Shouldnt rapists' family also be held responsible for their wrongs?

@vandana7 (66045)
India
April 21, 2013 11:43am CST
Recently a five year old has been raped in India, and some horrendous stuff has been done. I am inclined to encourage people to start denying the family of such a rapist any social respect, and go to the length of turning them into social outcasts. Instead the society usually bows down to the monies... Family always knows the nature of its family member... But they hide it from the world...effectively, they become accomplices to the crime. Isn't it? Isn't it the responsibility of parents to bring up a child who would be a useful citizen of the country? If such a clause is not there in the constitution, it needs to be included so that people take a hard look at the way they bring up their children. Your call...
4 people like this
25 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
21 Apr 13
NO, Vandana. I have to disagree with you here. I see too many families that raise their children with all the love, care and opportunities in the world. They have 3 or 4 children and one will get involved in crimes that none of the people close to them could have ever predicted. We can blame society, the family, the friends but ultimately the person that committed the crime is responsible for his/her own actions. Likewise, I have seen kids that are raised in horrible conditions that turn out to be the nicest assets to our society. My Son in law is one of them. Why would you even think of being mean to the family of such a person?? Some families may not care but many are already ashamed by the actions of their loved ones and deeply hurt...why add to that??? Seems like a mean stance to me.
3 people like this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
21 Apr 13
Or perhaps you could blame your government who doesn't seem to do much in the way of protecting the women of your country from this sort of thing. http://news.yahoo.com/high-profile-rapes-threaten-india-tourism-business-102439413--finance.html
4 people like this
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
21 Apr 13
ah, so that's where she gets her point of view. i knew it has something to do with the society she is in.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
22 Apr 13
My lord that is just sickening. They should be grateful to these little girls and worship the ground they walk on. Without them, there would be no men at all. Their race will just die off. You are right ...that is the stupidest mentality I have heard in a long long time. They need to be severely punished and taught some respect. Please tell me that this is a minority of men that think like this.
@robspeakman (1705)
21 Apr 13
Really? I can't believe how backward thinking this post is. You imply that family members know that their relative is a rapist. I can't write anymore, because I will insult your mentality
3 people like this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
:) Please go ahead..:) Actually, it is meant to discuss the thinking from Indian context. A lot has been discussed in the posts above and will be discussed in other posts as well. Perhaps you can spare some time to understand why I am suggesting such a thing. :) I always welcome argument in favor and against. I also welcome reasoning why it could be wrong...even after considering the prevailing Indian conditions. :)
• United States
21 Apr 13
I had an uncle who was always trying to kiss my cousin (then 10 years old). My cousin and I always hated family reunions for that reason. He never bothered me, but he was always after her. We told on him to our parents when we knew he would be coming and our parents didn't ever believe us or want to address the problem. So we decided to handle it ourselves. I told my cousin to put on bright red lipstick and when he cornered her for a kiss I said to get red lipstick all over his white shirt. She did it too. He got all blustery and mad, and a tad bit embarrassed too. But who got punished? We did for making a scene. He could have raped her on any occasion he wished to. I'm glad we thought that up. I'm slew he caught hell from my aunt when they got home.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
PQ...that is so great...I think we need to be open about it...and open about it from the day one so that the person who does it dare not do it to another person. Right? We are taught to be quiet, or even told we are imagining. Or lying. Its hard to convince others, especially if they did not come across that crime. But now that more people acknowledge that there are specimens like pedophiles, they would automatically become cautious when others are exposing them. That was gutsy and smart PQ...:)
• Atlantic City, New Jersey
21 Apr 13
I would have to disagree. I have family members that have been involved in some activity I would NEVER have associated myself with (although nothing as horrid as rape). But because they are family I am automatically associated. There are plenty of parents/families that show remorse for their family members actions. I can't say all should be blamed.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
I meant specifically 'RAPE". :) So you do know that your family member was involved in something wrong, right? Like I know my cousin is a pedophile, and so was a distant uncle, and another cousin who qualifies as molestor, and yet another cousin who is physically abusive. And yet another cousin who embezzles, and aunt who embezzles, and a cousin who stowaway from the US because he is wanted there for forgery, and a cousin who ran away from Air Force training...phew...so family knows...something or the other. Instead of keeping it hush hush...if we all told others of it, the concerned person would not get an opportunity to do what they did. Right? Others would be cautious with them. That is what I am getting at. :) If I fail, then it is a false sense of family I hold. Families are merely small units of the nation. So what I build within my family is what my nation is going to be. I need to inculcate the right values. Agreed, it is not always possible, we may be unaware too. But those who know of it, have a responsibility towards the society to expose such behavior of their family member. I heard of wives letting their husbands rape their daughters day in and day out. That is horrid to say the least.. society needs to step in. Mothers need to step out...when something like that is happening.
