Tired of living at home with my mother

United States
January 13, 2012 12:05pm CST
I am 23 years old and I am really tired of living at home. I should have my own place by now but it's difficult because I don't have a full time job. I just graduated with my undergraduate degree and am now looking for a full time job so I hope I get one soon, which is doubtful, so that I can start saving to get my own place. What scares me about moving on my own is that I have huge student loans and the monthly payments are a lot so I know that moving on my own with all these student loans will be a huge burden for me. I know that it's hard for everyone but how does everyone cope with living on their own and having so many bills? I would especially like to hear from recent students who have these huge loans looming over their heads. Happy Mylotting!
2 people like this
11 responses
@peavey (16806)
• United States
13 Jan 12
In a word: Budget. You can't set up a budget until you know what your income will be. When you know that, add up your monthly bills, then add in the cost of food, clothing and so on. Don't forget insurance payments, a little money for fun and so on. Whatever is left will be available for a place of your own and you will have to look for something that costs only that much. You can make some adjustments starting now by learning to not spend money on non essentials and disciplining yourself to save money whenever you can.
• United States
13 Jan 12
That's what I have been starting to do and for now it does seem like the best bet is to stay home until I can pay off the smaller student loans. But the thing is that I earn less than five hundred a month and since my mother doesn't work I pay for the bills and help her our wherever else she needs me to help her so there isn't anything left. But I think even if it's ten or fifty dollar, I will try to put at least that away and hopefully it will grow until I can set myself up comfortably with my own place.
@peavey (16806)
• United States
14 Jan 12
Yes, save it no matter how small it is. Didn't you say that you were looking for a full time job, now that your studies are over? That will make a difference!
• United States
14 Jan 12
Yeah I have two part time jobs and I've applied for a few other part time jobs in case I am not able to get a full time job. But if everything goes according to plans things will hopefully get better. Thanks!
14 Jan 12
Its nice to live living at home with your mother when we are about 10 to 16 years old, then we wanna get away :D
• United States
14 Jan 12
I know everything was much easier back when you are smaller. You have no worries but not when you're a young adult you have student loans and all these other things stressing you out. I'm just glad that I get to come home to a nice cooked meal by my mother.
@arjunm (439)
• India
14 Jan 12
Ya its really terrible after 23 years.the age is totally for getting a job. you just speak your mother frankly she will realize that my son is now grow up.
• United States
14 Jan 12
I'm her daughter not her son and I do have a job. I actually have to part time jobs. She actuall agrees with me and thinks that I should experience that next stage in my life.
@yanzalong (10200)
• Indonesia
14 Jan 12
There are so many heavily indebted people nowadays. They pay more than they get. Because of this, they have to rob Peter to pay Paul. This continues for many months and years. I can not blame them all for notb being careful about spending their money. They need money to keep living: feeding the family, paying regular bills, etc. I can not give you some solutions as I myself am heavily indebted and trying to get out of it. Currently I am trying to sell my house and buy a cheaper one, so I will have the saving to pay the debt off.
• United States
14 Jan 12
Yeah it seems like you get money your money one day and then one minute later it's all gone. Good luck with your selling your house!
• Indonesia
14 Jan 12
Yeah, So do I, I live with my mother.....She is old, and I have responsibility to take care. Of course, I've a dream to be have independent live. You should get full time job, to reach your dream. It was common issue of undergraduate people, your mom must be tired....because it's your time to show your responsibility
• United States
14 Jan 12
My mother doesn't work so I do help her out and I have many responsibilities at home that I have to take care off. My mother is sick as well so I'm always there to take care of her whenever it's needed. Even if I do move I will still be able to take care of her.
@dodo19 (33051)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
14 Jan 12
I can certainly understand how you feel. I graduated last spring and got my B.A.. And I had to live with relatives for a while. It's definitely not easy living with parents, finding a job, and such. I think that the best thing you can do is to keep trying and do the best that you can. When it comes to bills, the key is to budget, and stick to it. It won't be easy, but so long as you try to make it work, I'm sure that you'll manage.
• United States
14 Jan 12
Yeah that's what I'm trying to do. But it sucks when like a big emergency comes up and you have to spend money on it and then you have to spend money on that as well but I'm going to slowly start again and just try my best to stick to a budget like you said.
@fannitia (2170)
• Bulgaria
13 Jan 12
Hi, Ayumitakashi, you sound just like my daughter and she is almost in your situation. She is 25, she has graduated, she still has no job. At the same time she wants to live without her mother and have "a personal space". She says this too often with an angry voice. Maybe I should feel guilty for this situation? Or maybe she should make something to get what she wants? By the way I still pay all the bills and buy the food in the house. I don't mind to take care of my daughter, even if she is not a child any more. But I don't deserve to hear her angry comments. Sorry that I had to write all this to you. I just wanted to describe a bad situation that could befall on you if you speak like this to your mother. I understand your need to be free, to live on your own. But the times get harder and harder. Living together you can save money, you know. And it will be easier for you and your mother if if you don't repeat that you are tired of living at home.
