Am i the only one that has fusses w/my kids?

@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
United States
April 3, 2010 8:26pm CST
I hate to be dumping on all my friends on mylot but need to talk. My son & i had a fuss this afternoon, want go into details , know u aren't interested. Anytime i disagree w/him i'm the dirty dog. Do they think when u get old that u don't have any right or sense to have your own opinions on things. Do they have the right to jump on u? I don't think so. What do y'all think? Do u fuss w/your children? I hate that!!
7 people like this
15 responses
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
4 Apr 10
I occasionally fussed with my children while they were still living under my roof, but that was a long time ago. Now that my children are in their 40s, we never quarrel. In fact, my daughter will frequently ask my opinion about something. Our son seldom asks our opinion, but he sometimes gets it anyway. In my opinion, that's what parents are for. When I state what I think about the matter, Son listens quietly and usually states his views on the matter. Sometimes, he just listens, without comment. Never, do we argue. It is a quiet discussion, one adult to another.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Good for y'all. doesn't seem like we can do that. He hurts my feelongs over something then before it's over we are both p.o.I think we are too much alike.I just wish he was a more sensitive person toward me. Neither one of my sons have ever been that way toward me. I try to never make waves but when i do it's all my fault, u can't explain to them how u feel w/out alot of cussing & screaming. That's not a good thing.Thanks for responding. happy easter to u.
2 people like this
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
4 Apr 10
It happens. How old is he? My only son is an adult and has a family. Those days are now fewer.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Thanks for responding. He is 28 w/a wife & 5 year old son. It breaks my heart when this happens. I'm not suppose to have an opinion on anything especially if it's different than his. Happy easter to u.
3 people like this
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
4 Apr 10
I know it is hard to not say much. I know he gets angry at me but usually he just turns colors and goes about his way. Tomorrow's another day and it is less important. We have three grandchildren (girl 5yr., boy 2yr & girl 7 weeks). Although my husband comes home from his mother's house fit to be tied. She drives him up a wall. He seldom talks back to her but holds it in to take out on someone else.
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
I tried not to fuss w/mine yesterday because my grandson was here & i didn't want him to hear us fussing but my son wouldn't leave it be. Why does your mil drive your son crazy. Guess sons forget what all u did for them when they were little. Tell him from me to have more compassion for his mom. Bet she had alot for him when he was depending on her for everything.Thanks for responding. Happy easter to u.
2 people like this
@gabs8513 (48717)
• United Kingdom
4 Apr 10
Hi Jo With me it is more my Daughter and I lol But it is only because we have different opinions about certain things and of course I don't know anything I guess lol I let it go over my Head as 10 minutes later it is all said and done and she tells me she loves me My Son and I are very alike and do not like arguments and to be honest we have never had an argument we talk about things and sort things that way
3 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
I'm glad they aren't anything serious w/your daughter & it's wonderful u & your son never argue. I don't like to argue w/anyone but have never backed down from one either[not bragging].What gets my goat w/my son is that he's hurt my feelings & he can't tell the difference between feelings & being p.o. I usually end up being p.o. before it's over with because i don't like him going off on me.I'm afraid we are too much alike. Thanks for responding.
2 people like this
@marguicha (91970)
• Chile
4 Apr 10
Dearest Jo, I have 2 darling daughters that sometimes treat me like your son treated you today. The little bast ards think that they know better just because our body aches. Let him know that you might have an aching body but not a feeble mind.. I had a big quarrel with both of my girls before my surgery. I had to apologise later because they got so much into my nerves that I told them to leave (I probably yelled then). But when we made amends, I underlined the idea that I might be older but not stupid. Relax. Things will go back to normal. Watch a nice movie with a DIET drink nearby.. And I am interested in any details you want to share.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Thanks marg, u are a sweetie for sharing w/me.I never get to take ryan anywhere . When iask to i'm turned down which hurts my feelings big time. ryan & i were invited to an easter egg hunt & cookout late afternoon at a cousin's & my son said no.When i told ryan about it he seemed excited . I thought it would be a fun thing to do just he &i for a change. I have seen very little of him lately. I just got my feelings hurt then son decided to run his mouth & we both ended up mad. I'm still mad & hurt over it. glad u & your daughters made up. I'm sure they understood u were up tight about having surgery. Anybody would have been. thanks for listening to me. U are a good friend. love & hugs.
