Moral dilemma

@dawnald (84131)
Shingle Springs, California
March 17, 2010 11:27pm CST
I mentioned the family member who has the record because of peeping on his step daughter while she was undressing for a shower (something he did many times before he was caught and at least once afterward). Well said family member has a girlfriend and he's moving in with her. From what I've heard, the girlfriend has a college age and a high school age daughter. I won't let the man sleep in my house with my young daughters or be alone with them either. I'm going to bet that the girlfriend does not know about his record. I wonder if she would want him there with her daughters knowing what his record was. What, if anything, would you do?
11 people like this
24 responses
@rosegardens (3044)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I would tell the girlfriend and show her proof if I was able to get it. Those girls need their privacy and who knows what he may end up doing? Some peepers end up doing more than that, and I certainly would not trust him around any one of similar age or gender that has been a victim before. I just hope Dawnald this woman has a few active neurons firing in her head and pays attention. You cannot save the world, but you can try and no one can fault you for that. Is he allowed to be around girls under 18? It would make it easier if he is not, because all you need is a phonecall to his parole officer and the police department and he goes bye bye for a little while.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 10
I have proof, but I don't have a way to get in touch with her (yet)...
• United States
18 Mar 10
I wonder if inviting them out for dinner would work? You are superdawnald, you can do anything. You will find her.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
They are in southern California, I am in northern, so that's not as easy as it sounds.
@babyangie27 (5177)
• United States
18 Mar 10
Well I would tell this girlfriend. I couldn't imagine someone not telling me something like that,I mean what if you didn't know and then something like that happened to your daughter? I would want to prevent harm to anyone.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 10
without doing some snooping, I have no idea how to get in touch with her, best I could probably do is contact CPS
1 person likes this
• Australia
18 Mar 10
I presume CPS is some sort of child protection agency. If I could not contact the person, I would most definitely contact them.
3 people like this
• United States
18 Mar 10
I would have to agree with the ladies above. Like I said it just seems like a bad thing waiting to happen. I imagine a lifetime type thing ya know where he does it to her girls and she doesn't know......just bad hun
2 people like this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
20 Mar 10
That's a terrible and scary situation. I don't know what I would do but I do know that if it were me oblivious to his past, I would definitely want to know about it before moving him in and getting myself and my gorls in a much bigger mess. I would hate to be in your shoes my friend. I would be torn as to what to do.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
20 Mar 10
don't think I have the guts to call her, might send something anonymously... but then he'd blame his ex, which isn't good either...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Mar 10
I really do not Trust him, and way that is really decision... And, I really believed, you could talk to him, in most civil manner... I will pray for the safety of your family especially your daughters... May God Bless Us All, Always...
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
I'll see what I can do...
@vandana7 (62299)
• India
18 Mar 10
I think there is a difference in the way mothers think, and the way fathers think. For a long time I didnt let my papa know about my pedophile uncle, because I was scared of getting beaten up. Dad was something of a tyrant. :) But even after I told him, he has been pretty chummy with that uncle! That feels like adding insult to injury. :( I think mom would have understood how it felt. :( Such things annoy me quite a lot. :(
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
It doesn't come across as real supportive, no.
@vandana7 (62299)
• India
19 Mar 10
Yeah. But the problem is he doesnt remember, he has to be reminded - he is not as alert as Hatley, and yet he doesnt like to be reminded. :( I cant be bringing such things up constantly as it spoils my peace. :( But you do need to warn that lady.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (62299)
• India
21 Mar 10
Just had a bad moment. :( A family friend said - forgive it - it is in the past. :) It is in the past no doubt. But forgiving to the level of being social with that person or any of my relatives is impossible for me. I did mention it before and they all covered it up. I too have my set of demons to battle you know. :) Talk about getting somebody really supportive. :( I cant talk to kids for that kind of support! Neither father, nor family, not even family friends. The real world vandy lives. :) I hate it.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (29029)
• United States
20 Mar 10
Gut instinct says to tell the new girlfriend, though she probably won't listen. I know there were many times a friend tried to warn me of the dangers of one of my new loves.
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
22 Mar 10
You may be right about that.. I've tried to warn several people before for other things but it has fallen on deaf ears..