• Atlantic City, New Jersey
22 Apr 13
Well no I don't know that they would be involved before hand...it isn't like the family member sits us down and gives us details of his next crime...so we have no clue...and therefore should NOT be held accountable.
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
Even if the family member learns of it, and does not share it to warn others of it?
@lampar (7597)
• United States
21 Apr 13
Of course they can be held liable if they are part of the scheme in the rape crime and try to cover up for his escape after the fact. Their failure to report an on going rape to the authority while witness such a criminal act took place also can render them as accomplices of the rapist. On the other hand, if they have no knowledge at all of this family member rape history at all and are not in anyway participate in his rape plan, then they can not be held responsible for the rape he committed, if the rapist is of an adult age, in the eye of the law, he is legally responsible for his own action, not someone else. He should be man enough to face any consequences coming his way without getting his family member /parent involved.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
25 Apr 13
What about a wayward child? For example my maid has a son who drinks. She wants to hide that fact and get him married. Likewise, mothers or sisters or fathers do know such things many times. The behavior of a rapist does not always conform to that of a normal person. Surely they can feel that this son or brother of mine is inclined to be violent and therefore, others need to be wary of him. Their revelation of any physical abuse within the family can help save another person isn't it? If they are physically abused by the rapists and have not taken any action against it, then yes, they do need to be punished...because expecting such a rash behavior is reasonable. Perhaps ...a monetary punishment would be a better option.
@lampar (7597)
• United States
25 Apr 13
I think rape crime is more complicated than we all like to believe. First and foremost, Law makers have to make sure the rapists are punished harshly after conviction, the law enforcement agency is equipped with the necessary investigative tools and professional investigators to go after them, the prosecutor office is backed by the letter of the law to do their job. Only when the crime busters can't put the rapist away, then they should blame his family members for the crime he committed, that is an alternative way of reaching natural justice, if that is still impossible to deliver justice to the rape victim, then the government should blame the rape squarely on the shoulder of the victim for dressed up seductively in public, or for inviting the rapists to rape her as the case on the murder of a medical student recently. Sigh!!!
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
26 Apr 13
I think over pampering makes the child unprepared for some harsh environment outside. I recent real case out here was about a young student. Her neighbor developed some sort of attraction for her...she actually trusted him. The whole family trusted him. He called the child to his home saying he bought some books for her exams...it seemed too small a matter to suspect...especially when its a family friend. This one was a school girl wearing only school uniform. Ok? So it cant be the way one dresses. It is what I can get away with...can the victim disclose, no. Can she prove, no. Is the law strong enough, no. So lets do it...kind. That is the feeling that is growing out here...get what I mean? Victims take time to decide ...whether they are willing to go to law enforcers. Their options are ...go to the law enforcers, and become laughing stock in the community, ...in such situation, the girl obviously will not get a match. But if they hide the matter and relocate (in India it is still possible to do so without trace), they can find a suitable match for their child. The second option is more tempting...especially considering the weak laws, and the godfathers that the rapists have.
@blackrusty (3530)
• Mexico
21 Apr 13
is this how you wish to be treated if it was some one in your family that has done this bad thing
2 people like this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
25 Apr 13
Yes...if my family is bad, I do tell about it...so that others can watch their step. Of course, I cant control how my cousins are brought up. But if they have been showing aggressive and bad behavior within the family group, then yes..it is the right thing to do. Covering up of behaviors such as physical abuse, gambling, aggressiveness, drinking, tendency to lock oneself, etc., is bad. It can eventually harm others, isn't it? Punishment would not be there if the person warns others. Ok...may be we can give it case to case. In some cases may be monetary punishment can be imposed, in others where the family stands by the wrong doer they can be made social outcasts. I think children should also be encouraged to open up with family members. They should be taught how to think rationally. There should be time for the chilren. In many cases, rapists remain in their own world because of lack of family support at the right time. They may become aggressive because of faulty bringing up. Overindulging a child overpampering a child may lead to the children being unable to take rejection gracefully, isn't it? Such things need to be analyzed and then appropriate punishment can be given to them may be?