• United States
13 Jan 12
Don't worry we are all in the same boat right now. Unfortunately my mother isn't working right now so both my paychecks go to paying off most of the bills as well as helping buy my sibling clothes. I guess I shouldn't have used the words tired of living at home and should have explained myself when In fact I'm tired of living at home because I want to feel like a grownup? I don't know if that makes sense but I thing that getting one's own place seems like the next big step into adulthood and I want to do that already and be able to take care of my mom and myself like my mother has done. I like living at home because I'm still able to take care of my mother and help her with everything. I don't scream at my mother or tell her that I need personal space or whatever because I LIKE living at home in the end. I just want the experience of having my own place. It's hard to have just graduated and not have a job. I'm grateful that I have the two part time jobs that I have right now to help out around the house. I hope all goes well with your daughter and sooner or later she'll find herself a job, she just has to hang in there. Happy Mylotting!
• India
13 Jan 12
Always remember my frend, sad moments in life are not permanent. you will get a good job and all yout debts will be eased off..:)
• United States
13 Jan 12
I know, I guess it's just that I'm getting SO impatient! Especially with this recession and people losing jobs and not being able to find jobs. It just drives me crazy. It's just the thought of the student loans coming to knock on my door that scares me the most.
• United States
13 Jan 12
Before you make any big decisions like moving out on your own I would do a little planning first. I understand your need for wanting to move out on your own because I felt the same way once upon a time. I didn't have any huge student loans to pay, but I did have a few bills that I had yet to pay. It can be very scary moving out on your own but it can also be very exciting as well. What you don't want to do though is to move out only to have to move back home after a few months or a year because you couldn't afford to pay your rent. So here's what you need to do. First & foremost get a full time job because you will need one. You can't even think about moving out on your own w/out having one. Next get a few of those apartment guide magazines or newspapers so you can roughly get an idea of what rent is going for in your area. Then pick an amount in your head that you think you would spend on food, add in your student loans, what you would pay for your phone, electric or anything else that you would have to pay for once you were out on your own. Add that all up & subtract it from your paycheck(once you have a job of course)& that will give you an idea of what you would have to pay out monthly. That way you can see for yourself if you would be able to handle moving out on your own or not. If you can't afford to move out on your own just yet then don't. There is no shame in living at home for a little while longer. This will give you the time to save up a little money first so that way you can be ahead with a little extra to spare. Better to plan it this way rather then to move out, be unable to pay your rent/bills & have to move back home again maybe this time for good, right?
• United States
13 Jan 12
Thanks for understanding my discussion, I feel that most people thought that I was being ungrateful and I wanted to move out because of my mother something like that. But at one point every young adult, like myself, does dream of living on their own and being able to take care of their own place. That's exactly why I have held back because I know it's not realistic right now to move out with only a part time job and I don't want to have to move back home in a few months and give up. Right now I'm applying for a third full time job until I know for definite that I will be getting a full time job. Yeah I know there is no shame living at home and I fell good living here because I am able to help out my mother with the bill and she helps me out as well. I think that you are completely correct about planning out what I will be able to afford so that it doesn't all blow up in my face later on. Thanks so much and Happy Mylotting!
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
13 Jan 12
Try to find job first before thinking of moving on. Or else you will be facing more debts. I know how you want to live independently but the situation doesn't allow you to do this time.
• United States
13 Jan 12
Yeah that's why I'm so hesitant to do it. I have too many loans and I don't want to leave my mother alone because she has no job yet and for now I'm the one paying the bills at home. It seems that this situation, which is supposeably getting better, is just not improving anyone's lifestyle. Happy Mylotting and thanks!
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
13 Jan 12
You think adults/parents/not students haven't got high bills? Wake up we all have and many do work but still have to pay for years (20 or so over here) for the loans they had during their study. You might be tired of living with your mother, I guess she is tired of taking care of you too. Make a financial plan what you have to pay off every month and you will see what is left over for living (plus buying clothes, shoes, paying doctor/dentist, relaxing/going out etc etc). If you will succeed in living on your own all depends on the fact how willing you are to give up the easy life you have with your mom. How responsible you are with paying off and how realistic you are (party time is over no way to safe). We all been there and most of us succeed. So if we can you can too.
• United States
13 Jan 12
When I said I'm tired of living with my mother I didn't mean it in a bad way first of all. She most definitely is tired of takin care of me too as well as my siblings but I try to help her as much as I can, that's the reason why I have two part time jobs and am taking on a third part time job because right now she is not able to work. I help out with all the bills in the house as well as buying clothes for my siblings when they need too or if my brother needs money to go to high school. So yeah we help each other out. When I said I was tired of living with my mother I meant the fact that I feel helpless and still dependent on her because I am not able to take that next step. I was NOT trying to say that adults don't have bills because I have read the news of people not beying able to afford food or rent. Even people with full time jobs are not able to afford healthy food. I was just asking to see how everyone coped with it. The basis for this discussion was to share my fear of takin that next big step, i.e. living on my own and being completely independent. Happy Mylotting!