What to do with friends who do not listen?
By chiyochan
@chiyosan (30184)
Philippines
June 28, 2012 1:36am CST
I have this friend who really wants to go abroad. She has found herself a british/ english boyfriend and well she told us that she got a scholarship from this school in UK for about a year or so. The thing is I am worried about her and her well being. I know it is and always has been her dream to go abroad and live abroad. But i think she may be jumping into the situation too fast with out consideration of what she can or might expect when she goes there.
She has not confided in me lately, though i have never been 100%open about telling her not to go, not yet at least but i always tell her it is okay to go after what she wants, but it pays to be safe and she should research about the school because as far as i know the school offers free tuition for about a year and a half, but she has to pay for the plane, she has to pay for the room and board(actually she has to find where she can live when she is there) and there is no allowance. As far as i am concerned, no scholarship is this kind! She even slipped and told me that she has to find a job right away when she is there...? That makes it all too weird now.
Her BF over there offered her his place but they haven't even met and they have just been online dating since november last year...
I don't know... she resigned from work and is certain to go even if she told me her mom asks her not to for many other reasons... She is not listening to her mother even. I hope the best for her but not to sacrifice so much and we are not sure what she can expect in the UK.
Can anyone here from the UK let me know if its easy finding a job there in the UK? she's got a diploma in college (IT) but she also took up 6 months care giver course just recently and she has not even worked as one here... Is there something out there for her, really?
2 people like this
11 responses
@ShepherdSpy (8544)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
28 Jun 12
If Your friend actually does have this scholarship and a Student visa to get her into the UK,that's not so bad,at least She has a legal standing once She arrives.Colleges and their Student unions can assist with finding accommodation if they don't have "Halls of Residence",(usually available to New Students).She should check out her options with the College before She arrives in the country though.If the College is in London,a place to stay can be expensive there if you're arriving with nothing planned.It's the relationship thing with this online B/f that would be a concern,and her financial situation,when mentioning She needs a Job when She arrives for Money..
http://www.ukcisa.org.uk/student/working_during.php
This is a link to information on Non-EU Students working during their stay in the UK..I hope it helps.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
she won't even say the name of the school. she said she did some of her own research and is sure that the school is legit. i worry for her because there was no entrance exam, there was no lodging, no allowances, unlike many scholarships i see within the Asean countries sponsored by non government organizations. I really hope she does not lose a big chunk of a money on this processing for details. she has no plane ticket yet, as she is still waiting for something... Thank you for your link i browsed it and i think it is really very helpful for her as well too.. so she can see some light to this and compare with what is being offered to her.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
1 Jul 12
I am really quite not sure about the name of the school...she refuses to tell me all the details and i wonder why she is not telling me... i wonder if she thinks that i am going to compete for a slot.. no way. but the questions indeed are a lot in my mind even that is because there were a lot of loop holes. there was just this person who sent her a text message saying she has a scholarship grant... the man was from the school but came here for a meeting and just told her to prepare in two days, i think and she had to basically call him and wait for him to respond after his so called meetings here in manila. and then she has got the scholarship and asks my friend to be ready with the amount she needs to get the processing started and this was just last may or this year. the processing was fast, no entrance exams, and so on. just a text message! you can imagine why i was so worried...
@ShepherdSpy (8544)
• Omagh, Northern Ireland
29 Jun 12
If She is going to the UK as a Student,the Legitimacy of the school had better be not a concern..is there a website listing,and a presence online indicating an active college faculty and campus? What correspondence has She received? It's beginning to sound as though there are more questions being raised here than answered..You're sure She has a Student Visa for her intended stay? Surely the Visa office wouldn't issue a Student visa without some background on the School?
1 person likes this
@ivade0000 (225)
• France
28 Jun 12
I am currently living in France and from what I can tell, due to the economic crisis in Europe, it is extremely difficult to find a job here. Unless your friend has really got some talents that other people don't have. Still, I would not advise her to come to UK all alone. She is just dating online with her boyfriend, and it is really a big risk for her to go to UK aboard like that without any financial support from her family.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
This is what our other common friend has told her too, that there is still an issue with the economy and they would prioritise people who are long been in the country, and of course those who are not immigrants... i think it only did us worst as she may probably think i am just against her success or something. she sees not my concern but probably thinks i am jealous... =(
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
she really should not think of it that way, i am not jealous, going abroad, working far from my family and marrying a person who would take me away from my family would devastate me and it is not my dream. she knows that i have never planned going abroad, never applied and never will. i hope she does see my concern for her as genuine. i only meant for her to think about this wisely. the kind of decision she made was quick and not well thought of. im just worried as much as her family is for her.
