heart to heart talk: when was the last time?
By cherigucchi
@cherigucchi (14879)
Philippines
March 13, 2013 1:03am CST
My husband and I are both working so hard. We have three kids who need not only our support but also our attention. When we were still newly weds, it was part of our daily routine to talk about the things that we did the whole when we were not together. We shared stories and we did really have a great time. But when we started having kids, things become quite different. Though we still find some time talking, it has never been like the way we used to because kids have been there to divert our attention.
In addition, the demands of work in our jobs also make us tired that we usually spend the time taking rest and sleeping. We do watch tv together but we never had that old great time talking about nonsense things.
Last night was a good one. We stayed awake up to 2 in the morning just talking about everything about us, the kids, finances,family's future, our plans, getting old together and almost everything that we missed talking about lately. Though I needed to wake at 6 in the morning, I just felt that I had a very good night sleep
2 people like this
13 responses
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
It has been years since we had a talk. Although we are not that busy, I feel awkward openinv up myself to him ,coz there had been instances that when I tell him somethinv, he becomes defiant. And everytime, it hurts me. I don't want to feel that strain between us again. I know that we should not stop building our relationship, but he is simply impissible to talj to without having to end it with a.fight. I have coped up with this for so long just to keep my sanity.
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Mar 13
I have learnt in my long life that men hate being asked to sit down and have a talk. They just hate it. Perhaps you can find some other way? They have such fragile egos and often complimenting them on the little (and possibly rare) things that they may do will make him more receptive. Some men feel such failures and are scared but put on this defant act. My husband was a litle bit like this when we first married but fortunately he changed! Don't know if this will help
.
.1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
Hi, cynthiann! I am really just a quiet person. I do not complain much. I try to adjust with people around me. Sometime ago, my husband told me that I should learn to tell him what I feel, no matter what it is. And when I did, it was so irritating, he just ignored me. He will either just walk away without saying a word or if he does say something, instead of putting some reason, he would just say, I am imagining things. Where should i go?
Thanks for your kind words, cherigucchhi! Well, I have not totally given up. Just looking for the right time to speak up without having to end up fighting again.
Thanks for your kind words, cherigucchhi! Well, I have not totally given up. Just looking for the right time to speak up without having to end up fighting again.1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
Never give up jenny!
Things like that happen in every relationship but we must not give up unless we feel that we had already pushed all our resources. I will pray that you will soon settle this problem. All you need somehow is a good timing.
1 person likes this
@ayeeesha (1127)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
Hi cherigucchi! :)
I've always believed that the key to a great marriage is trust and communication. When already married, there are certain things that we take for granted, like going to bed without even kissing each other good night. Little do we realize that these little things will destroy the marriage and a recipe for disaster. But its good to know that you and your husband are making up for it. Why don't you try going out on a date, just the two of you, no kids, no distractions, say once a month? At least you have alone time together an you can talk about what's happening between the two of you lately. Communication is still there and you'll both feel you're not strangers to each other :)
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
We do date from time to time without the kids because you know when you have the kids with you, you need to bring a lot of money too! Hahaha! We do have time to talk but the talk that I do really want is not talking about other people, home, kids...something like reminiscing the time when we were in courtship stage. Or just talking about the two of us, updating and reminiscing...
@r0ck_r0ck (1952)
• India
13 Mar 13
Well if you ask me, Having 3 kids was a bad idea. To be very honest, in this fast paced competitive life working, taking care of kids and keeping up all the household work is really very hard. Even though both of you still keep in touch making it work is a really a good example for everyone out there. Congrats and keep it real!:]
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
Having three kids means having the troubles multiplied to three...but it also multiply your joys by three as well. I don't consider it a bad idea having three kids because I am a kind of person who never wish to entertain regrets in my life. There may be sometimes i wanted to rest but thats how life goes, my friend.
Thank you for your compliment. I believe that keeping things real need a great deal of commitment.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I love those kinds of talks, and you don't really feel bad about missing sleep because the talking is so therapeutic.
