Were you and your brother or sister , rivals as children?

@pandaeyes (2068)
February 17, 2010 12:36pm CST
When i was a child, I really liked my brother. I wanted to play with him at home and have his friends be my friends but he was nearly 3 years older than me and he had no time to play with a girl. Our dad always favoured the youngest child and that was me for a long time so my brother often got pushed out of things because he was 'too big'. I think that was why he disliked me so much. As we got bigger we would fight like cat and dog, teeth and nails, so to speak. In the summer holidays we would play together because our friends went on holiday or didn't live near and sometimes I would see the nice person again in there but it would always go back to us fighting . Now we are grown up,we write to each other but not really anything else.I haven't seen him in years. Do you and your brother or sister fight like that? If not what was your secret? Do you still know each other now?
2 people like this
19 responses
@p1kef1sh (45645)
17 Feb 10
My sister and I were quite different as children. She is two years younger than me and was a real tomboy. She had her own "gang", climbed fences, went where she wasn't allowed and generally ran my mother ragged. I was a "boy" but not quite like she was. She still prefers the active life. We didn't fight too much as my mother was a strict disciplinarian and treated us both the same. If my sister took one of my toys I generally let her have it. She'd tire of it eventually and I could get it back. This difference between us probably explains why she is a successful business woman with all the material trappings of success and I am an old has been. But between the two of us I think that I am the more settled and comfortable in my ways.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
17 Feb 10
She is the fighter all her life. My brother would back down with everyone except me. I could be punched and bitten and scratched and my toys broken, I think he was very hurt that my father chose the youngest to be best(he really did I remember my brother being blamed when it was obvious I had done things). He is still the silent one but is very kind too strangely. I told him when we were grown up that he was always my hero when we were small ,I think that surprised him a lot.
@p1kef1sh (45645)
17 Feb 10
We ought to be more honest with our siblings. They are all that we have once the parents are gone.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
yes we should but we are so focused on other things when we are small . I think back then it was a case of the pecking order being most important at least in our family.
@voldrox (7205)
• India
18 Feb 10
my brother is just over an year and 4 months younger to me, when we were small we were competitors fought for same things, fought seriously at times and just for fun but when it used to get serious, mom would come and smack me coz i am the elder one and she doesn't expect me to fight but hey he taunts and laughs after i was smacked lol and i used to bear that and sometimes used to annoy so much after he used to show his tongue like this aaargh lol.. aww those were so cute days back then, well now we are so different, sober and quiet.. those days can't come back.. yeah we both are in the same college now :)
1 person likes this
@voldrox (7205)
• India
19 Feb 10
well i hope your kids have a good understanding between themselves .. me and my brother are like very good friends now, we understand each other so well, we are in good contact and i hope when we go our ways we would still be in good contact with each other, my wishes for you friend.
• United States
18 Feb 10
I have a youngest sister, she is 6 years younger than me. But when we were kids we wouldn't get along, she was the kind of kid that would always want to make jokes, but the ones that annoys you. When we got older we started getting alone, I think she went through a face and change all those habit and our relationship start getting much better.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
Maybe she joked because she wanted to interact but you being much older she found a bit too sophisticated to make every day talk with. My sister and I are very friendly. She is 8 years younger and was quite hard work to be friends with when she was young but I find she tries to emulate me in her life which is so flattering and makes me see that she always did want to be like me.
• United States
18 Feb 10
It happens the same to me, she would want to emulates me all the time, I think the relationships between brothers and sisters that have a long difference of age are a little bit difficult sometimes. But I think when both grow older things gets much better, because at the of the day they are family.
