Would you still buy your child a car if they did not graduate?

@newtalent (1114)
United States
April 4, 2010 11:42am CST
Here is the story, Child's father daughter called and asked if he would contribute to her purchasing a car (He laughed). He asked her , "Did you graduate school and start college?" She hung up the phone. She quit school, has no job or i s not even looking for one, and he had said prior to all of this happening that if they graduate he would HELP them get a car of their own. Not buy them the car. Is this wrong? Should we still stick to our promise that are based on contingencies or stick to our guns and be firm about what we have set an agreement on?What are your thoughts? Take care.
1 person likes this
10 responses
4 Apr 10
Well my parents were never in the situation to offer to buy me a car when I was in school so kind of a different situation, they did offer to help me on the basis that I paid them back so maybe offer her that, maybe help her if she needs a car to find work but tell her it is on the basis of finding a job, and that she needs to pay it back when she is getting paid but offer to make the payments fair to her, so that she will still have some money left at the end of every month. This is of course with me assuming that her parents are in the situation where they could afford it. Its not really good that she quit school and doesnt have a job but she expects to have things handed to her, so he has done the right thing refusing just to get it for her, but he could probably try to use this to encorage her to either go back to school or at least find a job.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
4 Apr 10
I can tell you I do not want he responsibility of paying insurance for anyone but me. I stated the car would have to be in her name, she pays for tags, insurance, and so forth. You need a job to do this. She does not want that responsibility because then she could not drive it. She wants us or her mother to pay for her free ride. I do not think so, lol. I wonder what their thought process is? I personally liked it when I had my money to do what I liked to do with. i liked the independence status. we have our own bills to contend with than to service her a car. I would help my friend out that has helped me beyond anyone I know. That would be my first person/step in assisting anyone at the present time. thank you for responding. Have a great day!
4 Apr 10
Does she want you to pay for the gas as well I wonder! It would be different if she had a job and maybe saved some up to show that she could handle the responsibilty, like I said I was never given a car whereas a lot of my friends had cars for their 17th birthdays, so I understand where you are coming from, maybe this will teach her she cannot get everything given to her, maybe she will try to prove you wrong and get a job, either way you have done the right thing, hopefully she will become more responsible because of it!
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
12 Apr 10
Pay for everything. The insurance will be the most. The royal package lol.
@Ladyslipper (1330)
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
Hi Newtalent, Good day! If I'll be in this situation I'd stick to our agreement and that is I'd help her buy the card once she graduates. Why? It's because even if we love our children so much sometimes we have to be firm in our decisions that could either make or break them. What do I mean by this? If ever we would give up to what our children want even if they don't do their part of the deal or agreement they might take that it's just that easy for them to get whatever they want. In case they can't get it on their own they will always be able to depend on their parents. This is fine. However, they should also realize the importance of keeping their part of the deal and being responsible. If our children will grown thinking that they can always get whatever they want they might end up miserable in the future. They will not learn the value of working hard for what they want. When their parents are gone life would be so hard for them since throughout their life they get used to their parents always there fixing their life and giving them what they need and want.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
12 Apr 10
That is what i am saying too. The agreement which has perimeter set for their future, you want something you must work for it. God forbid both parents should pass away or something, then you have no education and no means of supporting yourself.I mean the parent is trying to help you but first you must help yourself.
• Philippines
17 Apr 10
I agree with you. We should teach our chidren the value of being responsible as this would help them a lot in the future. They must also learn that if there should be the first one to help them it should be their self. Parents would always be there to support and guide them but definitely not to make their life or build their future. Parents are just there to help and when we say help it means that you already did all your best and your part to aim what you want but it's just not enough and you need some extra hand or help. :) If everything will be done for you without you doing your part or share then what you are asking for is not just help. It is a different thing. It means you are asking someone else to manage your life which is not good.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
5 Apr 10
This is the way I see it, I think that though the daughter made the mistake of not graduating, if she proves herself in going to find a job and maybe going back to get her HSD the father should help her to buy the car, but only if she proves herself in a way that is satisfactory to him. The father just wants to teach the daughter a lesson. When my husband and I have children and after they are grown if we say that we will buy them a car it may be when they are still in school but we would be sure and firm in saying "only if your grades are high can you drive the car."
