I Had an Anxiety Attack!
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
United States
November 4, 2017 7:14am CST
Yesterday was a trying day with my client that has Alzheimer's. She was very confused. Repeated herself the entire time I was there. I can usually shut if off, but yesterday was different.
She was becoming verbally abusive with her words. Barking at me, mumbling to herself, occasionally yelling at me.
Wanted to go home with me. Told her that I lived with my husband and granddaughter and she couldn't come with me. Two minutes later, she repeated the same statement.
She does a lot of sorting of her objects. Clothes, food, cookware, etc. Yesterday we sorted a puzzle that she combined two into one. The puzzle pieces were different sizes so it was an easy one to sort. I put it away and told her where it was before I left. She yelled at me to tell her where it was again. I told her and headed to my car. She opened the door and yelled at me again as I was shutting the door to my car.
By this time my heart was racing, my breathing quickened. I was having an anxiety attack. I often have them when I am at this client's house and after I leave. I have to take time to calm myself down. Lately it is becoming a difficult task to do.
Maybe I shouldn't do this work anymore. I am beginning to wonder if I need to walk away from it and find something new. I cannot take the stress. The problem is, we need the income to pay bills. Can't do a part-time job at this time or I would consider that.
How would you handle such a situation?
28 people like this
31 responses
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
My mother has Alzheimer's too and it is sometimes hard to see her in the state she is in.
3 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99399)
• Canada
4 Nov 17
That sounds extremely stressful. I would not be able to do it at all. Are you able to get another client. Sounds like she should be in a nursing home and not living alone with you going in, I know how you feel about needing to work to pay the bills. If I could afford it I would look for another job too because I find since I went back to work I find it harder to handle the stress and attitudes.
3 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
I have to talk to my supervisor and explain what happened and that it happens too often. If they don't change my schedule, I will have no other choice but to start looking for something else. Sadly I was hoping that this would be the job to lead me into retirement. Doubtful that will happen.
I am sorry to hear that you are also having stress at work. You do not need it either having just been through all you have dealt with.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@Happy2BeMe say something to him about the fact that he is piling on the work. Yes, you are back to work, but holy heck, he shouldn't be laying extra on ya so soon.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99399)
• Canada
4 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly sorry to hear that. I know it. I have been there 30 years. When I got back they were good for a day or two and then my boss starting pile on extra work. He may have offered to pay for the dress for my daughter's wedding but he is going to make sure he gets the extra work out of me to pay for it. I would rather buy the dress myself and not feel that I owe him anything.
2 people like this
@AmbiePam (85522)
• United States
4 Nov 17
Is it possible to simply not see that particular client anymore? If you can just quit seeing her your stress may be dramatically changed. If not, then yes, it's probably a good idea to try to find something else. I know that is easier said than done though.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
I will have to start by speaking with my supervisor and then see if there is any other client I can see in her place. I see this client for 16 hours every week. There is only one day out of the week that I do not see her.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
@AmbiePam she will probably suggest I take a leave of absence. Perhaps that is a good idea at this point in the game. The only problem is that I can't afford to do so. I have bills to pay. My husband has a job, but we need two incomes to survive.
1 person likes this
@AmbiePam (85522)
• United States
4 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly Oh man. I hope your supervisor listens. I mean surely she realizes striking that lady from your schedule is better than losing you altogether.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (45498)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
4 Nov 17
You are providing a valuable service, allowing aging citizens to remain in their own home instead of being institutionalized. But it seems to me that this woman is deteriorating enough to be taken out of her home. Do you interact with any relatives she may have? Perhaps you can mention to them that she needs more care than just the few hours you spend with her.
You have other clients, correct? They're not all like this, are they?
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
I am going to talk to her case manager. I feel she is unsafe being alone because of her memory issues. She will one day injure herself to the point where she needs to be hospitalized.
I have tried to reason with her relatives to no avail. They are not thinking clearly.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
@BarBaraPrz I have heard them laugh and make jokes about her problem. That really agitates me.
My mother is in the middle stages. She is in a nursing home and they provide not the best care for her. Of course they are short staffed, but I feel they can do better.
1 person likes this
@BarBaraPrz (45498)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
4 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly My friend's mother is in the early stages, and the other kids were in denial until my friend finally got throught to them about the seriousness of the situation. They seem to be up to speed now, but the mother is still living on her own, without any "official help". My friend does all she can for her even though mom verbally abuses her, and the other kids put her down, too. It's not a healthy family.
2 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85127)
• Valdosta, Georgia
4 Nov 17
It sounds like a high stress level environment. I would have to mentally prepare myself and pray a lot before walking into her house.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
I have one patient before her and one after her. Sometimes I can meditate a little before I go there. Even so, I am don't know what she will present for me on any given day.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157555)
• United States
6 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly The anxiety of not knowing can be a real killer.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
6 Nov 17
@GardenGerty I am a bit on edge this morning with the thought I have to go there today. Not sure how I am going to handle it.