@dreamr802 (987)
• United States
18 Feb 10
I'm 3 years older than my sister and 6 years older than my brother. My sister and I use to fight A LOT and over so many things, it's unreal. My brother and I got along very well. I was his protector in a lot of ways. But since my sister has left the house we have gotten along a lot better. I think the main thing that kept us fighting was that she seemed to be mom's puppet in everything and I didn't agree with my mom on a lot of things lol.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
I think you also could get on with your brother because he was separated from you by another sibling in years. That made her your closest rival while your brother was just the littler one. My brother and sister got on much better and it was the same with them. I had to share a room with my sister always and found her quite trying while my brother only really had to interact with her is he wanted to. He did find her hard work later on when my mother was not so able to discipline her and my father was no longer around because she became very verbally challenging and he had to act like her father.
• United States
18 Feb 10
Yeah the age difference between my brother and I definitely helped. I taught him how to read, helped him with his homework and whatnot. My sister never needed that kind of help when we were younger.
@allknowing (53528)
• India
18 Feb 10
As children we never fought but as adults there is no love lost between us. We hardly long for each other's company. I am the only one who tries to keep in touch but it is always one sided of which I am fed up. Their life is centred round their nucleus family.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (53528)
• India
18 Feb 10
As long as their children were small we still interacted but now the children are so selfish they dont encourage siblings' get togethers at all. They decide for their parents. So odd, but true.
• United States
18 Feb 10
As a child growing up me and my older brother never got along. He was at least 20 years older than me. it seemed he was jealous of me being the baby of 6 children and he didn't want to admit he was to old to be living with my mother. Well he was nasty attitude all the time, talked about my weight, how I looked what I ate he would find all types of things to ridicule me about we would argue, and fight even as a older teen he would find everything wrong with me my mother would often have to tell him to back off because it got so out of hand it wasn't until I moved away and grew up some-more he and I made a mends it seemed he grew up just as I. He is very humble now, almost sweet. and you would never think he and I went through what we did as kids we stay in close cities but we can go years without visiting or calling but when we do its like he and I never parted. I guess we both had to grow up to establish a real relationship
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
That is a huge age difference. Maybe he was being paternal without knowing it. My father got quite mean and would hit hard when he was disciplining us. For some reason it as often me. My brother avoided any confrontation with him. I think dad spoiled me so much when I was the littlest that he was shocked that I could be naughty when he had a new littler child and he over reacted.
@MrKennedy (1996)
18 Feb 10
There was some sibling rivalry when we were younger. We were always trying to outdo one another and be the best at everything Of course, we always loved each other and still do. Yes, we have our arguments every now and then, but that's just part of being brother and sister I suppose
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
Same here. We are all fairly friendly with each other. I don't see a lot of the other two because we live a long way off but we write and email .
@libramie (563)
• Philippines
18 Feb 10
We're 8 siblings and I'm on the sixth. During childhood, we fought always with my 3 year older and 3 year younger brothers. High school life comes we're separated to find more opportunities. Since then we missed each other till now that we have respective family, we communicate continuously through our modern technologies now.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
that is a large family. I always find that people from larger families tend to get on very well with everyone in day to day life. I guess you rub off your corners on each other first.
@illfavors (592)
• United States
18 Feb 10
As kids, we fought a little my brother and I, but that's normal. As we got older, we were actually very close and I miss that. Now that we are grown and have our own lives, it's hard to be as close as we were and I really wish we could work on that.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
Yes I miss the friendly times too not just with siblings. I remember at school laughing till I ached and that is very rare now . I had some good friends who lived in the same block of flats as I did. It was lovely to go and be companions all day in the holidays and have good long talks and long drawn out games. Those things too are left in childhood.
@bgrome (1)
• United States
18 Feb 10
Me and my brother are 4 years apart (im the oldest). When we were little we almost never got along. I always felt like he was treated better and that he had more privleges then I did at what ever age he was. This deffinilty affected our relationship because i resented him for how he was treated better. But now that we are older its 100% different... we are actually very close and talk all the time. your situation sounds kind of simalier and if it is then its not you its your brother. I took it out on my brother but it wasnt his fault and it sounds like your brother may have done or is doing the same thing. Maybe you could try to start up a better relationship... almost force him to talk to you lol! It cant hurt to try. Goodluck and i hope everything works out for you!
