Too Much Love on Facebook is Bad for Your Relationship

@Rollo1 (16689)
Boston, Massachusetts
November 6, 2015 6:46am CST
Some people use Facebook to celebrate important events in their lives and share them with friends - and anyone else connected to them. I have some Facebook friends who periodically gush over their significant others, and lavish them with praise. They write of their undying love and address one another with cute lovey nicknames. "Look at the beautiful flowers my snugglebear brought home for me! It's the anniversary of the first time we rode in a taxi together!!!" Maybe I am a grumpy, cynical, Doc Martin kind of person, but these posts make me queasy The Man and I are private people. We don't write love notes to each other on Facebook. We don't even wish each other Happy Birthday or Happy Anniversary on Facebook. We don't need to. We live in the same house! But, this lack of open declarations can start to make one feel inferior in the face of so much Facebook love. I am not the only one. Experts say that all these mushy love posts might not mean that the couple is experiencing the ultimate in romantic bliss. These posts are more about how their relationship looks to others, rather than how well it is going. In fact, all this public gushing might be over-compensation for a relationship that isn't all that and a bag of chips. Thank goodness. I mean, I knew that all along. But still, my Facebook friends don't know that, do they? I could post a lovey-dovey status, to impress them. Or maybe I will just post this article.
When Amy and her husband celebrated 20 years of wedded bliss this past May, the 44-year-old Jersey City, NJ, advertising exec took to Facebook to celebrate the milestone. She posted a gushy message...
31 people like this
37 responses
• United States
6 Nov 15
I don't gush over my husband anyplace, especially Facebook - he doesn't use a computer so he'd never see it why bother. And I'm not a gushy person to begin with.
3 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
We're not very gushy, either. But that doesn't mean we aren't romantic. We find romance in our ability to be completely at ease with one another.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Nov 15
@Rollo1 My husband and I are the George and Gracie Burns of life...everyone we meet gets a kick out of our humor.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
@AbbyGreenhill Oh, I love Gracie. I love to watch the old Burns and Allen show, and once I had a station that played their old radio shows. I understand what you mean, though I don't see you as Gracie because I am sure you don't misunderstand things. The Man and I have our own little brand of repartee and I like that we can compete to be funniest.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (12672)
• Northampton, England
6 Nov 15
I find the more noise they make about their relationships, the shakier they tend to be.
3 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
That may be the case. At the very least, I think it shows that they are insecure or have a need to boast in order to boost their self-esteem.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16711)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
I'd actually get disturbed if the object of my affection starts to post about his feelings to me via Facebook.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
It is a little over-the-top and might make you worry about his need to claim you in public for the world to see, don't you think?
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16711)
• Ireland
6 Nov 15
@Rollo1 Or worse.. why isn't he communicating this like a normal person.. face to face xD
1 person likes this
@sofssu (14460)
6 Nov 15
I never open my Fb account only because I can't stand this fake stuff.. Hubby and i refer it as fake book. We have a great relationship, I couldn't wish for better, but I never post our pictures or messages in FB. Everything is done in private. I like it that way.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
We are connected on Facebook and do comment on each other's posts, but we are more likely to be kidding one another than gushing over one another.
@cupkitties (7175)
• United States
6 Nov 15
Agree 100% with those experts. Overly excessive "lovey dovey" posts are a big sign of an insecure couple. People believe they're just so in love that they want the whole world to know. No. The fact is that one or both feels their relationship is being threatened and they're publicizing all their blissful moments in hopes that anybody they feel might be competition to them, will see it and back off. I've met a lot of these kind of couples and find that majority of the time, at least one of them is very jealous and controlling. All their "undying love" is a complete lie.
2 people like this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
They might really be in love, but at least one of them is insecure and feels a need to "claim" the other in public.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (67220)
• Roseburg, Oregon
6 Nov 15
I am not going to write a love note on face book either. that should be private between two people.
2 people like this
@MALUSE (40335)
• Germany
6 Nov 15
I've learnt some nice words from your post. Is mushy the same as kitschy?
1 person likes this
@boiboing (12672)
• Northampton, England
6 Nov 15
Not at all - mushy is soft and pulpy - like over cooked cauliflower.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
Mushy is as @boiboing states. It is like baby talk, like the way you talk to a kitten. It is overly romantic, overly lovey-dovey. It is sickening.