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
21 Apr 13
There was a serial killer in, I think Kansas or Nebraska, that everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, was stunned when they found out who he was. I disagree, family doesn't always know. Now, I do agree that they often do. You know, "don't leave little (fill in the blank) alone with Uncle So-and-so" yeah, they do often know.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
I will settle for that "often"..:) So if they know they need to talk about it or not? So that others are forewarned and forearmed? I think they should. If not, then they need to be punished... Out here, as I have mentioned in quite a few boxes now...womenfolk wash the clothes of their men. They also get to treat the injuries of their men. So they know when a set is missing, and when a set is torn and what sort of scratches were there on their men's bodies. Are you then trying to tell me that they wouldnt know? Quite often, it is instinctive.
@Avijit100 (953)
• Calcutta, India
21 Apr 13
If it's found that the family of the offender tried to give shelter and hidden their guilt's then I feel it would be justified to held the responsible as well and should be brought to justice.
2 people like this
@veganbliss (3901)
• Adelaide, Australia
21 Apr 13
These must be very difficult times for India indeed! I actually think this is one of your better long-term solutions. Such a system works very well in Japan which has had an extremely low crime rate for a very, very long time. Many believe this is so due wholely or partially to such an effective system. No one there wants to lose face, but I'm not sure if you have a similar situation in India. Down here, regarding your comment, those on the receiving end of large sum transactions are always more concerned about how people made the money or where it came from than just the money itself. In this country, there's never really been the mentality of "no-one else's business", but quite the opposite... everyone else's business is everyone else's business! And at one point in our short history, such a system almost seemed to self-regulate.
@urbandekay (18312)
21 Apr 13
Your argument is flawed here "Family always knows the nature of its family member..." This is not true all the best, urban
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164640)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Apr 13
hi urban I respect Vandy but here i do disagree because one man was a rapist does not mean a whole family is evil . ostracize a family and have people making small children hurt because an older brother was a criminalm? no I think thats wrong.
• Adelaide, Australia
21 Apr 13
Sorry Hatley, this has nothing to do with Urban's point. He's simply pointing out a logical fallacy in one line of Vandana's arguement, as he has shown. Perhaps Urban also meant it in a broader, more universal application, whereas the Lady Vandana might just have applied the arguement to India or even just her part of India based upon her understanding. Urban has not commented on any other aspect of the discussion, though he may do so at a later time. This is not meant to be upsetting to you.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
22 Apr 13
Read my post above and you another member gives a little more insight as to why she may be thinking as she does. I don't agree with this thinking but it does shed a bit of light.
@speakeasy (4215)
• United States
21 Apr 13
Do you really think they are NOT already being held acountable for this? Others know it was their son/brother that did this - do you really believe that other people will treat them the same after this? Employers, neighbors, prospective spouses, etc. will all be judging them. Do you not realize that they will wallow in guilt and self doubt wondering IF they had done something different things would have turned out differently.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
They just have to relocate..nobody would know them. Thats what is rotten about this. But worse...they are shouting at the police that their son is being ill treated in the prison, that is the height of shamelessness if you ask me. If I had a son who raped anybody, I would take him to the police station, get him the required sentence, and if he deviously got away on bail or escaped due to tampered yes tampered evidence (you just have to bribe some of those officials you know, or threaten them with dire consequences and the case can be won), then I would personally take him to the girl and give her a knife and ask her to do Bobbit act. That bad..it reflects ill about us as mothers as well.