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
Its nice to hear the other persons view too,thanks. I think you are right really. I don't deny that i was quite glad when I could do wrong things but he got blamed,it was mean of me but I was small. As to getting things given to us, we almost never got bought things unless it was Christmas or a Birthday. My brother being the only boy was expected to like tough things like sports and war. His toys were mostly of that kind and he would sometimes recruit me to be the other party in games of cowboys or even in playing football but it was only because those things are hard to play alone. My toys were girls things like dolls and art equipment and much easier to play with by myself. We are better friends now we are adults even though we don't meet. We do write to each other .
@derek_a (10904)
18 Feb 10
Yes, my younger sister and I used to fight like cats and dogs. Mind you, I was not allowed to fight back - only with words - because I would get into serious trouble is I did hit my sister. I merely pushed her away from my toys as a kid and I got a slap for it! We are both married with our own families now, and are the best of friends. We may disagree on something from time to time, but never argue about it and we will support each other if either are in trouble no matter what! _Derek
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
My brother had no such qualms about hitting girls. I used to read a lot of old childrens books and the boys never hit the girls. To me that was the rules but my brother and many other boys at that time didn't go by those rules,they were old fashioned.
• China
18 Feb 10
Hi, panda, it sounds great the story between you and your brother. Unfortunately, I'm the only child in my family as our governments' policy. I just have cousins, and now only one keeps in touch with me. He is my cousin brother, living in different city. When I visit him, it always takes 40min to reach there by train. I enjoy the time with my cousin.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
I guess the government will relax the rule sometime else nobody would have any cousins eventually. Its nice you have a cousin that you get on well with. My sister lives quite a long distance from me. It takes about 2 hours to travel there all together. Either all the journey by car or a train to the city and then another 2 trains from the city to her area.
@junmae (1590)
• Philippines
18 Feb 10
Since I was a kid, me and my brother are good friends as well as my sister. They are the one who always are my playmates because my mom doesn't want us to play with our neighbors because they have a bad attitudes and she is afraid that they might influenced us. But everything was fine and we enjoy the company together even when we grow up. I guess it is important that during childhood, you and your siblings are playing together as a bonding.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
I was a bad influence when I was a child I remember :P My friends mother thought I was rough and didn't want her younger daughter to play with me. I didn't care because her younger daughter was quite spoilt and demanding, I liked the older daughter who I was at school with. Her mother was quite happy for me to play with the older girl. Often the older girl would have to care for both her younger sister and baby brother which wasn't very fair and made her resent them quite a lot.
@vinabee (85)
• China
18 Feb 10
of course. not only myself, my parent usually tell me to regard my consins as a competetor. by the way, i am the only child. we compete about the score, the body's height, and the talent. fortunately, i always win!!! but this competition actually can not break up our relationship, it's only a part of our life.
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
Still,you have the support of parental pride. I think with siblings it is harder as one will always imagine the others are best. My son said he thought my daughter was favourite because she was cleverer (she isn't ,she is just good at different things to him)and my daughter thought it was my son because he was older and not so clumsy(she is clumsy but we never made an issue of it). I told them they are both my favourite because they are our family. In a family of brothers and sisters,no one should be best child. I am sure many people compare with their other families children(nieces/nephews), I know I have but I would never say so to their parents.
• Australia
18 Feb 10
I was the youngest of five children. My eldest sister physically abused me until she married - and then abused her children. My brothers didn't live with us. My other sister, five years older than me, who lived with us, was absolutely perfect and I really wanted to be like her, but I knew I couldn't be. Every day of my life I had been told that I was totally evil and no one would ever want me. When I was 11 years old, my sister mother and my third step father moved to Australia. My sister married very soon after arrival here, so I was the only one left at home. My third step father added more to it. He continued with the totally evil tag and after one horrible day, he added "ugly freak" which he hissed at me at every opportunity. He told me I might as well do the world a favour and kill myself because no one would ever want me around. This continued until I was 22 years old when my life changed completely. I always greatly admired my sister. She was so perfect. We never argued. In fact, she hardly even acknowledged my presence. It wasn't until I had a family of my own that we became more like sisters and in more recent years we have become very close. We ARE sisters.
