Can I refuse my boyfriend's cousin from entering our house?
By AlliKat27s
@AlliKat27s (64)
United States
November 23, 2009 10:18am CST
This may be odd and I may sound slightly crazy but here goes. My boyfriend just informed me that his cousin is moving in about a block down from us, with her birth mother. I'm worried she is going to start coming around the house. I DO NOT want her in our house under any circumstances. She is about 18 years old. She has been lying and stealing since she was about 12. She is also very promiscuous, and even flirts and hangs on family members; including, my boyfriend. She blatently doesn't like me and I have made it obvious to her that the feeling is mutual. I still think she will try and come around though, attempting to make me look bad to his family. Am I wrong to not want her in my home?
3 people like this
8 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
23 Nov 09
Hi AlliKat,
No, of course you are not wrong. Most people do not want a person who lies and steals and causes trouble in their home. You need to make this really clear with your boyfriend and hopefully he will be on the same page as you are with it. I understand that she is family and all but if she wants to see him then he could see her at her place or family get togethers etc. It is your home and you have every right in the world to ask that she not be there.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
24 Nov 09
I do understand it. I was in the same situation with my youngest daughter's dad. We did not marry but did pick out a house together. Please check all that out about the house. When he & I split up.....I had no rights to anything at all on that house. Likewise if something were to happen to your boyfriend, unless it is in writing and legal, I am thinking you may not either. If your name is not on there anywhere, please do whatever to correct that. ok? I know that's off topic but its important. 
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
24 Nov 09
Yea, unbelieveably we've already discussed that. I don't want the house if we split up. It's only about two blocks away from his Mother's house, so I would want him to have it. That and a very emotional person. I'd have to start out somewhere new. lol :)
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
23 Nov 09
Thank you. Your post makes me feel better. I'm glad that you understand that is our home...not just his. A lot of people have a hard time understanding that. My name may not be on the house, but I picked it out and if anything (god forbid) were to ever happen to him it would be mine. Just because we are not married doesn't mean that it is only HIS house. He would be revolted if anyone said that to him. lol :) But again thank you so much for understanding the place I am in. Good to know that I'm not completely out of line on this.
@lealuvy2j (1986)
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
You have every right to be angry. However, it is going to be very difficult to explain to your family why you don't want her around the house because trust me, not everyone would believe you and they would probably say that you should give her a chance. I wish you good luck when you tell them and I hope everything will be okay.
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
24 Nov 09
Unfortunately, most of the family would believe me they have seen it themselves. That is why she is moving in with her biological mother close by my house. A lot of the other people in her family don't want her. Which is really sad. I truly feel sorry for the girl, however there isn't much I can do about that.
@captainmorgan (773)
• Canada
23 Nov 09
Well, you're not wrong to feel that way. But she is your boyfriends family, weither you like it or not. I think you should allow her over occasionally, if she agrees to follow the rules of your house. If she steals from you, then don't let her over, obviously. But I think putting up with her every once in a while would show that you are mature and able to make sacrifices for your boyfriend.
There are people in my boyfriends life that I very much dislike, but I put up with them and am even friends with some of them because it means alot to my boyfriend.
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
24 Nov 09
Thanks for your post. I think the occasionally is all it would be and it may be best to suck it up the first time. lol
@Ruby722 (796)
• China
24 Nov 09
Hi there
I know you must in a hard situation.You love your boyfriend and he loves you.But you cant bear his cousin live in your same roof.Beside that's girl have a lots of shortcoming.So you obviously you dont like her.I think she neither.So why you just tell your boyfriend the turth.Maybe he will understand and can deal with that.I hate people stealing.Good luck
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
24 Nov 09
I think you misunderstood. She is not coming to live with us, I just don't want her visiting. They had once mentioned that we should take her to live with us, and I declined. I am only 9 years older than her and I doubt we could "control" her either. "Control" being the word her parents used. I just highly doubt she would want to listen to someone's rules who is so close in age. That and I didn't really trust her then either. Luckily, my boyfriend agreed that he did not want her living with us either.
@randomusername (125)
• Canada
24 Nov 09
Well, your not wrong to not want her in YOUR home. Does your BF know that you don't like her? Well I guess all you can do is try to avoid her. Try to stay away from home when she feels like comming over. Or maybe dont open the door... I don't know what else you could do... how about you go over to her place so there won't be really much reason why she would need to come to yours... Sorry for the bad advice. Hope you will resolve the situation.
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
24 Nov 09
It wasn't bad advice at all! She may not even want to come over. I'm just trying to prepare for if she does. That way there is a game plan of sorts and no trouble caused between my boyfriend and I over disagreeing opinions.
@doreencoco (229)
• China
24 Nov 09
hi ,allikat27s
in my opinion ,if your boyfriend's cousin just stay your home for a short time ,and not often go your home ,you can accept ,but if she often to your home ,you can tell her directly or your boyfriend ,her coming has effect your daily life ,you cannot receive it .if your boyfriend love you ,he will repect you ,as you said ,i think your boyfrind is love you ,so just tell him what you want to said ,she is your boyfriend's cousin ,your boyfriend said is better than you .
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
24 Nov 09
I think your right. Unless she starts coming over often, we should be able to control her behavior and keep an eye on her while she is there. If she is trying to take things or being rude, we can always ask her to leave.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Nov 09
hi allikat well I see problems too from what your boyfriend said. Although its your home it is actually his house as he is paying for the rent so should he decide to let this unlikeable cousin of his to come in, this is going to cause you some grief. The thing about her flirting with family members is not quite so bad, but you say she also does it with your boyfriend. and you are not
really married. So if he decides to flirt back, then what? You say she does not like you so she could do just that, attempt to take your boyfriend away from you more because she wants to dig at you than anything else maybe. My suggestion is get married, have a legal bond between you and your boyfriend. If he does not want that, perhaps he is not too sure of you and him after all.
You can tell your boyfriend his cousin cannot come into your home, but you cannot predict what his response will be. I know in your situation I too would not want her in my home either.
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
23 Nov 09
You maka very, very good point point. I'd never thought about her doing it just to get at me. Makes sense. As far as him flirting back...never going to happen. He doesn't care for the cousin either, so it's not just me thankfully. As far as getting married, it's complicated. We've been together for 5 1/2 years and living together 3 of those years. We have discussed marraige before and had a date set. However, I had a major bout of mania due to my bipolar (didn't know that at the time) and have decided to postpone those plans until we get everything else sorted out. He is absolutely wonderful though. I don't know what I'd do without him. As far as his cousin goes, I feel bad for her. I truly believe she just needs a role model in her life. She hasn't had a very good example set by her parents or her guardians. I will talk to him again about it so we can be sure to clarify everything for sure. I'm hoping the situation doesn't arise...it would be uncomfortably akward even if my boyfriend and I are on the same page about her being there. She has been rejected by people before, and I hate to be one of those people; but she just can't be trusted unfortunately.
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
23 Nov 09
Hi, A. No you are not wrong to not want her in your house. Just still treat her like family. I know that it is going to be hard. But be nice to her and go about your business. You don't have to be all up in her face or nothing like that. I can understand why you would be skeptical of her. She has a history. Hopefully, she can change her ways so that you two can get along better. I hope that she will not start any trouble up with you all. Just talk with your boyfriend about how her arrival makes you feel. I hope that everything works out for you. Take care.
@AlliKat27s (64)
• United States
23 Nov 09
Thank you for your response. You are absolutely right and I really truly hope she can find a better path. As for being nice to her...she is his family. I'm nice regardless what I think of her. I don't think I could I ever just be in her face...not unless she did something really over the top. Thanks again!