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
tHATS TRUE! I even heard my own laughter echoing the whole house and my husband just keep on hushing me because he thought that the rest of the world was already sleeping. He just did not realize how he did make me happy that time by just talking and talking.
1 person likes this
@Mintlin (322)
• China
14 Mar 13
Magandang umaga . I've seen so many couples getting worse and worse because of losing communciation,so when i get married,i set a rule for both parties,we choose every friday night as couple talking time,at that night,we have to finish everything before 8pm and lie on bed,talking about everything. my husband follow
doing this active just for several times then he starts to against it, it's just like cynthiann's comment above " men hate being asked to sit down and have a talk"
so,we did not have such kind of talk for about two months.yet,i'm trying,i'm trying to talk to my husband again and arrange this talk in the coming friday as i think it's really useful,it can improve our relationship a lot.
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
14 Mar 13
True that man doesn't want to be pushed over because it hurts their ego, may be we can find other subtle ways to make our man do what we want them to do without being too pushy or demanding.
1 person likes this
@RiverLight (240)
• Romania
14 Mar 13
I faced some problems with my ex boyfriend, he hated when i just wanted to stay and have a discussion.So i tried to have a discussion while we're haveing walks, it seemed easier for him to open to me and talk about anything.
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
Thats a good strategy. We do really have to take time finding out our own way how to make our partners sit or walk and talk with us.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Mar 13
hi cherigucchi oh do I know that one as we all start out with all the love in the world and we enjoyed bonding and time together then we have kids and jobs and we sort of run out of time just to have those heart to heart talks. I also found when we made time like you did it was all so worth while and even if we lost some sleep we both felt so good again.mOre power to more and more heart to heart talks toget
her.
her. @cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
13 Mar 13
Many couples face this dilemma of not having enough time for each other and being overloaded with work. But you are doing very well. Perhpas schedule one night in the week which would be your talk night?
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
we do always talk but last night was quite different. he was so warm and told me about everything that has happened to him in the last few weeks. It was very detailed that i could even sense his excitements in sharing his plans with me...i felt so excited too!
1 person likes this
@Iriene88 (5343)
• Malaysia
13 Mar 13
Yes, two ways communications is very good and healthy for family relationship.
I believe in this practical way very much. However, in my case two-way communication
is not effective anymore. We talk, we feel good but no action is taken to solve
all the issues at hand. I need better solution but have not found one yet. I need
some effective way to make my husband realise and face reality!... and take action
before it is too late!
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
We do also experience that. But I guess it also needs perfect timing. When I think that he is not up to talking something very personal, I do not insist anymore because I know it won't end up good.
I am so sad to hear things like that happen in a couple. I will pray that you will soon work that communication problems out. I believe that woman has bigger responsibilities in making marriage work though I also believe that it should be a two way process.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Mar 13
My husband and I don't have the same opportunities to talk that we used to have when we were a new couple without children. However, we do have a tendency to talk to each other regularly because we both find that talking to each other is one of the things that keeps our issues from getting so bad that we end up fighting with each other.
As far as a true heart to heart, I believe it has been a couple weeks since we've really been able to just talk to each other.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
24 Mar 13
I'm glad to hear that you and your husband were able to sit down and talk. That is great. Life does at times take a lot of our attention. I'm trying to work hard to balance all of these responsibilities. It's not an easy thing to do. But when we are able to simplify in some areas that allows us more time to do other things that are important.
@cherigucchi (14879)
• Philippines
25 Mar 13
Thanks Dominique!
I hope that we can do that as often as we can because I believe that it is very important in every loving relationships.
@pomwango (1353)
• Kenya
14 Mar 13
this is where we end up hurting our relationships or marriages,we get engrossed with the kids,our careers and lifes daily schedules we forget to invest in our love life and quality time we spend.it is best to have time for the two of you.i learnt that once you put the kids early to bed you can have time to bond.if this doesnt work especially when the kids are very small with upredictable sleep patterns,get someone to baby sit for you and spend time away,no matter how simple and just talk.this can be done even by taking a walk together or just seating in a park.
1 person likes this