@speakeasy (4215)
• United States
23 Apr 13
Do you REALLY think it is easy to give up all your friends and family, everything that is familiar, and start over in a new location? How naive are you? And, especially, in a case like this that has received GLOBAL attention, even moving isn't going to work for long (if it works at all). Sooner or later, people will find out. The problems India has with bribery and other issues are problems YOU and the other people in YOUR country need to work on. They will not change if YOU do not take steps to change them.
@speakeasy (4215)
• United States
23 Apr 13
And, unfortunately, raping children is going on all the time in India. In a bed near this 5 year old girl is another 5 year old girl that was raped and the same hospital recently discharged a young boy that was raped. In 2011, there were 7,112 REPORTED cases of child rape in India - just imagine how many more cases went UNreported. Rape of all ages of people in India are going on daily; but very few cases get the type of attention that these few publicized cases have gotten. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/22/world/asia/rape-of-girl-5-draws-focus-to-child-assault-in-india.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20130422&_r=0 Your society as a whole is turning a blind eye to this problem. It is time to get active and make changes; but, it is YOUR country not mine and I can't help you. You need to help yourselves.
1 person likes this
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
21 Apr 13
it is not only the family that shapes the person's character. several factors influence a person't personality- family, community, peers, school. religion, government, mass media, etc. as a person grows, almost always the influence of the family lessens. i wouldn't blame the family for this horrific incident UNLESS they condoned what the rapist was doing. we do not choose our relatives, they are given to us. ostracizing the family is wrong. while it is true that it is the parent's duty to discipline their children, not all children obey their parents. when they become adults they have a choice - whether to obey or to break the laws.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
You bring a good argument to the table. :) "Not all children obey their parents." When the child is not obeying parents, may be it is time that his or her activities came into focus. Ignoring it does not help. Nor taking side of the wrong child. We do have many parents out here, who would not offend the male child, even if he did a whole lot of wrong things, but a girl child would be chided even if the wrong was done accidentally. The boy can never do any wrong, and girl can never do anything right kind of syndrome. They go so far as justifying this behavior by saying...if the girl suffers in her parent's house, she will be happy at her in-laws because she would have got accustomed to suffering...another famous thought is, only liars have girls...that is how humiliating it can get for all of us. Obviously the boy cant take any slight...and gets worked up if any is offered, not accustomed to hearing no...he is not going to take rejection lightly is he? So bringing up matters dagami...
@dagami (1162)
• Rome, Italy
22 Apr 13
you're giving us wrong picture of the indian family and society. i don't think the majority of indians are like what you are saying. i have known of male indians here in italy and they are not spoilt in the manner that you describe. however, i am not indian and i cannot say that i am an authority on this. when the child becomes an adult, he has the choice whether to obey his parents or not. he is already of legal age so he can decide for his own. i don't think the rapist that we are talking about here is a minor, or is he? if so, his parents can be held co-responsible by his actions. the law is clear about this. if and when one of your siblings commits a crime, would you feel in any way responsible for it? would you think it fair if the people in your place will also punish you because of something that you didn't do? in my response, i said - i wouldn't blame the family for this horrific incident UNLESS they condoned what the rapist was doing. we do not choose our relatives, they are given to us. so i said if the family condoned this horrific act, then they should be blamed too.
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
23 Apr 13
dagami...I think much depends upon the environment where the child grew up. They obviously cant do wrong in foreign soil...once they get in prison there they will have no way out. They cant even afford to look odd amongst their group. But then, I didnt say all Indians. I said many Indians. In our State...Andhra Pradesh...it is true...especially in communities like Kammas, Reddys, Kapus, Naidus, etc. These are richer lot, more educated sections mind you. It is Brahmins who are less inclined to be bad. The list I mentioned have more number of aggressive people. And the dowry rates in that group are also pretty high. So more reason to pamper the male child rotten. Dagami...if my sibling was inclined to be aggressive, I would forewarn everybody I came across...he can be violent...and might cross the boundaries. This means people would take due precautions with the person. Effectively, giving him little or no chance to be a rapist. I would feel responsible for his bad behavior if I hid his nature from others. Yes...I would then feel...I should have warned and saved that girl. In a way it is a test for our characters I suppose. Would you support a wrong within your family if you knew of it? Nope. If I learnt that he committed it...and was hiding at home, I would send him to jail.....today it would be that innocent girl, tomorrow it could be me. So yes, I would have to be right there. And the problem is...there are ample people in our distant villages that believe in condoning such acts. Perhaps you do need to check a few of the real crime episodes being telecast by Savdhan India, and Crime Patrol. And I do feel that merely differentiating between age does not really differentiate between minor and major. The right time to bring up a child could be as far back as when the child is about an year or so old. When the child throws a tantrum for something, how it is tackled. What lessons the kid gets at that stage.
