Do You Think Divorce Is Too Common?

Lenox, Georgia
November 10, 2011 10:50am CST
I just hear some things and it blows my mind that people get divorced and give up so quickly on their marriages. My husband and I have been through being evicted, being homeless, in laws not liking the spouse, financial difficulties a lot and living with family members... We have been married for 7 years and we have been through a heck of a lot. I would never give up on my marriage unless I was getting abused! People need to take their vows more seriously I think. What do you think? Do you feel people are getting divorced over practically nothing? Do you think it's okay to get a divorce whenever you just feel like it? What are your thoughts?
15 people like this
39 responses
@AmbiePam (50380)
• United States
10 Nov 11
Amen! I hear people say, oh I just don't feel the same. Guess what people? Feelings are fickle. Real love is making a committment and deciding no matter what, we're sticking this out. People say the passion has faded, and we're just friends. Uh, the best marriages are based on friendship. My parents, grandparents, sister and BIL, they are each others best friends. You can rekindle passion. The only way I'd divorce is if he cheated on me (and if I had kids I'd see if we could work it out) or if he beat me (even if I had kids I'd still leave if he beat me of course). My parents have been through hell, and my dad is currently going through hell with his 52 year old wife, my mother who is riddled with dementia. He's still by her and takes care of her personally. Even though he is 56 and he knows he has years and years of this ahead of him.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (50380)
• United States
10 Nov 11
Well duh! lol I'm talking about people who have been married for 20 years and may not feel the same passion they felt when they first were together.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (50380)
• United States
11 Nov 11
I think you were more than clear in your discussion. Perhaps they did not read the entire discussion, or perhaps someone is divorced and defensive on why they got one.
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
Thank you! You always understand me and my discussions and I am so glad! With so many people saying things, I feel like I'm the confused one but thanks for letting me know that I'm not! =)
1 person likes this
@_sketch_ (5709)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I don't think that it's the divorce that is the problem, but the marriage. People are feeling so lonely these days. We feel that if we are not in a relationship that we aren't worth anything; that we have to have that in order to be complete. This is just an illusion. We see others in relationships and envy them. Our families asking when we will get married. Society tells us at an early age that getting married and having children is what we are supposed to do. Of course it is okay to get a divorce, if you feel like it. We can rationalize all we want, but sometimes we just need to let go. Everyone deserves happiness and staying in a relationship that isn't working out is not going to do that for anyone. I know that a lot of people stay in unhappy relationships for the sake of their children, but this is really not a good idea. If the parents are not happy together, then there is going to be tension and the children are going to pick up on that. All it can really do is cause everyone more stress.
2 people like this
• Lenox, Georgia
10 Nov 11
People that are not truly in love should not be with each other to begin with. I knew there were things about my husband before I married him that I didn't like but I could deal with it. If there were things about him that I knew would cause trouble down the road, I never would have married him!! Why not get to know the person enough where you know whether or not they have issues that "someday" will not work for you. If you don't like it now, chances are you won't like it in the future either. I think people jump into a marriage quickly and then divorce WAY too easily. Marriage is a sacred vow and it should be kept that way. =)
2 people like this
@_sketch_ (5709)
• United States
10 Nov 11
People change and people grow apart. Just because people get a divorce, does not mean that they weren't truly in love. I also do not think that marriage is a sacred vow, but that's a different discussion.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
10 Nov 11
Thanks for adding different ideas into the discussion even though you don't agree with me =) Nothing like a healthy difference of opinions.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15643)
• Puerto Rico
10 Nov 11
You are so right! It is crazy how people can get divorced without even trying to save the marriage. Look at Kim K being married for 72 days. That just doesn't make sense. The meaning behind the institute of marriage has become a big joke to most. Its not like our parents and grandparents who stayed together through thick and thin. The marriage vows say through the good time and bad in sickness and health. However, as soon as a couple have their first fight they are thinking of divorce right away. I give you alot of credit that through all you have been through divorce is not an option. Good for you and I hope you are married till you are both old and gray rocking in your rocking chair. God Bless!