@koopharper (7477)
• Canada
4 Nov 17
Anxiety attacks are not a good sign. If the situation is getting progressively worse you may have to leave the job or the client for your own well being. I walked off a job in the middle of a shift after two years because of constant stress from management. It hurt us financially at the time but the situation was hurting me mentally worse. I should have left a lot sooner than I did.
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
I have told her that I was leaving if she didn't calm down and stop yelling at me. She stopped for a few minutes and then started back up again. Alzheimer's disease is horrible and it can cause a person to have terrible mood swings and memory lapses. I understand that. However, I just can't tolerate it anymore.
My husband understands how stressed I am to an extent. However, I know he wouldn't know what to say if I were to walk out at the drop of a hand. I will give my notice before I leave them high and dry.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@koopharper I am sure that I wouldn't be given any benefits if I were just to walk out. Even though it is a rough job and this company has been known not to have high expectations of their employees, they somehow stay in the playing field without penalties.
1 person likes this
@koopharper (7477)
• Canada
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly My situation was different. It was a problem with the employer themselves and they had a reputation and no excuse for their behaviour. I believe they were fined by the provincial labour board. That didn't do me any good outside of the fact that I was awarded Employment Insurance without any argument.
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
4 Nov 17
I would look for another kind of job that does not involve so much stress.
Those kind of people are very hard to look after at the best of times.
Good luck see if something better turns up for you.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
I have some wonderful clients that I truly enjoy seeing and know that I am making a difference in their lives.
1 person likes this
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
4 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly
Perhaps you can refer her to someone else that can cope maybe having more time for her as she needs such a different kind of care.
Poor woman I feel for her as well.
That way you would have time for the ones that you can help.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@lovinangelsinstead21 I am not sure they can find coverage for her. I have her 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. That is a huge chunk of time to find someone to cover her. I would also be left with time on my hands if they couldn't find someone for me to see.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
4 Nov 17
It is most likely that you are more stressed due to worry of you Mom Elusive..I can understand this.
How would I handle that? Honestly I would not be able for it at this time.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
I know that if they don't adjust my schedule and give me less hours with this person, I won't be able to handle it. I am very stressed and it will cause me to be ill if it doesn't change.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@TiarasOceanView thank you dear lady.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70035)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly Yes it will I totally understand Elusive
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (11121)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 17
That is definitely a tough decision to make. The income part is important but if it reaches the point where the work takes a toll on your health, maybe you should consider again.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
10 Nov 17
For now I am sticking with the job. I just need to disconnect from the stress of it.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
11 Nov 17
@cahaya1983 she started right at the beginning of my time there about a month ago. I think I have figured out what makes her tick though and I can work through her temper flares.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (11121)
• Malaysia
10 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly Was that the first time that she became verbally abusive like that?
1 person likes this
@sallypup (57899)
• Centralia, Washington
5 Nov 17
I used to be a home care aide. I applaud anyone doing that job. At least its not an over night gig for you. Years ago a lady with dementia waited for me- I'd be sure she was physically cared for but stayed away from her wicked mouth. So she waited and when I had to be close cause I was giving her a meal, then she'd get vicious with her mouth. The lady who helped her on another shift used to have ear phones in- she'd listen to books and not hear the lady. Smart! Anyway, I applaud you. You have a tough job.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
They have asked me to do overnight shifts and evening shifts too. All of which I have declined. If they do demand that I do these shifts, I just won't show up and they can fire me.
I know that I won't be able to continue to work with this poor woman. Makes me sad knowing this. When she is in a better frame of mind, she is delightful. But, the times when she is nasty get to me and cause my heart to race. Not a good thing for one's health.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
6 Nov 17
@sallypup oh my! Sounds like a lady I once had. I was her favorite and when she took me out of there she called the office. It wasn't pretty.
1 person likes this
@sallypup (57899)
• Centralia, Washington
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly I hope it helps you to know that you are not the only one having trouble with the lady. I finally refused to work with one totally pysched out lady. My supervisor called me a few days later, begging me back to the lady- other workers could not take the verbal abuse! My supervisor gave me hard cases but this one, well, she even insulted the supervisor when she talked with her on the phone.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
It seems no matter what I do to try to relax and not let the stress get to me, it is there lurking in the darkness.
I really need to find something else before it does cause me more health issues.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@DianneN I have little leisure time lately. Frustrating.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (246902)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly You should look, even if it's at your leisure.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
4 Nov 17
Honestly, i would stop doing it. May need the money but certainly not worth it if its causing you health problems
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
My husband would not like it if I were to quit, however, he knows how stressed out I am. He would rather they let me go so I could draw unemployment. I have to see what is out there for work. If I can't find anything I am going to see about a training program that is available for people 55 and older.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
@Courtlynn I know, but I would be in worse shape because of the loss of income and worry even more.
