I am beyond ready for marriage.

@jazzyrae (1747)
United States
February 28, 2012 11:13am CST
Here is the situation i am in love. I do love my boyfriend we have been together for 3 years. We have known eachother for 4 and 1/2 years. We also had lived together for a year. I love him but i am feed up with waiting. I always said i would never live with someone i was not at least engaged to. Last night he told me that he was not ready ...... I do not know what i can do to make him ready. I am seriously almost ready to quit i mean there is nothing i can do and i do not want to waste any time if it is never going to happen
6 people like this
29 responses
• United States
28 Feb 12
just tell him that its 2012 and it might be the end of the world? i dont know or you can just wait it out. its hard to find love like that and i know this cause now im having a hard time just gettign a new girl myself i let to many loved ones go and broke there hearts so jsut wait longer then if he doesn't just leave?
3 people like this
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
28 Feb 12
juggal0Xx420 LOL ..I keep hearing references to Dec, 2012 This was a funny one...
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
28 Feb 12
haha i cturllly 'have tried the 2012 thing. I thought it was funny. My problem is i am just not to patient i guess. if it just so frusterating
1 person likes this
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
Just because you've been together for 3 years doesn't mean that he will be your husband. My mom had a boyfriend prior to my dad, They've been in a relationship for four years but their relationship didn't end as a Married couple, My mom and my dad knew each other just for 3 months and they get married. What I knew about marriage is that it is a commitment and a responsibility. Your boyfriend had already told you that he's not ready yet, and you're tired of waiting for him. I think it is already evident that he's not yet ready. Try to read some inspiring stories about Marriage it may help you.
2 people like this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
28 Feb 12
unfortanitly i am tragically in love with him and inpatient at the same time. I just do not know wether i should be mad or not. It is very frusterating
1 person likes this
@olliekobra1 (1826)
29 Feb 12
I think you should give him more time, if you love each other does it really matter if your not married?. Your man will come around eventually
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
I know he will. I am just a very impatent person naturally. Iknow that we love eachother a lot i will wait but not forever. Thank you for the response.
3 Mar 12
The issue is that most importantly your man loves you, I'm sure he will purpose soon. Is he on mylot , maybe reading than may help him along abit, you never know?.
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
6 Mar 12
haha no he is not on mylot. Hi is not really into social networking sites. Also he belives my lot is a ascam on the money part. I know he love me andi know it will hapen soon maybe hopefully lol
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
28 Feb 12
jazzyrae ...Many men have commitment issues...How old is he and what are the reasons he gives you for not wanting to get married? What do you think he would do if you gave him an ultimatum?? I know several women who had to use that drastic measure...
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
28 Feb 12
he is 19. His parents had a rough divorce when he was younger. So did mine though i mean the kid told me he was okay being the 75 year old boyfriend and i am just not okay with that. He thinks that we are rushing but in my book 3 years is long enough to consider at least an engagment he was supposed to purpose around christmas time. he chickend out though. I really may have to give him an ultimatium like i mentioned i am really an impatient person.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
28 Feb 12
19 is young. I was thinking 18 plus 3 years would make him 21. How old are you?
1 person likes this
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
1 Mar 12
19 years old?? I thought he is mid of 30'2 or 20's~ I hope she give him more time~ No wonder he's not ready to give the commitment.. He still need a lot things to do.That just my opinion..
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
28 Feb 12
If he isn't ready now, then he probably won't be. You can't make someone ready. Move out. That's all you can do.
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
See i do not want to do that. I do love him. I mean he had a hard time when he was younger with his parents divorce. It was really bad and the fact of divorce scares him deeply.
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
2 Mar 12
Part of me says you're both still quite young. Part of me says then wait around indefinitely because that's probably what will happen. Part of me says that you already have your mind made up so what did you ask for?
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
I am young i will admit that. I have met older people and let me tell you i am alot more mature than alot of them. I grew up at a very early age i am the oldest of 5 and when my parents divorced i took care of all my brother's and my sister. I know divorces scare people. especially when you have witnessed terrible divorces. I Know that eventually he will as some say "bite the bullet" I will wait becasue i love him and i am willing to wait. I asked because that was a bad time for me i was confused and wanted to know what peoples response was. I dont see anything wrong with that in fact - I got alot of good response's to the topic. So i see nothing wrong with it. Thank you for the response.
• India
29 Feb 12
don't get frustrated doing continuous unresulted efforts .sometimes the last key of the bunch open the lock.. just remember ..easily achieved things don't stay longer and things which stay for long are not easily achieved...so if u have trust in your relationship so never give up... very few peoples who get true love in her /HIS relationship so try ...!!!
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
I know that was actually the best advice i have got on here. It would be silly to throw away something we have worked so hard for. It is not like he said he would never marry me i just have to step back and let him make himself ready. Thank you so much for your response.
• India
4 Mar 12
your welcome...!! god bless u...!!
@gypsygoth (244)
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
maybe you need to have a long talk. marriage isn't as easy as buying a candy from a store. there are a lot of responsibilities to look into. maybe you need to weigh out the pros and cons and then arrive at a common ground as to when he thinks he's ready to marry you :)
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
28 Feb 12
i am ready i am just frusterated that he is not.