2 people like this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
4 Apr 10
This is not really uncommon problem. It generally occurs due to mismatch of the temperaments. I also have faced this problem, when I used to stay with my family. My Mom and I would quarrel about anything on the earth. Sometimes, it would irritate and annoy me. Here is what you can do! Try to have a conversation with your kid. Tell him that it annoys to argue with him about things. Let him know that you would like to see his point of view and would expect him to do the same too. This is kind of an agreement and I have found that it works sometimes. Maybe, you should try it too... Have a good time!
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Thanks for your response & happy easter to u. I'm glad your mom & u have come to a good way to solve your arguments. That's a good thing. I'm afraid my son & i are too much alike.He hurt my feelings, he didn't make me mad till later when he was running his mouth. Thanks for your advice.
2 people like this
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
5 Apr 10
I hope you had a great time on Easter with your family, miss. Yes, my mom and I came to a solution. I simply started staying away from my parents and now we don't quarrel. Well, it is not the perfect solution, but I had to move out, because it had become too much for me in the end. Have a conversation with your kid and I am sure all will be well soon... Have a great time!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
5 Apr 10
Thanks for your response. I did not see one person yesterday or talk to a soul. It sure wasn't a good easter but hopefully there will be another one. I'm glad your mom & u worked it out but that's a sad way to do it. I bet she misses u. Have a great night.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Apr 10
If you aren't jumping on him for his opinion, I don't see why it's OK for him to jump on you. Dearra's very opinionated and doesn't have a problem telling me off, but I take that to mostly be a teenager thing that she'll grow out of!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
5 Apr 10
I wasn't jumping on him for anything. I ask to take my grandson to an easter egg hunt & when he said i couldn't it hurt my feelings. I never get to take him anywhere. He got mad because i cried not just about that one time, for all the times i have ask to take him somewhere. As for dearra i don't think she needs to be jumping on u for anything. Hate to tell u but it want go away.Thanks for responding.
3 people like this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 Apr 10
With Dearra some of it may be teenager hormonal stuff...
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
5 Apr 10
Think u are making excuses for her behavior, sorry.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
22 Apr 10
Hi there Antique, By fuss do you mean a little falling out? I have 4 girls and 3 of them are all grown and then there is the 16 yr old. For the most part we are very, very close now that they are grown. Still every now and again we have a bad day. Anyway, I think I know that feeling in your gut. I always always feel so out of sorts afterward. The 16 yr old actually knows everything about everything. You don't even have to ask for her knowledge and wisdom....she'll tell you. I tell her to write it all down for future reference. I wish I wrote it all down when I was 16 and knew all there was to know about life. Oh and it would have been ok for you to vent here I'm sure.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
22 Apr 10
Hi again, Just went back and read thru the responses....something I should of done first and got a better idea of what was going on. Ok...yep, me and my girls do have our days like that and I so hate it. I speak my mind also and while for the most part they are respectful and we talk things over....every now and again....it's just awful. I'm just curious as to why your son would not let you take your grandson on the egg hunt? I would have been upset too unless my daughter had a really good reason. I have 2 grandchildren and I don't get to see them nearly as much as I would like but my daughter thankfully has been very good about letting me take them when opportunities arise. My grandson is 11 and we are very very close. I taught him how to make the incense burners I make so when he is over, he likes to work on them. I sell them for him and give him the money which he puts into his bank account. Well, not long ago, he spent the nite here and he made one a red sox one. It was a girl in a red and blue bikini with a redsox cap on holding a bat. She jumped all over me for it as if I were corrupting her son...my grandson. I stood my ground and in the end, she did calm down and appologize. I was so hurt and insulted but it's all ok now. I hope this has passed with you and your son as well.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
22 Apr 10