2 people like this
• Lenox, Georgia
10 Nov 11
It is crazy and sad. Kim was just trying to show off, what I don't know...But she is not being a good example for others at all... Exactly, people don't take it serious enough. It is a vow before God, to me that is very serious. Thank you, I hope with all we have been through that no matter what comes our way we can push through it together. Lord knows we have been through so much but He has gotten us through and we are still happy and in love. I am just glad I was brought up knowing how serious marriage is. My parents and grandparents are all still together and married through it all. =)
1 person likes this
@lampar (7597)
• United States
10 Nov 11
Unfortunately, normal People don't get divorced and give up quickly on their marriage like you think, it only happen often among Hollywood and Bollywood elites and celebrities. Commoners around the world don't submit to such type of clowny behavior commonly practiced by actors and actresses during their career cycle where marriage and divorce are just part of the publicity game to get into media limelight and newspapers headline. DOn't people had been taking their vows seriously more that you want to believe. Nobody got divorce over practically nothing, you must have come from another planet, on earth, we just don't do so often.
2 people like this
• Lenox, Georgia
10 Nov 11
Actually if you look at divorce rates I think you would be surprised how often it does actually occur among every day people like you and I. I do not appreciate saying that I have come from another planet, just to let you know that is very rude. If you look at the divorce rate there are TONS of people getting divorced every day...
1 person likes this
@apples99 (6564)
• United States
10 Nov 11
Yes! I do think divorce is too common I think people today don't take marriage as seriously as they use to back in the old days, also I think a lot of people don't put the same value on marriage today And marrage is now thought of more as just a piece of paper, and does not hold as much value as it did many years ago, so now people are getting divorced at an alarming rate. I think a lot of people today especially women yeah I hate to admit it because I'm a women, but women tend to be more in love with the idea of getting married and finding a prince charming and having a magical wedding instead of thinking about whats important and whats real There is no such thing as prince charming the most we can hope for is a loving responsible man that accepts us for who we are, and when it's all said and done a fancy ceremony is not gonna guarantee that the marriage will last Also people should not marry because of what society says or anything else but only honest and true love for each other, I don't mean to sound like a jerk but maybe if people thought first before leaping into marriage there would not be so many divorced couples today getting married is a serious thing.
2 people like this
• Lenox, Georgia
10 Nov 11
Yeah, it just seems like people think oh well I will marry them for this reason or another and if it doesn't work we can always get a divorce! If I had that thought in my head when I was getting married, I never would have gotten married, you know? I agree, I think more parents need to tell their kids that fairy tales are not real so they don't grow up actually thinking it could happen to them. I hate to be that way but I don't want my daughters thinking that they could possibly find this amazing fairy tale love because it does not exist! I agree, I think people jump into it way too fast. I am glad I waited to get to know who I was marrying and being truly in love with him despite our flaws, we can still get through tough things and come out loving each other even more than before...
2 people like this
10 Nov 11
It may be seen as too common but I think for most people who get divorced it is with a period of time trying to work things out and a divorce is inevitable after falling apart. I don't believe people should stay together if they are that unhappy as a couple and have tried to work things out.
• Lenox, Georgia
10 Nov 11
I think that maybe some years ago that is how it was but not so much anymore from what I have seen in my experience. =( I have seen couples try for a couple of months, to me that is not trying very hard. Every marriage has its problems, I know that first hand but why give up so easily? What would make you unhappy from one day to the next? What would change that much in a marriage for someone to just decide I am not happy anymore? Wouldn't they know this was not for them before they married that person?
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I'll give you a few examples. If suddenly the person you married was totally UNLIKE the person you married, wouldn't that be hard to deal with? What if their goals for life changed and no longer were compatible with yours? What if you had children and your partner of 7 years suddenly decided they were no longer interested in being a parent and loving and raising those children with you? What if they converted to a religion and told you they were going to leave you if you didn't convert also - and what if it was something you were unable to accept because it went against your moral conscience? These are just some thoughts. Also, keep in mind nobody knows that someone may go crazy... as in have mental changes that causes them to be totally different suddenly. The person may not even realize it. They may get angry with you over nothing, change their mind from one minute to the next and then get mad at YOU for mentioning it or pointing it out. I have known some people to be unhappy because their partner is no longer fulfilling them emotionally, they may not be encouraging and communicating, they may be absent physically too or just absent emotionally. They may not give any support to what is important to their partner such as their career or education if they are finishing or going back to school, or they may give no input or response when their partner wants to talk about it with them. Either way, nobody wants to be ignored within a relationship or to feel 'less-than' the other.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
That's why I am glad my husband and I both have the same religious views so that one could never happen. =) My husband can have whatever goals he wants to, that wouldn't make me love him any less at all. Matter of fact my husband doesn't really have goals, we live paycheck to paycheck and since he doesn't have a college degree or anything there is no reason for any goals bigger than that. If he decided he didn't want to love our children (which I have no idea why he would do that) I would love them enough for both of us. In my sister's case with her ex, he became VERY abusive after he came back from overseas in which case I do understand a divorce because she was getting hit and so were the kids, badly. This is a reason why I never dated a military man, the lifestyle and stress were not worth it to me. And her case proved it to be true. When I talk to my husband nine times out of ten it goes in one ear and out the other. I just talk to one of my family members about it then. Some people do give things enough time to try and work on it but I was talking about the people that get divorced within a couple months as I stated above. That is nowhere near enough time to try to work on things... =)
@Dassodils (2013)
• India
10 Nov 11
I think that divorce is common now..If the partner is not matching with you, Leave him...We have to look the children's future...In my view,Marriage is not an essential part in our life...But I love babies....I Thank you....
