it will provide us space to breath and recharge again.
@firemom31 (599)
• United States
24 Oct 09
I think the most important thing that can be done is to avoid putting the other person on the defensive. So many times when couple argue, they start sentences with "you never" and "you always", which makes the other person immediately want to dispute the statement. It is always best to start the sentence with "When you_____, it makes me feel______." For example, if a wife is angry because her husband spends so much time on the computer, and she says "You never pay any attention to me", he will get defensive. If she says "When you spend so much time online, I feel lonely", he is much more like ly to listen to what she has to say and discuss it.
@malamar (784)
• Canada
24 Oct 09
You can have debates and differences of opinions without it leading to a full-fledged argument or fight. You need to learn how to "fight fair". First, discuss only one topic at a time until it is resolved. Learn to determine when it is better to give in and when to stand your ground. Being aware of your partners "hot buttons" also help. The minute a voice is raised or angry words are exchanged, take a time out until both parties calm down. Unless your house is on fire, there is never a need to raise your voice to a loved one - not ever. It accomplishes nothing and someone's feelings always get hurt. Mutual respect can go a long way in accomplishing better comunication methods. Approach each issue singularly, do not mix up past grievances and hurts into the discussion at hand. One issue at a time, slow, steady and calmly, will help resolve them.
@jugsjugs (13042)
24 Oct 09
I think there will always be arguements in any relationship.They say the main cause of an arguement is to do with money and i do tend to agree that is true as myself and my friends say the same that it causes arguements in their relationship.We tend to have an argument and then when we have both had our say everything go back to normal.
@airasheila (5458)
• Philippines
24 Oct 09
I dont think that there is a positive result once an argument has been started. It always connotes a negative result. However, an argument will just end up in a positive output if the husband & wife knows how to accept the point of discussion. This also applies to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. There are also some situations that the other must swallow and forget about the pride (ego) to avoid argumentation.
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
24 Oct 09
I think boyfriend girlfriend or couple argue most of the time in their early days of relationship. As they are still in their getting to know each other stage, however after little misunderstandings, both parties learned and getting adjusted to each other. The next time they argue one learned not to shout, to listen first to his/her partner's opinion or just to agree or to avoid getting upset. To fix an argument is to lied low by talking in a moderate voice and if realized that quite wrong with his views, should apologize or correct your previous statements.
@solared (1210)
• United States
24 Oct 09
Don't even if your right your wrong...lol They are like customers, even of they are wrong they are right, they are always right...lol
@maean_19 (4661)
• Philippines
24 Oct 09
I am in a 4 years 9 months long relationship and I can say everything is going fine and strong between me and my fiancee. Definitely, petty fights and misunderstandings arise, that is normal in a relationship. I am happy to say that every misunderstandings or fights are resolved and forgotten. I guess, the secret is to listen to each other then accept one's fault. I am the girlfriend/soon-to-be-spouse, and I will answer the discussion in the reverse. I admit that girls talk much than guys and I am like that. However, I know when is the right time to talk and when is the proper time to speak. I always speak what is in my mind, but I know when to keep quiet and listen. Give your guy, boyfriend or spouse to talk and just listen on the side. Avoid the pride, it will not give you good effect. If you did wrong, accept it. One of the reasons of unresolved arguments is due to irreconcilable differences. I think, differences arise only because of pride. The other cannot accept the flaws of the other. What I learned in a relationship to last is to accept each others' flaws. Compliment and supplement each other.
@daliaj (5686)
• India
24 Oct 09
It is common to have arguments between two people in a relationship. It happens with couples more. My husband knows it very well how to manage my arguments. If I am tensed or worried about something; I keep complaining and throw my angry on him. He is very calm and talks in such a way that I will realize my mistake and apologize.