Good morning sid, Thanks for your response.I appreciated u taking your time. I have never been allowed to take my grandson many places. my grandaughter i don't even get to see. I do get my feelings hurt, maybe i shouldn't but i raised both my sons by myself & thought i had been a good mother but i even have doubts about that now. Neither one are speaking to me. I haven't seen my oldest son in a year next month.We did not have words about anything. My youngest has not spoken to me in nearly 3 weeks so that means i haven't seen my grandson either. i'm glad u & your daughter worked things out. i think she over-reacted. My son called me a very ugly name when all this happened. I'm not likely to everforget that. Thanks again. Have a great thursday.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
22 Apr 10
Oh Antique, I raised my girls alone too and while I know I was a good mom, an argument with one of them will throw me right into second-guessing myself also. Trust me, my girls have said some very hurtful things too. I really hope your sons wake up and realize how important grandparents really are to the kids. By not letting you spend good quality time with them they are not only depriving you but the kids as well. Have you tried talking to their wives about this? Oh I hope they do come around and make things right by all of you. {{{HUGS}}}.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
2 May 10
yup sometimes I think kids think when ya get older ya loose what ya had but nope dont think so you have lived that long and know more than them so stick up for yourself and tell him to get over it!
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
3 May 10
I think u are right, they do feel that way.Anytime i don't agree w/them i'm always the one that is wrong. They don't think i'm so dumb & stupid when they want or need something tho.My bank has closed on that. Thanks for your response. Good to have u back on mylot.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
3 May 10
thanks good to be back home glad I missed this last Sat weather y'll had set thru the last one with son but wasnt this bad.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Hi Jo! I am always a dirty dog in my house..LOL. I am not one to be agreeable just for the peace factor. I say what I mean and if I don't agree...I don't agree. I think it's better for them in the longrun if I am honest. If my daughter has to much makeup on...I say...dang kimber..it looks like someone hit you in the eyes..get some of that stuff off..that = dirty dog.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Good for u , Jen. That's the way it should be. Kids are suppose to be ruling the roost. My sons have been gone from home a long time but it's still my home & they are not going to come in here & act like an azzif u get my drift. Hopw u have a good day today & find the best egg. Thanks for responding as always.
2 people like this
@bunnybon7 (35900)
• Holiday, Florida
4 Apr 10
most certainly. i have 5 and its a thing happens with every one of them now and then after they are grown. sometimes they act like they've become our parent i dont often get into it with the boys and its usually not bad except they hurt my feelings more then making me mad. and one girl i seldome get into it with. with these 3 boys and 1 of the girls always apologise quickly and make up for it. but i have one, my oldest daughter that jumps on me at least once a month over the phone. it seems we can hardly ever have a conversation without she starts something or disagrees with me. the worst thing is, she NEVER says shes sorry. im always the one that has to make up to her oh well, shes my black sheep.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Happy easter morning Bon, It makes me feel better knowing i'm not the only one that has fusses w/their children but am sorry u do. I know how hurtful it can be. they may think they can boss me but they can't. They may have to someday but i'm not ready for that yet. Thanks for your response. hugs.
2 people like this
@cyrus123 (6383)
• United States
4 Apr 10
I hate to be in a fuss with anybody, myself. It upsets me. Don't worry about dumping your problems on any of us at mylot because we all need somebody to talk to. That's what we're here for. I think all children think their parents are old fashioned. I know I did mine. Now, I see that they were right about a lot of things and I really miss them. I think it's normal for all children and parents to fuss. Kathy.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
tHANK U kATHY, U ARE VERY KIND. i TO HATE TO BE IN A FUSS BUT SOMETIMES SEEMS AS IF I'M IN ALOT OF THEM. gUESS THAT HAS TO BE MY FAULT. i TOLD A FRIEND THE OTHER DAY I CAN sit in this house & think i'm not bothering a soul & get in more crap. i don't try to tell my sons what to do they are grown & unless they ask for my opinion i don't give it. Seems like i'm not allowed to say anything unless it's what they want to hear. I'm not turned that way. Right or wrong, i say what i think, always have & always will. I just hate it when people try to turn it into something else if u know what i mean.
