what do to with relationships?

@averygirl72 (11822)
Philippines
March 25, 2012 3:38pm CST
I am looking for opinions. What if you want a person as a friend but the person does not like you? obviously you won't become friends. What if you like to join a group of people but they don't seem to like you, obviously it won't work also. There are times that a person or a group of people may like you but you are the one that don't like them. Is it worth to continue having relationships with people who you like but does not like you? I mean, in friendship it will work only if it is both ways. The reason is, I don't care about some of my old friends anymore, because at the first place, I feel they don't seem to care about me. As if I care about them, concern about them, try to be nice at them but then I feel there is something wrong and there are facial expressions or something I feel about them that sometimes they are talking about me and I am not included though I am the topic. My philosophy now is I will not force myself to care for other if they don't care about me. I found out people who are kind to me and people who are harsh to me. I think it is really good to be choosy when it comes to people you can call as friend and not just make lots of friends but make quality friends.
3 people like this
12 responses
@7Chords (98)
• United States
25 Mar 12
Personally, I don't consider everyone I hang around as my friends. My true friends are all on my Facebook friend list. My associates are just people to talk for the time to pass by. I am mainly known for being a chill, nice, nonchalant, and outgoing person. Yet there are people who dislike me, which could be from everyone wanting to hang around me rather than them. Many of my friends I grew up with them and we still remain close and all the people that tried to hurt us only brought us closer together. I think it's easier to befriend people who actually have hobbies or enjoy their life and want goals to achieve. There are so many people who probably dislike me for being "too smart" or "too white". I'm mixed so no I don't have to be black or white or whatever. I have to be me cause everything else is taken :). True friends will like you for who you are, rather than the wannabes that like you for what you're not. You may not see it now, but quality friends won't hesitate to do favors, have a conversation, hang out, etc. Those who don't do that, let them go it'll hold you back from enjoying yourself!
2 people like this
@barehugs (8992)
• Canada
25 Mar 12
Be your own best friend! The only friend you will ever have, guaranteed never to disappoint, is yourself! Before you join a group, check them out, and remember- " Birds of a feather flock together!" You will be known by the friends you keep.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
25 Mar 12
Okay, I got something from what 7Chords say, true friends will like you for what you are. We cannot please everyone and if they don't like us it does not mean we are bad, we just don't need to squeeze ourselves in their world.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
Yes we also need to be our own best friend, because only us can understand ourselves, other people may not always understand us. Birds of the same feather also still works. You need to check right away what things you share alike or have something in common to start with.
@keihimekawa (2010)
• Philippines
29 Mar 12
I think you're doing the right thing. There's no need to "force" and "change" yourself to coerce people into liking you because real friends will like you for who you are and will accept your faults and bests all the same. I'm just a "chillax" type of person and simply goes on with the flow. I do have number of friends but those I consider "best friends" are really limited. Some would dislike me but that's OK since I really don't aim to please everybody. It's either you accept me or not and it's ok to be choosy on who you will treat as "real friends". It's good to hang out with a large number of people but it's best to have even a small number of people (or even one) who can accept you entirely for who you are.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
1 Apr 12
You know what a big relief it is if we are free to be ourselves. Me, I am completely satisfied with myself, if other people are not happy of me because I cannot meet their expectations or they see a lot of things to hate about me than to like about me, I do not want to care about their opinions anymore. I will go with people who likes me for what I am.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Apr 12
Very well said! *applause*
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
1 Apr 12
I think that quality is more important than quantity too. I don't worry myself with groups. I am my own group and friendly with everyone. I have found a sense of satisfaction by being more of the loner. That is not to say that I don't have fun with people or that I am not involved in social functions but I do limit myself I guess. I guess that I have a sort of separation. I have my home that is my place and then the public where I am social. I don't usually mix those two very much.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
1 Apr 12
maybe I should make it clear, we must still look for different people and explore relationships with other people. Genuine friends need to be find or searched, we cannot just make friends easily or whoever comes in our lives. I discovered I am free to choose, free to depart, free to associate with people I think I will have few conflicts. Anyway, thanks, quality is really important that quantity.
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
yes i agree with you sometimes we have to be choosy also.. i mean we can have them as acquaintances but never be a friend.. coz its really hard to have friends esp to those who pretending to be your friend.. so just be careful coz most of them stab you at the back.,.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
1 Apr 12
yes, acquaintances and friends are different. Be careful, that is the word.
@eljayo (1107)
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
Hi! Real friends reciprocate your kindness to them.You cannot be friends or have relationship with people who do not like you. Like for example can you marry somebody who does not love you?of course you may but your relationship won't work and worst won't last unless there's a miracle. I think you do not have to please them in order for you to be friends with them. Love yourself too. Its okay to be choosy but just enough of it.:)
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
1 Apr 12
I like that word, reciprocating kindness is important. We will survive relationships if we reciprocate kindness, if you are just the one doing kindness, just forget about that relationship.