@jambi462 (4598)
• United States
22 Apr 13
I would say that you do have a point with parents nurturing their children so that they don't turn into rapists and murderers but there are psychological problems that can set in that families have no control over. People's brains can begin to work in bad ways due to diseases or different mental problems beginning to take over. You also never really know when a person could snap and do something horrendous. I don't think it's fair to punish the family because they don't have complete control over the situation. They could try as hard as possible to raise their children properly but mental problems that the child was born with could ultimately cause the person to do things horrendous in the future. It's kind of the same way with people that live perfectly normal lives and then one day just decide to kill some people. It is outside of the families control and most family members don't even see these horrible crimes coming.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
24 Apr 13
By punishment I meant monetary punishment. After all, law enforcement and justice requires some monies...why should the State be spending for the failure of the parents. Rapists tend to be physically abusive as well. It is the duty of the family member to disclose it to outsiders. Usually, people try to keep the matter within the family, hoping the person would change. But it does not happen. Quite often it manifests in different way ..and outside the walls of the home. I think reasonable level of training on bringing up children should be made mandatory...in schools, and colleges. Focus should be on psychological aspect of the child as well. We have no such things right now. Mental problems will be fewer if people knew how to manage the situation and ensure that the child came up as normally as possible notwithstanding the environment or family situations. Yes...something snaps. But if the support of family is available...at the right time, people can vent their anger and pain without feeling ashamed afterwards. That also needs to be encouraged. But these are my thoughts..
@grvdubey11 (1882)
• India
21 Apr 13
Hi Vandana I partially agree to this.Family members should also be help responsible but that is only when they know that someone in their family is doing something wrong and they just support it blindly because of their attachment for that bad person.Its not always the case that family members know the nature of someone in their family.People fake it most of the times.So many husbands and wives present themselves as faithful and dedicated while actually they are infidel and fool their partner.Its very difficult to make out if the person is faking ,especially when the concerned person is someone you love and trust blindly.There are so many rapists which don't have any history of committing crime,the guys with such a mentality will act normal in their social circles.They would not give any signs to their friends or family that they have any intentions to rape some girl.Yes its duty of parents to give right moral values to their children, but they can only make honest efforts,if someone is not willing to follow what is right only the concerned person is to be held responsible.It cannot be included in constitution as there is no way to prove that parents did not make enough efforts to teach their children what is right and what is wrong.Best wishes.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
26 Apr 13
Take for example our family. My paternal cousin...he beat me up for monies. He has two brothers, and a sister. The entire family stood by him. His father had also joined in punching me. Mind you we fed that family for almost 10 years. They wanted to take away some more indifferent to the fact that we wouldnt have enough to feed ourselves. So other uncles and aunts...they support that family...its shocking isnt it? His mother went so far as ridiculing me at another marriage because I couldnt wear good clothes while they could out of our monies. Even after all facts and figures are presented ...family still has the old fashioned notions that this past can be put behind ...should be put behind and family should get together and that I am wrong if I am not allowing family to be together. Likewise another cousin molested me when I was five and a half ..within a couple of months of my mother's demise! So...I told about it...what happened. First they said I was imaginging...the guy swore lies...and finally when his daughter was comatose, he admitted but was like...yes, I did it...so what...and has the family ostracised him? Oh no...I am the one who gets to hear..."you have no peace in your heart"...so yes, the families out here have filmy notions about supporting the family. Usually it is support the richer ones whatever they do...and try to exploit the weaker.
@Hatley (164640)
• Garden Grove, California
21 Apr 13
Oh horrid Vandy a five year old girl thats so sick. I am a bit confused by making social outcasts of the rapists family as I can see it with his mother and father has they surely did not do right in raising him but to do this to children of that family ? They did not do the crime so why hurt innocent children? Perhaps it m ght be wise though to take such children away from parents who raised a rapist and put them with parents who are great p]arents.
