Do you believe in Marriage?

@jazzbabe (166)
Philippines
April 20, 2010 2:35am CST
I have this friend at work who would want to get pregnant, raise a child without a father and just pour her love to her child alone without being involved in marriage. It's like saying she doesn't believe in marriage and that she and her child would be better off without a husband/father. I am just so puzzled with this idea. I told her if that's her principle, then she is only thinking for herself and not for her child's sake too. Every child deserves a complete family and a child should never be deprived of a father or a mother.. How about you guys, do you still believe in marriage? That there's a big difference growing with having both parents? That there's a big difference raising a child with a partner to raise him/her? Happy mylotting!
5 people like this
27 responses
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Obviously I am for marriage. I participated a month ago about living in together and marriage issue and I voted for marriage. I'm married to my husband for 24 years now and because I don't want a complicated life I opted marriage. One of my primary reason also is for my children. Yes you're right every child deserves a complete family. It really matters when there's a father to discipline the children. Some women of today's generation have great careers compared to men; so maybe because they think they are capable to raise children without the father, they prefer not to have a male companion. There are also some reasons that cause them to hate men. Some are immature and lazy; and as I have observed Asian men are lazy and needs to be pampered all the time.
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
LOLs.. I am a little bothered with why you said Asian men specifically are lazy and needs pampering all the time? Care to further explain that mercedlegurpa?:)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Hi jazzbabe, well I based on statistics; ironically from my personal life too. I don't want to stress about it; I just give a hint. I'm sure some will agree. I'm sorry. I don't want my husband to think that I resented him.
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
22 Apr 10
You are funny mercedlegurpa! I hope I would not marry one of those lazy Asian men.:)
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Apr 10
I know women who have come to the conclusion that they probably will never marry, but they wish to have a child. All three of them are great mothers, and their children are doing great. It is better to raise a child in a loving, committed one parent household than in a two parent household where there is abuse.
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
22 Apr 10
But how would they know there will be abuse when they haven't married their partners yet? Or were they married before and got separated because of abuse?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Apr 10
They don't have partners. The abuse thing has nothing to do with them.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
21 Apr 10
Statistics prove that over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Which do you think would be the worse-case scenario - A child growing up, who never had a Father, or a child growing up, who's father was ripped out of his life by a nasty divorce? A female acquaintance is raising her 3 children (all born without a live-in father), happily, and without any noticeable problems. Lets face it - A father figure is nice if you can find one, but life might be much easier if he runs away after the impregnation!
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
But it is against the will of God. Marriage is a sacred thing that shouldn't be ripped apart. I came from a broken family and it was hard to grew up without the love of a father. After sometime my mother left me.
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
21 Apr 10
Sorry about your troubled childhood! Did you know that Adam and Eve were never married! I wonder if God forgot to marry them? God wasn't very strict about marriage, I think its a man-made thing, that has nothing to do with the will of God. One must be careful with the Rights and Wrongs of Religions. Remember God doesn't say anything about religion either. It was the Apostles who started Christianity. I wonder what God thinks about Christianity collecting money. God never collects Money! What do you think about that?
@linoxy (285)
• Cyprus
21 Apr 10
Hi, the reason why I decided to post reply this thread, is not to claim if marriage is positive or not, but to share my personal experience. I've been raised by my mother, but not by her choice. My father had a car accident when I was just one month old, and unfortunately did not have luck to survive. My mother never remarried and I'm her only child. I was raised only by my mother, and I'm as good person as anybody else is, although I must say that in some periods of my life, I experience lets say a sort of emptiness because I never met my father. But, I'm now married and I have my own family (no children yet - but hope to have) and must say that not having father around wasn't easy but you can live with that. From my perspective, your friend maybe is right about this and maybe is not. You can't tell for sure. Reasons why she is right - there are lots of dis-functional families, parents who are abusing their children, so does it really matter in this kind of situation to have both parents or you might say that if abused child would be better off if had only one parent? On the other hand, not believing in marriage is one thing, another thing is on purpose to take away the possibility your child to know his/hers roots, and to identify himself/herself. So, there are a lot of pros and cons, but if your friend doesn't feel good about marriage maybe she shouldn't marry at all. It is not decent to marry someone knowing that you can't stay married or not believing in marriage either.
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Thank you very much for such an honest and meaningful insight linoxy. I commend you for just being the same good person with or without your father being there to raise you. I just hope that you will pass this goodness to your own future offspring. You were right, she may be right or may also be wrong in some ways. But I would say that if she deliberately just want to get pregnant just so to have a child of her own, she might be wrong in a way.. But otherwise, if she is determined and/or is destined in this life to be a single mother (like your mother), then so be it. I guess that would be a rightful excuse for being a single parent then..
