Living together before marriage?
By Link
@BambooPanda13 (867)
United States
August 23, 2010 9:44pm CST
Do you think people should live together before they get married?
There is actually research provided by a Yale University sociologist named Neil Bennett who did a study in 2006 that found 80% of women who cohabitated before marriage eventually separated or divorced their spouse. This seems to prove that couples who live together for a time before getting married have a higher rate of divorce than people who have never lived together before getting married. It seems like these days the divorce rate is so high (I think over 50%) so I would be willing to do everything I could to ensure the future of my marriage. I know that when everyone who is now divorced first got married they too thought it was forever and that nothing could bring them apart, but this is not the reality and marriage is not a fairytale. So I would consider getting married to my boyfriend without living with him (or at least only living together for a couple of months). In one aspect there are things you don't know about someone you live with like their behaviours or things that could possibly annoy you, so being prepared to live with those things the rest of your life seems like a good reason to live with someone before marriage. But for whatever reason the research says that for most people not living together before marriage is more beneficial. In research conducted in 2006 "About 40% of cohabiting unions in the U.S. break up without the couple getting married (Leadership U)". This may seem like more of an argument FOR living together before marriage because obviously these couples were not ready to deal with living with each other forever.
So for me personally I think not living together before marriage (or living together once we get engaged) will be the road I will take.
Leadership U. (2006). Sociological Reasons Not to Live Together. All About Cohabitating Before Marriage.
Retrieved August 23rd, 2010 from,
http://www.leaderu.com/critical/cohabitation-socio.html
6 people like this
17 responses
@ladybugr2d2 (575)
• United States
24 Aug 10
I'm about to go into my first marriage next year. I'm now living with my fiancee. it's been about a month now it's just starting. I got to tell you thou i be live if we can make it threw this situation we can make it threw anything. I think it is all the matter of finding the one you are supposed to be with. Love is a very hard thing to figure out. but me and my girls are happy so that's what matters he loves us and we love him.
1 person likes this
@Machinegun0 (62)
• Lithuania
24 Aug 10
I am not for it in living together before marriage but actualy it is good to spend some time together in one roof. I belioeve it is good because you can see what kind of a person you are preparing to live your lives together. I believ that there is a lot of couples wich are doing this now and some of them merely don't have money for marriage.
@sender621 (14894)
• United States
24 Aug 10
I don't see anything wrong with people living together before marriage. This is a trial period of adjustment for the relationship. Sometimes it is good to see if your are truly compatible. Sharing a residence is a way to accomplish that. You can resolve any issues that may arise but seeing how you will co-exist together before you tie the knot.1 person likes this
@Memnon (2170)
•
27 Aug 10
Interesting set of statistics. I suppose those that decided not to get married, at least were able to part without the additional pain of divorce.
As it happens, my partner and I have lived together for 15 years, with the intention of getting married at some point.
@gmarchana (16)
• India
24 Aug 10
most of the married women are not satisfied with their husband after marriage, they may think that the quality wich they have expected in their life partner is lacking and therefgore they may think that staying with their partner before marriage is the eaxt solution but this is not true upto a great extent.. staying with the partner before maariage will truly not execute the real quality of the person..
1 person likes this
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
25 Aug 10
I believe that people should forgo the moral principals of right and wrong concerning marriage, before enacting to a life long commitment that has been statistically proven to be only 50% lasting. Would you buy a car that you plan to keep for 5 years without a test drive? How much longer do you plan to keep your spouse than your car? A life-long commitment should not be entered into without every possible test and trial that can possibly be made before the fatal decision is entered into!
@celticeagle (159451)
• Boise, Idaho
24 Aug 10
I think that it depends on the situation and the people involved. How they feel, what their experiences are, their expectations. In this day and age marriage is a whole different thing than it used to be. I don't even think that people think about forever. They usually think of right now, in the minute.
@voldrox (7191)
• India
24 Aug 10
Hello Bamboopanda13,
I guess when people start living before marriage, they try to search faults with in each other. Now that is because, soon they are going to get married and they want to make sure on things before marriage, and so it happens they somehow find some or the other fault and so they break up. This is just what i believe. And, i can also say that if there is true love, there won't be much of an issue whether they live together before marriage or not, they have to be together and get married. Love, indeed is something me might not understand fully, but wonderful things keep happening. Unfortunately, people these days look for the best person they could spend their lives with, they find someone attractive and then after finding faults they like to switch. I say, if one truely loves the other, they won't switch! 
@randylovesdar (4932)
• United States
24 Aug 10
I lived with my husband before marriage because his mom was terminally ill and needed round the clock care. My husband was working two jobs at the time and he did not want to put his mom in a nursing home. I had moved in just to take care of her. If it had not been for his mom being sick I would not have moved in. I think that in life sometimes there need to be exceptions to the rule.
Thank you for sharing this information with us.
@pogi253 (1586)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
The number of unmarried couples living together has increased dramatically over the past years. I believe that living together is a good way to find out whether you are compatible or not but couples living together have weaker marriages. Living together before marriage is a decision you take when you like or love someone and want to spend some time together before marriage.
@jerikjames (1041)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
Although there's the study you mentioned which connects living together before marriage to divorce, I still don't believe that it really affects a couples marriage. My girlfriend and I live together, and I can say that the more we stay together and discover each others traits at home, the more we know that we can't live without each other.
We totally accept each other whatever it is we do and whatever we are. And I think acceptance, understanding, together with love will make any marriage work.
We totally accept each other whatever it is we do and whatever we are. And I think acceptance, understanding, together with love will make any marriage work. @ikechukwu1000 (8)
• United States
24 Aug 10
for me i think is a pre marriage training cause it really helps the intending couple to know each other the more.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
24 Aug 10
Hi Bamboo,
In reading this, I don't see a mention of the percentage of couples who divorced of those that married without living together first. Did I overlook it? It seems that figure would be important also. I think the divorce rate is so high because it is so much easier now to get a divorce than it was say back in the early 70s and before that. Back then it also was not so socially acceptable to get a divorce. I grew up in the 60's and early 70's and I only knew of 2 couples that ever got a divorce. People just didn't do it back then regardless of whether they were happy or not. I did not live with my first husband and that marriage lasted 5 years. I dated my 2nd husband for months and then lived with him for 3 years before marrying him. Our marriage lasted 13 years. I would never marry again or even live with a guy. I am very happy dating and keeping my own life and independence, bank account etc separate. I would not recommend anyone getting married without at least living together for a while to at least see that you are really compatable.
@sublime03 (2339)
• Philippines
24 Aug 10
I am not for it in living together before marriage but at times it would actually be good to spend time in one roof. The reason why I say this is because you will never know what kind of a person your significant other unless you stay in one house. You will see the very being they are and will not see any inhibitions for them to pretend to be someone they are not. Yes it is not good to live together before marriage but for practicality reason most of the couples right now are doing it. If only everybody has the money to get married and all then nobody will have to be criticized for their actions of staying together in one roof before marriage. But then again, if you really want to get married you will put lots of effort to make that happen.
@hardworkinggurl (37063)
• United States
24 Aug 10
Take from one who was married for a long time and now live with a wonderful boyfriend. I find that after living together for four years that we have gotten to know each best as time has gone by. Will we marry I do not know, all I know that we love one another and want the same things in life.
So this is a switch from when I was married, as then I married a man after dating for one year, come to find that after 15 years of marriage I did not know this man as well as I thought, as the secrets kept pouring in and each day he amazed me.
So these studies are based on a handful of people and cannot be based on the world really thinks.
