I feel rejected
By grandpa_lash
@grandpa_lash (5225)
Australia
September 8, 2012 9:38pm CST
The scenario: a member I have not interacted with before, not a newbie, starts a whole bunch of relatively interesting discussions in one of my favourite topics, and I respond on a number of them. I was on my best behaviour, no sarky remarks or put downs, just serious, considered responses.
The member comes back and replies to almost every response except mine in every single case. WTF? I didn't even disagree to any noticeable extent, and agreed totally in most of them with the OP's stance.
So why, I think to myself, and being slightly paranoid, I wonder if: (a) the member is twenty some years old, is it that he/she suffers so much from the arrogance of youth that "old" people are deliberately ignored?; (b) the member doesn't like my face (and whatever he/she thinks he/she can read in it)?; or (c) he/she is intimidated by my use of language and my experience in the topic?
Or maybe he/she thinks I'm full of sh*t?
Nah, not possible that last one lol.
Now just to set at ease the minds of potential responders to this discussion who don't know me: I don't really feel rejected and I don't need commiserations, I was joking.
Please read and make note of this sentence, because if you come back with commiserations, no matter how well placed your heart is I'll probably rip it out of your chest, because basically I'm a grumpy old man.
Good, got that rant off my chest.
Has this ever happened to you, and did you ever find out why you were being so cruelly rejected?
Lash
4 people like this
15 responses
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 12
hi Grandpa__Lash oh I dare not comisserate as I do not want
to lose my friend.being naive I had made a discussion about
smoking not being good for our health.
oh my G,. I got responses oh y es lots of them'
most all of them spent a page showing me that no smoking was okay, some lived to be 90 and smoked all their lives. .lol Oh I had originally 80 responses but it went down to 20 as the others had all been deleted by the admins,.'and what happened then was a vile tag calling me a carping old hag which I reported and it wa s deleted.two men from this discussion stayed up all night to minus every thing I had posted., my blue star went to green and my 100 percent rep to 50 percent rep . furious I notified mylot and they watched and found two men who bragged that they had taken an old hag's blue star down to a green and when they did that the admins banned them from mylot.my star only went to red but I have finally made it back to blue and 95 perc
ent reputation so am happy .
ent reputation so am happy .1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 12
hi again bad words I wrote my heart but my copy paste deleted that and a whole sentence and just left the word friend.I meant heart. lol.,
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
9 Sep 12
But the thing is, in this case, there was no apparent controversy. I wasn't disagreeing with most of it, and simply put alternatives up for consideration. I don't suppose I'll ever know why I got no responses, but I'll live with that. I just hope for the sake of my conscience that I don't get grumpy today and decide to give this member something to ignore me for 
.
Lash
.
Lash1 person likes this
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Hatley, that's just awful. I had the same thing happen to me on a discussion some years back. It was about gay rights, and I didn't disagree with anyone, I just put forward my daughter's view on the topic in hand, which I thought was relevant, as she is gay, and her view was shared by a number of her gay friends, both male and female.
I got called dreadful names, and so did a couple of friends who came in to defend me on it. My star went from red to green overnight, and it took months to get it back again. I wish I'd have thought of contacting admin, but I was just so upset at the time, I never gave it a thought.
Back on topic, I don't know how people can fail to respond to Lash - he always has something pertinent to say which will move the discussion forward.
1 person likes this
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
11 Sep 12
Now I'm blushing lol. And yes, if you asked me I'd say don't be silly, so it is your issue. That said, I have yet to see you say anything remotely stoopid, so go for it.
Lash
2 people like this
@p1kef1sh (45681)
•
23 Sep 12
Maybe the sad fact is that your comments are beyond the OP's intellectual capability to respond sensibly. Easier to ignore them than to engage intelligently. For goodness sake do not dumb down to accommodate their laziness. Their problem and not yours.
1 person likes this
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
24 Sep 12
I agree, although I do find myself sometimes using four words where one should do. Dumbing down is not on my agenda, but I do have to take into account that my somewhat large vocabulary (as that of other users like your good self) is considerably greater than the average. But I don'tthink it was just my vocab that was the issue here.
Nice to catch you on one of your rare appearances. I hope the rehab has gone well.