@junmae (1592)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
I also want to be that way when I found out that I am pregnant. it is important for me to bear a child though it doesn't have a father to have with while she grew up. I believe that marriage is not enough to raise a child as long as you can love and provide the needs of your child. We are still living together but i am ready if the time comes that he will leave me as long as I have my child. Many marriage doesn't work out good and the children is the only one who suffers from it.
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Hi junmae! Thanks for your sharing your story. I guess there are two dilemmas here -- a child raised without a father or a child raised by both parents whose marriage is decaying.. It would be easy to say for me (since I haven't been in that situation) that both parents should work out their marriage for the sake of their child/children. I agree that 'marriage' is not enough to raise a child but a 'good' marriage does. I just hope you could find a way to work things out with your partner just so you'd have an intact family the way the Almighty has planned before you.
• United Kingdom
20 Apr 10
I'm not married myself so I probably don't have a lot to say on the matter! However, marriage is not for me so I guess that is saying something. I have been living alone and single for a long time now and I have become so used to my independence. Where children are involved I suppose it would be important that the child or children are in a stable family relationship which should include marriage! I don't know if I am contradicting myself here but children are always important when it comes to family. I suppose a lot of people are choosing to live together now as opposed to getting married, I guess there's more freedom in that decision with no ties whatsoever! Anyway, I know where I stand in terms of marriage and I'm pretty content with my choice. Andrew
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Hi Andrew! Yes I believe people resort to living in together for practical reasons and some live in as pre requisite before tying the knots--sort of a trial and error process or what.. I'm just curious why you said marriage is not for you? But wouldn't you want children of your own too? You said children are important when it comes to family, so is there a possibility you would still dive in to marriage in the future perhaps?
• United States
20 Apr 10
Yes, I do believe in marriage but I also understand your friends thoughts. How old is she? Maybe she feels that she doesn't have the time to get out there and put a bunch of time into a relationship before her biological time is up. Sounds like shes ready to give unconditional love to her own offspring but got tired of waiting for "the right" man to come around. I have been hearing more and more of this. We seem to have our idea of the perfect man and somehow they end up falling short of that idea. No one is perfect, we all have flaws. You just have to find someone your willing to spend your life with and then there are no guarentees there either. My parents didn't stay together and had other marriages. To be honest, it sucked. I would of loved to of had my mom and my dad stay together but it wasn't my choice. That's not how things work in this day. Theres always divorce and I can respect your friends thought about this.
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
My friend is only 24-25 yrs old and she already entertains thoughts on being a single parent. Maybe she has her own reasons why she's kinda repulsive to committing into a relationship... I'm sorry to hear that about your parents. I just hope most of us would still go for a long lasting marriage and never entertain divorce as an option when things get a little complicated.
• Bulgaria
20 Apr 10
the first child's impression of the world come from it's family no mater of it's gender from the mother it takes the basic woman's model of behavior and from the father - the man's model observing the relationship between the parents the child learns how to behave to the opposite gender learning on the streets something he or she should naturally observe from the father is not a good substitute
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Very well said Emil. Having your child learn things from the streets is never an option though sadly it is a reality to some unfortunate ones. I believe a child's first teachers should be his/her parents.
20 Apr 10
I got married because I wanted children and I wanted us to be a family with all of us having the smae family name. I'm actually horrified that your friend thinks her child would be better off without a father. A stable family is what any child needs, which means having an influence from both a male and female role model. If you ask me I think your friend has never met her Mr right and therefor she will probably change her mind when he comes along.
@jazzbabe (166)
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
Yes I told her that too, that she's just saying that because she has not meet her Mr. Right. She only shrugged her shoulders and told me 'Let's see..' I guess she's afraid of commitments though she never told me that clearly..
@jdyrj777 (6556)
• United States
21 Apr 10
Ive tried marriage 2 times it didnt work either time for me. I ended up rasing both my children with no help from the fathers what-so-ever. I feel that i done a very good job. The child support i recieved was so small that i just gave it to the kids as their allowances. They never came to visit. One time exactly my sons dad came to visit. Actually the purpose he came was to see if he could get the child support dropped. I went along with him to child support enforcement. What the heck i needed a laugh. They told him just what i thought they would. No he is your responsibility till he is 18yrs old. I have no idea how they would be if their dads were involved in their lives. But as i said i believe i did a very good job raising them alone. If somebody chooses to do this one their own i say all the power to them. I feel i was forced into it becuase i had no choice.
