How can a 56 year old man marry a 20 year girl?
By Bellapop
@Bellapop (1279)
July 17, 2010 12:27pm CST
I know it's probably very narrow minded of me to think this way, but it really annoys me when I see a 50+ year man knowing that it is not appropriate to marry a girl who's barely 20. The girl may feel the same 'love' for this man and be so sure that he is the 'one' but surely at that age she is not experienced enough or mature enough to know any different. This man who has had an experienced life and despite feeling so much 'love' for her, should know better and should let her go. In terms of children, growing old together, they will go through differet stages of life and the girl will be in her prime when she reaches her 30s/40s while this man wil be in his 70s, surely he wouldn't want to be a burden on her when he is elderly and in need of care and also financial support and what with supporting the children as well, yet to go through college and the expenses that that carries... I know people are saying it does not matter when two people are in love, yes, love, but surely the romantic love between a 56 year old man and a young 19 year old is not the same kind of 'love' that is meant to be...
5 people like this
22 responses
@eduTreasure (110)
• India
17 Jul 10
I am asking you a Question why you are worried so much??? if they are not worried to do so..
Have you ever thought there are even men marrying a 50 year old girl do you know this??
there may be many possibilities:that a 56 yr old man marrying a 20 year girl.
likewise
she may have found in him such character where normally a man don't have..
or
she may find in him great love where she believes that she may not found in anyone..
or
she may feel more comfortable with him than any other guy.
it is not necessary that if the person is 56 year old means that he has really become old in mind and body in fact there are people even at this age look young,bold,beautiful,brave..
@Bellapop (1279)
•
18 Jul 10
I am only worried for the vulnerable girls out there whe get exploited, of course, many know what they are doing, but there are also those who are so naive, emotionally not well developed enough or mature enough, who get manipulated into this kind of thing, then that's her future ruined and spoiled, and all because of some man just wanted her for his own self gratification, there is no problems with being friends, but surely it's morally wrong to insist on marrying someone so much younger than you, even if you do 'love' them that much...
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
17 Jul 10
Somehow older men believe they can remain young by being with a much younger woman. Unfortunately to find out later they just can't keep up.
It has to do with ego, I think.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
17 Jul 10
Relationships of these sorts may be so much fun in the beginning then reality kicks in and either the older one decides what he had before was not so bad or the younger finally awakes to believe, what have I done with my life.
Usually the younger wants out sooner as they have not quite ventured out their wings and want to do so before it is to late.
@Memnon (2170)
•
17 Jul 10
Hi, your comment has given me cause for a little mirth. Some time ago two colleagues of mine, roughly 10 years either side of me, did exactly this. The lady has been heard to say(to younger guys than me, presumably she expects more sympathy there)that the new relationship was not quite 'up to speed' sometimes. I cannot help think what they were expecting as both were married with children themselves before they chose their new adventure.
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
18 Jul 10
My sister is almost thirty married to an almost fifty year old. They love each other, atleast I think they do. I've often wondered why people think it's so wrong for two people of different age groups to love one another and marry one another. I can understand your point but I think that two people of such a different age group know the consequences of they're marriage once they are older. If the woman wants to take care of her husband like that once he is older I don't see any harm in it. Though it seems it would be no different then taking care of her own father... I can't say much as my sister is married to a man only a year younger then my mother.
@Bellapop (1279)
•
25 Jul 10
I'm not saying that it could never work, but in this case your sister is already 30, so the age gap and the background difference isn't so bad...it's when the girl is very young and vulnerable and the older man who know better exploits this and takes advantage...
1 person likes this
@ehsanji (503)
• Pakistan
17 Jul 10
I think in every relation, the thing that is required is understanding, mutual acceptance, mental synchronization and understanding. A girl who is 20 years old is mature enough to think, understand and know what she is doing. If she is willingly marrying a man who is 50 then it's by her choice. We all make choices, right?
