Understand or Accept?

@viju0410 (2286)
India
March 23, 2013 5:36am CST
Hi, In any relation, ‘understanding’ plays a vital role. At times we accept the person though we didn’t understand their action/reaction. I remember a quote “don’t try to understand everything, because sometimes it is not meant to be understood, but to be accepted”. What I mean to ask is do you always ‘understand’ and act upon or ‘accept’ the situation/ person and carry on? Have a great time friends...
6 people like this
20 responses
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
23 Mar 13
Hi, you are right. In every relation understanding plays important role. But sometimes it is difficult to understand each other but we have to accept the facts without any complaint because there is no option. Sometimes we can not change the situation we have to accept it as it is.
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Mar 13
Well said! Sometimes, what we understand may not be to our liking; then what do we do? if situation demands that we have to accept something, then we have to do it without trying to understand.Or if we are mature enough to do it, understand the person and even if you are unable to see the other point of view , just accept it and maintain peace. It all depends on who this person is.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi, Situation makes us act at times - even if we understand or not. yes kalav - acceptance saves all the heated arguments once a while. Mostly we do understand but there are times when acceptance makes it better.
• Philippines
23 Mar 13
Being married is not that easy. If you are going to try to understand everything about your partner, you will just have a hard time because there are really times when you don't like his behavior or you don't like the way he talks to you. That is his personality and you just have to accept that because it's hard for a person to change. Loving a person means accepting everything he/she is. You have to accept the positive things about him/her as well as the negative.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Mar 13
Well said and you talk as though you have been married for quite a few years.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Nicely said don, and i too hope what Kalav has written is true... Accept the positive things and understand the negatives so it goes mutual then..
@chiyosan (29966)
• Philippines
23 Mar 13
Hi viju! I have such a case with me and my boyfriend. the thing is i cannot understand why sometimes he would be so firm with his decision about not wanting to be with our other officemates anymore he felt as though they have neglected him (and me too) that he felt betrayed. I forgave my friends at work already but he hasn't and he refuses to go out on lunch with them... refuses to be with them when there are free times as well. I cannot understand why his decision was like that, why it was so hard for him to accept that people have lives and we cannot be together all the time. to him he felt that he was already betrayed of his "friendship". i just accept that that is how he is, he gets hurt, he remembers it and i just try to understand him and accept it as well that i cannot force him to forgive and forget what was done. =(
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Mar 13
Sensible thing to do.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Yes - i also feel we accept the character / habits and we understand their views and opinions. Really we can't force anyone to act as per our requirements and everyone has their own 'sty;e' of managing things.
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
23 Mar 13
We can seldom understand what others mean to say or do since we are not the same. Although we frequently do believe we do understand. We can give it a try, admit to ourselves we are not sure we are able too and if we are able to we can accept and respect the other one, since that is after all the most important thing in every relationship and what we want for ourselves as well.
1 person likes this
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
That's true and you said it so clearly. may be the other person also accept us without understanding...
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
23 Mar 13
I don't understand him all the time, neither does he understand me all the time, however, regardless of who understands who, we still love each other and we try to be patient with each other. Never expect a perfect relationship. It's difficult to expect the person to be exactly who you want them to be. Remember that each one of us came from different backgrounds ~ different families. Therefore, our habits are different. Not to mention, we can't ready each other's minds. So, be patient. Learn to know when to close your mouth. And learn to talk without judging or nagging. Further, learn to listen. Have a great mylot experience ahead!
1 person likes this
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi, That's really true. Expecting and talking less are something i also practise by keeping myself engaged.
@Sreekala (23402)
• India
23 Mar 13
Hello Viju, You are confusing me. I think both are equally important. Without understanding how can we accept? I think I can accept only those I can understand. Haven’t I understand something here?
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
23 Mar 13
Hi didi In most of arranged marriages (in Indian Scenario) - many a times there is not much of understanding from day one but there is always acceptance from day one. Understanding is all good and fine, but nowhere near perfect - just because we are humans and not machines - as such we can never understand everything 100%.
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Mar 13
Yes Sree! Say for e.g., a person wants the husband to do something or it is viceversa and the said person does not want to do it for no legitimate reason putting the partner into mild trouble ; in this case one feels "why not?" .The other one feels 'it is so'; There are two choices; one is to accept it without protest .You may have understood the statement 'no' but are not convinced about the validity of the argument ; in spite of this you just accept it because it is the way of peaceful life. The other one is to refuse to 'accept' and fight. This is what Viju says. Am I right Viju? What do you say Sid?
1 person likes this
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi Sree Exam time is over for the kids so just relax. I think in marriage some or the other time we accept (wtihout understanding) like that Sid & Kala have rightly quoted.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Mar 13
For me to accept Anything I first have to understand! Without understanding I can't just accept. But I can understand many a things I don't agree with.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi, it is the other side, without understanding accept just to avoid unnecesary tiffs in a relationship as we at times can't understand the other person or we may misunderstand the action / reaction of the spouse...
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Mar 13
I am not made that way. I can either understand and accept or misunderstand and walk away.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
23 Mar 13
One will Never accept anything unless there is some good. And if there is any good, understanding works for a while but in the long run, it is acceptance that prevails - if it is a personal relation, and if it is a business relation, still acceptance has a higher status. Example - when you and I were to become friends, we tried understanding each other - which helped decide. Once decided... how much of understanding will either of us do? If the need to remain friends is higher, many a times, it will not be based on understanding but because of the acceptance - that you and I chose to be friends.
