Would you become a step parent of a teenager?

United States
May 2, 2011 2:44pm CST
I'm seeing A Dr.Phil where A Step Dad Hates his Step daughter.It is a war zone and the mother is in the middle. So I thought I would ask this question. Me? I never wanted children nor do I Ever want to marry so if I fell for a guy with kids I Know his kids would Always come first so we would just " date" until his last child is college age or out of the house. Then and Only then would I think of living with him. That way the kids will have their dad and I don't have to be around any teen. Your thoughts.
3 people like this
14 responses
@dlemza (47)
• South Africa
3 May 11
Good spirit, and very considerate indeed. Just hope that doesn't break you up when he feels he really needs you now and find it not hard but missintepretes your good ideas. Honestly, for peace of mind?, I would opt for that now that I have solid reason, experience. Good luck ! !
• United States
3 May 11
Every guy I see, it sounds like there were many...lol1, I tell I don't want kids , Period. so if he already has kids and saw me as some mother he is strongly mistaken. Then it is up to him. As long as he Hears me. Some guys may not believe me when I say I do not Want to be in the same room as children. So I rather wait until his kids are asleep, He calls a sitter And Then he comes to see me.Yes he can have us both but not in the same room.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 May 11
Oops. I forgot to say. I have my guy and he Totally understands there will be no children Or marriage in our future.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
3 May 11
I'm thinking you are a very smart woman.
2 people like this
• United States
4 May 11
Smart? Ok Thank you . I just know what I can and can't handle. I can't handle children of Any age. once a person is 20 or older I can relate.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
4 May 11
I think that one has to respect the fact that you are self aware enough to know this about your self. Just curious though...is it that you don't relate to them or is it that they get on your nerves? What is it about childen that you don't like?
2 people like this
• United States
6 May 11
Sorry I'm late answering this. It is both. I can't relate and All the noise and asking having to nag them to do things Plus having to answer Every question! I would just tune them out. I can ignore anything and anyone and you can't do that to a child. I just avoid them.
@shaggin (36845)
• United States
3 May 11
Well I think that your idea to just date until the last child is out of the house before living together is a good idea. I have a 3 year old son and a 6 year old daughter. I do not bring men around my children who I am dating. If I break up with the guy I dont want my kids sad that they dont see the guy anymore that they grew attached to. My kids are mine I dont want any guy coming in and trying to discipline them or trying to father them. If I dated a guy who had kids I would want it to be the same way. I would have to date them a few years before I would let them around my kids or be around theirs. I would try to treat their children as good as my own at that time.
2 people like this
• United States
3 May 11
And sadly there are monsters out there who want to harm kids. It must be extra hard to trust a new person.
@Mickie30 (2633)
2 May 11
If I fell in love with a person then it doesn't matter about whether they have children or not. Of course it matters how you get on with the children. You always should make an effort to get on with children. However, you have to be careful because it can be difficult if that child has been hurt or spoilt.
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 11
If I fall for him , I want him to be happy. Having me Try and fail with his kids Will not make him happy. I rather stay away. If he Needs someone to help raise his kids , then I am not the right person for him and we should break Right Now!
• United States
2 May 11
I have recently thought of trying to rekindle an old relationship but have serious reservations because since we were together he has had two children with another woman. I don't deal well with children. Everyone says it's different when they are your own but what about when they are someone else's made to be your own?? I don't know that I would ever be able to connect with them. And a TEENAGER!?!?! His kids are small, three and five...a teenager would be even harder. Although, I do have a lot of friends who are 17, 18, 19 so 15 may not be so much different. But I don't know that I could ever be "Mom."
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 11
Talk about how you feel. There are ways where he can have you and be a attentive parent too.If he has full custody it may be hard but not impossible and if he gets visits , it is easier.
• United States
2 May 11
Hi there, By my having two of my own it would be unfair not to accept a man who has any. The way I see it is that if I am to love him, I am to love his other better halves. I understand your choices and they are to be respected, after all you would be up front and not entering into a relationship where later you and or the children suffer. I live with my boyfriend and has has a little one, although she does not live with us she does come here with us two times a year and for a month at a time, and I must say I love her to bits as if she were my own. I am not replacing her mother but so cute how she calls her American mum.
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 11
You are her American Mom? She is lucky, she Has two moms that love her.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
2 May 11
I raised my kids myself...and I didn't date much as I didn't want them to have to go through the step parent things not at two places anyway....my ex had a girlfriend that lived with him and her kids came first....so my kids knew they were just second best with their dad....so here...they came first so I waited until they were grown. Now I wouldn't marry someone with kids at home yet....if they were grown...fine.
2 people like this
• United States
2 May 11
I never thought I was lucky losing my dad at 12 but maybe I was. I never had to see him love another family More than he loved me. That must be truly heartbreaking.
@youless (91492)
• Guangzhou, China
4 May 11
I just don't want to be a step mom. Actually I will never marry to a man who is already divorced. So it is impossible for me to marry to a man who already has a child. Since the child is not my own child, so sometimes I don't know how to handle it. "Love me, love my dog" doesn't fit me in this aspect. If I blame him/her if he/she makes something wrong, others may think it is a abusion. There can be any conflicts in the reality. It will ruin our relationship. So I won't involve in such kind of marriage and I don't want to be a step parent. Even if the child is already an adult. I love China
@aliki123 (122)
• Greece
3 May 11
Depending on the situation I would not mind it if the kid liked me.However,if he showed some dislike I would try my best to be accepted,because in that age likes and dislikes are really hard to change for teenagers-rebellion stage,if that was not achieved ,I would give up and follow your example.I would wait for the child to become an adult and have a conversation with the child.
2 people like this
@inertia4 (27651)
• United States
3 May 11
Well, that is a sticky situation. If the teenager has a Father, I will be there for him but his Father would be the main man in his life, as it should be. If he does not have a Father, lets say the Mother is a widower, then yes, I would try to be a parent to the teen.
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
3 May 11
I have heard a lot of problems with being the step mother or the step father, most especially if the child is already a teenager. I guess it's tougher to adjust in that age because all the hormones are out and they are quite confused of what is happening to their lives, yet alone accepting someone else in their life (worst if the parents separated). If I were in that position, I think I would have second thoughts with the 'love' that I feel for the man. I mean, I know I love the person, but am I ready to face negativity? I'd probably rethink things first several times, but it would be best if I steer clear of those men with adolescent kinds until they are old enough to get out of the house. Further, I don't think men with those kids are ready to have another woman in their life. They need to give these teenagers their attention because it's when these teenagers need them more. I think it's safe to have a relationship when those teenagers have already grown up and could well adjust to their father having another person in his life as well.
2 people like this
@r3jcorp (1384)
• Philippines
3 May 11
Raising your own teenager child is difficult therefore, raising a stepdaughter would be twice the headache. For one, it would be hard to get the acceptance of the girl, she might think that I already replaced their mom. If the daughter was living with her own mother and she came only to visit, that could be a much better arrangement.
• Canada
21 Aug 11
In 2007 I became the step mother of one of the nicest most reasonable teenaged boys in the world!!!! Cory is just like his Dad. He stayed with us for a few months when he and his Mom needed a break from eachother. We all got along great, and there were no problems.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Aug 11
Fantastic!
@dawnald (84148)
• Shingle Springs, California
2 May 11
I might, but I think I would have some serious discussions on the subject of discipline and child rearing, among other things.
1 person likes this