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
I think that everything will work out. We did have a heart to heart. Like i said i think it will all work out.
@luisaR (452)
• Philippines
29 Feb 12
give him another 2 years,max. By this time, he cannot have the reason of "I am not ready". If he is still not ready,then he do not see himself growing old with you. You are only for the present. What is important for now is you are together, it's a piece of paper and in the long run, you have to spend money to get it void, maybe. I am not against it, but 4 years are not enough and who knows on the 5th year, one of you fall out of love. Just savor the time you have now, marriage can wait, you don't have any children I guess, so what's the rush?
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
No we have no children. I am naturally very impatint I also do rush into things. I know that it is not a one party deccision and that he has to be ready as well. You are also right 2 more years would not kill me we are both still young. some people just take more time.
• United States
28 Feb 12
you cant make him be ready if he docent want to get married then you need to be willing to live together with out bugging him about it or you need to move out. why did you move in if he had not asked you to get married and you have the no living to gather thing unless you are engaged
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
me and my mom had a falling out last year. She was stealing money from me. I did not realy have a place to go so i moved in with him. I know that i can not make him marry me if he is not ready, because that will casue huge issues. I love him and i know that he loves me . I will wait i wont wait forever i have a time period in my head on when i will call it quits. We will just have to see where things go from there. Thank you for your response.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
28 Feb 12
if he is not ready after all these years there is nothing you can do to change his mind. The only thing you can do is keep living together or leave and find someone who does want to marry you.
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
know that eventually he will. I just dont want to leave him, belive me i did consider the idea. I love him and i will wait.
• United States
28 Feb 12
well, I say give him a chance. he might later on decide that he wants to get married. Do not rush into anything and tkae your time, god will prevail whether or not this man is the right person for you. Sometimes people are afraid of committement and he might just need a little bit longer. Make the right decision and don't harass him in any way that could run him off. Talk about the situation.
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
I do love him and i think that he is a great guy. I do want to be with him for the rest of my life. I know that eventually it wil happen.
@vt689586 (585)
• India
28 Feb 12
well i think it is right time to take decision and you are that you can not live your whole life for waiting him to be ready for marriage.and i would suggest you that you to tell him very seriously that if he is interested in marriage with you or not and if he says yes then ask him right time for marriage and he says no then you know what to do.
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
We did have a heart to heart and i think it will work out in the end. I understand that he has commitment issues because of his paretns horrible divorce when he was a child.
• Ireland
28 Feb 12
He's 19, how old are you? Men mature slower than women. Some people are ready at that age for marriage and live a long and happy life together, but others who get married at such a young age these days are destined for failure. I'm not saying you're destined for failure, but I'm saying to give it time. You guys are still young, enjoy your relationship for what it is, enjoy your life, do what it is you want to do with your life before you go making a commitment like that. At this stage of your lives, you're still learning about yourselves and each other and you're still growing as people and a couple. My man and I have been together for 4 and a half years now and living together for 4. Sure, I want to get married, but it has taken me up until about 6 months ago to talk him round to the idea. I am now waiting for a proposal, but until we have a house of our own, we don't plan to get married as there are things in life that have priority, such as a stable roof over our heads. A year of living together is nothing, if you're still living together happily in a year or two and you still feel very strongly about the matter, then perhaps approach the subject again. Don't pressure him into it, but make your feelings on the matter clear. Personally I think he's making the right choice for him not to get married at 19, there's all the time in the world left.
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
28 Feb 12
well i do not see the diffrence between living together and being married. also actually back in the day when people were marrying younger you never saw that so many were getting divorced. I think that there is nothing wrong with getting married early. I also want to experince life with someone. I am also naturally very imaptent as well.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39084)
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
Try to ask him what is his reason. Maybe he is afraid of greater responsibilities like "fatherhood" Then you can talk about "not having kids" until he is ready. or,maybe he has another reason- just try to make him open up his mind.
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
28 Feb 12
belive me i am trying. I think that divorce is what is scarying him. both are parents went through awful divorces. So i think that he is afraid that things will cahnge.
1 person likes this
@GemmaR (8527)
28 Feb 12
I think that it is great that you feel as though you're ready for marriage, and I envy you in a sense. I love my partner, and think that I want to spend the rest of my life with him, however there is just something that is stopping me from taking that last step and saying that I will marry him. I kind of feel as though I would be a little bit trapped if I was married, as a lot of people who I know who have got married are not able to have the same amounts of fun as I am used to. I am only 21, and think that I have a lot more fun to have before I choose to marry my partner.
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
28 Feb 12
it is funny that you mentioned that you are only 21 lol i am only 19. I actually just turned 19. I know what i want though at least i think i do. I am just really ready and i do not see why he is not. Both our parents had awfull divorces and i think that that is part of the problem with him. He is afrtaid that it will change. I can not wait for ever though. Since i am christian i do feel somewhat quilty for living with him and not being married to him. I do not know what i am going to do but i do love him with all my heart.
