I know I love my mother so much, but I am running out of ways to let her know it

Philippines
November 6, 2012 3:48am CST
I usually saw my mother with teary eyes and with far away look. She is still cries if she remember my grandmother who happened to past away few months ago. I keep on talking to her, make some silly jokes and if it happened that I have vacant time, I make something for her, like pastries which she loves most. But then, throughout the day I can still her sadness. I know I can't make anything to make her foret her mom, but I am worried and it breaks my heart whenever I caught her crying silently. What else can I do?
2 people like this
15 responses
• United States
7 Nov 12
She knows you love her and it does take time to mourn when someone who is so much apart of your life is no longer there. My Aunt still gets that far away look about my cousin who passed away almost 15 years ago now. My mother too gets upset still about her Mom and my Grandmother passed when she was 11, over 60 years ago. Her sadness is her own your love is a separate part of her. I know it hurts you to see her sad but that alone proves your love for her.
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Now I understand, I thought that time can removed almost every residual grieving to anyone. But now I can understand more, their sadness is their own, and we cannot control or take it away from them, unless they from themselves have learned to let go of their sadness. Much clearer. Thanks.:)
• United States
9 Nov 12
@flapiz (7013)
• Australia
6 Nov 12
Hi Mars! Well you cannot make her forget her mom. Because her mom would always be special in her heart. I think you should let her grieve. Sometimes the grieving process may last for 3 months. What you can do is show her that you are always there for her. It might not show in her reactions but it helps her a lot within.
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
I am always here for her. Thank you, but you know, the things that worries me would be because I have an idea about the "3 months" time for grieving, but way beyond that could lead to depression. Its been seven months since my grandmother passed away. And as I can see, my mom is losing a lot of weight already.
@flapiz (7013)
• Australia
9 Nov 12
I think you should advice for her to get counseling. 7 months is way past the normal grieving process.
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
7 Nov 12
Hello marsjire and welcome to myLot. I am saddened to learn about your grandmother's passing. Your are being a very good daughter to try to make your mother's grief. But She needs to grieve. The only thing that will help is time. Something that might help is to get your mother to talk about her mother and remember how she was. Eventually as time passes the hurt that she feels will grow less.
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Before, I tried to talked to her, she'd talked and then tells stories about her mama's memories, which in turn could help her cry more. So I try not to ask her to talk, I just comfort her more. I guess, at least, I could make her feel wanted and needed by us.
@lizlee (208)
• Philippines
7 Nov 12
Hi marsfire! First, I'm sorry for the lost of your grandmother. It's really sad when someone passes. Your mom's probably really close to her that's why she's so sad. And I know how heartbreaking to see your mom sad and it seems that you can't do anything enough for her to be happy. I myself is really close to my mom so I can really feel you that you would want to do everything to make her happy. You mentioned that you are looking for ways to cheer her up right? Why not take her out sometime. In that way she can forget the pain even for a little while. Or why not give her a hobby, buy a new pet for your household. With that she would be preoccupied. You mom is just in that stage where its hard to let go. But I know she'll turn around. Especially when your there assisting her every step of the way. You take care, your mom needs you more than ever. God Bless you
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Thank you lizlee. Cheering her makes me alive. Making her smile and happy is the only thing I would ever wanted to do for her. I will try the "pet" thing. I hope it will works. Good day ahead.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
7 Nov 12
In all actuality, there is nothing that you can do that will make your mother forget your grandmother. You can give her a way to think about something else for a while and that is something that will be a help for her. As far as what else you can do for your mother is to simply be there for her. Don't pressure her to talk to you about what she is feeling but make yourself available so that she will know that she has someone that she can talk to when she is having a rough day. And of course always make sure and tell your mother that you love her.
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Telling someone you love them as much as everyday is like a high potent medicine. I know I can not really force her to open up and talk about her feelings, but I can let her feel simply that I can understand her with or without words said. Great day ahead for you.
@Tongcv (173)
• China
7 Nov 12
Look at the walk,take a look at that a green environment,or to find some people to speak with your mother to talk to Or that thing pull off a resonable way!
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Green is good for the eyesight according to certain studies, and it also uplift emotions in any part of the day, especially during sunsets. Yes, my mother love her garden, she have one too.
@silentwill (1686)
• Philippines
7 Nov 12
Just keep doing what you're doing. I'm sure it is helping even if it doesn't look like that right now. Your mom knows you're doing allthose for her and I'm sure she appreciates that, but sometimes it really takes time to stop grieving for a lost loved one and for me just let her mourn about your geandmother. As long as her mourning is not to the extreme that she won't eat or something I say just let her.
