Do You Have a Code of Ethics for Dealing with People?
By zoey7879
@zoey7879 (3092)
United States
March 24, 2011 12:49pm CST
How many of you out there have a code of ethics for when it comes to dealing with "everyday people." Y'know.. like "Never hit a lady" or "Don't swear in front of women or children or out in public."
Well, while I do yell a lot at home and have a foul mouth, I worked a LOT of years in retail and customer service, so I've learned to mind my Ps and Qs in the public sector. I live in the state of Illinois, and I have lived here, this time, since 2006, but I have spent more than 17 years of my life living in this state. My first state ID was issued in Illinois, and a few years later, my first driver's license. I received two checks from Cash Crate and Cada Cabeza and needed to cash them.
But I prefer living within my means and off of the grid. I've never registered to vote. I have no utilities in my name (they're included in my rent!), no telephone, no bank accounts, no credit cards. I have no phone, so my name/number's not in the book.
So today, I went to get a new state ID card. I took my expired one, birth certificate, social security card, a copy of my lease which I just filled out YESTERDAY, and two pieces of mail. I don't own a car, so I had to pay someone to drive me to the office to get it done...
But I was denied. That's right, despite ALL of that... My lease wasn't accepted because the landlord only fills out the street address. I live in public housing and my apartment is rented to me by the state through the county. They said that they no longer accepted mail, and got upset that I didn't have anything else to prove who I am. They said that they would accept an affidavit signed by someone with a current IL state ID/DL and a piece of mail from a state or federal agency.
So I left to go to the local welfare office to have them send me something in the mail with my name and address on it, and the SS/DMV cashiers were gossiping about me before I even made it out the door! The welfare office called the DMV/SS office to make sure that they would accept the piece of mail, and they agreed. I realized that I already had a copy of the document that they were going to mail me in my wallet and went back to the DMV. I heard the phone conversation on speaker.
When I arrived, the cashier then said that they couldn't accept that document and that they had told the welfare office no! I argued for another 20 minutes and they finally gave me an ID, but were talking about me again for not saving a piece of mail that the post office sent me more than three years ago when I moved into this apartment. For the first time in my life, I got rude with someone older than my grandmother and yelled "Get your sh!t together and learn to shut your f#*k!ng mouth, stupid b!tch."
Normally I'm not so rude. I've been assaulted physically by customers at previous jobs and never got that rude. It's been totally against my ethics to say things like that to people so much older than me, but her attitude was completely unprofessional.
Have you ever been so fed up with people's crap that you have bent your own code of ethics to get your point across?
1 person likes this
11 responses
@kitty42 (3923)
• United States
24 Mar 11
Hello,
I believe you should treat people the way you want to be treated, you should also treat people as individuals not as a group I really hate when people judge others by where they come from or thier race drives me nuts, anywho thats just the start of my opinion on this topic I can possibly be here all day lol
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159222)
• Boise, Idaho
25 Mar 11
I don't think I really have. I live by the golden rule and if people do not treat me accordingly I go elsewhere. I have rarely had problems like you mentioned. I usually just wait and talk to someone else. I can see where you would get upset and at the end of your proverbial rope and do what you did. I guess I have been pretty lucky. Knock on wood!
@JoyfulOne (6232)
• United States
24 Mar 11
My code of ethics is do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and also: once you've started shouting you've lost the argument. Yes, I have bent the ethics out of total frustration and my calm nature went right out the window. So I can understand getting frustrated! Whew, they sure gave you the run-around!
The one time I really lost it was when I was going through chemotherapy and went totally bald from it and had to wear a wig. I went to a discount store and tried paying by check. The young snip at the cash register said that my driver's license wasn't me and that I didn't look like my picture at all! She did this all in a loud voice and every person around was staring at me like I was trying to pass a bad check or something. I finally asked for the manager. The manager hadn't came over yet and this gal kept going on and on...finally I couldn't take her verbal abuse anymore and whipped my wig off and said 'now do I look like my picture?! I'm going through chemo you idiot and don't have any hair, eyebrows, and my face is swollen!' And then I handed her my chemo schedule for the local hospital to prove I'd just came from a chemo session. The manager got there just in time for all this, and apologized like all get out lol. The snippy cashier got fired. You know, I didn't feel sorry for her one bit, and I was more embarrassed by being a cue-ball bald woman than I was at blowing my cork hahaha. Now, my friends and I find this extremely funny:-)
@livecenter (1136)
• Malaysia
25 Mar 11
She is certainly doing that on purpose, saying that out loud so that she can embarrass you...Nevertheless, getting the cashier sacked is a proper thing to do in my opinion...Who knows, if you didn't do that, she might behave like that towards other person...At least you "sacrificed" on person for the benefit of others...
