My friend is the other woman

@meriel (101)
Philippines
October 1, 2011 10:58am CST
hi! I have this friend she is my friend for a long time. I already knew that my friend is having an affair with a married guy. literally married but technically not!. the guy is separated for a long time but living with his legal wife in same roof until now. they said that the wife have a boyfriend already. I don't know their set ups. the guy is older than her i think 15 yrs older. they been together for almost 4 years now. We been telling her that she must stop seeing the guy and discontinue their relationship. because it is not right. her parents might disinherit her because of this. and she is destroying a family. she just keep on telling us that she don't have the plan to make their relationship last forever. she want to find someone who will she be proud of and introduce to her parents. but the question is when it will be? she will not find a guy if she still involved with this guy.
2 people like this
20 responses
• Philippines
16 Oct 11
we share the same story my dear. my bestfriend is also playing as another woman in real life. the worst thing about their relationship is that my bestfriend is married too, although she's separated with her husband. but the guy she's with right now is very much married and still with his family. like you, i also tried to stop her, giving her advice about the consequences of their relationship. but things comes to worst, my friend got pregnant and resorted to abortion to save face. she gave up the life of her child inside her that adds to her mistake. and that was the time i told her that i am giving up on her. as for your friend, just don't stop reminding her of the what if's of her situation right now. because if the man really loves her and have a future plan of them to be together to share their future, he could always file an annulment to end his marriage with her first wife so he and your friend could already start a life together. we could never know what the future holds, but it is just right to give something for herself. the decision though is always hers alone. just do your part as a friend to her. i am wishing her well, and i hope she won't undergo what my friend have done with her life. happy mylotting!
@tammytwo (4305)
• United States
21 Oct 11
That is such a sad story. These woman just don't seem to realize, if he is willing to do that with them he will also be willing to do the same thing to them. Even if they end up together she will have to worry about trusting him.
@TrvlArrngr (4058)
• United States
1 Oct 11
I have a friend that saw a married man for about 9 years. She is now 50 and alone. He never left his wife. Yes, she had some good times being the other woman for those years. Trips, fancy restaurants, etc - but she did not see him on holidays or when his real family needed him. I will not say I told you so because I think she knows that now.
@Hazelme (649)
• United States
1 Oct 11
Oh-my! This is a really tough situation, i don't think i will able to keep up with that if she was part of my family. My family it's very traditional and they teached us and expect us to go with their beliefs and if we disagree they don't want us to disrespect what they believe. In my opinion i believe their is "NO LOVE" at all in this relationship according to what she said "she just keep on telling us that she don't have the plan to make their relationship last forever." I think the same as you if she wants a relationship that will last forever then she should let the man go. Maybe he is giving her something that has her attach to him, because it's hard for me to believe someone will be in a situation like this without getting nothing from it.
@WakeUpKitty (8707)
• Netherlands
1 Oct 11
It is your friend her life and that guy his life. It's not up to you to judge or to say what she will destroy. Also I don't believe she can destroy a family that is already destroyed. The only thing parents should want is that their daughter is happy. No matter in what way or with whom or where in the world. If they inherite her for he choice it only shows they don't respect her and accept her as the kind of person she is. I would advice you not to interfere in this relationship. If it won't work she will find it out herself. She doesn't need other people to tell her she is doing a bad thing. Also... you can't look into her heart or head. Personally I would never accept behaviour like yours from any of my friends. You don't respect or accept her as the person she is. What good is for you doesn't have to be good for her. You are not the same and she has the right to live her life and to go for her dreams and hopes just like you have. If my parents would inherite me for that I would not care for 1 single moment I would even not like to be with them anymore. Nothing is as worse as to have forget about yourself and always have to live by the rules of someone else.
• Netherlands
1 Oct 11
PS who says she wants to find an other guy at this moment? If the time is there she will but not if you all tell her what a bad person she is.
@meriel (101)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
no! we never tell her that she is a bad person. but her situation and her doing is bad. what we been telling her that she should end her relationship with this guy. becasue what ever she says. she can't find a descent man whom she can introduce to her parents. and as long as she continues their relationship she is still a mistress.
• Philippines
3 Oct 11
Based on my observations, no decent guy would ever pursue a woman who has been or had been involved with someone married. When they do, they must really feel strongly for the girl for them to ignore the person she was before they met.
@seemared (771)
4 Jan 12
I have a guy who is my husband friend with whom I have a relationship..he says he will stop the moment he will get married and till then he wants to continue the relationship..I said it would be fine until my husband says to stop it.. but it seems like he is making no move to get married and neither is he seeing any other women to get married and he rejects every single proposal which his family brings in which means I have to be with him at bed for a quite long time..I am ok with that but some times I think he is fooling me around with this marriage thing..
• India
4 Jan 12
may be he is fooling you.but as far as i know about you,still everything is in your hand.you continue until you want it.don't continue just to give him pleasure,just because he is not yet married.till the time you enjoy his company and your husband does not object,you move on.and he might be rejecting every proposal,just because he might not have found anyone as great as you.and on the topic of he saying "i will stop it as i get married",i don't think so this will happen.it may be both the couples take pleasure to have four-some.
• Romania
1 Oct 11
I don't see why you think she destroys a family. Her partner had separated from his wife before meeting your friend. The problem is her attitude towards the relationship with this man. She's still looking for someone she can be proud of, so I suppose he doesn't make her happy. It's an odd situation.
