Other parents and their comments.

United States
July 16, 2010 9:55pm CST
My son has two good friends and I am also good friends with their parents, well lately these parents have made comments here and there about my son and I am sick to death of it. All kids misbehave and I do not think any of us parents think are kids are perfect, but when their kids misbehave, I do not feel like it is my job to tell the parents every single day of what their kid did. I actually told my friend today that maybe our kids should not be together anymore. If I had to come home from work everyday to hear her complain about my kid, then of course she backed off and was like no, I did not mean anything by it. I feel like this is going to put a wedge in our friendship, and the boys can deal with it themselves and then they get over it. I am having a hard time getting over some of these snide comments and now this weekend we are all suppose to get together as adults and I don't even want to be around these so called friends right now.
5 responses
@katsmeow1213 (29016)
• United States
19 Jul 10
Hi Aurorastorm- I'm finding it hard to decide how I want to respond here, due to the lack of information. Since I don't know what is being said, or how it's being said, I could be led to believe that perhaps you're being oversensative.. which is natural when it comes to your own child. Is it possible that you've maybe vented about your child's misbehaving to your friends before? I ask because I know a few friends who joke around about some of my son's negative habits because I've vented to them before about these habits.. and it doesn't bother me because I know it's true of my son, and these are very very close friends who know my son well. So maybe it's possible your friends feel like you're close enough that they can discuss your child this way. I guess whatever the reason is that they're doing this.. you should just have a calm discussion with them that you're not comfortable with such remarks. Tell them that if his behavior is offensive, then it's fine to tell you.. but if it's a minor, petty thing then you'd prefer they keep that to themselves. If they aren't capable of that, and you continue to get upset at their comments.. then it probably is best to just not be around them anymore.. though that would be very unfortunate for your child to lose his friends.
• United States
21 Jul 10
Even though you did not know all of the information about this situation, you really hit the nail on the head. These are very close friends of mine and I am sure on many occasions I have complained about my son's behavior, just how they have about their kids. I decided that I did not want to lose these friends and just told them I was a little upset because they were telling me petty stuff everyday. I told them like you said if it is something offensive of course I want to know but otherwise I would prefer not to hear about it and they understood how I felt.
• United States
21 Jul 10
I'm glad you got it worked out and that you and your son won't be losing friends over it.
@eileenleyva (10727)
• Philippines
18 Jul 10
Hi aurora, you have a very sensitive problem there and I might hurt you in my response. I actually do believe that co=parents who consider me as their friend, do tell me if they like the way my children behave. If in some way they feel that my children's behavious are offensive, I expect them, as friends, to tell me so. Friendship and parenting do require honesty and sincerity. Therefore, there may be grounds in their complaints about your child. It will not be bad to check on the reports at once. Ask your child casually, around tucking time, to tell you what had happened with him and his friends. At the very least you get to know your child's feelings all the more. If, however, you can sense that your fellow parents are simply putting your child down to put more favorable points for their children, then, by all means, they deserve some tongue lashing, too. Who else can defend our children but us. I will always side with my child, even if it means breaking up some friendship.
• United States
19 Jul 10
You absolutely did not hurt me in your response. I won't put out a discussion if I am afraid of the feedback, always good to hear criticism done in a constructive way as yours is. I agree with you absolutely if my child's behavior is offensive I want to hear about it, and will also let other parents know if their child's behavior is offensive. The things I was talking about are very petty, more like my child was just in a bad mood and things like that, or my child can be negative sometimes. I talked to my son about his behavior for some things that have come up, and told him I will be his strongest defender, but he has to not be rude, or I cannot defend him.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (10727)
• Philippines
21 Jul 10
You are a good mom, aurora. Your son is blessed to have you. Blessings to you both!
@pastigger (618)
• United States
17 Jul 10
Whatever happened to people saying somthing nice. It is alway hard when all you hear is negitives and so many kids problems are just so minior the kids won't even remember it two minutes later. I can understand you not wanting to go. But you should also let someone know that somehting bothers you without them getting hurt about it. After all how does she think her telling you every little thing your son does makes you feel. Maybe it would be good for just you two to get together without the kids and just talk about what the kids do to bother you both and maybe just have a few laughs about some of the strange things kids come up with. And also explain why at the end of the day it would be nice to hear something nice and not all the negitive. If it can't change then maybe you guys do just need a break from each other and each others children. Good luck.
• United States
19 Jul 10
I took your advice without seeing it first, lol. I talked to my friend over the weekend, and one of the things she said to me, is she does not tell me all the things her son does wrong, but if she did the list would be just as long as the one she keeps telling me about with my son. I think when I said to her maybe the boys should take a break from each other, she finally understood what she was doing was not the right thing.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
29 Jul 10
Hi Aurorastorm, I'm like you. I never felt it was my place to report every little thing a kid does or offer up my opinion to a parent. I had a teen that was prone to getting into trouble and while I would have appreciated being told of something she was up to that could have been dangerous to her or something, that usually was not the case. The things they came to me with were usually small, trivial things or things I already knew about and had dealt with. I have to add that their information was not always accurate either.
@Memnon (2173)
17 Jul 10
I am not a parent, so my comments might be irrelevant. It seems logical that, to a certain extent these things might be mentioned, but not to the degree where it seems to be getting in the way of your friendship. This seems somewhat petty.