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
26 Apr 13
I stand corrected...it should only be those who could have corrected the situation, but did not. Yes...supporting that disgusting son is really really bad, isn't it? I am also appalled by the lawyers who want to take up such cases...I mean, I would have thought somewhere the future of their own children matters more over money...even after all evidences pointing against the culprits, the Dec. 16 men have not been given any punishment so far...thanks to these lawyers. So tell me which raped girl will knock the doors of the court for justice? But parents of the boy should definitely be punished. And if there is a wife then she too. Perhaps a monetary punishment that covers all the investigation costs and other law enforcement and justice procedures would be more appropriate.
@Angelpink (4022)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
Hi ! I disagree ! Family should be held responsible for relatives wrong doing. He is already having his own faculties meaning he is in control of his senses , we can never dictate him . He is having his own mind setting and conditioning. He is having his own perception in life. We can advise and guide but we can never tamed a wild lion. If we include parents , then this would be so unfair to them , no parents who would like their son to be a rapist ! Give to Cesar what is due for Cesar !
1 person likes this
@MoonGypsy (4613)
• United States
21 Apr 13
i think that is really barbaric and outdated to outcast the family for the crimes of their relatives. that's just plain stupid. it's not anybody else's responsibility for that crime but the one who committed it. not the family.
1 person likes this
@sissy15 (5488)
• United States
21 Apr 13
I don't agree that a family should be held responsible for an act their child does. I mean sometimes maybe if they are the ones that treated them so horribly that it messed them up, but then they should be held responsible for what they did to the person to make them that way not what they turned around and did to someone else. No matter how you are treated it doesn't mean you don't have your own judgment plenty of people are treated horribly and don't turn around and do the same thing to others. Also when it's your kid you may know that there is something wrong but don't know what all they are capable of. If it's your kid you sometimes don't like to think they are capable of something so horrible, because even though they do bad things or may do bad things that's your kid or family and you love them, you can't just turn your back on them. Often cases though you don't know what someone is capable of because they don't share that with you. They may seem like normal people because they hide things from you. That's not something everyone knows. Often times there may be something mentally wrong with someone and that's not the parents or families fault. As a parent you do the best to raise your child, but what they do when they are older isn't really up to you. I often feel empathy for the family of the criminal. I mean you know they did wrong and you know they have to pay but it still hurts you. Despite what someone does you still love them. It's just not that easy to say well they are a rapist and it's the families fault, because often times it's not. Many parents have no clue that their child was capable of such a horrible act. A lot of the time it has nothing to do with the way a child was brought up by the family but the way they were treated by society. If you're going to hold it up to those standards every person that ever speaks the least bit of negativity to a child should be held accountable for whatever bad thing that child does in the future.
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
I think Indian men are not treated horribly. They are over pampered to think that they are lords and masters and they can do anything under the sun, and their parents would stand by them. That kind...of course, some get messed up...but that is rarest of rare cases. Usually, it is being elevated to that level which makes them incapable of taking rejections, and obsessive in their desires...uncontrollable desires... I agree with whatever you say. But when the family stands by the wrong, then it is time the society used its whip, isn't it? If they are ashamed of it, and do not keep any connection with the rapist, it is ok. But if they fight with the police saying their son did nothing wrong...or was ill treated in the prison, it is the height of their sickness.
@sissy15 (5488)
• United States
23 Apr 13
If the family knows what they have done, and are covering for them then that is against the law at least in the USA, but with most of the stuff happening here in the US it's something the parents or family had no clue about. They didn't raise their child to be that way it just happened and often times the family is ashamed of what their child did, and often times gives their condolences to the families, but the point is that child is still their child and they still love them. I don't think there is anything my child could do to make me stop loving them regardless or not of whether I agree with them, but I would also want to them to get their punishment even though it would hurt me. That's why I feel so sorry for some of those families of the criminals, because they are now being judged for what their child did, and on top of that that is their child and it hurts them knowing what their child did. It has to be a bunch of confusing conflicted feelings, and I pray I am never in that situation myself.