Lash
1 person likes this
@deazil (4723)
• United States
9 Sep 12
Hi Lash Lash Lash..... Yes. This happens to me and I was just thinking about it a little while ago. There are two members, not newbies, who reply to all the other responses except mine. I figured it was pretty much option c - they're intimidated by my fairly good grammar and obvious intelligence. And I have not disagreed or been rude in my responses. Neither person has the intelligence (apparently) to start a discussion that calls for any deep thinking or controversy. There are, however 2 newbies who I responded to on a few of their first discussions and they commented and put in friend requests. I don't usually (anymore) approve newbie requests but I did in the case of these two. Since then neither one has ever commented on my responses. Not once. One of them is aware of the fact that you get rewarded for commenting. I don't know about the other one. One even discussed a health issue that I had encountered a few years back. I responded on what I did to solve the problem. No comment - not even a thanks. I don't respond to either one anymore. I'm just aggravated because I get notifies every time they start discussions. Delete delete.
Yes. This happens to me and I was just thinking about it a little while ago. There are two members, not newbies, who reply to all the other responses except mine. I figured it was pretty much option c - they're intimidated by my fairly good grammar and obvious intelligence. And I have not disagreed or been rude in my responses. Neither person has the intelligence (apparently) to start a discussion that calls for any deep thinking or controversy. There are, however 2 newbies who I responded to on a few of their first discussions and they commented and put in friend requests. I don't usually (anymore) approve newbie requests but I did in the case of these two. Since then neither one has ever commented on my responses. Not once. One of them is aware of the fact that you get rewarded for commenting. I don't know about the other one. One even discussed a health issue that I had encountered a few years back. I responded on what I did to solve the problem. No comment - not even a thanks. I don't respond to either one anymore. I'm just aggravated because I get notifies every time they start discussions. Delete delete. 1 person likes this
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
9 Sep 12
I simply don't accept newbies anymore, although onrare occasions I might be impressed enough to add a friend.
I've gone back and reread the discussions I'm talking about, and on reflection I suspect you might have hit the nail on the head: I haven't disagreed, but I've taken my answers into what are obviously strange waters for the poster, who appears to be both very conservative and a bit shallow.
Lash
2 people like this
@Juliyan23 (600)
• Indonesia
9 Sep 12
I'm sorry to hear that, Lash..
I know the feeling when we have tried give our best to response their discussions, but it went failed where we were the one who didn't get comment from them. It happened to me once (or twice) , I was the first responder and I was helping to figure out the best solution like what she asked. And I was the only one who didn't get comment from her.
I don't know what was my fault. I'm twenty some years old , and I am newbie in here. That just make me bit paranoid about what has just happened to me.
Well - I am not a wise girl , I think. And maybe my response was so childish or ridiculous. I just try to muse it but it went I blame myself and I found myself down.
So, I just leave it . And never give any response in her discussion anymore.
1 person likes this
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
9 Sep 12
That's the only solution, stay out of the poster's future discussions.
Lash
2 people like this
@Juliyan23 (600)
• Indonesia
9 Sep 12
Yes, Lash. Well, I don't know what have you said to the person you've been talking about. But, I saw some responses from you and you are such a nice person and knowlageable one. I don't have any ideas why there's someone that ignore you - in 5 discussions.
I think maybe the person is just doesn't have a manner - or something. I'm sorry to hear that ,Lash
1 person likes this
@romzee (937)
• Philippines
9 Sep 12
I am a newbie here and just starting out interacting in discussions. I find this discussion interesting so I responded. I don't have any replies/reactions yet to all discussion I participated in. Do I have to feel I am rejected because I am new and no friends yet so far? I see all stars here with different colors, will I be rejected here, I hope not... will I feel rejected if grandpa_lash or anybody else ignore my comment, definitely not! Hi grandpa_lash, I like your hat.
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
11 Sep 12
romzee, I only accept friend requests from people who have been involved in the same discussions as I have, and who show a degree of understanding in the various activity they undertake. Brand new newbies simply haven't had time yet to establish that. It's not that I don't like them.
Lash
1 person likes this
@romzee (937)
• Philippines
11 Sep 12
grandpa_lash doesn't like me because i am a newbie(just my thought). Don't worry grandpa I never take it personally nor feel rejected. I am thankful to a very few mylot members who had bother to welcome me here in some other discussion i have interacted, thanks guys/gals.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
14 Sep 12
It could be dear Lash that you have summed everything up and left them with little to say. I have never really had that exact situation happen, but there are a lot of posts that I have not had any replies on. It is sad that discussions aren't really discussions sometimes.
1 person likes this
@snowcat46 (2322)
• United States
9 Nov 12
Maybe they were scared of the "grandpa" thing? They didn't want to seem to contradict you?