@juicekodai (1121)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
made me remember about a friend having a relationship with an old man.. she is still 23 with 2 kids and the old guy i guess is in his 50s.. i dont know..
but then, the guy eventually just let her go telling her that she is too young and it would be unfair for her as she can still find much younger man.. they are still friends though..
@juicekodai (1121)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
oh no.. its not his kids... its from my friend's previous boyfriend.. they had two kids but they never got married...
@Memnon (2170)
•
17 Jul 10
Of course we also have the case of a 74 year old man fathering a child with his 40+ wife, and I can't see how he is going to deliver a father's attention, with the best will one might muster.
A'fit' (I mean health rather than anything else) guy in his 50's and a young woman may not see much difference in their ages at present, but I somehow imagine that may change when ten or so years pass. If a fling was what they wanted (I don't condone) perhaps each might get some boost to their egos from that, but I can't see a lifelong commitment making the grade. Perhaps we will be proved wrong? 
@Bellapop (1279)
•
18 Jul 10
I would probably give the relationship 10 years maximum, but in reality, during the age of 20-30, a person can change so dramatically because they are all geared up to see and try evrything in this world, unless the girl was seriously under educated and limited by a lot of means, I doubt that she would be willing to stay around for long, hence that's why when marriage is involved, it's probably a money motive, or the girl doesn't know any better and the older man is taking advantage and exploiting this...of course, it much more complicated than that and there are so many other factprs and possible circumstances, this is just the tip of the iceberg...
@Bellapop (1279)
•
18 Aug 10
It's not about being judgemental, thank you for sharing your story, and from it I gather that you come from a very different culture where is is normal for a man to take several wives and have very young girls that are several decades younger than him. The issue here, is the vulnerability of the very young girls that get brainwashed and exploited, by seemingly older, wiser men as they claim to be. A lot don't care about love, and they do what they do out of selfishness and only the benefits for themselves.
@marty3888 (2355)
• Acme, Michigan
17 Jul 10
I don't think you're narrow minded at all. I'm 53. I don't think I would even want someone 30. We would still think different, though there is a small chance I might run into someone. To me, at least 38. The woman I'm with is 50. We both like the same music, we grew up watching Johnny Carson. A twenty year old would probably have heard of Johnny but have no memories. I think we all know a big reason why a 50 year old marries a 20 year old. And not only may he be elderly and need of care, she very well end up being a single mom. The only thing I disagree with is, I don't think a guy like gthat cares less about being a burden on her.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
17 Jul 10
My Dear Woman!
Who are you to be the Judge in this case? What are your Credentials?
Each person is entitled to his/her own life choices. Did anyone interfere with your marriage plans? If so, I can believe you would have been as mad as a wet hen!
No one can see or understand The Great Design! If that were possible this world would be a different Place. All we can do is to ask that God Bless the Marriage of these two People!
@goldeneagle (6745)
• United States
17 Jul 10
I have often wondered this myself, however, it is not my place to pass judgment on others, and as long as they make each other happy, I don't see a problem with this at all. The important thing is that they always let each other know where their relationship stands, and where they stand with each other...
@Bellapop (1279)
•
17 Jul 10
I just feel strongly, because when I was 20 I had always fallen in love with people and falling madly, deeply, as a far as thinking I would marry them, thank goodness I never met anyone over 50 because I would have really said yes if I had been in love with them, and now that I'm older, I know that all those feelings wasn't love at all...
@o0jopak0o (6394)
• Philippines
17 Jul 10
well it can be as basic as love or for another reason like money and support. Well these kinds of relationship had a biased in them that the girls is just for the money. Even if most reasons are based on just money i think we cannot judge them.
I believe as long as their happy i dont mind it.
@Bellapop (1279)
•
18 Jul 10
Well, sometimes it's true, where the girl is after the money if the man is well off, however, there are also the cases where the man prys on a lonely girl who has no friends and no self confidence, of course, the girl is going to respond to a man who shows her affection and seemingly cares for her...