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
23 Apr 13
Condolences to the family (of victim)? ...are you kidding..the rapist's family treats them as enemy..
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
22 Apr 13
Hi vandana The horrendous stuff? - Courtsey media publishing the stuff on the Dec 16th rape case. There are many similarities with those stuffed actions! The family knowing part is what is wrong here. On most cases of todays familym no one has the time. Even when I was a kid, my parents never knew what I did at college, how many classes I attended and what I did the entire day. But yes, their teaching and influence did make me keep up with the right people, with the right thoughts and I never drifted. Today, when parents are so very busy that they even dont know what their kid is trying to do over internet, it would be a false assumption - family knows the nature of its family member - at least most of the time. These incidents of rape are committed by perverts and people who have been seeing and learning from Indian movies - you know they almost always have shown that women or the girl is an object whom you can get just by stalking for long. And there are plenty of such movies. But this 5-year old case... that is one just fit for concentration camps... which India will never have.
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
Sid..I think it is the way the child is brought up..if the right values take root then the rest of attendance etc., will fall in place...much of it does not matter...but what matters needs to be monitored when the child is young. I admire my neighbor ...her kid throws tantrum when she refuses to give him something...but she does not budge...the child is taught at this stage that he will not get everything in life as he wants. He is just one year two months old. Most people would try to be sweet...or say ..its ok...its just a small thing...in fact, I feel she must be silently resenting the way I play with the kid because I give him a lot of liberties..going into bedroom and lifting things off dressing table...something she is not allowing in her home. So yes, the child needs to be taught values from this stage. I remember my vegetable vendor also. Once I was offering her a chocolate...and the lady told her grand child not to take. I was kind of hurt...then she said ..I know you, I trust you, the child does not. If I let her take from you, she is going to think it is ok to take from everybody. One fine day when I am not around, somebody might offer something, and this kid would follow that person and be hurt in the process. So I am only trying to prevent future risk. I understood. And I thought that was great coming from grand parent. Generally grand parents tend to indulge and overlook mistakes. They also tend to interfere with the upbringing that the child's parents give. Right? Given that...yes, parents need to keep a watch from the childhood. In a way they are responsible if they dont teach the child how to accept a situation where they are not considered suitable for marriage.
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
23 Apr 13
Yes...sid..you caught what I wanted to say...generally people are too busy with their ambitions, social life, religious ceremonies etc., to bother about the word "upbringing". That word imports a lot of discipline...the first thing the child needs to learn is...he or she is not going to get everything they want...whatever they do...when that lesson is implanted there...probability of rapes and rejection insult reactions come down considerably. And that lesson needs to be taught early and by people at home.
@Bluedoll (17063)
• Canada
22 Apr 13
I would say it is a second wrong to blame the family unless by investigation it can be proven that a wrong was committed and always it would be another separate issue. I mean this thinking applies as we apply law in that you can not usually try the same case twice on the same person. It does not therefore seem reasonable to try many people for one crime unless they actually took part in it. We would have to look at other injustices that took place separately.
@vandana7 (66045)
• India
22 Apr 13
So what would you say of a mother whose son has confessed to the crime, and hangs himself out of remorse in the prison, but she blames the authority of ill treating her son. Or of a mother who staunchly refuses to accept that her son did anything wrong by raping the girl...some people go so far as saying the girl asked for it by wearing the kind of clothes she was wearing or being out late in the night. Yeah...those thoughts...if they can be stand by their sons, spouses, etc., even after they know something wrong was done, then they need to be punished. Unless they distance from the crime, I feel they offer silent agreement with the crime.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
22 Apr 13
If the parents are condoning what they KNOW the son has done and helping him to cover it then they should be held accountable also. If my son raped a girl....any girl...a little 5 yr old with a group of men...I would be so so angry and ashamed. I would be 100% behind the law enforcement to dole out the strictest of punishments for him. Of course, I would also be sad for the loss of my son but I just could never condone such behavior. If he hanged himself in Jail out of shame or guilt, I would NOT blame the law but I would console myself that at least he did have a conscience. The parents should be sad that their child could commit such horrific crimes and not angry at a system that tries to make them pay for the consequences of their actions.