@tessah (6621)
• United States
21 Apr 10
im a single mother.. and not by choice. i beleived in marriage, and got a kick in the teeth for my troubles. twice. i now have a ten year old child who is consistantly hurt by her father because he chooses to use her as a weapon against me. so which would be better? having a child out of love by yerself.. or having a child that you have to sit back and watch hurt because yer ex thinks of her only as a pawn in their vindictive games? i think if yer friend is well prepared to have a baby by herself.. and ALL being a parent entails.. then you should support her in her choices. simply having a husband doesnt make life all sweet and nice.. fact, sometimes it makes it quite the opposite.
• India
21 Apr 10
Your friend's idea, I believe, has developed out of total frustration to the male gender. I really pity her for that. She can go for a test tube baby and mind it, there also a male sperm fertilizes the egg. I do believe in marriage and a proper family. Asian countries certainly require a father for all the purposes. The child is registered with father n mother's names and given an Initial (mostly from father). During the life span, certificates of birth, community, religion, heirship etc. come out of father's name only. A child should be given a mother's love and a father's strctness to make him a good citizen. Both parents loving the child or both restricting him, will definitely spoil him. It is like eating equal amounts of sweet and savories.
• India
21 Apr 10
no, jazzbabe. this is depends on her, if she able to handel this condition in future then it not need to get married. i believe in marrige. as per my nature i cant live alon. i need family.
@rsa101 (16723)
• Quezon City, Philippines
21 Apr 10
Yeah I guess she would not want to have a complete family and by the way she sees the world is her child and her without the complications of a father. Well that may work but in the end I still believe that a child must have an identity where he/she came from. She could never come only from her mother and there should be a father she should identify herself.
• Malaysia
21 Apr 10
Why not...Marriage as symbol where people to express love in correct way. Just imagine that certain things we need person can minimize our weakness in certain area. growth with parent better that with partner, because human normally love more they own child rather than step child, we can see it every where around the world to support this fact
• Philippines
21 Apr 10
it depends on the situation, like for example myself. we plan to get married as soon my son will be seen in the earth. but sad to say when my son came the father of my son abandoned us.there's a big difference having a father figure or not. if there is a father figure there is a care for his son while if no father figure the child is not complete even though there is a mother figure who raise the child correctly.
20 Apr 10
I'm with YOU 100% on this Jazz. In my opinion it's selfish, unless there are health reasons involved, not to give your child the benefit of a Mum AND a Dad, I do recognise that in the case of SOME fathers the child would be better off without one at all, but to deliberately go into this situation choosing not to have the father involved is not only selfish but just not fair on the child. As far as marriage goes, my pic obviously gives my thoughts on this one away, but to me it IS a special thing, a solemn promise made in front of your friends and loved ones, and in the presence of God of course, the vows we made we take seriously, and intend to do everything to make them work. This is my third marriage, but I hasten to add the reasons for the breakdown of the other 2 were not of my making, and my second marriage lasted for 19 tortorous years, I've probably set myself up here for a beating, but I will always be honest, there is no shame on me at all for the breakdowns of my other relationships, I broke no vows. So many people see a wedding as just an excuse to put on a pretty dress and be the centre of attention for a while, once marriage is devalued in my opinion it's the thin end of the wedge and heralds the degeneration of societies values, if you're not sure DON'T get married thats fine, but if you value your partner, and it's something that means a lot to you BOTH then taking the next step is important. Marriage is SO much more than a piece of paper.
• Philippines
20 Apr 10
I do believe in marriage. Its a sacred thing and a sacred sacrament.Coming from a broken family, i have the same thoughts with your friend but as I grow older i realized that the children will be affected if they grow up without a father. It is better raising your children having a complete family so that they will not having a feeling of incompleteness in their life.
@mackiejp (376)
• Philippines
20 Apr 10
I still do. Children still look for their father and long for their father's affection. If your friend doesn't want a complete family for her child then that's her opinion, the problem lies in her. She already has mind set not to get married but wants to get pregnant. But because she has decided that for herself then you think it is legitimate. No, it's not, if there is a chance for us to be with the man who turns out to be the father of our children then let the marriage work.
@meticulo (1286)
• United States
20 Apr 10
Yes I still believe in marriage even though after I have known a lot of people not getting along well and ended up in separation or divorce, I was having second thoughts if i still believe in it or not. Marriage is not a joke. I believe if you enter into this situation you should know the pros and the cons. Marrying a person you just know for how many months and years will really need better understanding, patience and love to make the relationship work out for how many years or probably a lifetime because if not then it will be the end of everything.