I've had responses to some of my discussions that were so complete, or so confusing, I had no idea how to answer them. I didn't want to get in a conversation where I'd probably look like a doofus. Or I had no idea where they were going with their comment. So, I just thanked them for commenting and left it. When in doubt, hide!
Or there's the not getting back to the site for forever. Then answering a comment a few months old... Me, procrastinate? I'll get back to you on that...
@Sandra1952 (6047)
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Hello, Lash. I think the most likely thing is that the OP was a bit intimidated because you can string a sentence or two together and make sense of them. Or maybe it's a she and she's seen your 50 Shades of Grey discussions and she thinks you're stalking her for the Red Room of Pain. 
No, it doesn't make any sense - but then again, neither does ignoring someone who finds your discussions so interesting he responds to several of them.
It hasn't happened to me. The ones where I get ignored are usually serial discussion starters who never respond to anyone, so they're soon off my list.
No, it doesn't make any sense - but then again, neither does ignoring someone who finds your discussions so interesting he responds to several of them.
It hasn't happened to me. The ones where I get ignored are usually serial discussion starters who never respond to anyone, so they're soon off my list.1 person likes this
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
15 Sep 12
I suspect part of it boils down to the poster not really knowing how Mylot works, because there's been no sign of the poster for several days, but there were responses to most of the others, so .....?
Lash
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (99013)
• India
18 Sep 12
Well I got negged a bit too much for finding something amusing about a group of people. Actually one of them had mentioned it in another discussion and I kind of found it very amusing and I had mentioned that one elsewhere which got me a whole bunch of people negging. lol
However, that is not as bad as what happened to you here..
And once before, I dont know if you recall a youngster had called me all sorts of ugly names, and you had reacted ..the youngster was from my country. You had pressed abuse button. Long ago..it was so heartening to be supported at that point of time. Thank you lash. :)
1 person likes this
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
9 Sep 12
Like me.. I'm not really old enough but sometimes in my few responses I never received also a reply from the owner of discussion or even from others. In that case I tried to analyzed my way of responding and ask myself do I did some kind of hasty words or bad words, did my idea are too deep or shawllow or my english unable to understand easy? Those questions in my mind always there everytime I never receive any response. But I still happy to share my idea I think that's the only way I can do... and still trying and pursuing to change what others wanted from responses specially from my side....
@redvakaurvaki (4216)
• Indonesia
10 Sep 12
that's fine, grandpa, he must be miss your response. sometimes it happen to me too, but then I go on without spend my time thinking why I didn't get response like other
1 person likes this
@ecaron (678)
• Canada
9 Sep 12
The old saying comes to mind. 'You can only please some people some of the time and most people none of the time' but who cares we all have valid and important thoughts and opinions and although it's nice to get feedback it's not going to make or break us at least not me. I think you sound like a great person. Keep discussions and responses coming because I look forward to reading them!!!!
1 person likes this
@mrswhitfield (2044)
• Indonesia
9 Sep 12
There are many possible reasons why he/she did not give response to you, maybe one of them as you mentioned above. Grandpa,, I am still 20 something but most of my friends on MyLot are much older than me, and that's not something I should worry about. Maybe he/she feels superior or maybe he just did not know what to tell you because the response you give is just perfect.
@grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
9 Sep 12
It's just odd that someone who has been a member for some time and should be aware that responding back is the best way to go, should ignore a chance to get into a debate on fine points and thus tot up a whole pile of responses. Oh well, I'll probably never know lol.
Lash
1 person likes this
@mythociate (21437)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 Sep 12
Oh GP 
I think they didn't respond to yours BECAUSE you didn't disagree (or because they felt no difference between your response and what they were trying to say).
The human mind--evolved as we may think it is--subconsciously thrives on conflict. They might not want to be 'the good-guy to your bad-guy (or vice-versa),' but ... maybe the LA Lakers to your OKC Thunder (NBA teams)
I think they didn't respond to yours BECAUSE you didn't disagree (or because they felt no difference between your response and what they were trying to say).
The human mind--evolved as we may think it is--subconsciously thrives on conflict. They might not want to be 'the good-guy to your bad-guy (or vice-versa),' but ... maybe the LA Lakers to your OKC Thunder (NBA teams) @grandpa_lash (5225)
• Australia
9 Sep 12
Perhaps, but I wasn't completely on side with all of them. But you could be right, they possibly simply couldn't find anything to say, but 5 discusssions ......
Lash
1 person likes this