@Markudo (55)
• Brazil
26 Mar 12
Well, can't please them all, plus human being seems to be made to find bad things on everything and everyone. There will always be that people who will not like us and than say bad things and stuff, well what I do is not take those people into consideration, I just like to be myself and am very happy with that and with the friends I have. Do not force yourself to be friends with someone or to be a part of some group, sometimes personalities just not match at all and than it does not worth trying to fit there. We find our space, our friends and our groups being who we are. So just be yourself, love yourself and be and care about those who want to be and care about you :)
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
Yes, we need to find our space our own world, we cannot simply enter the world of other people and invade their space. We also welcome in our circle those who really love us.
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
26 Mar 12
It certainly have to go both ways. I helped my ex-best friend with late calls, like 3PM!, even offered to take her and her two kids and actually help them with money while she looked for a job, for 4 years. And then I needed her. Where was she? Get why she's my ex girlfriend right? She still wants some weird kind of friendship, seeking me out in social networks, when I told her why I got apart she even told me to go to hell, it didn't hurt anymore, I met a lot of ungratefull people, they can't even be greateful for their moms let along a friend. But I don't regret anything I done for her, I loved her like a sister and she really needed me, I done it for God cause we don't please Him by going to church, but by helping people out I guess.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
Friendship have to go both ways. They must need you and you need them also.
• United States
26 Mar 12
I think you are doing a good thing for yourself. I know it is hard to pick your friends in life. I know i had to leave a few people alone as well. I think what you have here is great.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
thanks, yes, I really feel I am doing a good thing for myself now that I have the courage to choose people and sense if they can be friends or just mere acquaintance.
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
Nowadays, it's really hard to keep good friends. Theres a lot of factors like money, fame, and looks. You have a lot of friends if your popular. They would to be y our best buddy because they want to be known too. Basically,they are there if they can have benefits from you. Good thing iv'e kept some of the best friends I have who is always been there for me. I think you don't need to find them, or try to blend in if your not. True friends come and if they do, try to keep them.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
good advice there, true friends come and if they do, we must try to keep them. thanks
@toniganzon (37248)
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
You don't have to force yourself to be with people when you're not comfortable with them anymore. A month ago, i met my school bestfriend in a nail spa. We kissed but there seems to be a distance between us. We used to be bestfriends from high school until university days. We slept in the same bed, ate, shopped and used to do things together. But things have changed and we felt like we're strangers to each other now. I think she's no longer comfortable with me and doesn't want me to be her bessy anymore, and i don't want to force myself in that situation. Life goes on, we find new ones, lose old ones. We don't have to be that choosy, we just have to be with those people we can be happy with.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
27 Mar 12
nice experience you share. I am not choosy before I want to make friends now with everyone but I realized that is wrong, choose people you go along with because they can make or break you.
@WakeUpKitty (8711)
• Netherlands
25 Mar 12
I can only agree with you. I learned it the hard way after years and years. As I decided not to invest in people anymore because it's one way (mine) I deleted them out of my life. I can only say my life improved so much, it completely changed. No need to call, to ask, to inform anymore (even I always knew I don't need to knock on their door if I would ever be in need), no longer always to answer the phone, find a solution to their problems, open the door, let them stay, give them stuff and lot's of money. A relationship (no matter what kind of) should give energy, make you feel great. If this is not the case there is no need to go on. To my opinion only abusers do that and scammers, the kind of people who love to use you on behalf of their own benefits.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
26 Mar 12
Yes, I have some sort of my personal friends list and I deleted a lot of them in my life and it my life also improves a lot and yes my self-satisfaction also changed. I have thoughts before that they are friends but I need to check again and start building new set of friends because I did not choose well my friends before. Now, I will start with few friends that I can build my life once again.
@Hatley (151916)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Mar 12
hi averygirl72 yes its impossible to be friends with someone who really does not like you.. thus I am very choosy about off line friendsl if someone is friendly towards me its human nature to be friendly back. but sometimes it does not lack so if the other person no longer nds who do care about me.I also try to be friendly to those who show friendship towards me and most times I do become friends with them too. So I do not have a lot of offline friends 'but those who are friends are always there for me.
@averygirl72 (11822)
• Philippines
25 Mar 12
It is really impossible to please people who does not like us and yes it is natural to be friendly back with other people. There is a need to wait for other people to like us before we like them. In my experience, I try to like all people as much as possible but it can be disappointing, not everyone will respond with the same thing.