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Letting her feel my presence or our presence (Family) could help her, I know. But sometimes I know it ain't enough. Sometimes it will just give her reasons and excuses to pretend that she is alright, I can say, because I can still caught her silent cry.
@Angelpink (4022)
• Philippines
6 Nov 12
Just be there in her side , she needs someone whom she can talk with. Let her grieve , soon she'll get over with that phase. Being you in her side is enough for her to feel the comfort that she needs . Don't be disturbed with seeing her cried because that is one way of healing . She is pouring all her pains , just give her that privilege , that is more beautiful than hiding those emotions that can lead only to heart problems in the near future.
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
I am really hoping all her pains will run out and fade away. I can not explain the pierce of pain inside my chest whenever I caught her cry and she tries to hide it . But I am trying my all might to let be at ease at my side so she can pour everything eventually. Thanks.
@lynnes75 (443)
• Malaysia
6 Nov 12
Thanks for sharing about your mom, marsfire. I think it's a very heart-breakingly touching story about your mom missing her mom, and you're a loving and sweet daughter to want to ease her pain. There really is nothing you can do to completely take away her pain and grief; only time will eventually take care of that. Also, continue to let her feel your loving presence and support, be it when she wants to cry or talk about her memories of your grandmother, or whatever else. And continue to do all the little things you're already doing, but do it with a light heart for your own sake so you don't feel burdened or burnt-out. It'll take time, but you will both be closer and stronger for it. All the best
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Yes, thank you. Your words are empowering. I will do it with a light heart and for the sake of love as well. I will just be around her till she will fine totally. Thanks a lot.
@kokomo (1868)
• Philippines
6 Nov 12
Please accept my condolence. Marsfire, time heals. It is only time that will help to ease the pain and sadness to your mother. Good thing that you are always there to comfort her and always beside her. She might not appreciate what you are doing this time but time comes that she will realize her mourning is up and enough already. It is really painful at first but later on she will overcome that sadness. Jsut be more patient.
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Thank you for the condolence. I know it will take time for the mourning and grieving stages especially for the people that had been so attached to their loved ones. But you know, it bothers me because it has been more than three months since our lost and yet, still I could see her teary eyes and it worries me more because I can see she is depriving herself from healthy living, I can say, she is losing weight abruptly.
@squallming (1776)
• Malaysia
6 Nov 12
It is natural for one to be sad after the leaving of someone close or precious to us. Perhaps they had some really meaningful relationship back then. Well, people generally tend to ease that sorrow over times. But since you mentioned that her mother who is your grandmother passed away a few months ago, I believe you need to do something to help her get through it. The long term effect to your mother's health is just to risky to just let her be. You can try to make her occupied with certain meaningful and joyful activities. Such as a small trip with family members, family day out or something. Besides that, you can also give her to joy of taking care grandchildren. Having grandchildren is no doubt one of the happiest thing to mother or grandmother.
• Philippines
8 Nov 12
Well, I tried those things too, like the trips with family members and day out, and I guess it helps a little by little. Though I cannot immediately see the outcome, but I can see that she really tries to smile sometimes. What bugging me was that when she thinks that nobody was around her, she goes back to being gloomy and sad. But I could understand, perhaps she has longer grieving time than the usual.
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
13 Mar 13
Hi, It is very difficult to your mom to forget her mom. She must be very attached with your grandmother. But time is the good medicine for the sorrows. your mom would try to accept this loss of her life slowly and she will be alright. You should keep on your efforts to make your mom laugh.
@mariaperalta (19094)
• Mexico
16 Dec 12
Im sure she knows you love her.. just give her a big hug. Have a great sunday there. See you her soon.
@ZoeJoy (1395)
• United States
13 Dec 12
I lost my mother, grandmother to my children, almost 6 years ago. It takes a year to get past the grieving. So, there isn't much you can do except let her heal through time. Perhaps you can read online or books about the process of grieving. There are stages that people go through. No matter how old you are or how old your parents are, it is still a lost that you feel deeply when you lose your parents. I have know people who are in the 70s - senior citizens - who felt a lost and grieved deeply, when their parents passed away who were in their 90s. You would think that the older you get and the older your parents, that it would be easier, but it isn't easy to lose your parents at any age. Perhaps, helping her put a scrapbook together in memory of your grandmother will help your mother. Reassure her that you want to preserve your grandmother's memories for your sake and to pass on to the next generations. Keeping your mother busy, especially with a good project such as scrapbooking to preserve the memories, will help heal your mother's heart.
@silverfox09 (4727)
• United States
19 Nov 12
Sound so sad , I dont think there is much you can do to help her , all you can do is be there for her and let her see that people alive still need her . Let her feel appreciated and needed as much as possible and if the grieving go pass a year then convenience her to get professional help .