When a guy is not letting you meet his family,does it means his not serious?

@insulin (2484)
Philippines
October 27, 2010 8:17am CST
I'm sure there are a lot of situations like this and I want a clear answers especially for guys if they don't let their gf meet his family.I wanna know if is he in the stage of not ready or just not serious and just for fun?But what if your relationship is almost 2 years or 3 years and you still did no meet his family? I need answer because I am in the situation but there is a reason why my guy still don't let me meet his family because his divorce status is still not clear so I do accept the reason because I can see the situation but what about the different situation like those guys thats Single and never been married?Share your thoughts!
3 people like this
25 responses
@peavey (13738)
• United States
27 Oct 10
I think there could be several reasons a guy doesn't want you to meet his family. Maybe they embarrass him or he's ashamed of them somehow, or maybe he's told you things about them that aren't quite true. Or maybe he's afraid of how they'll react to you. Some families are very critical of "outsiders." I think not being serious is one possibility, but only one of several.
1 person likes this
@insulin (2484)
• Philippines
27 Oct 10
I have to say our situation will deal in the critical family.He told me that his mom is a bit terror and He said he will be letting me meet her in the right time.I won't force and its ok since he take care with me and I can't sense that he don't love because he is.I can see in his actions pretty clear but yeah I thin it's not about being serious.It's about whats the family really.
@sender621 (14972)
• United States
27 Oct 10
When a guy doesn't want you to meet his family, he may not necessarily mean that he is not serious about a relationship with you. He may just feel awkward about it. Meeting family is a big step in a relationship. He may be afraid that things won;t be the same once that step is taken.
• China
28 Oct 10
I think meeting family is a big step in a relationship,maybe he was afraid too.
• Vietnam
28 Oct 10
I think just a simple answer that fits in this situation. That is you are not the one right for him. When you meet the one that you are looking for all of your life, there's no obstacle could hold you back from getting married to that one, including what called a big step of meeting family, it's nothing compared to your eagerness to having her(him) in your rest life.
@dawnald (83812)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Oct 10
Maybe his family is horrible and he is embarrassed. But it could be that he's not ready or he's not serious.
@dawnald (83812)
• Shingle Springs, California
29 Oct 10
Great minds.... :D
@andy77e (5172)
• United States
4 Nov 10
That is a very big problem. There could be many answers. Perhaps his family is completely against him getting with some other girl. In which case you are going to have huge problems. Perhaps is family is crazy. That's an issue because if you get married, you'll have to deal with that crazy family. Perhaps he is interested in a different girl, and his family does not know about you. And perhaps it's simply what you suspect, that he really isn't interested, and you are wasting your time waiting for him to come around, when he never plans too. No matter what the answer is, it's a problem. There is no reason a man should not want to take his future wife to meet his parents, and gather their approval. The fact this guy does not, is not a good sign.
@goldeneagle (6779)
• United States
2 Nov 10
It is possible that this could be the case, however, I don't feel anyone should jump to this conclusion. Some people do not have such a great relationship with their families, and they know that allowing you to meet them would likely only cause problem in your relationship, so they try to keep this from happening by keeping you away from their family.
• India
29 Oct 10
In any relationship I believe there ought to be a transparency. If the guy does not want you to meet his family it means either he has something to hide or he wants to hide you from his family. You must wait for a reasonable period of time. Still even after that he does not let you meet then thing that he is not the right sort of a person for you. You must drop him like a hot potato and have nothing to do with him thereafter.
28 Oct 10
there may be many reasons, they may not be serious, may have been hurt in the past so wants to take things slowly, may be embarresed by his family, may love you but think his family may feel you aren't good enough for him, there can be many reasons, best thing to do is to ask.
@yna410 (431)
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
We can't judge a guy's true emotion or his intentions just because of not being able to introduce his girlfriend to his family. It may pose some doubts or uncertainties on the girl's part, it's understandable, but it's always best for both of them to communicate and talk about it. If the guy is truly serious and he just really has some issues or concerns about his family, I think it's fair that he explains it to the girl. Similarly, if the girl has started to have doubts or feels uncomfortable because of this, she should open up her feelings to her boyfriend. It's not healthy if they just keep it to themselves or if they don't become honest with each other. Besides, a girl would somehow feel or know, depending on their conversation, if the guy is really serious about their relationship or not. =)
• India
28 Oct 10
hi... What you are asking is a little tricky question and its not that much easy to answer i think. but i do my best. If one is not allowing his gf to meet his family,then there may be few problems will be there i think. May be there is a problem in their house imean if this issue is known in house there may a quarel between their parents and him. And also other reason is that one may be feeling afraid to tell these matter to their matter. or he may wants to give you a surprise. And another thing is he really may not loving his girlfriend ... this is also definitely one of the reasons the girl must take care about. Because if this is the reason better to leave him and finding another is the good most i think. But one thing i can say is IF LOVE IS TRUE THEN THEY SHOULD TRY TO SOLVE THEIR PROBLEMS WITH THEIR TWO HEARTS MAKING THEM AS ONE. SO THEY CAN SUCCEED.... All the best....
@skysuccess (8886)
• Singapore
28 Oct 10
insulin, I believe you need to realize that he is married and still is until his divorce is finalized. Correct me if I am wrong, but I do not think his divorce is getting anywhere especially when the both of you are close together. Also, I do not think it is the right time to even talk about the future and even meeting up your future parents-in-law. I mean, what's the point when the present relationship is on anything but wrong for the both of you? I have to say that I hate to be in your shoes but still I believe that the best solution for you would be to stay away from him. At least till, his divorce is real and finalized. Take care.