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
26 Mar 11
For the most part, my husband is an old southern gentleman, but that is something he probably would have said, even sooner than you did. One of his rules is "Ladies first, always." It annoys me when his hands are full, but he insists on holding the door for me when I am unencumbered.
@thedataminer (515)
• United States
25 Mar 11
Geez it took me long enough to read this my friend and then I had to read it over again and go back though it somewhat. So you really didn't recall you had a letter from the welfare office with you? Sorry to ask. So you didn't mention that you were able to get the "affidavit" when you went back to the dmv the 2nd time. How'd you get the ID the 2nd time if you didn't have the "affidavit". Did you get that at the welfare office also? By the way I was born in IL and lived there many years (So IL). But if you live in public housing which is usually called the projects you wouldn't have a landlord; you would be renting from the housing authority. So what kind of public housing are you talking about - do you mean the Sec 8 program? I'm sorry your post intrigues me in other respects then the ? you asked about "dealing with people". I never had a problem getting a state ID if I had my old ID and my birth certificate. What else do you have to have? Oh you said a piece of mail like from a gov agency. But why the affidavit thing.(?) I never heard of that before. So what's the 3rd ID they need? You said you had your SS card so that's the 3rd ID. OK, I'm really lost here, is this for "real" or what? So what nationality are you if I may ask? As far as dealing with people I believe in just treating them with respect and just being plain nice and friendly. I don't like professional acting people. I been treated like crap by service industry people and other people my entire life and for no good reason either. Please answer my questions as I'm very curious about your post.
@zoey7879 (3092)
• United States
25 Mar 11
Geez if you don't like long posts, don't read them?
And no, I didn't remember having my Medicard with me, because it wasn't printed on the list of acceptable documents. I wasn't able to fill out the affadavit the first time because the neighbor wouldn't vouch for me unless I paid him. ALL properties have a landlord, and yes I rent from the housing authority.
It was such a pain in the rump thanks to new laws that were enacted last year. All because of wonderful ID fraud rings/mills. I listed everything that they asked me for and I'm not going to repeat it again, re-read the post.
If you'd like to know more about getting an ID/license, feel free to check out the Illinois secretary of state's website, although the list of needed documents posted online isn't quite as specific as the print out they gave me at the DMV.
@garson (884)
• United States
4 Apr 11
You started a BIG question.
I have never slipped like that because I am somewhat reserved, but I understand how you felt. I have experienced being judged (where some people already think or jump into certain conclusion). Somehow that is a nature of certain interaction.
G.
@spiderlizard22 (3444)
• United States
24 Mar 11
I haven't reach that point yet but when or if I do I will bend my ethics if it means getting respect or not getting disrespect. I would also do it if I am angry and it has nothing to do with respect. I had a debate with someone and the other person just kept yelling and throwing a fit so I don't bother debating with the other person anymore. I will debate anything as long as you don't use logical fallacies. If I accidentally used a logical fallacy let me know so I don't do that again.
@megamatt (14292)
• United States
25 Mar 11
Really I have only a simple code. Treat other people the way that I want to be treated. It is really simple, but easy to follow(at least most of the time that is). Be respectful, don't yell, don't shout, ask questions in a polite manner, do not curse, that sort of thing. It is really a simple rule to follow but one that can just serve as a blanket to many situations, without bogging myself with a complex code of ethics.
Now, with that being said, if someone pushes me a bit too far, I might push back a bit more. Hopefully they get the hint, if not, things might get a little heated. I don't lose my temper that often, but when it does, it is often extremely spectacularly. That would count as breaking my code of ethics, I guess, but they did force the break.
@katie0 (5203)
• Japan
25 Mar 11
I have too many codes actually. Sometimes it was bad for me in my work enviroment for example: I could never pretend, and after dealing with this doubt I decided that I would never act in a way I don't want. People say you have to be nice, to keep going in work but if I really don't like someone that have no ethics I think the best is he/she stays away from me, I won't be going there making conversation even if it's a boss, and I always screwed my self being this in the other hand I'm really proud of being like this, I feel I'm real.
@livecenter (1136)
• Malaysia
25 Mar 11
I believe everyone in this world has some limit of their patient...For you are confronted that way in front of yourself, it is far from abnormal to say that it is wrong...I believe you are telling them, by your expression, that you are normal human being and you need respect just like everybody else...They have not show you respect as human being that has feelings, and thus it is good for them to be yelled by "dormant volcano" like yourself 
...At least they learn how to pay respect to other people...
...At least they learn how to pay respect to other people...