1 person likes this
@Auntylou (4318)
• Oxford, England
7 Nov 15
Mushy means soppy or soft whereas kitsch is more like something in bad taste
@Jessicalynnt (47895)
• Centralia, Missouri
7 Nov 15
Eh, we might post on each others page now and then, (I just shared a funny don't piss off your dispatch photo (he is an EMT) a few minutes ago, but lovey dumpy posts? yeah I said dumpy...it's like those who pray out loud to get attention from the world, the whole See Me! See How Holy I am. This is just a See Me, See How Great.... anyways, it makes it seem more fake and cheap...I mean you want to share some nice flowers on an anniversary, go for it. I have, but the over the top scream desperation IMO
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
Hey, I agree. If you get some nice flowers and post a photo, that's not screaming for attention. But the really effusive gushing is sickening.
1 person likes this
• Centralia, Missouri
7 Nov 15
@Rollo1 pretty much, it makes you wonder why they are trying so hard.
• United States
6 Nov 15
Public displays of private activities are déclassés.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
Anything that makes other people feel uncomfortable is bad manners.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Nov 15
@Rollo1 I agree, as long as what is "the norm" is not included. Some people feel uncomfortable without any help from others.
• Preston, England
6 Nov 15
The gushing makes me think they are in reality throwing crockery and cutlery at one another and getting drunk a lot
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
That is always possible. I just figure that someone feels unhappy and unloved and so makes a big deal of every gesture to make it seem huge.
2 people like this
• Preston, England
7 Nov 15
@Rollo1 I see it even when I visit some friends. They are all sweetness and light, the perfect hosts etc., but I think they were at each other's throats right up to me ringing the doorbell. The second I leave the gloves will be off again.
• Bucharest, Romania
6 Nov 15
I don't use facebook that much. I use myLot much more
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
Would you write love notes on mylot?
1 person likes this
• Bucharest, Romania
6 Nov 15
@Rollo1 yes, only on private
@simone10 (21657)
• Louisville, Kentucky
6 Nov 15
I hope that isn't true because my son and daughter-in-law do that all the time. Not really gooey kind of stuff but they do express their love for each other.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
I suppose some people are more open with feelings than others, but I am very private and my husband is with me much of the time, so I don't need Facebook to communicate with him. If they aren't trying to prove something to the world, it's probably okay.
2 people like this
@simone10 (21657)
• Louisville, Kentucky
8 Nov 15
@Rollo1 I am a little more private too but I have been known to express my love for my grandbabies on facebook.
@garymarsh6 (14134)
• United Kingdom
7 Nov 15
Those types of status make me want to head for the sick bucket!
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
It might be worthwhile to keep one next to the computer.
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (28631)
• Canada
7 Nov 15
Interesting! So we can't believe everything some people write or post. Interesting!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164652)
• Garden Grove, California
20 Nov 15
nope just like on the net what is written oftern is not tr ue.
1 person likes this
@Dragonairy1 (1414)
• Newcastle Upon Tyne, England
7 Nov 15
I've never understood the happy birthday or anniversary to your partner either, like you said surely you live with them and can just say it, but then I'm too private for public displays of mush
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
Surely mush is something private anyway? I think that secure people don't need to splash they mush all over everyone else. I took my birthday off my FB profile because I got tired of too many people saying Happy Birthday. I don't even want strangers to say it online.
1 person likes this
@sueznewz2 (9999)
• Alicante, Spain
6 Nov 15
Yes it's a bit sickly sweet... I like the Doc martin reference... do you watch it...? Do you enjoy it...?? I do .... it makes me laugh....
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
I watch all shows with an emotionally constipated lead character
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@marlina (73881)
• Canada
6 Nov 15
I find that so silly of people to write stuff like this on Facebook.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
Most of what people write on Facebook is silly. Except me. I write the important stuff.
@LadyDuck (157833)
• Switzerland
6 Nov 15
My husband and I are also very private people. I know that he would not appreciate to find out that I post "love messages" for him on my FB profile. I believe that those who post try to convince themselves (more than the others) how much they are in love.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
I feel the same as you and I am sure my husband would feel the same. It's just too embarrassing.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (25735)
• United States
6 Nov 15
I always figured they just love the attention.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
7 Nov 15
Facebook is the place for people who crave attention, I think.
@BelleStarr (38387)
• United States
6 Nov 15
I'm with you, TMI is my opinion and exactly who are they trying to convince with all that mush!! ugh
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
6 Nov 15
Sometimes I think people want to appear worthy of love more than they want to actually experience it. This is just another social media aspect that causes problems for people in their self-esteem.
1 person likes this