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
10 Nov 11
I think divorce is a common thing as well. If you don't like something about your boyfriend and you don't think he is marriage material for whatever reason, why marry him?? Marriage is not essential that is correct but people do it anyway knowing well if it doesn't work out we can just get a divorce. Instead of knowing the person ahead of time and deciding at that time they are not right for each other... =)
2 people like this
@lijoos (346)
• India
11 Nov 11
I cant agree with you. marriage is an essential part of our life. parents both mother and father has equal importance in the growth of a child.and absence of one can affect the child. just look at our father and mother if they think marriage is not essential and get diversed for a simple reason.where will be our life. please dont encourage divorce. problems are part of marriage life .there is a need of understandment and mutual trust.and sometimes adjustements then only we can have a long married life.thats what our father and mother do. and i like to follow them. partner not matching with you just leave him what a concept.if we start to leave something behind in the life. everytime we will leave. and divorce is not that easy one and you cant live your partner simply like in a love.it need a solid reason and both of them wants to be ready for the divorse. i feel realy bad on your concept.just rethink or ask your parents.they are our roll models. dear friend somethings in life are precious.if we lost it our life is meaningless.
2 people like this
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
I'm sorry but I believe if your not married that you shouldn't have children. You shouldn't have children outside of marriage. So, people that want children should get married first. Some people are not interested in marriage or having children, that is their preference and there is nothing wrong with that at all. They do not have to get married, nobody does. That's exactly what I was saying is divorce is not always needed. People should work through things. My parents have been married for 25 years and they have been through a lot. I have been married for 7 years and I have been through as much as they have in this short time and I will not get divorced...
1 person likes this
@Mashnn (4503)
11 Nov 11
Congratulations for that. You are such a role model. Most people get married expecting alot but the moment things do not turn the way they expected they run from reality and instead opt for divorce or separation. It is true that they don't take vows seriously.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
23 Feb 12
I knew marriage would not be a fairy tale thats for sure. I didn't mind because I was in love with my husband. I wanted to be with him no matter what it cost because I felt like he was worth it. =) If only more people would look at things this way...There would be a lot less divorces that is for sure!
@Mashnn (4503)
25 Feb 12
True but unfortunately, only a few like you realize that. Others are in marriages just for conviniences purposes.
@Dominique25 (9475)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I think that a couple should try to work things out. A divorce is a serious big step. I do think many people get divorced for little things. I wouldn't encourage divorce but I can understand why some people do get divorced. Many people change over time. And that being the case some spouses have different thoughts and feelings on matters. That in itself can lead to a lot of problems. Some couples as well have to deal with cheating spouses, abuse, or spouses who have addictive habits that lead to the detriment of the family.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
It is a big step that I feel people take too easily. Marriages have problems of course, differences in opinions and all of that but I just feel like that's every day stuff and it's pretty easy to get through. If my husband and I can get through being homeless and living in a tent I think people can get through "feelings". Cheating and abusing, I absolutely put these things in a totally different category. I don't think I specified enough what I meant in this discussion because I absolutely feel those are grounds for divorce. I'm mainly talking about the people that say oh I don't love you anymore (for no apparent reason), people that say this just isn't working out or things like that. I have heard it so many times and it really puzzles me...
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Nov 11
I think the Kim K example is a good example of what you are trying to say. Some people are able to work through their marriages and others aren't. If they were they wouldn't be getting divorced or separate. I think most people feel that they can only try for so long. I'm happy that you and your husband have been able to go through so much and still stay together. Enduring things like that together will deffinitely strengthen your bond and love for one another. I couldn't imagine being homeless my husband and I would probably be very angry about the whole situation. And when it comes to things like that he would probably get really depressed and stop talking about the situation.
