Family "no no" words

United States
January 7, 2010 9:41pm CST
Hello all. I remember when raising my children, their were certain words in our home that were not allowed...not cuss words, for that was a given, but other words that were no no's. We did not say things like "shut up," or idiot/stupid, butt head, hate...you get the idea. What are/were some of the taboo words in your family? Karen
3 people like this
17 responses
• Boston, Massachusetts
8 Jan 10
Hi Karen, ...kids are so smart to pick up things and with my kids being special it will be hard for me to make them realize how bad cursing is. we make sure that we never curse or say bad words in the house. BUT, the media is! sometimes i was surprised when my youngest son said--shut up. when i asked him where he heard or learned about it he told me that it's on a particular tv program. so, we need to be very careful in choosing the right one on tv for our kids. now he's aware of it and is not using the said words.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 10
Good evening, Ms. Oh yes, we are definitely not the only influence on our kids, for sure. Like your children, the words are first used in innocence. I do think we as parents set the tone. I see you from what I know of you here as a wonderful and loving mom...every kids greatest bleassing! Karen
• Boston, Massachusetts
10 Jan 10
i am doing my best to be a good mom for them. and i can see how they are responding positively on how i discipline them. sometimes, they even copy what i am saying even my tone of voice and that's amazes me. it always make us laugh when they act as our parents. they have their own way of making us laugh...the sense of humor is present and it's cool. they know when to make things a joke and they know when it's serious.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 10
Isn't it amazing how much our children DO copy us? But this is one way they learn. You sound like a delightful mom, Ms. Another guage I used to have is how my girls emmulated me when talking to their dollies or stuffed animals, much as a mommy would. Karen
@dpk262006 (54033)
• Delhi, India
11 Jan 10
Hi Karen! It is really heartening to note that you would not use inappropriate or indecent words with your family members. We also try not to use such words and call name. While at home, calling name or abusing is strictly prohibited and we all refrain from it. have a nice day! Deepak
• United States
12 Jan 10
Hi Deepak. I admire that you do the same. It just makes for a more loving, respectful, and gracious home life. It makes home more of a happy haven, and we all need that in our lives, so I commend you and your family :)) Karen
@dpk262006 (54033)
• Delhi, India
12 Jan 10
Hi Karen! Yes, you are right. We need to inculcate some good habits in our children because they are like raw slate and if they adopt good habits in their childhood, it will be good for them in the long run. Thanks for your kind words about me and my family. Have a nice day! Deepak
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Jan 10
You're wecome! And what an excellent analogy you've offered :))
@vandana7 (57215)
• India
8 Jan 10
I was in hostel, so not everyone had the perfect environment, you know. :) So I learnt those words without their formal introduction at the right age. :) But I rarely use them. :)
• United States
9 Jan 10
I think I first heard those words when I started school, but like you, I do not make a habit of using them. It somehow makes me feel not so good if I do :) Karen
@vandana7 (57215)
• India
10 Jan 10
I too feel bad when I am forced to use those words which is very rare. I can be quite nasty without using them, and I feel bad even then. Of course, we dont use them left and right, only under extreme provocation. Nevertheless, when I use them I feel as if it is a comparison between somebody using bow and arrow, and AK 47. :)
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 10
LOL. You seem so gentle that I cannot picture you shooting stinging arrows or dropping "bomb" words like an AKA 47, but even gentle creatures have their limits :) Karen
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
8 Jan 10
Good morning Karen, Raising my children 20 years apart they didn't have anyone to fuss on but me & that wasn't happening very ofter not where i could hear it anyway, lol. I had to watch my mouth [it's always been big & ugly words have always come out it, lol] more than i did my kids.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 10
Hello Jo. LOL, actually, having kids made me very mindful of any residual "teen bad words" I might have once used in anger. Not that is wasn't tempting lol!! Hugs to you and a happy evening, Karen
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@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
9 Jan 10
Thanks Karen, i hope u have a good night & a happy sunday tomorrow. Watch your language, lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 10
I watched it, dear friend, and my mouth only went off once in a questionable direction! Have a peaceful night and sweet dreams when you sleep. Karen
• India
25 Jan 10
Hello my friend PeacefulWmn9 Ji, Well, I remember my first night with my hubby, I still recollect those golden words , what he said, "Under No circumstances, we should make use of any snage words/abuses etc, between both, it would be foundation for coming generations". Today when our youngest child (daughter), who is 34 yrs old, including both sons have never uttered any such pet words. We never encourage them, for that matter, we never brought any such reading materials to our house. I further, remember, when one of our grand-daughter uttered 'bloody', I straight away objected and asked my DIl, to remove her from that school, where chiildren learn those words and use at homes.I know it is bit touching, but it is parent's responsibility to moild children as they like. May God bless You and have a great time.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Jan 10
Hello my friend. Those are indeed golden words. We do indeed set the whole tone of our marital relationship, our home, and how are children behave with our words, good or bad, and of course, we should keep them good. Thank you always for your wisdom. God bless you, Karen
1 person likes this
• India
27 Jan 10
Hello my friend PeacefulWmn9 Ji, So nice of you for your positive response. We always wish that our children live peaceful and trusted worthy world/s citizens. May God bless You and have a great time.