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Mar 13
And because each individual is different , it is better to accept a person and not keep trying to understand another one in every trivial issue because we will all have quirks.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi Sid That's right. Accepting the other person also takes times but understanding..oops.. by the way where are you these days? Talk to u soon.. kalav
26 Mar 13
Well, in my own understanding, we can only accept when we understands them. That's why before haviing a relatioship, make sure to understand first before accepting him/her to your life. Dealing with relationship is not a game. So, think twice before you decide.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
30 Mar 13
Hi, But it is not always easy to understand a person's certain habits/ personality which at times we accept.. In a traditional and arranged marriages it is acceptance that comes first and then follows the love/ understanding and everything which comes from both the persons mutually.
@kprofgames (3096)
• United States
25 Mar 13
That's really hard to answer because it can be different for different situations. I might not understand but can accept something, on the other hand there are things I can't accept because I don't understand. It really would depend on what the matter is and how it involves me OR how that person wants me to be involved. To answer this honestly it all depends on what I'm dealing with. Somethings we are never going to understand or change something so we have to accept that it's just going to be that way. It's very thought provoking.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
26 Mar 13
Yes KP, it msotly depend on situations. At times, we just accept to avoid arguments or we love them so much that we don't want to lose them so its like lost the match but we win the heart of the other person... Thanks for your views.
• India
24 Mar 13
Viju beti Many times we have to accept without understanding; it is like accepting the terms and condition of a site, with out actually accepting. This applies to relationships; most are lucky and blessed.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Sir, That's a true example of accept and understand.
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
24 Mar 13
Based from my own experience, there are a lot of things that I do not really understand why it has to happen. And if I dig into it deeper, it just causes strain in the relationship. I do not think that I accept these things, but I just let things be instead of getting my mind to bothered with it constantly.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
yeah, that's what should be done. why worry and rethink too much, we can just carry on without much of arguments.
@hereandthere (31909)
• Philippines
24 Mar 13
it was when i started working when i heard that, that we have to get the u/a or understanding and acceptance of the other (i.e. subordinate or peer). but in reality, sometimes you just do as you're told even if you don't fully understand why it has to be done and why in such manner. it's the same when you inadvertently hurt someone. you still say sorry for the slight as an acknowledgement of their feelings even if you don't fully "get" where they're coming from. that's why you also hear people say all they want to hear is for the person to say sorry. then you change the way you interact with them next time just to avoid the same incident. you just accept that that's how they want it to be.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi, In work, we get to see different persons and we just do what is expected to be done. Thanks for sharing your nice thoughts.
@polaris77 (2031)
• Bacau, Romania
23 Mar 13
I think that no matter how hard we try it's very difficult to understand those who are close to us all the time;we sometimes understand them,and sometimes we can't even understand our own actions completely,so it's better to try to accept others and their actions even if we don't always understand or agree with them.After all,everyone is different,so we can't expect them to think and act the same way we do,we have to accept that.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
I totally agree with you. After trying to understand, we are not even able to understand why he/she behaved that way... so we just accept as they are our closed one.
@Angelpink (4022)
• Philippines
23 Mar 13
Hi ! Human as we are , we have limitations . Sometimes it is so hard to understand things , and there is nothing we can do but to accept things. No need to understand just accept that it have to be that way or this way , no other option available for you . In this way a little of peace will prevail .
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi, That's really what happens, we do accept without or with understanding. But it is not necessary that we always end up in tiff if we refuse to understand.
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
23 Mar 13
hello dear (^_^) Such cases happens with someone we love so dearly, for an instance in our family. Even with our siblings,cousins, close kin we can't say that we do understand them all. There were times that, we want to give up- but because we love the person, we can't do such. The least we can do is to accept them- because we love them that much. Have a great day
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Yeah Jai, that's right. We can not actually understand every person we interact with but we do accept them irrespective of their age/ personality.. have a grt time...
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
23 Mar 13
My views have been written as comments under many responses; I feel that sometimes acceptance without understanding may be called for if peace and friendliness is to be maintained. We should bother too much only if it affects us in case of outsiders.In case of family, we have to accept things even if they are not to our liking and we cannot 'understand ' why a person has to be the way he or she is or behaves the way he or she does.In our Indian community in many households, we are taught to accept things because we go into another house and they provide for us taking the prime responsibility of the house in every way. THis automatically assigns a superior role to the husband and his family and therefore we have to accept it whether we understand it or not.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi, yes,you are someone who has a very practical examples to share with us. nice interacting with you. acceptance is better to avoid unwanted arguments on silly matters as well.
@hunibani (720)
• Philippines
23 Mar 13
I do always try to understand everything, and when i already understood it whether I would accept it or I wont accept it. I don't always accept the things i don't understand, but it depends on the situation, for example personality - you cannot change the personality so even if you don't understand that person, whether to accept it or not. :p xx
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Understanding about the views or opinions and accepting or refusing to save a fight in the family. Some situation make us to accept without too much understandings.
@doroffee (4230)
• Hungary
23 Mar 13
I do think accepting is crucial, but it's better if you at least TRY to understand the other person's view. That would actually prevent similar fights, because if you don't understand something but accept it, it may explode sooner or later.
@viju0410 (2286)
• India
25 Mar 13
Hi, You are right, we should give it a try to understand the other person. when we understand but not accept or don't want to accept could also cause a problem.
• India
30 Apr 13
I try to understand and make others to understand me... but for those cases that we have no control over then I just accept them simply like that..