@Courtlynn (66921)
• United States
4 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly honestly, if you have to quit.. no big deal. Not as long as it means you still have good health.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (129482)
• Israel
5 Nov 17
That is a very difficult situation. I really could not tell you how I would handle it. You did good. It must be very hard for you and for her as well. She once had a memory and now she feels so helpless and it must be very hard to not remember things. Does she remember when you go there or do you have to repeat who you are? Is there something else you could do instead and then look around for what you really want to do. I can see why you had an axiety attack.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
Because I have worked with other people who have had Alzheimer's, my mother included, I understand what is going on with her. Unfortunately I cannot handle her yelling at me. It leaves me anxious and I cannot deal with the stress.
I have looked at job listings and other than manufacturing or retail jobs, there is nothing out there. Of course I could work in a nursing home, but I don't want to do that either.
@Hannihar (129482)
• Israel
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly
Could you have another client other than her?
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
4 Nov 17
I don't really know...Will it help if you know she will be like this and take it as it comes
2 people like this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
I am worried that she will become combative. Seems to be where she is heading. She is a small person, but if she were to hit me with something she could do some damage.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@Hatley I have to watch this client with my belongings. She will move them on me and I have to search for them. She was going through my bag one day. Had to keep it next to me wherever I went. She moved my coat to another place and had to search for that. Told her 6 times it was my coat.
She gets angry over the smallest things. Yells and I am afraid that she will one day strike me. Not that she would do me much harm, but it is a worry.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly my roomie got so I w as afraid of e her as she started hitting at me because I would not give her my jacket so sh coud wearit as a pair of pants oh she was so confused and when I first; met her she was so bright she was a histor y b uff f I watched her fall apart it was awfu l, I had loved her as a person and a ro ommate she had been so s weet,'
they had to move her to a hone for alzhemier patients,
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36442)
• Toccoa, Georgia
5 Nov 17
I would be looking for another job that is less stressful.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
I don't even know what I will do at my age. Not that I am ancient, however, the job market is pretty dry right now. I am not into retail work so that is ruled out fast.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@LeaPea2417 I remember finding many more opportunities when I was in my late 30's and early 40's.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (36442)
• Toccoa, Georgia
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly It is hard to find good jobs these days especially when you are older.
1 person likes this
@just4him (306354)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
4 Nov 17
I would start looking for something else. It sounds like the stress is too much for you and you don't want to get laid up with a stroke as stress can do that to a person. You need something a lot less stressful in your life right now. Your granddaughter and husband need you.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
I am going to talk with my supervisor and see if she will allow me to drop the client and find someone else to fill the slot. I have her for 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. It is really too much for me to handle. Some days are better than others, but lately, it is bad enough to give me anxiety which I do not need.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
@just4him I am going to call her and leave a voicemail message to get the ball rolling.
1 person likes this
@just4him (306354)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
4 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly No, you don't need that. I worked in a call center for 11 years taking angry upset calls. That was also very stressful. As much as it's not good to be fired from a job, I was, and the day I walked out of there, the stress just rolled off. I regret being fired, I do not regret not being there any longer. You need to find a way to get rid of that stress, and another job would be the best solution. I hope your supervisor will allow you to drop that client and find you another less stressful one.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
That is what I am hoping for. Not sure if they will do it because I have this client 4 days a week and 4 hours each of those days.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
4 Nov 17
@paigea me too. The problem would be taking another staff member from their regular clients to take over the one I am seeing.
@lovebuglena (43077)
• Staten Island, New York
5 Nov 17
If it is very stressful for you both physically and emotionally maybe try to find something but keep working at your current job until you do.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
That is what I am going to do. It may take a while before I find another job. The market is pretty dry right now.
@lovebuglena (43077)
• Staten Island, New York
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly Good luck with the search!
1 person likes this
@rey123 (774)
•
5 Nov 17
I understand the challenges that you face in your day to day job.I empathize with you.But if I were you I would stroll back into the patient's house the next day, but this time with a different mindset.I would be mentally prepared to handle any situation.Quitting should never be an option.'When the tough gets going,the going gets tough'.
1 person likes this
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
Easier said than done. I always walk into this person's home with a smile on my face and try to get her into a good mood as soon as I can. That isn't always possible. You start out positive and at the end of the shift it can really bring you down.
If my health is compromised, I will seek other employment. I am not going to become ill because of any working situation.
@ElusiveButterfly (45939)
• United States
5 Nov 17
@rey123 I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
1 person likes this
@rey123 (774)
•
5 Nov 17
@ElusiveButterfly
I do understand how challenging it must have been for you all these days.I was unaware that you have given it your full. If you have given it your best shot and you still find yourself in a situation in which it is emotionally, physically, or mentally draining then you need to quit.....All the best
1 person likes this