@pandaeyes (2068)
18 Feb 10
That is a great shame. I cant understand how people can be so unkind to other human beings. I am glad you have managed to come through it all. How lovely that you have your big sister still and are friends. My mother had 2 sisters ,the older one was a very kind lady but mum said she had been very rude and bossy when they were children.
17 Feb 10
My brother and I fought like cat and dog for years. I am four years older than he is and was expected to be the "responsible" one. My brother soon figured out that I would always get the blame as the eldest so he made the most of it all. Throughout my teenage years I tried to avoid my brother as much as I could, in order to avoid any conflict, and we grew apart from there. We still keep in touch but as we now live 150 miles apart, I don't see him that often
1 person likes this
@patgalca (13679)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Feb 10
I am the youngest of five children. My oldest brother was 15 years older than me. Not only did I not fight with him, I didn't even grow up with him. He got married when I was 6. I don't remember living in the same house with him. He passed away six years ago; I hadn't seen him in 8 (though spoke on the phone). He was a very funny guy and I so wish we got to have an adult relationship with each other. I can't even find pictures of us together. My sisters are 14 and 9.5 years older than me. Again, no relationship. My oldest sister moved out when she got a teaching job in another city, probably a year or two after my brother got married. My other sister moved out when she turned 18. She was the rebellious one. I was nine. Don't remember much about living with her. I know to this day she has always been bossing me around. And then there is my other brother, 4.5 years older than me. We fought like cat and dog. We certainly didn't hang out together. I was pretty much left to my own devices growing up. I never felt like part of the family being so far apart in age from all of them. As adults my brother and I have a fun relationship. He laughs at all my jokes and I love it! He still holds a grudge over something that happened, oh, 22 years ago? I am 47 and he is 51. My girls are 3 years apart and it has been my life's mission to make my little family a FAMILY. They are 13 and 16 and it gives me great joy to hear them laughing together and having fun. They know what I have gone through with my sisters and I have warned them to not let what happened to me happen to them. So please, take my advice, cherish the time you have with your brother. You are close enough in age to have some real memories together that you can laugh about together. My husband is very close with his siblings. There are 8 of them born very, VERY close together. His mother gave birth to two in one year - one in January and on in December. I envy the relationship he has with his siblings. If you can mend your relationship with your brother, do it! Life is too short.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
17 Feb 10
You and I are the same age! My own kids are much more friendly but still not perfect friends. I don't think they are rivals because of their parents actions but more because they wanted their own space. They shared a room to begin with because we hadn't finished moving the bathroom to give another bedroom. They seemed much friendlier once that was achieved. They are friends with next doors grandchildren and the youngest two are equally matched . Girl and boy with mostly friendly actions but just a little bit of cheekiness every now and then.
@1anurag1 (3585)
• India
17 Feb 10
I used to fight my sister when i was young. and it think the thing you have told was the reason. there is a reason that children always think that the part of love of their parents towards him or her id giving more by them to the siblings. but now as we have grown up we dont think those small things. may be we dont play with each other. but we are a bit supporting. i think the secret is the maturity in thoughts only.
1 person likes this
@pandaeyes (2068)
17 Feb 10
I think being nearer in age too can have an effect. My sister and i are a long way apart in age so I was quite big before she was favourite child. Still though i saw her as stealing my dad even though I was big .I didn't want to fight her though, just acted rudely to my dad for taking away his love or so it felt at the time.
@dorannmwin (36609)
• United States
20 Feb 10
When we were children there were times that myself and my siblings fought with each other to a great degree, but there were many more times when we got along with each other fabulously. Now that we are grown, I see my brother on nearly a daily basis because I babysit his two preschool daughters. My little sister I don't see on quite as much of a regular basis, but I still average seeing her at least every other week. I think that we are a much closer family than most because of the fact that we lost our father while we were still relatively young.