Knowing when it's time to let go of a loved pet
By Boingboing
@boiboing (13153)
Northampton, England
October 29, 2015 2:41am CST
My dear friend is very sad at the moment. Her elderly cat had a stroke at the weekend and - as so often happens these days - my friend is asking anyone and everyone to pray for her poor cat. Poor little kitty has been sick for a long time and I'm amazed she's still alive and it's thanks to a knowledgeable vet and her human's willingness to pay whatever she has to (and more than she can afford) to keep her going.
On the one hand, I'm sad too and it's a painful reminder of the cats I've shared my life with and lost, each in old age. Of course I understand what my friend is going through. But on the other hand, I really can't call her at this time as I cannot trust myself to say what she wants to hear. I think she's gone too far and it's time to let her poor old girl go. She can't walk, she can barely breathe and there's no chance that she'll go back to being the cat she used to be.
These days vets can keep a loved pet going well beyond the point at which we should probably let them go. In the case of this cat, I think that point passed many months ago and I am sure that if she were my cat, I would have taken her to the vet and let him put her to sleep as soon as I thought she was getting distressed. People are torn between their own need to feel they did everything they could and the needs of the poor animal who doesn't understand what's happening and can have no part in any decision making. My three elderly cats were each put to sleep when the vet told us it would be the kindest thing to do. We could have refused, we could have bought them home and spent all day walking them back and forth to the litter box, giving them tablets and potions and watching them hour after hour but we didn't.
I've always believed that an animal will let you know when the time has come and it's ready to go. I understand that my friend isn't ready to let her furry friend go but I also know that if I call her I may not be able to keep quiet about my opinion that her poor cat has had enough and it's time to let her go.
Have you been in this position and how did you deal with the tough decisions?
10 people like this
12 responses
@Fleura (29269)
• United Kingdom
29 Oct 15
@boiboing You could be right, maybe she feels this is her chance to try to put things right somehow. In a similar situation I was lucky to have support from a local group and they said that no-one ever feels they should have hung on longer, in fact they often think they should have done something sooner.
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (15830)
• Manchester, England
29 Oct 15
Sounds like it's time to let her go. I know how difficult it is, I even cried like a baby when I had to have our guinea pig put to sleep, but the cat's welfare and dignity have to come first no matter how much your friend feels the need to hang on for as long as possible!!!
2 people like this
@poehere (15126)
• French Polynesia
30 Oct 15
I do have to agree with you. When my dog got sick with cancer and a tumor made her blind and another one closed her throat I had to say enough was enough. I put her to sleep because it was best for her. I felt bad doing this and I miss her all the time. But on the other hand if it was me I wouldn't want life support keeping me alive. I feel animals are the same. A stroke tells you they are ready to go and they have lived a fully life. Why make them suffer to keep them around. Do the right thing and let them be in peace. It is hard to do this but at times it has to be done.
2 people like this
@rebelann (111663)
• El Paso, Texas
30 Oct 15
Yes, you are exactly correct. I have seen so many people and animals kept alive simply because their family did not want to part with them, but as you said, when they are suffering it is time to put personal feelings aside and end the pain.
1 person likes this
@hannah06 (3)
• Phoenix, Arizona
29 Oct 15
I think you are right in saying that you can't tell your friend what do. Unfortunately, this is a decision they have to make on their own. I can only hope in time that they see that hanging on toe the cat is more for their own benefit and not that of the cat itself. Yes, it's hard to let go but there comes a time when we all have to not just of our beloved pets but of loved ones as well.
@rebelann (111663)
• El Paso, Texas
30 Oct 15
A decision like that is the first thing all potential pet owners should think about as all of us who love our furbabies will eventually have to face the problem of "is my furbaby suffering?"
We really should think the same way about our relatives but too often we feel that person would want to live regardless, too bad really because most would not.
@Rollo1 (16679)
• Boston, Massachusetts
29 Oct 15
I have been in this position, and it's a very hard decision to make. But sometimes, you have to make it for the good of the suffering animal. We have to be ready to make that decision before we decide to get a pet, because we know that barring any unforeseen circumstance, we will outlive that pet. We will love and enjoy them for a certain number of years, and then they will pass on. I agree that you shouldn't tell her exactly how you feel. It may be that she will come to that decision on her own, and there is no point in causing a rift in the friendship. She will need your support later, when she has made that decision.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
29 Oct 15
Yes, I agree. I am just biding my time and keeping out of this. My husband and I had to make the decision to turn off his mother's life support. On that basis, I don't have a problem to know when to let a cat move on but I know many wouldn't be so calm about it.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
29 Oct 15
I've lost some pets, but I've not yet put any down. I know that I will be able to make the right decision though.
1 person likes this
@hannah06 (3)
• Phoenix, Arizona
29 Oct 15
Yes, putting an animal down isn't easy by any means. When we come to love our pets they become like family. Unfortunately, like with any family member there does come a time when we have to let go of them. However, this is a decision we have to make for ourselves no one can make it for us. I feel bad for the friend of the OP because this isn't an easy situation to be in and I hope the eventually they realize what is truly best for their cat maybe to let them go.
@purplealabaster (22094)
• United States
29 Oct 15
It is a very difficult decision to make, and I feel for your friend. At the point when we had to pick our dog up and carry him up the stairs into the house, we knew that the time had come. It probably should have been done sooner, but we could not force ourselves to do it. He was old and had a bad heart, which made him very weak. I am sure it would not have been much longer naturally, but we just could not make him suffer like that any longer.
1 person likes this
@rebelann (111663)
• El Paso, Texas
30 Oct 15
I've had to face that situation so many times, it's always hard but I will never allow my furbabies to suffer.
Mine were all old when they'd go into distress so I was somewhat prepared for the inevitable and yeah, it broke my heart but as a vet once told me it was a kindness to end their suffering. Perhaps bringing on a discussion about suffering will help your friend see that she is being selfish by allowing her cat to go through that kind of awful pain.
1 person likes this
@iamshane487 (1139)
• Manila, Philippines
29 Oct 15
Poor kitty but cats has many lives. I love cats too but I've avoided them now because of the allergic reaction of their fur.
2 people like this
@japneet20 (249)
• New Delhi, India
30 Oct 15
I have a dog. he is 7 months old and he is my lifeline. I can't imagine staying without him it's my first time with a pet. there are times we need to let go. it's hard. The decision kills you but that is what is required.