@cheneper (128)
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
My sister said if a guy is serious, he'll not make your relationship be secret. He will introduce you to his family and friends and he'll be proud of you.
@sophia18 (107)
• China
28 Oct 10
If you and a man are in a relationship for quite a long time and you still haven't seen his family, I think it's very strange, as if he is hiding you from his family. There must be some reasons. You have to talk with him about it and ask for the reasons.
@vangie26 (450)
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
I guess it depends on your age, on the seriousness of the relationship. Early marriage occurs because they get serious at very early age. At age of adolescent, i think it is still not necessary to meet the parents because you can consider that as puppy love. At age during college, it is still okay not to meet them because you are still studying. Although in our country, it is one of the kindest way to court the girl is to visit the girl at the house. Maybe, if you are on the stage of preparing already to settle down , say you are working already or after college, and if you are already in a relationship that long, i guess parents should meet the guy. If the guy is giving reasons not to meet them, then study the reasons. If it reasonable like on your case, then it's okay. but make sure that after the divorce, no more reason not to meet your parents. But if the reason are just an alibi, say i'm doing something important or i can't come because of thhis and that... better think twice...he might not be serious. ;-)
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
I don't think that it will lead to any doubt but maybe a guy has personal reasons why he is not letting you meet his family.My personal views with this is simple.A guy loves you but he is not ready for a broader commitment or I may say family commitment and vice versa.There is a case that a guy lets you meet his family but it is just for showy reasons.One thing that you should do is ask the guy what his reason.But,when 2 or more years you are in a relationship together I suggest that you have to be wise and prepared for instances whatever his reasons because it is likely that a guy is acting like a girl..afraid of something?When it comes to legality about his staus and merely that is your case,well maybe just respect.It is a serious matter that you should stick and understand.The guy maybe just careful enough .
• Philippines
28 Oct 10
Hi Insulin! No, maybe his not ready yet but that doesn't mean that his not serious in your relationship. I met a guy before and met all his family but eventually we broke up. So meeting your bf's family is not a gauge to know if his seriousness in your relationship.
@Hatley (107214)
• Garden Grove, California
28 Oct 10
hi insulin with me it was just that his family lived in WallaWalla Washington State and we lived in Tempe Arizona at the time.We did write back and forth and also talked to his mom and his sister too. I think it depends on so many different things, where they live, are they close or far away, are there racial biases in his family against hie girl, on and on like that, maybe he feels his parents are going to be hard on his girlfriend, maybe the age difference might offend the parents, just too many different scenarios to say just one thing is holding him back from taking her to meet his parents.
@youless (65193)
• Guangzhou, China
28 Oct 10
It is quite strange that a boyfriend doesn't let his girlfriend to meet his family. When a man loves you truely, he wants to show you to his friends and family. This is common. Especially 2 and 3 years are quite a long time. I can't understand why he doesn't bring you to see his family. There may be some reasons inside. You really need to figure it out. As I think your goal is the marriage. If your boyfriend doesn't think so and he is not serious to the relationship, then you shouldn't waste your time on him. I love China
@jennyze (7052)
• Indonesia
28 Oct 10
I would think that he is not yet ready for a commitment. I don't know about a divorce process, but I guess if a guy is really serious with a new relationship, he will try his best to speed the process.
@annawen86 (547)
• Indonesia
28 Oct 10
well, all of my ex bf and my boyfriend always invite me to meet all of their family. from parents, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmas, grandpas when i still have relation with my ex boyfriend and of course my boy friend now. i'm glad i dont meet those difficult situation like what you said. but if a guy is not letting you meet his family, it will be "not a good situation". i have a lot of friends who have experience with it. and there could be a lot of reason, bad reason and good reason. first, i have a friend that was in your situation. his boyfriend said that he was manage his divorce status so they cant announce their love relationship to the parents. my friend try to understand the situation and waiting for the right time. they live together but sometimes for few days, his boyfriend go to another place and give her reason that he has to travelling for work. but she was waiting for a long time and the "manage divorce status" was never been done. so, she tried to looking for the answer by herself. and she had to calm down her self. because his boyfriend never divorce with his wife. they are still a happy family. so my friend is only "a friend for having fun, cheated, and give him satisfaction that he cant get from his wife". i hope your situation is not like my friend's situation. i really hope you have a good boyfriend and his divorce status will be finish as soon as possible. second, it could be that the guy, affraid of losing his girlfriend. family are not always perfect. sometimes, there are people who has handicapped brother, sister or parents, or another family. there are people who's parent was poor enough, there are people who's parent are having affair with another person. those reasons can be a reason why the guy dont want his girlfriend to meet his family. because he's affraid that his gf will left him because of that. maybe that's all tht i can share for you. hope for your happiness my friend.
27 Oct 10
It doesn't always mean hes not serious about you. If you've been going out for 2 or 3 years you are both obviously serious about each other. He could just be nervous about letting you meet them as he wants them to accept you and not all families welcome new people in very well, like my wifes parents have never liked me but we are still together. On the other hand he may think you will not like his family and hes afraid it may cause problems between you both. There could be lots of reasons.