Avoid Poisonous People
By laydee
@laydee (12798)
Philippines
June 3, 2010 2:06am CST
I was fairly struck with the lines I found in a website on dealing with depression. We were talking with my cousins last night regarding one of our cousins who seemed to be going through depression and we were wondering what we could do to help out.
Anyway, one site posted something about it with steps to help one cope. It said...
Avoid poisonous people. Although you may show your unhappiness by acting depressed, others may reveal it through negativity, treating others badly, exercising power over others, insulting others, etc. Also avoid other depressed people. Depression is contagious. It may be hard to find happy people who are willing to help you out of your funk, but it's worth it.
Now, my question to you guys, who do you think are the poisonous people in your life? How do you deal about them most especially if you feel you cannot completely avoid them?
I did come across a very poisonous person way back in my college life. She would always complain about everything. You could see that she already is grumpy when she comes to school from her home. It was really sad to see her like that all throughout our school life, I often wondered why she can't seem to be happy even to anyone. I just found out later that she was going through depression because of the engagement of her mother to someone else after just a few years of her father's death - apparently she felt that her father was being replaced by this guy and she was indeed very close with her father when he was alive.
4 people like this
10 responses
@stephenthomas (31)
• United States
3 Jun 10
To me, poisonous people are those that suck the life out of you. If I leave a conversation with someone and I feel emotionally drained, that person is probably toxic to me. Somebody else might be able to deal with that person fine. Like allergies, I think people have different tolerances for toxic people. I have learned that if someone is draining my energy I should probably avoid contact with them.
1 person likes this
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
The poisonous people of my life are my officemates? How do I avoid them we are only seven in our company. All six are negative vibes. So I avoid them all? Which makes me an anti-social.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
Ohhh... I actually could relate to what you've just said. I know of a person who isn't really negative and all, but whenever we finish talking I feel like I'm going to be sick and I don't have the energy to do something productive anymore. I'm wondering what that is?
Anyhow, how do you avoid these people?
@stephenthomas (31)
• United States
4 Jun 10
I choose not to be around them. I used to think I had to be friends with everyone. But when I noticed some people were bad for me, I started to choose who to hang around and I do not go where those people are. If the poisonous person is at work, I try to have minimal contact with them. I am only around them when I have to be around them. It is unhealthy for me to be around them any more than that.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
3 Jun 10
Omg Laydee. Depression can spread like the plague. I think the worst thing anyone can do is to committ themselves to a psych hospital when they are feeling depressed and dont know why. you tend to get attached to others with the same plight. Then they share feelings and in some cases they start relying on medications that they dont need. As I am not trying to down psychiatric care I am just saying be cautious. Sometimes all you need is some rest relaxation. Sometimes you need to get out a do things. Depending on the support system you have. Havent you ever had someone in your support system say to you "I feel the same way, or I know just how you feel?" That is so condescending. Sometimes you just need someone to listen and not respond. Its human nature to be a caregiver. We just have to know when we are not needed. I hope everything works out. Happy MyLotting. PS remember we need you here so dont you go getting depressed. lol dl
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
I do agree with you that the Psych Hospital is the worst place to be put in when you're depressed. I can't imagine trying to heal yourself in an environment where all of you are feeling the same way. I'm just wondering if there's something good out of the people who are put there except the fact that they can't hurt anyone there (well at least not a sane person) and their families don't have to worry about them - which is selfish.
As for giving a listening ear, it's tough to even know when you're needed and when you're not needed.
Hahahha... don't worry about me being depressed friend, hehehe.. I usually just sleep on it hehehehe... plus lots of sun.
1 person likes this
Don't worry about it, I had a talk to him about it, and it turned out to be a funny one. Hehehe.. He has reassured me over and over again that he's mine and I'm his. hahahahahaa...@dloveli (4366)
• United States
4 Jun 10
Ok my friend. DOnt make me come there!lol You've been a friend to me for a while. I would hate to see anything happen. Especially since I need you. I forgot to mention that I have this terrible knack for making everything about me. Selfish Yes.LOL Hold tight my friend the storm will be over soon. dl
1 person likes this
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
Poisonous people are these co-workers of mine who suck the energy out of me everytime I talk to them. There is this particular officemate of mine, who always talk about how large his debts are with credit cards company.
He says, he is not able to pay rent anymore, pay electric bills, does not have money for his son's tuition fees. Everyday his problem seems to be with his finances and how to get out of debt.
He drains my energy so much, that I seem to be absorbing his own problems, and recently I am having problems with finances also or is it just psychological?
1 person likes this
@aileen2008 (838)
• Philippines
7 Jun 10
At first, I was enthusiastic to help him out of it or suggest things that could ease his burden, all in a nice way. But in the end, it is me who is a bad person. He would tell my other officemates like I am a know-it-ll, blah, blah. And I said it in the nicest way possible, which I know was not offending.
And I realized and noticed that he tell lies. He borrowed money from me last week saying he had to pay electric bills, after a week, he borrows again from me for the same reason. I'm not stupid you know. I know when I am being fooled.
He really drains my spirit. I should change jobs noh?
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
Oh.. Have you ever asked him what he is doing in order to fix the problem? It's really tough to be in his situation, and sometimes people like these just needs people to listen to them because they can't talk about it with their friends and families.
Perhaps it's good to advise him of something.
Like, he should write a letter to the credit card companies about his situation in order that the interest rates would be stopped. It's really effective to write to the companies themselves so that it shows the company that you are not hiding from the debt but just can't be able to pay for now because of present financial problems.
