New Age Relationships!! What's wrong with us?

India
May 11, 2010 6:08am CST
Relationship between lovers in today's age is totally different from what it was 10-15 years back. Now a days, in relationships, you can touch each other but you cannot touch each others' cell phone. People want their own space, their privacy. Sharing lives is an outdated phenomenon. Husband, wives, girl friends, boy friends have their own separate personal life and social circle which they don't want to mix. They say its healthy and helps for a relationship to work for a relatively long time. But is this right. Whats your take on this Mylotters? I have recently go into a relationship and this is my first time. Initially, we use to share everything. A to Z even the smallest of the details. But now, things are changing and we have started pointing out to each others mistakes. We spend less time together due to work and other important reasons. How do I cope up with this?
2 people like this
17 responses
@derek_a (10903)
12 May 10
Yes, I have noticed this with a lot of people I know who are younger than me. They seem to live completely separate existences - they go out separately, and some even go on vacation separately. I guess that is the way they are, and if they happy living that way, then who am I to judge? I like the "old fashioned" type of relationship and my wife and I spend most of our spare time together. We tend to go out together, unless my wife wants to go for women's clothes etc. then I tend to stay home or go do something else. _Derek
• India
12 May 10
Thats really cute derek. Even me and my husband like it this way. Thanks for responding.
• India
12 May 10
Present day trend is the answer for high increase in DIVORCES People love for 5 years or more,get married n find themselves filing for divorce in 5 days The two people who r loving or are married shd be transparent to each other Then only when a problem comes the other can help There shd be no so called 'PRIVACY' between each other COMING TO U'R PROBLEM Spending less time s no problem but always u'r love for each other shouldn't change Everyone makes mistakes,if u make mistake,let her point out n vice versa Love her with all u'r heart n adjust with her ALL THE BEST FOR U'R LOVE!!!!!!
• India
12 May 10
ALso don't be egoistic even if a problem comes n both of u don't talk U talk to her without havin ego Relationships shd be everlasting n Never show ego
@khalida (1130)
• India
11 May 10
well i think it is important as to not hide anything from the partner! i don't understand why the privacy. . . when you can do what ever you want with your partner's knowledge. if someone's hiding anything in a relationship, it means 2 things, either they want to hide something from their partner. second is that they feel their partner might not approve of wat they might like doing. . .though there is nothing wrong in it! well in that case, all i've to say is that one should share good communication between each other and make their partner understand what they like and respect it as well! :) hence in the long run, if they find out that their partner is hiding something, they would get hurt unnecessarily! ryt!?
• India
11 May 10
What if after explaining and communicating well things, if he is still against it, Will you stop doing it even if you think you are right.
• United States
11 May 10
Nope, before things were tougher. Women had no other option, but to become the wives and men were the heads of the houses. And men really separated between what to tell their wives and what to hide. Meanwhile, these wives had very little chance of saying anything against that because they simply saw themselves as inferior. And now even women can tell the men that they need space. I would see it quite insulting if my boyfriend goes through my cellphone despite the fact that I have nothing to hide on it. But if he does I will simply think that he doesn't trust me. I respect his privacy and therefore I never show interest in seeing what is going on with his phone. Another important thing is that it is better not to share passwords and other sensitive matters related to technology with a partner. You'll never know what they will end up doing with them once they get immensely mad. My friend has a habit of taking deadly advantage of her boyfriend's stuff. Whenever there was a fight between the two she would go to his email account and delete his important email hand emails. Some people actually abuse technology in a bad way. As for you, I would like to know as to how many times a week you guys spend time together. If you two can't meet much why don't you make it a habit to call each other every night and have a nice long conversation before bed time? But if you feel the distance is getting bigger between the two of you then you really need to do something. It is definitely not a good sign.
• India
11 May 10
Hi, Thank you so much for your reply and support. I would like to tell you that I am married. So we stay together but we are so occupied with work that we sleep at different timings. When hes sleeping i work, When i m sleeping he works. We are way tooo busy now.. And i get upset because of this. Theres no problem with the relationship. But its like we have given enough time to each other and now we have other commiments as priority. this makes me sad. How do i cope up with it.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
16 Dec 10
The main thing that is important to keep in mind when you are a part of a couple is that you have to understand that the relationship will grow and evolve over time. While during the first portion of a relationship you might find that you share everything about every facet of your life with the person that you are in the relationship with, you will find that over time there will be some things that will be yours alone and there are some things that will be your partner's alone and you will have to learn to accept that.
• Philippines
16 Jun 10
they say that you need to keep your cellphone for your boyfriend, partner or husband, but some says you need to be open for each other , no secrets so that the relationship is healthy. Cheating starts from keeping secrets. I believe there are no people who are always transparent of what they are doing with their life. but on the other side, it can be the source of fights and conflicts. I really don’t know since I never been in a relationship. I believe it really depends on the experience.
• Philippines
13 May 10
I heard this kind of relationship most often. But me and my husband stay away from this new age relationship. We also have a circle of friends but we found ourselves enjoying each other's company so it mean our friends are set aside. We have each other personal things but we are free to touch any of them. We do share all things, as if "what's mine is your's and what your's is mine" we are so open to each other. Wether it's healthy or not we dont care the important is as long as things between us working properly nothing more to say and nothing more to prove.
