Ridiculous Dating Advice

United States
April 12, 2012 5:34pm CST
So I have been repeatedly hearing the same advice on a common dating dilemma...who should pay on the first date? For the last couple of years I have heard that on the first date the woman should "pretend" like she's going to pay by pulling out her wallet. She should then assume that the guy will be oh so offended by this and insist that she put her wallet away so that he could pay. When the guy pays, the woman should leave the tip or at least offer to. There are a couple of reasons why this is pretty bad advice: 1. What if the man doesn't offer to pay when the woman "pretends" to offer to pay? Then the woman would be stuck paying the bill. And how crazy would that woman look if she didn't bring enough money? 2. I know this sounds a little old fashioned but I still believe men should court women. If you don't have money to court a woman than don't date or think of interesting dates that don't cost too much money. I understand if going dutch after the first date...that I get. But what man would expect a woman to pay on the first date? And what's the point of a woman offering to pay if she really isn't going to? Someone please enlighten me...
1 person likes this
10 responses
• Canada
12 Apr 12
I think when one person invites another on a first date, that person has generally planned it and intends to pay. I, however, never assume that anyone is paying for me - whether it's a date, a work function, etc., I always make sure I have enough cash and a debit card so I can cover my own expenses. When the bill arrives at a restaurant, for example, I don't "act" or "pretend" anything. I simply say, "How much do I owe you for my portion of the bill?" Direct question, nothing phony. If the person says, "Oh no, put your wallet away, this is on me" or whatever, then I accept graciously. If they give me the amount, then I pay it. Simple. I do think it's gentlemanly to treat a woman on a first date, for sure... however, these days, lots of people have it pretty tight money-wise and I would never make someone uncomfortable by "expecting" them to cover the full bill. For the record, I totally agree with you, bmonai87, that there are also lots of options for dates that don't cost a lot of money -- and those would be the better way to go for people who don't have much disposable income
• Philippines
19 Apr 12
I agree. It should be the guy who'd assume to cover the bills for the first date. This is under the presumption, that its the guy who invited the girl out. Although, nowadays, gals are getting more aggressive and would do the first date invite. I would also prepare enough money, even if I would expect the guy to pay. If you agree to watch a movie, and then on the day, you thought of doing another activity like getting some drinks or play pool, then I believe girls should already give their share on the bills.
1 person likes this
@Madona1 (2097)
• Gibraltar
13 Apr 12
Well, traditionally men should pay the bill on the first date since men are always regarded as providers and protectors. However, this has changed. There are more and more women are more financial independent who earn better than men. In my view, it is totally up to those couple on the date if they like to go dutch on the first date or the man pays on the first date and then woman pays on the second date. If an (alpha) woman prefers the man pays for the bill, just hinted him. I believe men wouldn't mind if he really wants to date her. I believe in this situation, romance comes before money. LOL
@bhonti (1247)
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
Depends on the guy, his values, traditions and beliefs. I believe more guys right now are open minded and knows that women today are capable of paying for themselves. But its also good for the guy to fully pay the bill once in a while. For the first date, in my opinion, the girl must have some contribution in the expense. But if the guy insists to pay the whole, then its okay. Some guys are still traditional and its for their pride and ego and also for impressing the girl.
• Philippines
13 Apr 12
i havent heard this advice yet. all i know is that a guy should pay out on the first date. even on the other dates. but they can pay for their dates on an alternative basis, depending on the couple. but for me, i think the guys should pay out to show their "gentlemanness" hehe
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
13 Apr 12
I think offering to pay if you don't mean to when it's not someone you know is kind of playing games. I know sometimes in families there is an understanding about who is going to pay but it's still polite to offer but in the first date scenario that you described, it's game playing.
@djbtol (5500)
• United States
13 Apr 12
I think it is better if the girl does not play the little game. I understand from one of my daughters, that the issue of him paying for the meal is a good indicator if he sees their relationship as just friends, or if he is wanting a dating relationship. When a guy readily offers to pay for the meal, it indicates that he clearly sees the outing as a date. Worse that happens if the guy does not take the initiative is that the girl pays for her own. Only if the girl starts spouting her liberated woman views will she run the risk of picking up the entire check.
@watergirl (569)
• Philippines
12 Apr 12
Oh yes, generally accepted and expected gender roles. As a woman, I would be lying if I said I have no qualms about paying the bill. Of course I want to be pampered and treated out. After all, it's the man courting me, right? But the truth is, it's not always the man courting the woman. There exists women courting men... I would say whoever made the invitation should pay the tab... or agree to split it.
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
12 Apr 12
As a girl, here's my opinion about it. I don't believe in gender roles when it comes to going out to a place and paying. I want to feel that I'm independent. However, a first date is different. Let me say that I'd never ask a guy out for a first date, and I believe that whoever invites the other one should pay. In this case, I would still offer to pay. If he accepts it, at least I know that he isn't a polite man and that I'm not going on a second date. Or I could get to know his stance about this whole issue (I can think of some guys who'd like to see if the girl offers to pay or not... nowadays a lot of girls can be greedy and they just want to filter it). After the first date, whoever invited the other for a programme, should pay. Also, I love creative low-key dates, and I'm sure a lot of other girls do, too. So I agree with you in that sense that if a guy is really poor to bring the girl to a café, then he shouldn't. It's still better to have a picnic on the seaside or to go the free program than sipping coffee, and wham! "and now pay for your own hot chocolate, because I'm broke". That's so rude.
@stealthy (8188)
• United States
12 Apr 12
In my day the guy always paid for the first date, and the second and so on. These days I would say it depends on who did the asking for the date. Even now I wouldn't expect a girl to even offer unless she did the asking or she offers to split the tab maybe.
@fannitia (2170)
• Bulgaria
12 Apr 12
The man should pay the bill and it's not about money, it's about gallantry. I have a friend - not a boyfriend, just an old friend - who has good manners and always pays the bill when we go out. Of course when you are in a relationship with a girl and you are close, everything is possible. But men should learn to be cavaliers as the use t obe in the past.