2 people like this
• Philippines
4 Apr 10
well, as people grow old they think for their own and while in the process, they think they're always right more and more. I think that's the reason why. I'm sure he didn't mean that.
2 people like this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Thanks for your response. I certainly don't want to do his thinking for him , he's grown. I raised him to be independant but not ugly to his mother. Happy easter to u.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
7 Apr 10
Bless your heart Jo!! You have EVERY right to your own opinion! It doesn't matter who the opinion is given to! Shame on your son!! Shame shame on him!! Don't you change for him because that wouldn't be right. He needs to learn to respect you as his mother and respect your opinion as yours just as he has a right to his. HUGS!!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
8 Apr 10
Thanks cats, U made me feel better. i appreciate your response. I reckon i've just been handy for him to take all his frustations out on lately. We had another round sat. I know life gets tough , been there done that but i am not going to be his whipping post. Hope thaings are going good for u. hugs. jo
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@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
8 Apr 10
No one is his whipping post or punching bag as we call it. It's ok to get upset, yell and scream but not AT the person and the person needs to be told that's what they're doing before doing it. It's ok to vent out frustrations but not AT anybody. Being that your son is only 28 years old, he has A LOT of growing up to do and A LOT of experiencing of life but he shouldn't be doing it AT his mother! He really needs someone to turn him over their knee and giving him a good spanking! Shame on him!! HUGS to you Jo!! You're such a sweet and kind person and no way do you deserve this treatment!
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@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
11 Apr 10
Thanks again cats, he hasn't talked to me in over a week now but that's o.k. after the ugly name he called me i don't really want to talk to him anyway. Hope u have a great sunday. hugs.
@Hatley (164671)
• Garden Grove, California
2 May 10
hi antiquelady I know that feeling well and my son and I have had our rounds too.Always I was the one at fault, but oddly now my son is much older he seems to actually think I am not so dumb or stupid after all. He even, heavens this is different. asks my opinions on some things. He did not used to be so kind and thoughtful. I used to feel so hurt that he could not see he had hurt me, but he just thought I was angry.hurt first then yes I was angry because he seemed to think that I was just an old fuddy duddy not an intelligent parent. So maybe in a few years your son will look at you and have the truth dawn on him, hey moms really pretty smart after all, I will ask her what I should do about so and so.
@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
3 May 10
I loved your response, thanks for it. I'm glad u & your son have such a good relationship . I thought i did to but this has proved me wrong for sure. Hope u are doing well. Take care.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164671)
• Garden Grove, California
4 May 10
hi antiquelady you know my son still thinks I am a bank at times and now I just do not have that much money so God has to help him get a job now. It is hard to say no to ones own son but what If one does not have that money?
@pergammano (7755)
• Canada
7 Apr 10
That's what we are here for...dear lady! Answering your questions is so difficult, as each situation is different. With my son, I say "son, please listen, and you may NOT agree, but this is my opinion,"....of which I state my opinion, as diplomatically as possible and leave it at that..but that works for me, and my situation! I do not discuss it further! I do not allow him to jump on me, or disrespect me in any manner! I am sure tho' what works for me, will not work for others. I truly hope you will find a peaceful resolution! HUGZ & LUV!
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@ANTIQUELADY (36489)
• United States
7 Apr 10
I am not here to be jumped on, called ugly names are be disrespected by my sons. Days of being treated like that have been gone for years & years. I went through hell & high water raising my 2 boys by myself. They niether one will get by w/doing that. i'm glad u & your son can work it out that way. I'm glad he has respect foru. i thought mine did but found out different. Thanks for responding.
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