@shravandone (555)
• India
17 Jul 10
agree with you...life is a practical thing and decision of life are to be made with real thinking. these people go blind in love and plunge their entire life into darkness. problem with love is everybody thinks they are in love even when they are not. every small co-incidence become a message from universe and every sleepless night a symptom of love.
how can a girl ever think of marrying a person of his father's age.?? is this a lost in love or lost with brains??
@ddaguno (3107)
• Philippines
18 Jul 10
NOt to offend anybody who is in this kind of relationship but the first thing that comes in mind when I hear stories like these is that the girl is looking for financial stability.
In these love stories, usually the older guy is rich and the girl comes from a poor family. She finds a solution to escape poverty by marrying a rich older guy who is fatherly and caring. The older guy finds someone who will take care of him and makes his life more exciting.
They find what they need from each other so we ought to just let them be.
@for3verfamous (2190)
• Canada
17 Jul 10
I think there's too many complications in relationships like this. When the guy is that much older he has a lot more life experience. I think most girls when they're 20 aren't even necessarily ready to be married. They haven't experienced life enough to know what they want out of it. When there's an age gap that big they also won't be able to spend their entire life together. The younger girl will just be getting her life together while the man is growing old and would need a lot of help. He might not be around by the time she's 40/50.
@candycane15161 (46)
• United States
17 Jul 10
I think that is so wrong. I won't even go out with a guy that is like 24 or 25 and I'm 19. I find it so wrong. Haha. I mean some people like that. You can''t tell them what to do though.
@tomitomi (5429)
• Singapore
18 Jul 10
A 19 or 20 year old girl is mature enough to fall in love with a man she chooses to love. And if that man is 59 years old, can we say that she shouldn't. Although Love knows no boundaries, I love to think that it takes two to clap. Do we have a right to stop them if they are really in love? 
@Jaluke (676)
• United States
18 Jul 10
I don't think anyone can really say which kinds of love are real or what love is meant to be. Especially based on age. Age is just a number. I know that's a cliche, but it's true. Just because someone is younger than someone doesn't mean they're not going to have the same maturity as that person. It's entirely possible. Also, people tend to forget that in olden days, Men who were almost 30 would be wed to girls as young as 13/14 years old. And this was quite a common practice back then.
@rosebinas (180)
• Philippines
18 Jul 10
Sometimes,,,,, love moves in mysterious ways that none among us can say... it isn't fair. Is the girl- in anyway related to you bellapop? If not, then what's the deep concern all about? She is past the age of 18 and that would mean that she is matured enough to know what's best for her or not. On the other hand, he is past the golden age not to know what's best for him and other people near him... unless he is that selfish! But..then- you see, love is so unpredictable... really!IF you were in her shoes, I shall be giving exactly the same comment that I am giving here now. If that is what they believe happiness is...SO BE IT! And, if at a later date- they find out that it isn't gonna work then... they have all the time to do what they believe is appropriate. Love is blind. love is crazy. Love is cruel. Love is unpredictable. Love is all about good and crazy things....
@Albert1989 (372)
• Malaysia
19 Jul 10
Actually, for me, love is not bounded by age, creed, nationality or race. That's what i think. This is based on "my own little world' where love is a prerequisite for marriage and that personal decisions should be respected. Having said that, I let people be if they think otherwise. All of us live in our own little worlds. All of us make our own decisions and we are all the masters of our own lives.
I've had Chinese friends back home who've been disowned by their parents/cut of from the inheritance for disobeying them or for marrying someone their parents didnt approve of. They had a very tough time deciding and they really agonized, but in the end they followed their hearts.
@stefanisaiah (167)
• Philippines
18 Jul 10
I agree on you. I don't know how a girl can take that. The only thing that go through in my mind if the 56 year old man is rich, very rich. She may after for a money. And the guy is looking for younger girl, so that he have someone will look to him and take care of him when he get very old. Sorry if I may offended someone, but this how I see it, its just like a father and daughter relationship. Unless the guy is 50 and the girl is 30, I will approve this, it is not bad at all.
@suraj14u452 (102)
• India
18 Jul 10
yes !!! you are correct !! once i gonna to a movie there i saw the same relationship i was shocked !!!! ......
