Wallowing In Self-Pity...

I've been doing the best I can for 3 years & it just doesn't seem to be enough!!! I sometimes can see the fight still inside him. It's almost like he feels guilty for still enjoying life!!!

I did not mean you should leave him alone all together, off course not. Just do the best you can, and would be possible without harming yourself. it is up to him if he wants to get better, or does he have the idea in his head to go see your mum soon? much respect for you and your brother i could only imagine how difficult, emotional and hard it is to see your father like this.Hope it goes well and better soon!

I've pointed out to him that Mom would be sad to see him so miserable & he even agrees. Sadly he hasn't been able to process his grief!!!

Yes, there have been many good ideas offered here. I have exhausted every idea I could possibly think of before asking here!!! He's becoming very adept at lying too!!!My brother & I have gotten to where we compare visits so we can figure out what he's really doing!!! He was the one who taught me my bluntness & honesty & I find it soooo out of character for him to look me in the eyes & lie!!! At 87, I don't feel like he has a whole lot of years left & I sure wish he could find a way to enjoy the time he does have left!!! He has gotten so fragile that I can no longer hug him as it upsets him & he pulls away. We have many frank discussions & he'll respond as though I'm getting through...then a couple of days later, he's back to his pity party!!! I'm almost at wits end...yet I just cannot give up on him!!!! Thank you for your thoughts. You do realize that just knowing you're here & listening is a HUGE help don't you??? One of the benefits of myLot is that if you're willing to listen long enough & you let me talk long enough that I usually can finally see my own solution!!! At this point it hasn't come to me yet, but there's still time!!! I have had a couple of ideas that I may implement soon!!!!

I totally understand why he is sad!!! I just don't understand why he is satisfied to remain miserable!!! He raised me that it's OK to be sad for a little while, but there is a point where you really need to "fix the problem". My brother felt he had grieved long enough somewhere around 6 months. I felt that a 75 year love affair deserved more than 6 months. Around a year, I felt he should begin to show some healthier thoughts & I thought I was seeing him improve some. He seemed to be happier in general & I thought he was going through phase of where he still missed her but had accepted the fact that she's gone.He did pretty good for about 3-4 months when he reverted back to being miserable & I noticed that his friends had stopped coming over to visit him & he quit telling me what his friends had to say when they called. Then close family members would call me & ask what was wrong with him because ALL he did was cry when they called. Now most of them have quit calling him too. He won't discuss it with me; but he told my brother that he's fine when me or my brother is there with him & then when we leave he gets very lonesome again. He goes out to dinner with a couple of guys from church & he's fine when he's with them but goes back to being lonesome when he returns home. About once a month he goes out to breakfast with the guys that retired from the company he works for & he's fine while he's out with them but is lonesome once he returns home. It seems to me it should be common sense for him to notice that he's OK when he's away from the house & out with people. Both my brother & I have suggested he go out to lunch on the 4 days we're not there with him. That way his mind would be occupied with getting ready to go out for several hours in the morning. He's a very slow eater, so he'd be out & away for a couple of hours. Plus he always needs a nap after he eats & he could nap for a couple of hours. Then the number of hours he'd have to feel miserable would be less. I've even suggested he visit people from church who are in the hospital or nursing home as that would keep him out most of the day. He just keeps coming up with excuse after excuse why he can't do any & every activity we can think of for him to do. Even his best friend has just about stopped visiting him because he says he just can't be miserable with him!!! My biggest fear at this point is that he'll alienate himself from everybody who cares about him & he'll have NOBODY & he will go deeper into his misery!!! My brother & I even tried to increase our visits to help fill his time & that doesn't make him happy either!!! At this point I'm at a loss as to what to try & get him to do!!! His doctor tried to help & he won't take the meds that should help him It's hard to help someone who refuses to help themselves!!!

He runs off girlfriends faster than we can find them!!! In the beginning, his friends would take him out to dinner; but they are also giving up on him now!!!