1 person likes this
• Australia
1 Feb 10
There were no restrictions put on words or anything else in my house when I was a child. I spent as little time as possible there and was hardly spoken to at all apart from being abused by my step father. However, in my home, with my five sons, there were restrictions. No swear word was ever used in our home, but like you, there were taboos. The one thing I would not tolerate above all others was "I can't". That was simply never allowed and my sons soon discovered they COULD do most things (good things) they tried. I am pleased to hear them using that same taboo with their children. Other taboos were extreme words like "hate" and derogatory words like stupid or idiot or unacceptable words like shut up - or bad grammar, which was always immediately corrected.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Feb 10
Hello Cloud Your guidelines sounded much as my own were for my children. Words should be chosen with great respect and encouragement. I am glad you've implemented such great standards and have passed those on to your children. Karen
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
13 Jan 10
Hi Karen, one word that springs to mind which probably sounds strange but it used to upset my mum when I said it, the word was 'sly' my mum used to tell me off for saying it when I would say 'you're sly' as in devious, cunning and abhorrent which I guess it was, I think with some words it's in the way they are said, the nuances and the meaning behind them and how they are worded vocally. I was always taught never to swear and also never to use any rude words pertaining to the body ;0)
• United States
14 Jan 10
Hello Wolf person :) Ah, so your mom took sly to be an insult of sorts. You were raised much as I was concerning vulgar language and swearing, but that's good. When people routinely pepper their speech with it now, I find it off-putting! Karen
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
11 Jan 10
Some of the terms that I don't like for our family to use are: Stupid, Dumb A** (this is one that my three year old has picked up from I don't know where.) Retard. Butt anything. Oh, and the newest one in our house is donkey head. My husband will call the kids donkeys when they aren't behaving (this came from Gordon Ramsey on Hell's Kitchen) and the other night my son decided to call my daughter a donkey head and it caused a lot of hurt feelings, so that is now a forbidden term in our home.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Jan 10
Ah, so some of the old "catch phrases" are still in use. I hadn't heard the donkey one yet, though, but yes, it's amazing how kids pick up on everything they hear...even those things as you've said, that we have no idea where they heard them. You and your husband seem to be doing a great job, so kudos to you both! Karen
@gabs8513 (48803)
• United Kingdom
10 Jan 10
Well my Ex Husband would use bad words in front of the Children which always got me angry I have to admit that I would slip up but only when I was really mad apart from that I do not like using them, it is not often I get mad but when I have had enough I have had enough I would not allow the bad words which I will not mention here lol If the Children argued among themselves as long as none of the Words would come up I would leave them to it
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Jan 10
I think some do use them in extreme anger, but not for common. Everyone, children and adults, have disagreements, but the bad language just isn't cool when used as part of every day speaking. Thank you for your response, Gabs. :) Karen
@savypat (20248)
• United States
8 Jan 10
Words of pain or insult added to cuss words were not allowed. I can't say whether that was good or bad, because these words were thought if not out loud. There were a lot of negative under currents, maybe it would have been better out in the open and quickly disbursed?
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• United States
9 Jan 10
Hello Pat. I do think it was probably good. Our thoughts don't hurt another half as much as what comes from our mouths. Though sometimes, a facial expression gives our thoughts away. I do agree that negatives should be expressed, but without the cussing and labeling. As you said, they can fester and end up lasting a lifetime. Karen
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
8 Jan 10
I don't recall having any specific taboos growing up, but no doubt I would have gotten in some sort of trouble if I had use the "f" word for example. My sister had a jar and every time anybody said a curse word, they would have to put a quarter in it. That's how she and my brother-in-law got control of the potty mouth in front of my nephew when he was growing up. My husband had to put a lid on exclaiming "Jesus Christ" when he got upset, my daughter was starting to repeat it. For my kids, if they say something I don't like, we just have a talk. They don't curse anyway, though we do hear the occasional shut up or I hate you.
