"Are you a Shock Absorber?"
By Shavkat
@Shavkat (137221)
Philippines
September 16, 2012 10:59pm CST
Being a good friend, we kept the entrusted secrets. The best thing we can do, be a loyal listener. There are times, we need to absorb every angle of their difficulties or precious moments in their lives. The ups and downs of their existence in this world. We are like cottons absorbing the liquid form of medicines, to apply in wounds. Eventually, it will be healed. A friend became a "shock absorber" for their real friends. "Does it make sense?"
1 person likes this
13 responses
@Belle_of_the_Ball (896)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
I am my mom's shock absorber :) Honestly, there are times that I feel tired hearing her complains about little things (not about us her family). She easily gets annoyed with other people's habits, manner of dressing, manner of eating, in short she notices small things which I think is none of her business.She would like at someone from head to foot if she doesn't like his/her get up. She would smirk at someone who is overweight she would speak under her breathe like , "oh my gosh, look at that!" and blah blah blah. I want to cover my ears sometimes because I absorb all the negativism.
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
i notice those things, too, and wish i was born with a different set of eyes. but the thoughts that would cross my mind would be one of curiosity, not criticism, like, hmm, how would i improve his/her outfit? other times, it's just people watching, like watching a reality show.
your mom is like my parents. they are big on "the outside," about what you wear even if it's just around the neighborhood, about cleanliness, about manners. i think it's because they were raised to always think about what other people will say, that others should not find anything "negative" about you, your house, your family, etc.
@rsa101 (37968)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
Well I guess there is really nothing wrong being one. But eventually you might need to dispose of those excess emotional baggage that you have absorbed in the course of listening from other's prioblem. Sometimes it also becomes part of you and somehow you might be in the same situation as well. Or might just get too absorbed with it and makes it also a part of your life.
So make sure that after they dumped it to you, you have to unload yourself with it as well.
@rsa101 (37968)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
Well there is no exact technique on that one but one simple thing you can do about absorbing negative is to put positive to erase the negative.
One example would be like if you have absorbed the negativity of one person surround or shift your focus towards the positive things happening in your life so that eventually the negativity that you've absorbed will somehow be overshadowed by it.
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
sometimes even sitting next to someone and hearing their stories both enlighten and affect me. but i do try to remember the practical tips and learn the life lessons from them. what are your techniques in "disposing" and "unloading" after people "dump their excess emotional baggage" on you?
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
I cannot say that i am the shock absorber of my friend, when she tells me her difficulties. We can listen and advise and help to the best of our ability, but we don't have to absorb the problem.
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
i think with me it depends on the person and the problem. if it's someone close to me, i would be bothered if it's something really serious. but if it's not, i'd just listen.
if it's someone i'm not close to, like an acquaintance, a distant relative, a neighbor, a stranger i sat next to, i'd offer advice but only if i know it can help or at least offer an alternative because i might not see them again.
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
9 Oct 12
Of course we should empathize while listening to our close friends' narration of her problems. We should do all we can to help , but it doesn't mean that we have to absorb the problem.
If we can't help her solve the problem, maybe it's time that she also seek her other friends' help.
@alberello (4752)
• Italy
17 Sep 12
Well, I trusted friends, to whom I can tell my "misfortunes", I only have two. As I always say, better few but at least good. I speak with them, I trust my problems. Somewhat the same thing I did when I told them my problems to the psychoanalyst. In this case, they had become those who tried to answer to my "why" of things that do not go.
I can still do the same thing if they had need. Everything is in having truly trusted friends where you are sure that what you say to them, trusting openly, it never comes out of their mouths to other people. I fortunately, I can still do this.
So me and my trusted friends such, we can define ourselves as you have just said "shock assorber."
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
i think most of us have a few trusted friends who know and accept us as we are. we feel secure with them and we can count on them through the years.
@rizzaspeaks (391)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
Yes, it does make sense. True friends act as shock absorbers to their friend-in-need.
It is one quality a friend should have. Listening to their griefs somehow make them feel comforted and understood. Most of the time I just listen when they need me and only give advice if they solicit for it.
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
sometimes it's hard not to give advice, so to restrain myself i would keep asking them questions to help them think more deeply about it or view it from different angles, like why did you think... or have you tried...
@gangnam_stylist (68)
• Philippines
18 Sep 12
It's natural for us to be there when friends are in trouble. The thing is, we need to balance so as to avoid being drained. We need to preserve ourselves and give only what we can, not force ourselves to absorb more than what we can handle. We sometimes find ourselves getting depressed when we listen too much of other people's woes, and it's just sad if we can't recognize this and go on be a shock absorber. Be a good friend but learn to love yourself, too.
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
yes, that's something worth remembering. we also need to draw the line, even with close friends and family.
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
19 Sep 12
Am I a shock absorber? I try to be!
...that's a good way of putting it! says it all!
@visavis (5934)
• Philippines
17 Sep 12
May be it is common situation for both of us being friends, it is one way how we can help them in time of trouble and bad situation being a good listener. But sometimes being shock absorber is a situation you hate for because it is always same situation your friends share of meaning he/she is not learned from his/her previous mistakes.
@hereandthere (45651)
• Philippines
21 Sep 12
that's the usual dilemma with friends. they want a shoulder to cry on, but it gets tiring hearing the same thing with the same results.
@asliah (11137)
• Philippines
14 Nov 12
hi,
i could say that i am a shock absorber here in my work because every time the sales department anger we are the first who will face them or there anger before it will go to the boss,but in friends i have but they don't always tell problem to me because most of the time we gossip about other people.
@almond24 (1248)
• Hungary
17 Sep 12
Being a shock absorber sounds like a bit too much, yes I have been one and couldn't handle absorbing hundred per cent of the shock for a long time... but I understand what you mean. Being a good listener who is just there for your friend who needs it is the best quality of a true friend.
@yawar562 (70)
•
9 Oct 12
i think i am a good shock absorber and a true friend should be because it made you a really true friend of some one and if you are not then actually you will lose many of your friends soon in future according to me
@vidhyaprakash_2 (7116)
• India
17 Sep 12
Hi friend, you are right, as a good friend we must hear about their problems and worries and give our suggestion to come out from their issues. A true friend is the person who is always there for his/her friend even in his good and bad situation, a real friend must be a shock absorber, get shocking news from their friends and comfort them to come out from their issues
@meowchie (992)
• Philippines
14 Nov 12
It does happen.. Because we/you are friends, you serve to fill what's lacking in each other. I have friends who are strong and friends who are soft-hearted and weak to deal with conflicts. If you think you can comfort enough, listen and absorb the emotion your friend may be releasing to you, well I think it makes sense yeah! :)
