when parents fight. . .

Hi onlyprincess; I feel for you. It is not an easy situation to be in the middle of when your parents are fighting. I've been there, a lot, when I was a youngster. My parents divorced when I was ten, some years ago. As it turns out, the fights would mostly occur when us kids were in bed already but we would still hear it. Sometimes it would get violent. It was scary sometimes, for a kid. There was really nothing that either of us could do. They were the adults, we were the children. Once the divorce was proceeding is when us kids found ourselves in the middle. It wasn't easy. To this day, that predicament can still find it's way in, leaving us in the middle. When you come home and your parents are not speaking to one another, you could simply find something to keep your mind busy. Read a book, do homework, ask one of your parent to play a board or card game, draw or paint a picture, take up playing piano if you don't already. Just find something that you can do with yourself for a bit. In the meantime, if there is a councilor at school, perhaps you could talk with them about how this effects you and what you feel. It sounds like your parents have dome disagreements that only the two of them can work out. I don't think that there is much you can do. An idea that comes to mind is when you come home and they are not speaking, prepare a dinner for the three of you. Set candles on the table as well and light them so you three can eat by candle light. This will calm the environment. Make a nice big pot of spaghetti or something easy like that. When you are all seated and almost finished eating, I would gently begin to voice your opinion with the both of them present. Tell them how them fighting makes you feel, what you fear and what you dislike about it. How much more better you feel when they are not fighting. Ask them why they fight. Perhaps suggest family counseling so to work through the problems so you all can be a happier family. Sometimes hearing about the effects ones behavior has on another is enough for significant changes to begin to take place. I wouldn't bottle up my feelings regarding this matter. I think that to voice how you feel when both parents are present, will give you a release of pent up feelings but also a good way to break the ice so that your parents are aware of the effect their fighting has on you. I hope that this may help.

hello onlyprincess, i have been in such situation many times on my younger years...actually there comes a time that there's no day that they are not fighting! you know, they easily clash with just small things...its like they are throwing bad words to each other, things like that and i really hate the situation, but since i am still young that time, nothing i can do but keep silent and usually i just go to the room or just leave them. it hurts me so bad specially when i am seeing my mom cries...i am kinda bias in the situation coz my sympathy is always for mom. that's also one of the reason why i am not really close to my father before... and since i also have a younger brother, whenever our parents are fighting, i just get my brother and talk to him, i always tell him not be affected with what's happening with our parents. i try to protect my brother coz i don't want him to have a rebellious thought due to our parent's attitudes... sometimes my brother & i just cry... but there are also some instances that i can't stand what i am seeing and so sometimes i can't stop my self from interrupting them and saying what i feel, but it happens just once pr twice... and when it happens they stop. what annoys me more is seeing them very sweet at this moment then later they are fighting! arrrgh! too bad! but anyway, those were all things of the past...our family have successfully defeat such situation with the help of our good Lord. i think my prayers have been heard and now our family is living at peace, no more fightings between our parents although sometimes there are still some misunderstandings...and i am glad that now, i already have the power to become their 'referee' ! and i am glad that they listen to me. and with my brother & i, when we are seeing them fighting now, we just make fun out of it! haha and then they will be fine again and back to being sweet with each other! huh! parents!

hi onlyprincess I did not ever really handle the situation well when myh parents fought in front of me. I would get a migraine headache and be so sick that even their fighting would stop as my mom tended to me. she called it a sick headache. well it was sick all right as I always ended up vomiting. when I grew up and moved out on my own I never had another sick headache like that again. I asked a doctor friend of mine as I was working in the same hospital if those had been migraines and he said oh yes indeed. sometimes they are brought on by something like that, a stressor you cannot get away from. I did learn not to interfere as neither one appreciated my thoughts on it.