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• United States
9 Jan 10
LOL, yes, as my older grandkids call it, I think the "f bomb" is often the biggest taboo in many homes. Often, as with your husband, we only become aware of how we might be sounding when those things come from the mouths of our small children. The jar and the quarters...a good idea :) Take care. Karen
@shibham (17025)
• India
8 Jan 10
Hi karen, no, not a single similar to those even uttered in my family. But when my mom got angry with me and ran to scold, she said kukur means dog. But not now. Thanks.
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• United States
9 Jan 10
Hello Shibham. Yes, I think most moms might say something in anger, as your mom would say "dog." But I think it's good to use decent language with one another :) Karen
@yugasini (12814)
• Anantapur, India
8 Jan 10
hi karen madam, it is good habit,in our home also no one spell even or bad words,but i found in some houses,children/parents are shouting with the other with words starting Bi,Ba etc etc,we never say that word to any body even not with the staff or servent maids,we do not have that mentality,have a nice day
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 10
Good for you for maintaining dignity in your family by not resorting to unseemly language :)) I like your mentality as a gentleman. Thank you for responding, and you have a good day, too. Karen
@doryvien (2293)
• United States
8 Jan 10
Hi Karen, It's a no-no at home to call the kids 'bad boy'(as in "you're bad" or "you're a bad boy") when they do something bad. I tell the kids what they did was not good, but never ever call them bad. I make it a point to call their attention for doing something that's unacceptable, but labeling (or calling them names) is something that is a family no-no.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 10
Kudos to you, Dory. I also took the way of labeling behavior and explaining why, but never labeled my children. Things like that tend to hit them hard and can do so for a lifetime. Karen
• United States
8 Jan 10
When I was growing up I was of curse not allowed to curse and I didn't. I remember my cousins used to do it all the time and I would think it made them looks foolish more than cool but they were also always around those sort of words all the time so they almost came naturally to them. I do cuss but not that often so while my kids have heard a few cuss words I always tell them that they are not to cuss. I think the first time I ever said a cuss word was when I was about 15 and that was only because my cousin ended up slamming her front door right into the spine of my back and it hurt so bad and I called her a b#*ch. Certain words my kids are not allowed to say are the cuss words, retard, hate...the basic hurtful/cuss words.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 10
Hi Froggies I have to agree with you. Cursing, especially when someone uses it as part of everyday language, takes away from what they are really trying to communicate...for me, all I hear is the constant peppering of the discourse with the curse words! It makes one look ridiculous, immature, and yes, foolish. I sometimes cuss when a strong word seems to be the only one to convey a particular emotion, but I'm never proud of resorting to that. Ugh. Karen
@StarBright (2799)
• United States
8 Jan 10
Funny to think about then and now. In my house and really, the homes of all of my friends, no cursing and no name calling. Being a child of the South, adults had to be formally addressed - "Yes Sir" "No Ma'am"; and we had better not forget to say "Please", "Thank you" , "May I" and "Excuse me." My! The times, they are a changing!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 10
Yes, the times are changing, and not all for the good, either! But that has always been the case. I think using terms that imply respect and eliminating ones that don't goes a long way toward making the world a kinder place. Ditch those efforts, and it just adds to the problems! Karen
@Hatley (158039)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 10
hi karen in our family we did not use stupid, retarded, lard butt, fatso, shut your mouth, as we were taught resp;ect and we , my hubby and I passed it on to my son. Even now he has learned that I dislike the term fu#k very much and will not use it around me at all. other than that word he has grown up not cussing and not using terms like fatso or retarded. We learned early about retarded as my little sister was born brain damaged and slightly retarded. we use respect and I learned to pass that on to my own family .Fatso was another one as I had to fight all my life with my weight, and those names are so hurtful.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jan 10
Hello Hatley. Bless you and your husband for raising your son to be respectful. Words can hurt! And yes, when we have family members others would make fun of or be cruel with words, it helps immensely when weeding out negative words that could bite. Karen