Another is by inviting him for extra jobs or finding ways to have more income.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Jun 10
Hi Laydee,
I do agree that depression is contagious. Actually all our moods are contagious. I think it is unfair when an angry, bitter or depressed person passes on those negative moods continually. I think our happiness is our responsibility. I understand that friends at times will have bad days or go thru a crisis....that is way different than a poisionous person that is in a negative mood just about all the time. If a person is down and out all the time then it is their responsibility to seek counsel or whatever it takes to pull them up and out of their funk. All too often these people think it is the responsibility of their friends to help them out. Then they get angry when their friends start avoiding them. I work to keep my spirits up regardless of what I'm dealing with. It's important and it is what I want to put out in the world. I do avoid people that are constantly negative. I do find time for them but I can only take them in small doses.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
You're right when you said that our happiness is our responsibility, we cannot really constantly depend on others for happiness, it's just not their responsibility of making us happy.
It's just really weird though that there are some people who can't realize that they're the poison to a person's life.
@CJscott (4187)
• Portage La Prairie, Manitoba
3 Jun 10
My parents are quite poisonous by your definition, most of my family really. I moved away from them all, when I talk to them, I basically tell them, if it isn't positive, I don't want to hear it, so don't talk about it with, to, or around me.
The poisonous people I have to deal with for work and what not are dealt with similarly, one, I smile, more then most people smile. When I am sad, bored, depressed, angry, annoyed, I force myself to smile, or laugh. Since I am smiling, most of the negative people avoid me.
When they don't avoid me, I tell them STOP IT, STOP IT, check out this youtube video, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1g3ENYxg9k - Stop it, I don't want to hear it, and if they continue, walk away.
Walking away is probably the second most powerful thing to do.
Sincerely and With Appreciation.
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
3 Jun 10
LOL! Poeple always accused me of being grumpy and vindictive, so I smile. Smiling at them makes them think you are up to something..
2 people like this
@Lanz_negosyante (74)
• Philippines
5 Jun 10
yup that's true in fact there are lots of people around us that we can't trust.. there are also people that pretend to be trust for.. i know this is very hard for her.. i know what a father can give love.. i'm also close to my father and i will also do lots of thing so that my father will not be replace.. i think her problem will be solved soon.. my advise for her is to be happy because her mother wants to be happy.. she can give a chance for herself to have a father that could guide her.. for me the best thing that she can trust now is her family they will surely help her on what's her situation right now
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
6 Jun 10
It just reminds me constantly not to be over-personal so that you won't be abused. But there are just people who have been into negativity too deep that everything they touch becomes negative as well. We do try to help but there are just times when it's already too much to handle.
@peedielyn (1207)
• United States
3 Jun 10
Woo, too many to explain in one entry on here. I was/am a poisonous person to anyone you ask. Right now, my posionous people are my ex-step mother, but that had been going on since my dad married her. My other one is my boyfriend. He constantly compares me and my intelligence to his other ex's and it drives me nuts. I get grumpy because I am constantly in pain, so when you come at me with a stupid question or a task, I bite down hard. I almost have no remorse for being that way either. You can see that I am physically unable to drive clear out to the store and get you a case of water, when you are just as or more capable of doign such. He gets negative with me and then we fight for 3 or four days. My step-mother is a debbie downer. She lets me know that her kids are superior and her grandkids are better than my kids, yada, yada, yada. I learned that if you go and hang out with things that make you happy, you get rid of the "poisons". I am not 100% happy all the time but I did find that if you write a list of things that make you happy (mine being anything I can find to read on the internet) and go and look for those, you get a brighter outlook. I pray, meditate, get online. These things keep me from those poisonous people. I am busy all the time. Hope this helps. Need anything else, hit me up. I beat depression in more than one way. The sunshine is always on my shoulder!
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29087)
• United States
3 Jun 10
Hi, laydee. Yes, I have someone that is like this. It is my mother-in-law. She will treat me so mean, and then she will need me to do something for her in the end. She is backwards and I can't stand when she is like this. Quite confusing.. She loves to call me so she can find out what I am doing at home. And it gets on my nerves. She is like a poisonous snake.
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
4 Jun 10
Perhaps one solution is for you to have an answering machine, so that you'd know who's calling before picking up. Then if it's her, just have the machine pick up then delete the message. You could always say you were out or perhaps the machine was out of space.
@angelajoy (1825)
• Philippines
3 Jun 10
There are two poisonous people in my life. One is my mother and the other one is my grandmother. They both suck me dry! They're always complaining about something. They're cranky most of the time. My grandmother likes to touch my things and then lies about doing it. My mother thinks she's so much better than her children. I hate what they are doing, but I still can't help loving them because they are my family. I guess I'll just have to find a way to live peacefully with them.
1 person likes this
@takie23 (142)
•
18 Jun 10
Poisonous people in my life are those who go around spreading false rumour about me, and hope for the worst for me(believe me, I have quite a few of those), because they see what they don't have but want to have in my life, and also because they have been bitter about their own lives to the point they don't want to see others being happy or progress in life.
The way I deal with them is 'ignore' them completely. I refuse to let their negativity and 'mean spirit' effect me in any way. That way, they find it really hard to do me any harm. My favorite motto for this is 'SURVIVAL IS THE BEST REVENGE' and so I am only focusing on doing the right thing and aim to be happy and make progress in life. That way, poisonous people fall flat on their face and die. ;)
It takes a lot of wisdom and maturity to only keep doing the right thing and not stoop down to their level and fight back, but it is the only way to win.
Good luck.