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
11 Apr 10
Well most state now have it that they cannot get a license until they are 18 anyway but they were grandfathered in for the age requirement. Yeah that is what he is doing know.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
11 Apr 10
Well I hope everything works out for them.
@Hatley (164521)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Apr 10
hi newtalent well I never had this situation but I would keep to my agreement if i was the father, it is time for the daughter to learn' responsibility and he needs to be consistent to be of any help to her.If she knows he will help her get a car if she goes to college, this should prod her to really do it. Happy Easter.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Right. He would be happy if she got her GED since diploma is out of the question. He would help her but she wants it get around with no job to pay for anything. This is not the same child that I remember. Broken families make it difficult especially when the other parent is hiding everything. People do not realize the impact when they separate. Happy Easter Hatley!
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
6 Apr 10
I definitely would not buy her the car if she did not graduate. I have still got many years to go before I will have to worry about this for either of my children, but I also acknowledge the fact that we will do this same kind of thing for our children. My mother did this for my siblings and I and it was a great motivator for us to keep up our grades and it also made it to where we could be more involved in life that was outside the four walls of the school.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
12 Apr 10
Yes, i hear you, peer pressure is hard when your in school but at some point you have to understand that life will go on and it will not wait for you to make the proper decisions in your life. I guess the term we learn from our mistakes will hit home eventually.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
I would definitely stick to my word. If I said that I'd help out provided they'd graduate, then I would not help at all if they decide to stop schooling and do nothing. I'm not obligated to give them gifts, and it's not the obligation of the father or the parents to buy ungrateful kids cars. Parents should be firm on their word else their children would just take them forgranted.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
12 Apr 10
Yes he is. They would have so much more if they had finished school. Their lives would be a a lot better. He still will do this but they need to get a grip on reality and get back to the basics. Educations means a lot..
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
When I didn't graduate on time, I let go of all promises my parents made me to buy me a car. I know that they only thing my parents wanted was for me to get through school and do what I'm supposed to do as a student. There is no reason not to graduate on time except when you're financially unable, or mentally unable. But to not go to school just because you don't feel like it never is an acceptable reason. I would understand that making that promise is more of a fulfillment for the parents as it is to motivate their children to make it through school. I think it's only right for the dad to hold the car over her head to help prod her to finish school. To him, it doesn't matter really if she gets the car or not, what matters is that she finish school. Well, since she hasn't done any of the above, that car is out of the question. Forget the car, forget the fancy hooplah. Now she has to be more responsible, and she has to realize that no one's going to take care of her if she doesn't at least try to take care of herself.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
12 Apr 10
Yes reality needs to kicks in fast, I could not do without working because I do not like to ask for money. I owe now and it hard to pay back, so it hard to do not get an good education that is offered to you..
@advokatku (4037)
• Indonesia
5 Apr 10
make a promise to the children is a good thing, but that does not educate children because children will only be motivated by the lure of these promises. The child has no consciousness of itself. So don't over sell out your promises to your children. Most important in educating children is put awareness of and responsibility for himself
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
11 Apr 10
He was trying to make them understand that hard work and determination you can conquer anything. You need to work in order to earn things not have them given to you. Thank you for responding.
@SHAMRACK (8443)
• India
5 Apr 10
Dear friend, May be I would buy a car provided the child could drive it well and if I feel that child is expert in driving. May be who knows one fine day could become a champion in car racing. May be I would be careful not to lose that child too.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
11 Apr 10
Hey could be , you never know, but the priorities and perimeters have to be set. Thanks for your responses
• Philippines
4 Apr 10
It's the kid's problem. She's got issues. It's not the car strategy that went wrong, It's about how she was brought up by her parents. That's what's wrong here. I don't see why she has to do that to get a car. She obviously doesn't care about her education.
@newtalent (1114)
• United States
4 Apr 10
Her parents ( no longer together) work hard to make their money. Living so far apart does not make it any easier. Of course the drama plays a part. They were doing real good and then they decided that it was too hard to go to school. You can with draw from school at 16 with parents permission ( unfortunately you only need 1 to sign). They all had lied to him about going to school, the school could not give out any info since he was not the custodial parent, got a letter of truancy and court appearance, and eventually when it was too late to do anything. So in his attempt to get them back in school he made them both a deal in hopes that this would stimulate them to go back to school that neither could adhere to. Its sad. Thanks for your input.