Abuse in relationships

@BYOLA2871 (4373)
South Africa
April 1, 2010 2:20am CST
When a man meets a woman he fancies there is usually the rush of adrenalin that makes your heart beat faster and then if you are determined enough you takes a step further to meet with the lady and then hope to make effect to catch her attention, this sometimes also is the case with ladies (I do hope you agree with me on this!) I do know for sure that no relationship start on a bad note but as time goes some form of signs of a bad relationship starts to show for example, abuse be it verbal, physical ,emotional,etc. Most of the time victims of relationship abuse usually don’t say whats wrong until it becomes so bad and noyt much could be done about it My question however is why do people become abusive on their partners and what can be done to take care of this issue?
10 responses
@SViswan (12072)
• India
1 Apr 10
I wish I knew. I've been thinking about this for years. I've come across many people who do not say anything is wrong till it's too late. I understand how their mind works. The first time abuse happens, they think it's the first time and things will change after the talking and the consoling and everything. The second time, they think 'Everyone makes mistakes...I'm sure the abuser won't repeat it again' especially if the abuser is quite apologetic after the incident. This cycle goes on for quite some time before the person realizes that the abuser is not going to change. Now, coming to the question of 'WHY'...there can be many reasons, a feeling of power or control when everything in the real world is falling apart for the abuser, no control over emotions, trying to get the upper hand, etc.
@BYOLA2871 (4373)
• South Africa
10 Apr 10
will one then be right to say that abusing your partner gives the abuser a kind of feeling of power or control over the partner or what? honestly i have seen abuse on ladies at the most awkward of places and ijust cant undedrstand it,for example i was in a shopping mall sometimes ago just trying to replenish my grocery stock when suddenly i saw a guy slapping his girlfriend i was so pissed with him that i had to interevene by slapping the guy back ,i am not a violent person but i just could not stanfd the pain and abuse the lady was being put through
@SViswan (12072)
• India
11 Apr 10
Oh...I was talking mainly about the person being abused. And about the abuser in the home setting. The example you showed could be a person who needs help with anger management. I've also seen cases where women (and sometimes even men) say the most horrible things to the partner when they are in a public place hoping they can get away with it. Of course, I wouldn't react physically if my husband something really mean at a mall..I'd give him a glare and ignore him till we got back to the car and then give him a piece of my mind. But I also have to admit that I've wanted to punch/slap him real bad sometimes....never done it though. I'm not sure I like the part where men think they can control women by abusing them in public...most of the time the man is trying to show the woman 'who is the boss' but what happens is that people look down on him. Also the woman might have a lot of resentment inside and not show till it's too hard for her to control...and then that's bad too.
@machivado (529)
• Indonesia
2 Apr 10
Most people simply just being true to themselves...no more mask. And that's when bad days at home kicks in...People we love can get angry for no reason..that's why understanding is important...
@BYOLA2871 (4373)
• South Africa
10 Apr 10
i can understand that people can get angryy but understanding to the point of physical.or verbal abuse ?i dont get what you mean by understanding is important here
@vallie (33)
• India
1 Apr 10
Hi regards. this is reality, happened to me too in the past. thanks vallie
@BYOLA2871 (4373)
• South Africa
10 Apr 10
hety please can you please shareyour experience with us and how were you able to deal with the situation?am sure therearemillions of ladies out therewho dont know what to do
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
2 Apr 10
Hi Byola, I really don't know. Wish I did. I think the abusive person has it in his nature to be abusive. Also there are signs leading up to the abuse usually and it takes a certain type of personality to overlook those signs that most woman would run from. The woman can not try to figure out why the man was abusive but rather why she put up with it.
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
If the relationships foundation is weak then it is possible that it wont last that long at all. Sometimes we tend to take things pretty fast, as you said we are taken by adrenaline rush not considering if we really know each other alot.And if we just push the relationship without the right foundation sooner or later the love will be fading until to the point that violence and emotional abuse will start to sink in. Before we decide about relationships we should consider time as a factor,im talking about the time that you've got to know your partner that well. ;)
@Candymin (145)
• China
2 Apr 10
Hi, Byola. Actually, the relationship between men and women is really hard to say, hard to identify right or wrong. I have a best friend who broke up with her boyfriend one month ago. I was really astonished when I heard of the news from her. We all thought that their relationship undoubtedly would lead to the church and a perfect marriage, also it has been showing great sweet and stability to all of her friends or relatives. But now the result takes a completely different twist. She told me that the boy brought it forward with a nonsense unacceptable excuse and she loves him very much while she had no choice but to accept the reality. I do hope there goes healthy relationship without abuse, without hurt regardless of a happy ending or a broken-up. Shining more through our life. Happy time everyday.
@basqui (3890)
• Philippines
2 Apr 10
Others men abuse women when they are already married. They started as love birds, romantic and all. They all have the clouds beneath their feet when they are together. But these changes as time pass by. Men tend to think that they already own their wives and they have the right to abuse them. I have shared many times the cases that happened here in our community. The husband constantly abuses physically, emotionally and psychologically and even economically. The wife turned to the social welfare for help because the Philippines now have the Law that protects Women and Children's Rights. Now the husband is jailed for good. The family is now at ease living without the father. I salute this wife who did not become a martyr. She protected her children from their own father.
@Hatley (164777)
• Garden Grove, California
1 Apr 10
hi byola I think in a lot of marriages he starts down the abuse trail at the very beginning because this woman who he loves is to him a possession he must always be in control, he will show signs of jealousy even before the wedding.then is when a smart woman will realize something is really wrong,and if she is wise, she will say lets call the whole thing off. but most women will try to stick it out only to find the longer she is there the worse becomes his controlling. I dont think these relationships start on the good note of others, theres always a flaw there and the women do not see it at first. He gets a bit angry and gives her a shove, okay he just lost his temper. but then comes the verbal assaults and the neverending watching, he will not let her have friends,he wants to know where she is at all times, and this keeps escalating until he strikes her. why because he wants to control her to own her like a prized art colleciton,not a live woman who he loves, What makes men do this? I a m not sure but maybe a bad childhood, who really knows. I think some men are just warped before they marry and they usually marry a docile rather tame sort of woman, just so he can more easily control her. What can be done is for women to wake up to the signs of an abuser, a batterer while they are still engaged and break it off at once. do not wait until he hits you, and if he does get the hell out of there. These men are mental cases and need to be t reated by psychiatrists as their thinking is all screwed up. Could be many causes, but I dont know all of them, just that a woman should know the signs and leave before she loses her life.
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
This is usually caused by third party relationships, from my point of view. I see alot of couples fighting because of cheating or third party relationships. It's obvious cuz even if one lied to the other it causes arguments, what's more if one cheated on the other, right? To sum it up, i say being unfaithful to the other usually causes abuse. I'm not saying all of men do this. I don't. I just get angry.
• Indonesia
1 Apr 10
not abusive. the abusive will appear when each other don't believe on their boy or girl. abusive just come when someone getting take a part. so what will you do when you have boy or girl do abusive to you? i this case when it happen i mean abusive i will don't like. many couple do abusive and they will not get the happiness. so don't do abusive things if really love your relationship partner. ok :)