@meriel (101)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
what i mean by she's destroying a family. because they are not really separated. they are still living on the same roof with their kinds even if they both knew that each one of them having an affair with another person. I still believe that they still have a chance to be reunited as a family if they will work out their marriage. thats why i want my friend to stop seeing with this guy. and end everything that they have because i know in the future she might get hurt. because the guy is born polygamous. the guy i married with 3 children and also he had an affair with other girl and had kids and now he's having my an affair with my friend.
@bubuth (1816)
• Philippines
27 Oct 11
I think she will only realize that she must not have a relationship in that kind of man if the man will choose his family than her..
@tammytwo (4305)
• United States
15 Oct 11
If she was seeing the guy before him and the wife split then yes she could be considered the reason they split. But if she began seeing him during the separation then she can't technically be the reason they split. As a married woman who TOTALLY disagrees with any type of infidelity I agree that she may need to step back until the marriage has ended.
• United States
2 Oct 11
She said she wants to find a guy she can be proud of ? But she is still with the married guy? I don't understand. when I read the first part of your post I thought , it works for her . But if she wants a guy to bring home to her parents , this guy isn't the guy right now. If he were free then maybe but Still married? Yikes!She will not leave until she is ready. She Has to make the decision. Until then, she will be with the guy.
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Whoa! This is like dejavu! 2 months ago, my friend asked me for an advice on what to do. My friend told me that her current boyfriend is married. She said her boyfriend told her that he doesn't love his wife but he can't leave her. The good thing about my friend is still sensible, she just needs encouragement. I told her to really think about the consequences of their relationship. And after a month she told me she already broke up with him. So I praised her for her decision. I hope your friend would find courage in doing the right thing, for her own sake.
@bingskee (5237)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
well, nothing you can do about it if your friend decides to stay in the relationship. the decision lies to her and there is nothing to be done, and the situation will not change, if she decides opposite what everybody around her wants.
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Your friend maybe already in her right age, mature and educated. If she have all those quality she must know already the right and wrong. But she give her reason to you. t is up to her if she follow your advices. the things that matter her is you need to remind her constantly about her wrong doings and she may realize later her mistakes. even if she does not follow you the important hings you give your concern and good advices and pray she change her decision later.
@globaldoc (860)
• Philippines
2 Oct 11
Sadly, if your friend is the other woman, then it is either she fell for someone who cheated on his wife with her, or she never knew that the guy is already married. Whatever the situation may be, it is best that your friend goes up the relationship. No matter what, she will end up as the loser. Of course she would want a nice wedding with respectable factors surrounding the marriage. She would want to get her parents involved. How can she if she is in this kind of a mess. She will just end up in tears. Better do what is right while it is still very early.
@GemmaR (8526)
2 Oct 11
I would hate to be in this situation because, when I am with someone, I have to be their number one priority otherwise I just feel as though I am worthless and this means that I wouldn't enjoy the relationship. In addition to this, I wouldn't want to be the person who was responsible for tearing somebody else's lives apart. If the man had a wife and children then an affair could affect them in ways that they didn't even know was possible, and I would just never want to be the person who was responsible for doing this to somebody else.
@pahak627 (4198)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
I don't think she was the one who destroyed that married guy's family because as you said the guy has been separated for a long time. But still what she's doing violated the law and morals. Supposed to be, it is not acceptable to society but it is already tolerated. YOur friend will be at a loss.
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
Yes you are right she will not have a descent guy if she is within a relationship with him still. Now if you could keep telling her that she need to stop in relation with his current boyfriend which you told has a wife she will find a new one which give her a legal name. BUt i think she is inlove with this guy that is why she is until now involved with him. And if the situation is like that she will never be with his new lover to settle for good. You know love is blind and dont know what is right and wrong.IT is a feeling that we can feel to anyone we like or if we love it is always tells us the we love that person with no reason to ask why. And if we love all things for us is right as long as we are in his side. Sometimes we can tell that the love is unfair. It is blind really... hmmm keep on telling her the good future is in using her mind,,
• Indonesia
1 Oct 11
that not love, for me. maybe your friend know how is her feel when someone that she love go away from her. that what the wife of her boyfriend feel.
@ravinskye (8243)
• United States
1 Oct 11
I think it is a hard situation for everyone. I have a guy friend who is the other man. He has been having a relationship with a girl who is married. The bad thing is she isn't separated. Her husband found out about them once but he stayed with her and now he's just in denial that it is going on. Everyone has tried to talk to my guy friend and tell him he deserves better, but he is in love with her. He is such a nice guy and it really is sad that she is keeping him on the hook when he could be finding someone better.
@besssia (94)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
They always have that reason, that they are only going to be involved in that kind of relationship at the time being. Sometimes, they say that they are bored that's why they allow themselves to be the other woman. But really, being bored is not reason enough to do something morally wrong. I also have a friend like that, and even when I listen to her side of story and try to understand where she's coming from I never stop telling her if she can stop it soon, she should do it while she still can. Because really, the deeper she'll allow herself to be, the more difficult it is for her to get herself out of the hole she dug herself.
@galileo2008 (1140)
• Philippines
1 Oct 11
Geezzz.. She must stop seeing the guy before it's too late. But that's still her decision if she wants to have that kind of relationship or not. My friend is like that too, the worst thing is that she knows that the guy is not in love with her, and he's just using her for his personal gain, like physical contact or so. The guy has 3 kids (one kid for each of his previous girlfriends). He got married once, and now he's living in with his girlfriend, and he's flirting with my friend. I've been warning her not to trust the guy, she keeps on telling me she's not attracted to him, but it seems like her actions are opposite to her words. She always go out with him and everyday she talks about the guy. Her friends have been telling her not to engage that kind of relationship, to no avail. I think she's in love with him.