@ivade0000 (225)
• France
29 Jun 12
Well, if this is the case, I don't see anything thing that you can do about her. She can always think what she wants, that is her life. If she thinks that you are jealous, then I am sorry to tell you, you can't do anything anymore.
1 person likes this
@stanley777 (9402)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
I guess she is really determined to go to UK. As you have said she had already resigned from her present job to try her luck in this foreign land. Advises from her parents were ignored by her what more from her friends. I think the best you could do is tell her your doubts about the scholarship. She should research about it first or ask more information about the terms if ever that is legal. Going in a foreign land without really knowing someone is too risky.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
it is risky and you are right stanley.. but she has really closed ears. she said her mom was against it too and she is not even considering her mom's request. i hope she sees the light and truly understand what's going on in her mind as to why her decisions are like this. i feel she has not prayed and has not been patient with this.
@lifes97 (884)
• United Arab Emirates
28 Jun 12
hi, i do not know but i think all you have to do is tell your side and try to explain then let him or her decidee what they want or suits them, all the people are not the same and some works for and some do not work, so do your side and tell what you think and let them
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
i am letting her be. i think i have got nothing more to say to her as i did say my piece and she took it negatively. I have nothing much to say really anymore and i would wish her the best as i already did. when she is ready, she will open up to me. I have grown tired of trying to get to her senses...
@dwipjoy (1)
•
29 Jun 12
When we like to go abroad or some other places we always make some investigation about that place and what we will be doing over there. Now suppose for ur friend before the time having a boy friend if u asked her she might have answered that there should be several good and perfect reasons for herself to be there in U.K. I think Ur friend is eager to met with her boyfriend and all other reasons are just subbordinate for her. But this can have both positive and negative effect on her life which depends on her boyfriend.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
1 Jul 12
hi there, blessings to you dwipjoy, i agree that she could be eager to meet with the boyfriend, but the things is... she was the one who told me she is worried for herself because she is 31 and is not yet married. i told her there is no need to hurry for there are a lot who are of her age who is not married. why rush into such when she is not yet able to find the right guy. talking to a man over the net does not guarantee you know the person already, right?
I can't believe she's ditching me on this part of her life when i was with her all through out! =(
@rsa101 (37968)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
I think her intense desire to reach her dream has blinded her intuition and everything. Well I guess for as long as you do not lose communication with her when she travels there then I guess it is fine and just trust in her that she would not be finding any troubles there. Sometimes those dreams that passionately drives a person to fulfill it at times are lucky enough to reach for their dreams.
Just wish her luck and pray for your friend that whatever she decides will be in her favor when she finally gets there.
From what I know it is difficult to look for a job but if she has someone to assist her in looking for a job then she could just land in one there. Having care giver training is an advantage since I know it is in demand there since most british citizen there doesn't take that kind of job that is why this is the most sought after job there by OFWs.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
hi There RSA! :D thanks for your response. I believe that this was the case indeed for her. and yes she has her eyes set on the goal to go abroad whatever it takes, by that i think it is someone okay to know what you want and what you want to do but sometimes it pays to be wanting to be safe. High risk gives you high returns, but this is for monetary, and if you have to give up your life here for something as intangible as what she will be seeing far from home, i think it is illogical.
I will still pray for her, I am not sure though if she still wants to be friends with me... I have felt her distancing herself from me already and that she does not seem to want to talk to me.. neither did she tried to let me know or never did she say she had to leave her job here.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
I guess this is really the best thing i can do. i always tell her i meant her no harm and i will be very happy for her successes. as going abroad is not my dream, i am no competition and she should see me as only a concerned friend. I hope she understands me now. :D Yes i will definitely pray for her safety most especially as i do not want her to be harmed.