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Mar 10
Yep, it definitely occurred to me that she won't want to hear it.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32271)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I'd talk to her and say "Ya know what's cool! There's a website where you can find out what if any records people have, you should totally check it out!" Then I'd let her see for herself... That's just me though...
2 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 10
If I had her address I could anonymously send her a copy of the CPS report. but I don't know her or her address or anything...
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32271)
• United States
18 Mar 10
get introduced? neh then it might be obvious or said family member might want to come around?
2 people like this
@zed_k4 (17627)
• Singapore
22 Mar 10
This is hard...the history of him should be known to the new girlfriend, in my opinion.. maybe you might want to give it a shot.. just try for like once?
2 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Mar 10
Yep...
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (26024)
• Canada
19 Mar 10
It's almost guaranteed that he will do exactly what did in his new locale. If the girlfriend is not warned about this man's condition, do we not share some of the responsibility for what he does? Such individuals need to be exposed for the harm that they can do.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
Sad, but true.
1 person likes this
18 Mar 10
Hi dawnald, I would never allow this person anywhere young girls, people don't change and he will do it again, I wouldn't want him anywhere near the house. Tamara
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
I wouldn't either.
@Orea15 (281)
• United States
18 Mar 10
While generally I believe in minding my own business, in this case the welfare of the children/young women takes precedence. I would inform their mother if at all possible, making it clear that you aren't doing it out of malice or spite, but out of concern for the girls.
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
I agree, it's the how that's perplexing me right now...
@laglen (19782)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I would say that if there is anyway you can find contact info for her, get her the info. If not, I would call CPS. She has a choice, but she at least needs the correct information. I am a mother of a 16 year old daughter and I would want to know. I would never take the chance with my daughter. Good luck!
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
I would want to know too.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
18 Mar 10
I would have to tell her about him. it will probably make her mad but so be it. At least u warned her & u would feel guilty if something like that happens to her children if u didn't warn her. He needs to be put away.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
He's served his sentence, so unless he does something, he can't be put away. I don't know how to get in touch with her. YET. But I"ll figure something out.
• United States
18 Mar 10
I would find a way to get the message to her, even if anonymously. I'd want to know! And I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that those girls could be in danger.
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Mar 10
I don't feel comfortable either.
@MsTickle (24991)
• Australia
25 Mar 10
For goodness sake tell her! This guy, even if he is reformed is still going to do something creepy and horrid at some time. You can't leave anything to chance.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Mar 10
Yeah I'm seeing if I can get an address for her...
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
21 Mar 10
I am not usually one to interfere in other people’s lives but in cases like this I would not hesitate to somehow contact the girl’s mother and let her know what the person she is about to move in with is capable of. She may not believe you but it may give her something to think about. I don’t know if you are able to get in touch with her but if it was me I could not live with myself if I didn’t at least try...If you don’t have her contact details would you be able to advise Child Protective Services or something? Sounds drastic but I wouldn’t take any chances.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Mar 10
That's always an option, yes...
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
19 Mar 10
Hi dawnald, I normally try to stay out of people's personal relationships and let them work or not work things out themselves. When it comes to something like this, however, I would have to speak out. I would have to at least make sure the mother knew his background. I would go to her with what I knew and some proof so it would not just be hearsay. If she still chose to be with him then, I really don't know what I would do. If I was dating someone with this sort of history, I would want to know and I'd be furious if no one stepped forward and informed me.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
I would be furious too.
@GardenGerty (96662)
• Marion, Kansas
19 Mar 10
The mother, and in this case, with the girls this old, even the daughters need to know to keep their guard up. If he has been convicted, and served his time, he may be in the clear to associate, but even so, she needs to keep her guard up.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
Yeah I think she needs to know...
@GardenGerty (96662)
• Marion, Kansas
19 Mar 10
How CPS will handle this is determined by how serious the original charges were, if he was convicted, and how long ago it was. Is he on probation still? He may be risking jail time, if he is. Did he go for counseling?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
He was convicted of a misdemeanor, he served his sentence, no probation. Yes, he went for counseling.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Mar 10
Think of it this way. You wouldn't want such thing to happen to your own daughters and you wouldn't want a man like that to wander around just like that, always looking for his prey. You can let the girlfriend know about it anonymously. You can also go to proper authorities or any child protection agency to help protect the children. Well these things may be hard to do. But what is important is you've the best in order to help protect the children.
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Mar 10
No I wouldn't want it...