@UmiNoor (3661)
• Malaysia
12 Nov 11
Personally, I feel that marriage is something that you do only once in your lifetime. Why get married just to end it in divorce? Marriage like love should be forever but of course unless you're in an abusive relationship then divorce is necessary. But other than that, people should learn not to give up too easily.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
22 Nov 11
I agree with you of course unless you are being beat or cheated on every day. That is no way to live forever! Other than that, work it out. Things will get better if you want them to get better. I agree that people should learn not to give up so easily. =)
@whatrow (793)
• United States
11 Nov 11
I certainly agree. I know of a woman who spent a lot of money on a huge wedding despite enduring major conflict at home. Two months later, she divorced. Why? He was boring!
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
Exactly! You proved my point of what I was trying to say. That is a horrible reason to divorce someone! If their boring when your dating, you know they will be boring in marriage too!! Why marry them if you don't want to be with the person forever? That is what I was talking about. Craziness! =)
@ayvanee (149)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
Is it okay to get a divorce whenever you feel like it? NO! Couples should stand for what they promised before God. Couples should at least try to patch things up, make the relationship work, and put God in the center of their relationship. Now I remember Kim Kardashian and her 3-month(?) marriage. Ugh! The only right time you could think of divorce is when you're abused, not just when you feel like it. I salute you for staying married for 7 years! :) I hope your marriage gets stronger, may you have many many more years to count. Wish you all the best!
@Aja103654 (5658)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
Very common, YES! It's sickening to hear a divorce has been done almost everyday! I think that divorce is often the resort of those people who can't take responsible and keep to their word. It makes marriages and vows insubstantial! People who would think about getting the divorce over matrimonial problems shouldn't marry from the beginning. maybe there should be a law to check on those people who want to marry, like test them to see if they would really stick to each other and not divorce. Divorce is a disaster, especially to the kids. They have to suffer because of their parents' shortcomings. It's unfair to them. Many couples don't take marriage vows seriously, it's as if this is only a game to them that if you grow tired of it already, you quit. the only reason i could understand divorce is when there is presence of abuse and insanity.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
25 Feb 12
It is too common and sickening! I agree with you, some people don't take it serious enough. They go into it thinking if it doesn't work out, I can just get a divorce. That is NOT the way you should go into a marriage. If your thinking that way, you should not get married! A test would work but at the same time it would take away some of our freedom and let government control more of what we do so I am not sure I would like that either... Divorce with children is so sad and tough for children. =( I feel bad for children with divorced parents, they do have such a hard time.
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
I believe so, there are people out there who i believe because they have the power and the means take marriage for granted and with a snap of the fingers marriage is poooff! gone.. just like that.. but if they are like us, who knows to hold on, who knows how to survive and get through, we get to stay strong and make it work.. we also went through a lot, though breaking up crossed my mind, yet it was never really something i could do.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
25 Feb 12
Yeah I think that is terrible! If people would treat it as it was intended there would not be as many divorces. Sadly, a lot of people take it as a joke or they go into marriage thinking well if it doesn't work out we can just get a divorce! If you go into your marriage thinking that way then you should NOT be getting married to begin with... Yeah, I think breaking up at one time or another crosses everyone's mind and it is normal but we don't actually do it!
• United States
11 Nov 11
I don't think its too common but I'm almost 100% positive that it has increased so dramatically in the past decade or so! People are getting married either too early or without a seriously strong connection between their partners, then they have children, and then they divorce and the child is forced to be separated between parental figures. This happens really more than usual, and its pretty saddening to see one split apart between guardians! In other instances, couples have huge weddings, with such elaborate features and details and then a month afterwards they are split apart! What kind of sense does that make? They've wasted a life's fortune on the perfect dream wedding and then they divorce quickly afterwards.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
23 Feb 12
Its more common than you probably think. 50% of all marriages end in divorce! Crazy, right? Its incredibly sad for all involved. I would not have said yes if I was not positive but thats just me I guess. I took those vows very seriously!
@anne25penn (3310)
• Philippines
11 Nov 11
I wouldn't think that people get divorced over nothing. As with any relationship, most misunderstandings start from something deep rooted that the couple never really talked about and when something trivial comes up, their argument becomes a full blown quarrel. In my country we don't have any divorce and trying to get an annulment is really expensive. So here in my country couples don't separate as easily as that in countries where divorce is legal. There are some spouses who have to endure a lot of abuse because they cannot get out of their marriage because we don't have divorce.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
Well I have heard people say it just isn't working out or I just don't love them anymore...Crazy to me that sounds like almost nothing. I'm not talking people who get divorced for valid reasons like cheating or abuse, I was talking about the reasons I gave you. I think people should work through it harder...