@rsa101 (37968)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
For a determined girl like her I think she is trying to be blind and push whoever wants her dream to be stopped. So if you really wanted to be her friend allow her to reach for her dream and let her learn her lessons in case she choose the wrong decision in life. Sometimes persons like this needs to experience to learn a lesson in life. Being a concerned friend that is all you can really do is to pray that she chose the right decision for herself. For all we know, she may be threading the right decision for her.
1 person likes this
@padu19 (1441)
• India
29 Jun 12
First of all, I would pity your friend who is risking with the online dating thing, very seriously. 
Secondly, there are definitely a good number of jobs at UK. But, the preference always goes to the natives. In case, she wants to go abroad, she could have tried some onsite opportunities from her existing company. And, the cost of living is pretty high which might be difficult to handle with part time jobs, until her parents can give financial back-up.
Secondly, there are definitely a good number of jobs at UK. But, the preference always goes to the natives. In case, she wants to go abroad, she could have tried some onsite opportunities from her existing company. And, the cost of living is pretty high which might be difficult to handle with part time jobs, until her parents can give financial back-up.@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
1 Jul 12
hi there padu, i would not dare to tell her about that, i know i would hurt her feelings if it was really me to tell her about that because i know she expects me to support her on the relationship. the thing is i think it is just a rebound relationship because she was hurt from the previous relationship she has had... just months back. To be with this man over online dating and for her to be thinking that she is going to be better off with this man than be here in the Philippines with her family. I really do not know what is bothering heer to be deciding like this so hastily. I just wish she would be able to find the light in this before she gets herself into trouble.
1 person likes this
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
30 Jun 12
Since she seems determined to go, I 'd wish her "God speed". However, you did bring up several valid points, especially about the school. Does she have sufficient money to tide her over until she can find a job?
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
1 Jul 12
The last words i told her this friday when we had a celebration wwe both had to attend, I told her to be careful, i told her to go get her dreams but not at the expense of her saftey and lifelong happiness. As her friend i know she understood what i meant. i know we can no longer chat more as we are really not in a good talking mode recently - she has reservations and she know i am not approving her decisions because she has not planned this out carefully. Even her mom thinks so so we are at a distance since. I know she will come to her senses, one day she will realize we only meant for her good well being.
@asdomencil (4265)
• Philippines
28 Jun 12
the mother in law of my sister is in London, UK. She told me that there are many students there that are currenlty having hard time living there. She told me that there are frequent surveillance of the houses there since they are already very strict with the immigrants. Once you got a student visa there, you are not allowed to work there unless you got a goot employer that will sponsor you for a working visa. According to her, there are many students there that sells anything just to survive and have some money for food. Some where just begging on them. It is better to go there with a working visa already rather than taking the risk of having a student visa and work there.
Living there looks good but the truth is it is really hard to go there and take the risk of getting job.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
thank you so much asdo... I think that you have given me a very good information, i hope to share it with my friend, but will have to think of a way on how she should be able to read it on her own so she may not feel that i am pushing what i want with her. i am not interested in going abroad nor am i not happy with her blessings, its just that i am more worried as to how or what will happen to her when she is there. The thing is, she is to be given a student visa.. and not working visa.. how come she was saying she needs to find work so she will not return here after the expired student visa...
@heavenrenz (190)
•
28 Jun 12
I am not from UK but my cousins are and according to them there a lot of jobs there but its not easy as we think it is, you see racial discrimination is still the big issue and the fact that it is hard to trust anyone.If she knows any relatives who is now in UK then it is ok for her to go there just in case any problems occur at least she knows someone whom she can trust.Some made it to UK but I guess they also have gone thru difficult times and now living a good life. Pray for her, it is the best you can do for her if she doesn't listen and if she failed...always be a friend to her.
1 person likes this
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
29 Jun 12
thank you heaven, i am trying to just understand where she is coming from. i am offended by what she did and she did not even let me know she is to leave the job where i recommended her for. we are in the same team and i was left out. she acted as if she has done nothing. she wouldn't have a job here if it was not me who took her in our company and asked my boss to see if she can work with us! I don't really know how long she is going to keep up. i am not going to see her anyway as it is her last day today and i only knew she is to leave two days ago. i tried to talk to her and she's got no shame at all and raised her voice on me saying she just wants to leave our company and that's just it! =(
I feel sorry as she is really blinded right now, i do not know what her other friends are feeding her but i think she is in for a disaster, totally!