@celticeagle (114435)
• Boise, Idaho
12 May 10
The times they are a changing. My granddaughter thinks my ideas are too old fashioned. It is healthy for people to have their seperate time to themselves. I enjoy it. Many don't. I think a relationship is stronger when two people are the best of friends. Let that relationship grow into love and it is all the sweeter.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
12 May 10
I dont see anything wrong with people remainign indivials. AS long as they also have things they share, including friends.
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
12 May 10
Without exception, the most happy married couples I meet, are the ones that share everything. Unmarried living together couples never are really happy, so for the rest of this, I'm talking about married couples. Based on what I've observed in my short time on this planet, I have to conclude that the best way to have a deep meaningful loving and committed relationship, is to have all things in common. That means one bank account with both peoples money in it. That means common family friends, that both people enjoy being with. That means common interests, that both enjoy doing. By the way, when I say all things in common, I mean in general terms. You need common friends, money, God, activities, world views, interests, and so on. Not every tiny detail. If my wife takes up knitting, that doesn't mean I must take up knitting too. But we do need some common interest somewhere, even if it's not knitting. At the same time, it shouldn't be a hidden thing. She shouldn't be hiding her new activity from me. In order to get this, one must be radical. Because I've seen where not doing this leads. People that live in the same house, but otherwise have completely separate lives. One married couple I met, was so pathetic, it made me sick. He worked 2nd shift, she worked 1st. They never saw each other, and thought that was great. Huh? What's the point? So what to do? Make a point to align your work schedule. One women I met, specifically quit her job. It put some strain on the budget, and they had to cut their lifestyle. Sell the cars and so on. But she later said it was the best move she ever made for her marriage. They were closer now than ever before. Criticism is also something that needs radical action to cure. You must absolutely bite through your tongue to never say anything critical. I too have a hard time with this. But even if I think it, I will chomp through my tongue to the point of bleeding, rather than start the criticism war. I have found the more I refuse to be critical, the easier it becomes to not be critical. Now the bad news is, you can't 'cope' with it. To 'cope' with it means you'll just let it continue and get worse and worse until one of you has had enough and leaves. You can't 'cope' with it. You must ruthlessly destroy the things that ruin your marriage. So no, I don't believe that sharing lives is outdated. Nothing has changed in this regard, and the old ways still work as well as they ever have. What's changed is people's willingness to sacrifice to share lives. Sharing family friends means giving up some friends your spouse can't stand, and spending more time with friends your spouse can enjoy with you. Sharing the bank account means submitting your money to the collective good of the family, and letting your spouse see everything you spend money on. Sharing interests means, you might do more skiing if your spouse likes skiing, and maybe spending less time at a football game if they don't like football. That's sacrifice! And the fact is, many people have grown up in a world where they believe they shouldn't have to sacrifice anything. What do you hear in Marriage counseling? I shouldn't have to give up my friends for my spouse!! It's my money. I should be able to do what I want with it! I'll never give up my football for anything!! Bottom line is, people are selfish. Marriage is completely incompatible with selfishness. It doesn't work. At some point both must submit to the other, or the marriage will break down.
@yumanal (143)
• China
12 May 10
Our time,with a lot of information,good and bad values are available through a variety of media,the rapid spread of ideas hve been instilled into people's minds so that we can not really think the conduct of cultural,but also much less true understanding of their own souls.we do see today immersed in the entertainment culture of young people are increasingly lost capacity to comprehend abstract things,for them,all the books to discuss serious mental problems are difficult to understand such as the bible. Temporay time,if I say to people to change society's ideology and values are not realistic,then I can only hope that people can spend some more time to pay attention to his soul,to understand what you want in the end of life,what love,live in the moment al least we sill not be too confused.
• United States
11 May 10
My husband and i are very old fashioned. We share everything, except for underwear of course (lol)! We don't believe in separating too many things, because that's how people can grow apart, very easily. We could pick up each other's cell phones and check messages. On the computer, we share emails. When one of us can't be somewhere with the kids, but the other one can, then we act on one another's behalf. We both believe that when people get crazy with the "my space and privacy stuff", then someone's hiding something. Either you're going to be together or you're not. That's why people are given the opportunity to stay single/by themselves. Atleast when you're without a partner, then you can have all the space you want, with knowone's feelings to care about.
@qamarep (4453)
• Pakistan
11 May 10
in relationships are the selfish.. people know population has become too big so everyone has more opportunities to find new partner so tehy are not honest
@markleob (1904)
• Philippines
11 May 10
may girlfriend and i used to check each others cp and it keeps our relationship healthy and we are both happy... why need that cellphone privacy if you are not hiding something.. if you want your cp not to be checked, it only shows/means you are hiding something fishy.
@alocure (372)
• United States
11 May 10
me and my spouse dont mind using each other phones and because we dont even go through each others phone, if someone is not near we just answer. we have nothing to hide. we have same friends and not the same friends
@alocure (372)
• United States
11 May 10
me and my spouse dont mind using each other phones and because we dont even go through each others phone, if someone is not near we just answer. we have nothing to hide. we have same friends and not the same friends
@alocure (372)
• United States
11 May 10
me and my spouse dont mind using each other phones and because we dont even go through each others phone, if someone is not near we just answer. we have nothing to hide. we have same friends and not the same friends