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I think it should be something when all else fails....it depends on the person. I wouldn't like someone cheating on me...or if you fall out of love. I don't know anyone who just felt like getting a divorce...they have only done it when the love is gone!
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
I think it should be a last resort as well. Cheating and abuse are solid reasons for getting a divorce. I'm talking about people who just decide one day, this isn't working out or someone that says I don't think I love him anymore. How did you love this person yesterday and enough to marry him but all of a sudden you don't now? It just doesn't really make sense to me at all.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I think the main problem is that people who are not really in love AND committed are getting married. This is not a slam due to age, because this can happen just as easily to people in their 30s as it does to a couple who is 18. People get married for the WRONG reasons. The only reason that is acceptable to tie yourself to another person legally, physically, emotionally for LIFE should be because you expect to be with them for life and you cannot imagine life without them. People really should not get married because their parents want them to. People should not get married because they have children. People should not get married because it is 'the thing to do'. People should not get married for the benefits. I believe divorce happens more often when people married for the wrong reasons in the first place. It also happens because of abuse or abandonment - but I have seen more often that abused people DO NOT LEAVE. Abused people somehow believe it's not only THEIR FAULT they are being abused, they also seem to believe THEY CAN FIX IT. If you are being abused, it is not your fault, nor can you fix it. The ABUSER needs to fix it, and most abusers are unable to because they do not believe they are abusing anybody! Also, abused people tend to hold on to a bad relationship by saying things like 'nobody else will have me' or 'what if I'm alone forever?' when they really should not be looking that far ahead until they have gotten rid of the bad relationship. I get so frustrated with people who will not move on because they will NEVER be happy if they stay, which in most cases means they will never be happy. I have let go of friendships with people before because they chose to remain miserable - and I am tired of hearing about their misery when they have an option to get away from it yet they will not do it. NOW... if you married for love and nothing but love, and you trust and have faith in your spouse despite circumstances, situations, and other people (and attitudes of other people), then you will probably make it through anything.
1 person likes this
@Rosa26 (2620)
• United States
10 Nov 11
I think getting married is not a game and before to do it the person have to vizualize their life together in order they can affort their life together,I have one divorce which I didn't iniciate but afters the years understood that it was the best that could happened to me,but if we are living a good marriage like the one that I am living now after 11 years that I found great man, I think that he would have to do something extremely bad against me to end this marriage. Many American young adults now live together for a while as a sort of trial marriage, before entering into the real thing. Most of these relationships are not lasting ones. In earlier times, these couples would have been married and divorced, leading to a higher divorce rate. Couples are now entering into their first marriages older than they did in earlier generations. Many committed couples have chosen to live in a common-law relationship instead of going down the wedding aisle. This is very common among the senior citizen population, who would have their government support payments reduced if they got married. At the present time, the media tells us that 50% of all American marriages will end in divorce. This data has been supported by a number of research studies. So, if you think of a room full of 100 people, 50 of them will have their marriages end in divorce. Divorce have to be the last possibility, we have to try all the ways possible before go for a divorce.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
I absolutely agree with everything you said here. I got married very young but I had my parents as role models of their marriage of 25 years. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we have been through a lot together. I think divorce should be the absolute last resort...
@weasel81 (2501)
• Australia
10 Nov 11
It goes to show how much has changed in the last 50yrs or even less, at times I think it is to easy to get divorced. But I really don't want to have to go thru it, I was able to walk away from my ex (thankfully I'd not married him) give him his stuff and I kept mine. He was abusive and it took a long time for me to do something. With what you hear about namely the wives being able to clean out the ex husbands, of everything they have. I think it should be just spilt 50/50 end of issue, both of you have to start over. I know out here in australia, you only have to be with your partner 6 months and the law will look at you as a married couple.
1 person likes this
• Lenox, Georgia
11 Nov 11
Exactly, you walked away before you got married and you didn't need to get a divorce. Isn't that so much easier? Why don't people get it? I'm so sorry you went through that. My sister did also, took it for 6 years and finally got the nerve to leave when he was passed out drunk. She gave it way too long. Generally speaking though, most people don't give it much time before they decide for a divorce.