@aerous (13475)
• Philippines
28 Feb 12
Try to talk with him and ask the reason why he is refuse to get married? It maybe because he is afraid of many things like the responsibility being a husband. Maybe he is doubt that he perform well being a husband or a father
1 person likes this
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
28 Feb 12
oh well he wants to be a father. He thinks that we are rushing things i think that it has benn long enough. We have talked alot about it and i am kind of over talking about it
1 person likes this
@tingna (1)
• China
29 Feb 12
you can must love is happy forever
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
29 Feb 12
"After that Issac brought her (Rebekah) into the tent of Sarah his mother. Thus he took her and she became his wife; and he fell in love with her, and Issac found comfort after the loss of his mother." Gen.24:67. Ive read similar scriptures in the old testament. All they did was take up living together and being intimate. That was the marriage. The certificates of birth and marriage didnt begin till when Mary was pregnant with Jesus. It was a decree given by a earthly king. Why? Probably so they can tax and charge people. Thats why Jesus was born ina manager. His Mother and Joseph was traveling to have their marriage on paper. What i dont undrestand is why so many find that paper so important. Many you can explain that to me. Certainly not for a garentee that it will be for life. Too many divorces to support that idea. All ya got to do is start using his last name. Marriage is of the heart.
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
3 Mar 12
i guess i never looked at it like that. My main reason for wanting that peace of papper was religous actually. you had an amazing point though marriage was nto god created but .... man created very intresting i never thought of it like that.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
3 Mar 12
There other scriptures that are like that. Just cant remember where they are right now. Of coarse ive also been shown a scripture that says you should follow the law of the land. However common law is legal. Church goers wouldnt see it that way. But its there.
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
6 Mar 12
hmm m I still want to get married to finalize it just in case but I agree with you
• United States
29 Feb 12
He may never be ready. but unlike me, I tell guys I will never marry on the first date, he thinks if he just lives with you , the marriage bug you have may pass. If you Have to marry , then he is the wrong guy. You shouldn't Have to beg or force a guy to marry you. He Should Want to marry just as much as you do. If you see spending time with this guy as wasting your time Just because he isn't ready to marry, then it is time to leave. Leave before the love you have turns into resentment. I hope you find a guy who Wants to marry.Good Luck!
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
2 Mar 12
Me and my man had a very serious talk about us. I learned that he dose want ot get married. He is just so terrified of divorce that it is holding him back a little. I do love him and i know that eventually he will marry me. Thankk you for the response though.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Mar 12
There has Has to be a way to convince him that it will be ok. You two are friends? You live happily together? Can you Talk about everything? Then you have the basics all set. Now if he could only see this! I wish I cold help or have some magic solution. I hope you marry sooner than later! Good Luck. Take Care.
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
6 Mar 12
thank you yes we are best friends. wE ARE VERY HAPPY. i LOVE talking to him about everything i think we are ment for eahother
1 person likes this
@trinale (1486)
• United States
1 Mar 12
Hi Jazzrae! I know someone in a similar situation. Without naming any names, this woman has been living with this man for over 10 years waiting for him to propose to her. He finally proposed to her Christmas day of 2010 but they never set a date. Fast forward 14 or months later, they are still not married and during a discussion he said they are not ready to be married. Based on that one statement, she decided to move out and get her own place and gave the engagement ring back to him. When she told him, he thought she was bluffing. He believes her now because she showed him the lease she signed for her own place she's moving in to next month. I guess he had time think about it and realize what he's going to miss because a week ago, he proposed to her and was ready to set a date. Although everyone knows she wants to get married, she told him she is not ready and if they were to get back together, she would not move back into his place. She said if he's serious, he will have to sell his home. For now, they are dating. She took a week off work to "get away" for a while and reflect. She says she let him get away with a lot of stuff and kept many of her feelings about certain things to herself so as not to upset him. She now says that she is going to be herself from now on and he has to decide if he can live with the new her (the real her). I don't know how this is going to turn out Jazzyrae, but if it's your desire to be married one day (while you're young) and your boyfriend doesn't have the same desire, I think you should discuss it very soon. I know you can't always control who you fall in love with but if you guys aren't on the same path, you both may be wasting each others time. Cheers, Stan
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
3 Mar 12
WOW 10 years that is some true dedication i would never waith that long. I did have a talk with him it was a very good discusion i learned that the only reason we have not been married is because that he is afraid of divorce..... His parents had an awfull one when he was a child. I know that he is going to do it eventually he just needs sometime for now. Wich i understand.
@trinale (1486)
• United States
3 Mar 12
You've learned a very important lesson here Jazzyrae, I don't know if you caught it or not. C-O-M-M-U-N-I-C-A-T-I-O-N. After genuine love, communication is the most important tool to make a relationship successful. Always let each other know what's going on in each others head. Keep it open and keep it real. Don't play those games where you expect him to figure out what you're thinking or how you feel and he should do the same for you. Neither of you are mind readers. So many of us "grown folk" do that all the time and the result is usually a failed relationship. Best of luck to you both! Cheers, Stan
@jazzyrae (1747)
• United States
6 Mar 12
I am very open bookish when it comes to kalyn i tell him everything that pops through my head. I cant stand girls who just expect their man to know what is wrong with them. I agree comunication is key