I feel so sorry about what happened to your parents, in fact we have the same problem in here too. I recognize to my self that i am so affected to the quarrel of my parents in law because of some personal problem that the whole family was affected. It is not the reason why not to worry for my parents in law told us that we their children can only watch and listen to them and we dont have rights to say any thing against them, but because we love them both we wanted to help what really the main reason why they could not get their life back to normal. The more they always have a fight the more the children get worse in their physical and emotional.

Hi OP, SAd to hear you ar experiencing this kind of petty intramurals at home this holy week break. it's been 18 hours since youposted this discussion, i hope things are going well now between mom and dad. just let them be. they are old enough to know and manage their temper. communication is very important. in times like this when i was still young i also talk to both of them when they are on silent war...not talking to each other. it's also important for us kids to give them really a break. don't worry they will be fine!

I think you have to talk in a diplomatic way that all problem will be solve in a peaceful way. Arguing makes more trouble. Try to have a third party that they can listen and respect.

my parents used to fight in front of me and my brothers. Mom would always threaten to leave and take us kids which would never fail to bring dad to his knees. We'd leave and go sit somewhere for a couple of hours and then go home. Arguments usually are a misunderstanding and they bring out the worst in everyone. It happens to all of us though. Once I got older and could no longer be dragged out of the house, I learned that the best way to deal with it was to go in my room and put on some music and try to ignore them best I could. Putting yourself in the middle does no good at all as Im sure you've found out. In fact it could make it worse and get one of them mad at you too. When 2 people are arguing, it's best to distance yourself and let them hash it out. good luck.

Something like that is always traumatic for a child... no matter what age they happen to be (perhaps I should use the term 'offspring'). Because even as an adult it will hurt to see your parents argue over anything. That's one of the reasons why psychiatrists say you should never argue in front of the children... wait till they're in bed or out of the house. My parents used to argue constantly (they divorced when I was ten). Initially I used to get up and walk out of the room... until dad started yelling at me that I shouldn't just walk away... like he wanted an audience for his little marital tiff. So I got to the stage where I just tuned out by focussing so totally on whatever I was doing to the exclusion of all else (i.e. my parents argument). Unfortunately of course, that just stops the conscious memory, the subconscious damage is still done.

Hi, onlyprincess. This must be very hard for you to have to go through this. When I was younger, my dad used to abuse my mom. He would fight her. He would take her in the woods and fight her while we were in the car. We was so scared and my younger sister, did not know what was really going on at that time. It was very scary. I did not know what was going on. My mom would be crying and she was scared.. I witnessed many bad things between my parents. If my mom was still alive today, I would just pray and ask God to drive the devil away. I would not try to get in the middle of this. I will let God handle this. I hope that your parents can find a resolution to their anger. I know how you feel and it is very scary to see them fight. It is even more scarier when you see abuse as well.

In my opinion, fighting among married couples are normal, in the sense that it doesn't go beyond verbal debate. Anything more would be taken for a criminal conduct. The real problem is that when the two person stops saying anything to one another. This will cut any communication between them resulting in a divorce. I suggest that you find simple things that'll bring up their communication level a notch or two.

I think parents should not be fighting in front of their children.. because it is affected on children minds.. and they never obey their parents.. so also parents thinks about this.. that they should not be fight with each other.. in front of their child.. have a nice day and keep mylotting always..

My parents have been fighting with each other since I remember, and nothing from what I have ever tried ever worked. Actually, it only worked to make them blame me when I had nothing to do in that arguement. I hope that your parents don't have fights often, as it is a horrible thing. In my case, I decided to give up, and now that I don't live with them I feel more relaxed, as there are never people shouting at my home

I feel thats really bad to fight in front of the kids as fighting can be there in any relations, provided they see that the fights doesnot go beyond limits and start to forgive each other!

Hi onlyprincess. I think your parents should not fight in front of you. It looks very awful they should just argue inside their room. But if you are caught in the middle, you can stay in your room and leave them alone. Instead of you getting the cold treatment. You can also try to talk to then and I believe that hey will somehow listen since you are their only child. They would not bear that they are hurting their only child because if repetitive fight. Good day.